Dudley wanted to be normal. At least, that's what he'd always thought. The older he got, however, the better he started to understand that sometimes being normal meant you missed out on a lot of fun.

Like standing in the middle of Luna Lovegood's two-room flat, wearing nothing but your socks.

Well, except they hadn't got to the really fun part yet.

He shifted impatiently. "How long do I have to stand here?"

"Just a little longer," said Luna, walking slowly around him. She herself was wearing some patterned sort of robe, and her gaze somehow made Dudley feel even more undressed. "I so enjoy looking at you."

She was odd; even Harry's crowd seemed to think so. But in all honesty, Dudley didn't really mind. Ever since he'd first met her, those few months ago at Harry's wedding, she'd been an intriguing and increasingly delightful part of his life, despite her oddness, despite her magic. Truth be told, it was hard to resist someone who was so straightforward about wanting you.

"I'm Luna," the girl said, stretching out a hand. "If you don't mind my saying so, I find you very good-looking."

Dudley almost choked on his drink, then scowled suspiciously at her, trying to gauge whether she was making fun of him. It didn't look that way, however. Perhaps she was just really weird -- she certainly wouldn't be the only one, here at this party. "I'm Dudley Dursley," he said at last, shaking her hand.

"Oh, you're Harry's cousin!" She beamed, her goggle eyes never leaving his. "I'm so glad to meet you. Harry said you were the only decent one of the lot -- your family, that is."

Dudley squirmed a bit at that, mostly because he'd hardly been decent to Harry in the past -- though he'd tried to make up for that these last couple of years -- but also because he wasn't used to someone critisising his parents to his face. He wasn't certain he liked it. "Uh, thanks, I suppose."

She was still beaming. Her hair hung down loose past her shoulders, and she was wearing a green dress with something that looked like a miniature fairy pinned at the collar. "Would you like to dance?"

Before Dudley could make up his mind as to the answer, she took his hand and dragged him away.

Dudley couldn't help grinning foolishly at the memory. Luna was something special indeed.

"I like your muscles," she told him now, putting a hand on his shoulder. It glided down his arm appreciatively, landing on his belly -- which, truth be told, still did have a fair amount of padding.

His cheeks heated, as they never failed to do when she touched him like that, and his cock gave a twitch. "Yeah?"

"Mhm." She smiled. "I went to school with some really big boys, but they weren't always nice to me. Called me an oddball. I bet you could have beaten them in a fight."

Dudley had often enough used his own muscles to beat up the oddballs in his surroundings. He didn't like the thought that he might have been mean to Luna if they'd been at school together, though he hoped he wouldn't have beaten her. Just shoved her around a little, maybe, calling her names. After all, he hadn't been all that nice when he was younger.

He reached out for her, but she gently batted his hands away. "No, wait."

She disappeared out of the room for a moment, and Dudley shifted again, wondering what she'd planned this time.

Once she'd tied him up and teased him with feathers (which she claimed were from some strange mythical beast, though he thought they looked like common seagull ones) until he'd been on the brink of madness. Another time she'd brought some sort of candy -- fairly reminiscent of jelly beans (though, frankly, some of them tasted horrible) -- and made him eat them out of... Well. Good thing there was no risk of his mother walking in on them in Luna's flat.

But no matter how weird things got, Dudley thought, they were always brilliant. She was brilliant. All her strange ideas, her openness, her frank desire for him, they all converged into something mysterious and wonderful, something Dudley didn't want to let go of for anything in the world. Her pleasure was his, and he was all hers. It couldn't be helped.

Not even when she tested his patience like this. Dudley glanced at the door, then reached for his semi-erect cock. Fair enough, she'd asked him to stand still, but he was only getting warmed up, so to speak...

It was probably idiotic to let her dictate him like this, he reflected as his fingers closed about himself. Those blokes in the movies, they didn't just stand there obediently, letting their girlfriends arrange them to their liking. But those girlfriends in the movies weren't much like Luna, anyway. Dudley supposed most people would find them prettier, but he didn't really care; they were all rather bland, compared to Luna.

He stroked himself as slowly as he could, delicious anticipation running through his body. He liked it when she took charge. It was funny; Dudley had always been in charge before, getting what he wanted from his parents, laying down the law among his peers. But somehow he didn't mind submitting to Luna's mad schemes. Besides, those schemes always turned out well for them both.

Luna returned, holding a scarf in her hand, as he was working himself properly hard. She stopped in the doorway, looking him carefully up and down. "Mmm," she said. "I like it when you do that. Though I wish you'd waited till I was back."

"Sorry," said Dudley humbly. He wanted to kiss her, but was resigned to the fact it had to wait until she decided it was time. "What's the scarf all about? Are you tying me up again?" His pulse quickened at the thought. He tightened his grip around his cock, deciding it was all right, since she hadn't told him to stop.

"It's something new," said Luna, her eyes glittering. "I think you'll like it. Could you get down on all fours?"

Dudley obediently dropped down, hands and knees on the floor. "Like this?"

"Yes, exactly." She knelt down to kiss him, full on the mouth. He responded eagerly, but she drew away after only a couple of seconds, holding up the scarf. "Do let me know if it's too tight," she said, and before Dudley realised what was going on, she'd tied the scarf firmly around his head, covering his eyes.

"Hey!" he protested, reaching up to touch the fabric. "Aren't you going to let me see what's going on?"

"It's to heighten your other senses, so you'll feel everything more intensely," said Luna's voice. She kissed his earlobe, then stroked his cheek. "I don't want you to be uncomfortable, though. This is the Muggle way, it's possible to use a spell that will temporarily rob you of your eyesight, but I don't want to frighten you..."

"No, it's fine," said Dudley quickly, shuddering. He didn't much like it when Luna used magic around him; thankfully, she seemed to understand this. "You'll take it off me if I ask you to, won't you?"

"If you ask me," she agreed, kissing him again, on the brow this time. Then he heard her getting up, and twisted his head, though he could not see what she was doing. "Are you going to leave me here, again?"

"Oh, no," said Luna, her voice sounding even dreamier than usual. "Not when you're so lovely and naked on the floor in front of me like that. No, I'm just getting ready."

"Ready for what?" Dudley demanded, more curious than anxious, since he'd never yet had any reason not to trust her. His cock strained impatiently between his legs, and he squirmed, frustrated. "Are you going to wear some costume or something?" He frowned under the scarf. "What's the point of that, if I can't see you?"

He heard the rustle of fabric, and understood that she was undressing. He groaned. There was some noise -- cupboards being opened and closed, something clicking into place. Then Luna kneeled by his side, one of her hands closing about his erection, and he groaned again. She gave a soft laugh. "Oh, Dudley," she said, sounding almost tearful, "I love to see you ready and longing for me like that!"

"I'd like to see you, too," he panted, trying to thrust into her grip. "Is this why you wanted me to wear the blindfold?"

"Not really," she said. "We haven't come to the best part yet." She moved again, prying his legs apart so she could rest between them. Then, shockingly, a slick finger went between his buttocks. He gasped.

"Easy now," said Luna, kissing the small of his back. "I'm using lots of lube."

"You're using..." He still reeled from the unfamiliar sensation, and winced a bit as her finger slid further in. "What are you -- oh, god..."

"Don't you trust me, Dudley?" she whispered, stilling her hand. "Do you really think I'd hurt you? This might be wonderful, like Blibbering Humdingers flying at dawn. If you never try to find out, you'll never know."

"No, it's not that. Of course I trust you. I..." He took a deep breath, letting it slowly out as her finger moved, yet again, a little bit. "Isn't it... Dirty?"

"I don't think so," said Luna. "You went to the loo beforehand, didn't you?"

Another finger was stroking the skin near the opening, gently but relentlessly. Dudley breathed deeply again, willing his body to relax around her. "Yeah. I did."

"Then it should be all right." He could hear the smile in her voice. "I could cast a cleansing spell, but I don't think you'd like that."

Dudley shook his head. She kissed the small of his back again, slipping another finger inside. It wasn't nearly as shocking this time, and though it ached, he didn't dislike it. The ache was pleasant, in a way, like the feeling in unused muscles two days after some extraordinary physical feat.

"Is this all right?" Luna murmured, moving her fingers inside him. "Does it feel nice?"

It did actually feel all right. Dudley's cock, which had lost some courage the last couple of minutes, now started demanding attention again. He wanted things to go further, but was uncertain of what Luna's fingers in his arse were going to accomplish. "Um, yeah. I guess so."

He was surprised when the fingers withdrew, but even more so when something else -- something hard -- came to press against the place where they'd been. "What's that?" he gasped.

"Right now it's a dildo," said Luna, "though normally it's a banana. I contemplated buying a dildo proper, but that seemed a bit wasteful since I didn't know if you were going to enjoy this at all, so I went with Transfiguration instead, just this once --"

"You --" Dudley spluttered. "You're going to fuck me?"

"But yes, Dudley," Luna answered mildly, pressing against him again, so he could feel the tip of the banana -- the dildo -- pushing against his opening. "I thought that would be obvious?"

"Oh, Christ," Dudley murmured, torn between arousal and outrage. "Oh, Christ..."

As if the fingers weren't bad enough! What would his parents say? And his mates? Who the fuck got fucked by a girl? Was this some wizard thing?

And then, all of a sudden it didn't matter anymore.

Dudley exhaled. This was Luna. All of her schemes were brilliant; she was brilliant. And if she wanted to fuck him in the arse, that would probably be brilliant, too. Either way, it was nobody else's business.

"It's all right," he said, acutely aware of her closeness, aroused by it, even if he couldn't see her. He could smell her, though, and pictured her wet and aching for him. The thought made him eager. "Go on."

But now she seemed hesitant. "Are you sure that's what you want, Dudley?" she asked, placing a hand on his hip, stroking it, up and down.

"Yes." The more he thought about it, the more sure he was. "Yes, it is. I want to try it."

"But you see..." The pressure against his opening disappeared; she seemed to have drawn back a little, and he couldn't help letting out a small dissatisfied moan. "If you're only agreeing to it because I want to, Dudley, then I'd hate to. I want you to enjoy it. I want to give you pleasure."

"But I want it," insisted Dudley. "I'm sure."

"Really?" The hand on his hip stilled. "Enough to ask for it?"

"Yes!" He was absolutely sure now; the throbbing in his cock told him so. "Yes, Luna, I want you to, now, please!"

She laughed; there was no mocking in it, only joy. "I'll do it, then. But only if you insist."

"Fuck me!" Dudley bellowed, "or else you just wait till I get this scarf thing off..."

Luna stroked his hip again, then moved closer. "I have to steer this thing in place," she explained. "It feels a bit odd."

"Nngh," Dudley groaned as the dildo slid inside him. It was larger than the fingers, rounder, harder; oddly satisfying. He felt Luna's free hand come around to touch his cock, and bucked against it. "Is it uncomfortable? For you to wear, I mean."

"Not at all," she sighed, pulling back a little. "It puts such delicious pressure on me, so that when I move into you like this, it feels wonderful... Oh, Dudley!"

"Luna," he groaned, suspecting he sounded daft. It didn't matter. When she sank back in, deeper this time, there was like a flash of -- "Oh!" he cried.

"What is it, Dudley? Did I hurt you?"

"No," he panted. She'd struck some sort of spot, and the result had been marvellous. "Do it again."

"Softer or harder?"

"Harder!" he almost yelled. "Please!"

She wasted no time, pulling back and thrusting in, her hand on his cock, until the sensation exploded and Dudley's blackened vision gave way to stars and moons and impossible creatures flying across the sunrise. He cried out, emptying himself in great spasms, his body shaking like a powerless marionette. During it all Luna was inside him, pushing herself against him, riding him through the wave, and not until Dudley fell to the floor, exhausted, did she shudder and call his name and collapse on top of him.

They lay there for a moment, breathing heavily; then Dudley decided that enough was enough. "Could you take this off?" he mumbled, pulling at the scarf that still prevented him from seeing her face.

"Yes, of course," Luna said tenderly. She fiddled with the knot a little, then pulled the cloth away and kissed his ear. "Wasn't it fun?"

"Mmm," Dudley agreed. "Could we move around, too? Easier to kiss that way."

Luna slid out, then moved off him, fumbling to take off the dildo -- the sight was rather fascinating, Dudley had to admit. (He hoped she wouldn't be eating the banana later, though he decided against bringing up the topic.) She waited until he'd turned around on his back, then crawled back on top of him and kissed her way upwards, from his neck to his jaw to his mouth. "I like doing things like this with you," she murmured happily. "You're so lovely, and you never make fun of me. You're the sweetest man in the world."

Completely bonkers, she was. Absolutely bloody lunatic.

Not that Dudley was going to complain. He opened his mouth to her kiss instead, pulling her down to him, and thanked all gods that he knew of for letting normality be so utterly overrated.