Daily Deviant
- there is no such thing as 'too kinky'
Kinky Kristmas Fic: Blurring the Lines (Sirius/Harry) 
1st December 2010 12:00
Kristmas Wish Fulfilled for: [info]ariadneelda
From: [info]sabethea

Title: Blurring The Lines
Characters/Pairings: Sirius/Harry (implied Sirius/James)
Rating: NC17
Kinks/Themes Included: desperate!filthy!wrong!sex, angst, rimming, first time for Harry
Other Warnings/Content: dub-con
Word Count: ~2500
Summary/Description: The Christmas Harry was fifteen was memorable for many things. It was the first time he was really aware of being possessed (or possibly not) by Lord Voldemort. It was the first time he drank firewhiskey. It was the first time... well, those two were firsts enough for anyone...
Author's Notes: Many thanks to my beta, who always – but always – rocks. Giftee, this was a wonderful prompt to work with: I only hope I've done it something near justice.


Harry had his first firewhiskey the Christmas he was 15. Later, that was the way he preferred to remember it: the Christmas he had his first proper alcoholic drink. Not the Christmas he almost killed Arthur Weasley, not the Christmas they spent at Grimmauld Place, not the Christmas Sirius had…

The Christmas he had his first firewhiskey. That was stepping stone enough.

*

Harry had grown during the Christmas term. Sirius, looking at him, saw the boy that he was being subsumed under the man Sirius knew he would become. Tall and slender, without being lanky. Messy dark hair, the same colour as Sirius's own. Eyes of green. Dear Merlin, Lily's eyes. Sirius didn't like to look at Lily's eyes in her son's face. If he just - didn't look; if he just – concentrated on the hair, on the frame of the body... Sirius saw James. James as he had been, before Lily. James as he had been, when he and Sirius...

Most of the time, Sirius could ignore that nagging feeling. With Molly Weasley spreading maternal blessings over all in sight, it was easy just to treat Harry as another one of the kids in the house. A kid. Just a kid.

Trouble was, Harry wasn't a kid any more. When Sirius had been fifteen, he'd done pretty much everything. Potions, drugs, sex, hexes, alcohol. Sirius's innocence had been long gone at fifteen. And James's son... Sirius's mouth curled in an unconscious smile... James's son could not possibly be the naïve youngster Molly saw him as. Molly Weasley, so certain she was right, and so unaware of what was just in front of her eyes.

Sirius watched and listened as Harry made excuses each night to stay a little longer with his godfather. Smiled encouragement, knowing that Molly's indebtedness to him for the houseroom meant that she could not complain too bitterly, too much. The evenings, when the others had gone to bed, grew steadily longer. Usually Harry would talk, and Sirius would listen. Would put a comforting arm around the boy – just to reassure him.

An arm around the shoulder became two, became a hug. Became a closer hug.

“I've got to go to bed, Sirius,” Harry said, uncomfortably.

“Yes. Yeah.”

“Tomorrow night?”

“Tomorrow.” Sirius smiled at his godson. “Maybe you can have a firewhiskey with me, yeah?”

“Really?” Harry looked thrilled and anxious at the same time.

“Why not?” The smile became a bit wry. “Don't tell Molly, though.”

“You know I wouldn't.”

Yes, Sirius knew. His godson had a great sense of loyalty. Harry would never give Sirius away.

*

There was something, Harry didn't know what, about his relationship with Sirius. They were being drawn closer together, and it should've been a brilliant thing... no, it was a brilliant thing. Sirius was fantastic – the sort of person Harry hoped that he'd be when he was grown up. Someone who knew stuff, who wasn't scared of anything. No one else had a godfather like Sirius – no one. He could trust Sirius with his life, with his... with everything.

*

Young, courageous and so, so sexy. Sirius sometimes found it hard to look at Harry. Or, rather, found himself hard when he looked at Harry. That hair, ruffling over his neck, rubbing against the collar of his robes. What would he look like with his dark hair falling around his pale neck, his head thrown back in ecstasy? It was a question Sirius knew he shouldn't ask himself – but asked anyway.

And the boy was old enough. Not a kid. Old enough that he had to have done it with someone... hell, Sirius corrected himself, his eyes raking over his godson, with several someones.

Why not with him?

*

It was drawing towards evening, and Harry found he was thinking of this as 'their' time – his and Sirius's, when he didn't have to share his godfather with anyone. When they sat alone and Harry knew that all Sirius's attention, all of it, was focused on him. When Sirius made him feel like the most important person in the world, and not like Dumbledore did, not like those other people who thought he was great because he was Harry Potter, the Harry Potter, The Boy Who Lived. Because of who he, Harry, actually was.

*

“So,” drawled Sirius, picking up a bottle. “Are you ready for a drink?” He saw that Harry was eyeing the firewhiskey with a mixture of nerves and excitement. “You can't tell me you've never had it before.” He poured his godson a tumblerful and passed it over.

“Not really,” Harry admitted.

Sirius grinned. “The first sip's the worst. Swig it down quickly, and then you'll remember it for life.”

He watched as Harry picked up the glass, swishing the liquid around inside it before lifting it to his lips and gulping it down. The gulp inevitably turned to coughing as the firewhiskey burnt Harry's oesophagus on its way to his stomach. He was bent over forwards, and Sirius caught him, pressing Harry's head into his lap as he patted him on the back.

Warm breath against Sirius's cock. Harry's fingers opened and closed around Sirius's robes as he tried to recover his breath, his nails scratching through the thin material against Sirius's skin. Too close, and not close enough.

“Okay?” asked Sirius, lifting Harry's head.

“Yeah.” Harry choked again. “Yeah,” he said, breathlessly. Then, as the alcohol burned a path through his body, “Yeah.” He smiled. “Great, actually. Does it always feel like that?”

“Pretty much. Another?”

“I shouldn't.”

“You 'shouldn't' have had the first. Another?”

“Yeah.”

*

The world was slightly fuzzy, but Harry didn't mind. He was with Sirius. That was what mattered. Sirius would keep him safe.

*

“All right?” Sirius asked.

“Yeah... No... Sirius.” And Harry sounded needy and desperate, and no one could be expected to ignore that plea, no one.

“I'm here,” Sirius said, his voice almost a growl. “Here.”

“I dream about him. Every night. The Dark Lord. Take it away, Sirius. Please. Find some way. Take it away.”

“Shhh,” Sirius soothed.

Harry flung himself against his godfather. “Please. Help me.”

Harry was flush against Sirius. Sirius could feel his godson's heart beat resonate in his own body. He was young, and in trouble, and if Sirius could make him forget - just for a moment or two - wouldn't that be a good thing to do?

“I'll help you,” he promised.

His arms tightened around Harry, pulling the boy even closer, so that their bodies did not just touch but pressed against each other. Sirius felt himself growing hard; but it was not just him. Harry's cock was filling, stiffening. Harry wanted this as much as he did.

“Sirius...”

“Lie back.”

Sirius pushed the boy down with gentle, firm, hands, unbuttoning his robes slowly, steadily – giving Harry all the time in the world to pull away, to say no. Harry was silent, save for the occasional gasping breath he took.

“I can make you forget it all,” Sirius whispered, his eyes feasting on naked skin.

“Sirius?” Harry was woozy, but his voice held trust.

“Yes.” Sirius removed Harry's pants, pushing his legs apart. “Trust me, Harry.”

His tongue licked a path into the crevice between Harry's buttocks. Gently, slowly, as if there were all the time in the world. Harry gasped as Sirius's tongue lingered on the puckering of skin at his anus.

“Is that good?” Sirius asked softly.

“Good,” murmured Harry.

Sirius's tongue ran over and over that pucker. Over and over, before he penetrated – just a little. Harry cried out, his hips bucking up; his cock so hard that Sirius wondered if the boy might come now, before he had done half the things he'd thought about – dreamt about. But Harry was young. He could come time and time again before the late-dawning sun rose on the morrow. Sirius pressed his tongue in further; slipping into the ring of muscle, which gave a little under his ministrations.

“Yes!” And the word was Harry's; almost tearful in its neediness.

Sirius reached a hand up to grasp his godson's cock, holding it firmly for a second before running his fist up and down, up and down, his tongue still probing further back.

Harry came. Tears and come, eyes and cock spurting simultaneously. Sirius felt the warm splashes against his fingers and imagined the salty-sweaty taste in his mouth. The taste of James... no, of Harry.

“Shhh,” he said again, sliding up to hold Harry close against his body. It seemed ridiculous, really, that Sirius was still dressed; he shrugged his robes from his shoulders and pulled the boy close again. Harry gasped and cried against his neck, their legs tangling together, just as when...

Their legs tangled together. This was Harry, and Sirius needed to comfort him, to help him, to make him forget. His own cock was still aching-hard, and he guided Harry's hand down to it. Harry grasped it, his fingers warm and tentative.

“Like this?” he asked.

Sirius shut his eyes for a second, gave in to the sensation he had been dreaming of. “Oh yes.”

Perhaps Harry's grip was gentler than Sirius would like (gentler than James had been); perhaps his movements were almost too slow, too deliberate. But he had chosen, he had wanted this; it had not just been Sirius – Harry, too, had shown he wanted Sirius.

“Shall I tell you what I'm going to do next, Harry?” Sirius heard Harry's breathing hitch as he spoke. “I'm going to turn you onto your back, and then I'm going to fuck you. Have you ever been fucked before, Harry?”

Harry's green eyes seemed to glow in the darkness. Lily... ah, fuck, Lily would've killed him for this. But she wasn't here, and Sirius was, and Harry needed forgetfulness. And Sirius knew how to bring it to him. Sirius murmured a well-known spell and felt his fingers slick up.

“Sirius?” Harry's voice was just a breath, a whisper.

“Yes. I'm here.”

*

Sirius was there. Sirius always looked after him... even when he was slipping in and out of focus, as he was doing now. Blurry Sirius, blurry. But what he was doing felt good. It felt very good.

Harry smiled at his godfather.

*

One finger. Two. Harry groaned, and Sirius felt the sound shiver through his own body. Harry. Merlin, Harry. So young, so gorgeous. So trusting. Sirius took his time, opening Harry up, gently working towards the final stage. He would make it good for the boy – so good. And then Harry would sleep, forgetting all his fears, his bad dreams. Yes. This was right.

Harry's cock was hard again. Sirius had been right to think it wouldn't take long. Out of practice after years in Azkaban, Sirius yet was confident of his skill in this particular area. Harry would be happy. He, Sirius, would make Harry happy. Harry bucked his hips again as Sirius put his free hand on Harry's cock. The boy was willing – more than willing – doing everything in his power to encourage Sirius to continue; as if Sirius needed any encouragement.

Slowly. Slowly. Sirius's cock was aching beyond ache as he took his time with Harry. If he hadn't known James... Harry... as he did, he might have thought the boy a virgin. But that wasn't possible. There was no chance that no one else had touched Harry. They wouldn't've been able to help themselves.

Of course, it might have been girls. Sirius had fucked many a girl at Hogwarts in his time. They'd probably go for Harry, too – not only was he gorgeous, but he was Famous Harry Potter. Funny, that. To Sirius, his fame meant nothing.

“Sirius,” Harry whispered again, his eyes flickering open and closed.

“Do you want this, Harry? It will help you.”

“Yes.” The green eyes flicked shut, and Sirius did not feel glad of it, he did not.

*

For a second, Harry slid back into awareness. He was naked, on the floor in the sitting room at Grimmauld Place. Cold air against his skin; a coarse rug underneath his back. And so was Sirius. On the floor, in the sitting room, naked. His slick fingers opening Harry's anus, while there were marks of Harry's come on his hand and Harry's chest.

“Sirius,” Harry murmured.

“Do you want this, Harry? It will help you.”

“Yes.”

*

Harry wanted this. He had said so. His cock was stiff and red under Sirius's grip – and wanting. Sirius could help him, could make him feel better.

Sirius stretched Harry that little bit further, slicked his own cock with lubrication, and rested it close to Harry's anus, pressing against it a little. There.

“Mmm.” Harry's head arched back, exposing a long, pale neck. Sirius found himself wanting to sink his teeth into it, to mark Harry as his own; and the thought was uncomfortable.

“Turn over, Harry,” he said softly, helping the boy to move onto all fours. “It will be easier.”

It couldn't be Harry's first time, of course. It couldn't be. But if it were... Sirius wanted this to be good, to be more than good – perhaps to be the start of something incredible. He was doing this for Harry; no matter how hard, how painfully hard, Sirius's own cock was, this was for Harry, to make him happy, to make him forget the bad things. To help him.

Sirius's cock pressed the first inch into Harry, and the boy cried out. But that feeling - that feeling - of Harry's muscles closing around Sirius's cock... Sirius's good intentions fled in the desperation of his own body. He pushed harder, harder, deeper; and Harry's cry was less pleasure, more pain - but it was too late to worry about that now. Too late to do anything but fuck him, hard, over and again, his hand sliding round to wank Harry with the same firm, unyielding grip that Harry's arse was giving to Sirius.

And Harry came first. Despite everything, Harry came first. Sirius felt the spasms and squeezed his eyes shut, so that nothing would get in the way of that feeling. When Harry's pulsings stopped, Sirius raised the hand to his mouth, tasting Harry for the first time.

It was enough. It was more than enough. Sirius's senses exploded; for several minutes he was aware of nothing but himself, and the vessel which had taken his explosion. He collapsed, shaking, onto the floor beside his partner. Harry. Not 'his partner', but Harry. Merlin, it was Harry. He'd just fucked his virgin godson.

*

Christmas when he was fifteen was when Harry drank his first firewhiskey. That was something he would never forget.
Comments 
1st December 2010 17:16
Oh, perfect. Nothing like a godfather taking care of his godson. Heh. Love the references to James's looks, Lily's eyes. Very nicely done.
1st December 2010 17:48
Oh man. One of the things I really love about Sirius/Harry is the potential for it to be so sad, and this is firmly on the heartbreaking side. Hot? Hell yes. Filthywrongbadgood. That's the thing - Harry should be able to *trust* Sirius, and he so clearly can't. I really enjoyed the POV shifts - I don't think I would usually, but it worked so well here as a reminder that Harry was really out of it, and that Sirius was seeing Harry through a very specific set of assumptions that were completely wrong.

I also love that Harry can't bring himself to think directly about it later - the implication that Sirius wrecked something there - and, gah, so fucked up. AWESOME.
2nd December 2010 19:53
Also? *comes back for more*

That Harry was genuinely asking Sirius for *help* (coming to him as a trusted adult) with something that's been scaring him, and Sirius instead took the opportunity to get his end away? Yeah.
1st December 2010 18:09
Nicely done.
1st December 2010 18:10
Poor Harry! But this is so wonderfully done. I love how trusting Harry is and how Sirius unknowingly takes advantage of that, thinking that Harry, like Sirius had been at his age, was experienced with this sort of thing and wouldn't be bothered.

And then when he finally goes through with it, it's only after that he's realized what he'd done. Really great job!
1st December 2010 18:15
Where is my Filthy!Hot!Wrong! icon?

I can believe in Sirius as a selfish fucking pervert, and I do like the way that he rationalises everything. Poor Harry. Makes the walk into the Forest all the more poignant. Lovely writing.
1st December 2010 19:44
Whew. Dubious consent at its finest - because Harry might want it, but he doesn't really have a choice. Nicely handled done.
1st December 2010 20:24
Just incredibly hot and why shouldn't have Sirius been the first ;)
1st December 2010 20:53
OMG, dear mystery author, this was awesome, exactly what I wished for! I knew it would be just from the summary. :D

You've given me OotP!Sirius/Harry just the way I like it, with the trust and love between them turning into something totally wrong and dirty and hot. I loved how Sirius kept thinking of Harry as James (like in canon!) and how he convinced himself that Harry must be like he was at that age, that Harry surely wanted this, and ended up betraying Harry's trust and doing something entirely wrong and inappropriate, only realising it after the act. Oh, damaged, post-Azkaban Sirius, who can't tell right from wrong. And I loved how the story acknowledged that this was obviously a traumatic experience for Harry since later he refused to think about it but let his memory only go as far as his first firewhiskey.

Also, yay for past Sirius/James! You couldn't possibly know I like the pairing, so that was a happy surprise. :D And the reminder of Lily in Harry's green eyes and how she would react to Sirius's thoughts and actions - I loved that. And Sirius's denial to it. Like here: The green eyes flicked shut, and Sirius did not feel glad of it, he did not. Heh.

He was doing this for Harry Yeah, Sirius, keep telling yourself that. ;)

The smut was perfectly wrongfilthyhot, and especially this: When Harry's pulsings stopped, Sirius raised the hand to his mouth, tasting Harry for the first time. djsldjslkfjsakljfskfjsfjsjflj.

Going back towards the beginning: Sirius sometimes found it hard to look at Harry. Or, rather, found himself hard when he looked at Harry. I'm probably a very bad person but I cackled in evil glee at that.

Also. I loved the alternate PsOV and getting to see into both Sirius's and Harry's minds. It worked really well, especially to show the contrast between their different states of mind.

Thank you very much for a wonderful gift! :D This was a great start to my month. ♥
1st December 2010 23:43
Nicely done!
2nd December 2010 00:03
Both very hot and very unsettling. Well done!
2nd December 2010 02:12
Absolutely fantastic! Sirius must just KNOW he's wrong, as he justifies over and over (and over and over) how Harry must have all sorts of experience, must want it, must be consenting. He works too hard building and sustaining that delusion for him to really believe it with any ease.

Poor Harry, so muzzy and confused, so trusting and betrayed -- I imagine as the years pass, it would be easier to keep pushing away and blurring that memory, so that he could keep the Sirius who wanted to be close to him, who wanted to make him feel special, without the pain and without the confusion.

Loved this!
2nd December 2010 02:30
*thunk*
So very very wrong, and so very, very hawt.
2nd December 2010 03:27 - Unfff.....
Well well well....... looky what we have HERE. Bad Sirius.... such a baaaaaaaaaad Sirius. The thing is, we can almost understand his rationale..... *sigh*

And Harry, the poor thing - it makes the battle in the Dept of Mysteries take on an entirely new dimension.

I also like the way both he and Sirius stop their thought processes juuuust short of actually admitting to themselves what really happened. It's all kinds of wrong, but rather right too! :)

2nd December 2010 03:49
Chilling and well-done and sadly believable, the way each one rationalizes and yet, on some level, knows what's really happening. The alternating pov is very effective. Sirius really is a damaged shit, but you feel a twinge of sympathy for him. And poor Harry.
2nd December 2010 20:27
I kinda hate Sirius. In general. Your fic does a fantastic job of illustrating the things I hate about him: his good intentions, his immaturity, his selfishness, his recklessness.

Also - cool pov on him hating Lily. Wouldn't he, though?
3rd December 2010 01:15
You really did a great job showing how messed up Sirius was. He really convinced himself that everything was okay. Harry's a bit of a mess too. That's a big part of the reason why the two of them are so interesting. So many things mesh, yet there's such an opportunity for it to go wrong.

Well done.
3rd December 2010 01:42
Oh, man, yes, the shamefulness of this, just the sort of thing that Harry/Sirius has to bear! I love how Sirius remembers himself at that age, how he was nothing like innocent, and uses it as his justification. And who's to say he hasn't any grain of truth in it?
3rd December 2010 01:55
wonderful! sirius is so weak and selfish here, and poor harry!

i especially liked the last line.
4th December 2010 03:25
Desperate-filthy-wrong, and SO well executed, Mystery Author! This is absolutely brilliant. Sirius' justifications are marvelous, and the moments when they almost slip even more so. Being able to see bits of Harry's POV works so incredibly well; it allows us to see just how out of it he is, and how much he trusts Sirius, and how very dubious the consent is. Sirius' realization of what he's just done is wrenching.
4th December 2010 07:20
Oh god. *shivers* I love this pairing written this way so much, and almost no one does it any more. This was perfect, heart-breaking and completely believable.
4th December 2010 21:31 - Blurring The Lines
This has such a wonderful feel to it, a bit dark but then not. I like seeing both pov's.

Last line - perfect.

Well done mystery authour.
5th December 2010 01:33
'If he just - didn't look; if he just – concentrated on the hair, on the frame of the body... Sirius saw James.'

So deliciously wrong! :D :D
5th December 2010 04:09
This is so wrong. But at the same time, so believable and so beautiful.

I mean, I want to punch Sirius for taking advantage like that, but at the same time, I pity him! Guhhhh!

Well done, mystery author, well done.
5th December 2010 08:11
Not a fave pairing of mine, but I thought this well handled. There is a whiff of dubious consent but in the end I was convinced that Harry wanted this. Nice job.
6th December 2010 06:49
I can see it happening just like this. You pulled me in the same way that Sirius drew in Harry he was caught in the web and unable to not say yes. Very nicely done.
6th December 2010 18:57
Oh god, this is so good in so many bad ways. I love it. I'm utterly wrong, but I love it so much. Harry's trusting nature, his need for parental guidance and love and Sirius twisting all that, turning it for himself, for his own needs. The confusion, the blurring of lines, is so delicately wrought. What a fantastic fic, mystery author. Absolutely gorgeous.
11th December 2010 21:29
Oh wow, that is heartbreaking and dirty and perfect! Great take on this pairing. I love how different they are, their POVs showing them worlds apart, really. Sirius, you dirty dog, you. :D Lily... ah, fuck, Lily would've killed him for this. Aaaah, yes, yes she would. And the opening and closing lines are so poignant, that Harry has been damaged by this and can't bear to think about it. So well done!
26th December 2010 15:44
This was... painfully sad. Very well-written.

"The world was slightly fuzzy, but Harry didn't mind. He was with Sirius. That was what mattered. Sirius would keep him safe."

Yeah, this. You made the two of them together make sense.
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