Title: Buggering Inter-House Relations
Author: r_grayjoy
Characters/Pairings: Sirius/Severus/Remus
Rating: NC-17
Kinks/Themes Chosen: please your mod :D
Word Count: 3,800
Summary/Description: Based on akatnamedeaster's Love Potion #900 (NWS!). I took one look at this fab piece of art and received an InstaBunny Deluxe(TM).
Author's Notes: I didn't expect to ever write Snape in a threesome, but there you go. For myself, because it's "please your mod" month (heh), and for akatnamedeaster, because it's all her fault. Huge thanks to eeyore9990 for putting up with my last-minute angsting.

Buggering Inter-House Relations

Bloody Slughorn and his buggering 'inter-House relations.' No other professor in the whole of Hogwarts would be foolish or sadistic enough to assign Severus detention with Black and Lupin and then leave them all alone together in the Potions classroom. It didn't take a brilliant potion maker to see that it was a recipe for disaster. Not to mention an open invitation for Black to hex Severus sideways while Lupin pretended not to see anything.

Fortunately, the detention had been assigned for Saturday afternoon, and that had given Severus three days to prepare. He only hoped his preparations would prove effective, since he had no back-up plan other than 'hex before being hexed.'

"Look, Remus; there's His Highness, the Prince of Repugnance now," Black announced before Severus had made it two steps into the room. "Leave it to him to waltz in late like he's too good for detention."

"It's a shame you'll never comprehend Slytherin superiority, Black." After shooting a cautious glance at Black where he lounged on the edge of Slughorn's desk, Severus closed the door behind himself.

Black made a rude noise. "Slytherin sliminess more like. I still don't see how we're supposed to get anything clean with you dripping all over it."

"And I don't see how we're supposed to get anything clean with Lupin shedding all over it." Out of the corner of his eye, Severus saw Lupin wince at the remark.

"At least he only has that problem once a month. You're a nasty little snake year-round."

It wasn't one of Black's better insults. Severus rolled his eyes. "Let's just get this over with, Black. I don't want to be stuck in here with you any longer than I have to."

"You stuck with me? You're the one who threw ground duckweed in my potion!"

"Which I only did because you made me trip and knock over my cauldron first!"

Stepping forward, Lupin finally spoke up. "Shut it, both of you. I was minding my own business until I was suddenly covered in a botched potion and sprouting feathers. Trust me, I had no desire to go flapping and quacking all around the classroom."

"Yeah, all right, fine," Black conceded. "Let's just get on with it."

When Black drew his wand, Severus tensed, but Black only began spelling the dust away from some of the less-frequently-used potions ingredients. Lupin similarly went to work, and Severus followed suit. Severus continued to keep a close eye on the others, however, both to avoid surprise attack and because he needed their backs turned long enough to implement his plan.

The potion Severus had brought along for the occasion was a subtle but powerful one. Inhaling only a small amount of its fumes would cause those under its influence to feel more amicable towards the individual to whom the potion was keyed. And this particular potion was keyed to Severus, naturally. Mainly Severus just wanted to make it out of this detention unscathed, but if he was lucky it would also lead to some embarrassment for Lupin and Black.

As discreetly as possible, Severus drew the bottle of purple liquid from his pocket and unstoppered it. A touch of his wand to the rim of the bottle started the slow release of the fumes. As he reached down to place it on the ledge beneath a workbench near the center of the classroom, a hand grabbed his wrist in a painful grip.

"What do you have there, Snivelly?" Black asked, jerking Severus' arm up.

Severus remained silent, hoping against hope that the potion would take effect before Black cursed him bloody.

"Looks like he's trying to poison us, Remus." Black squeezed Severus' wrist hard, and although Severus managed to clamp his teeth together and not let out a pained whimper, he let go of the bottle.

The potion hit the classroom floor, toppled onto its side, and spilled out onto the stones at Severus' feet. Thick fumes began to swirl up to fill the air. Severus' heart raced. He had no idea what sort of effects high exposure to the fumes might have.

Stepping up to them, Lupin laid his hand on Black's arm. "He can't be trying to poison us, Sirius. If it were poison, it would make him ill too."

"Yeah? Then what's he playing at? Can't be anything good." Black gave Severus a tooth-rattling shake.

"Let him go." Lupin's voice was soft and uncertain, but Severus was astonished he'd had the bollocks to intervene at all.

To Severus' further surprise, Black slowly loosened his grip and released Severus' wrist. Stepping back, he said, "I suppose it's not worth getting stuck in another detention with him."

"Oh, come on," Lupin chided. "He's not really all that bad, is he?"

"What?" said Severus and Black simultaneously, both looking at Lupin as though pixies had just flown out his ears.

"Of course he is!" Black insisted. "He's… he's… Snape!" He'd backed into the next workbench and was appearing strangely apprehensive.

Lupin, on the other hand, was sounding more mischievous by the moment. "Exactly. I think you should apologize to him for grabbing him like that." Slipping around behind Severus, he gave him a little push in Black's direction.

Severus stumbled forward a step.

Black darted a glance at Lupin. "Remus…"

One more light shove from Lupin, and Severus was standing right in front of Black. He gripped his wand more tightly, but didn't use it yet. With two against one at close range, he was better off trying to talk his way out of this. Whatever 'this' was.

"Yeah. You're right." Black spoke to Lupin without taking his eyes off Snape. "He's not so bad." He reached towards Severus and began running one finger up Severus' sleeve. "Not bad at all."

The predatory way Black was suddenly looking at him made Severus as nervous as a double-tailed kneazle in a room full of self-rocking chairs, and he twitched away from the touch reflexively. It didn't seem to dissuade Black in the least. "I apologize for being so rough with you before," Black said. "I can be gentle, too." To prove his claim, he touched his fingertip to Severus' mouth and slid it softly across his bottom lip. Although he was behaving with his typical infuriating arrogance, Severus could swear he felt Black's hand tremble.

Shocked and confused, Severus tried to retreat, but Lupin had moved up behind him. Lupin placed his hands on Severus' shoulders and began to massage lightly. "Tense," he said. "You don't like being touched?"

"I'm don't… I'm not accustomed to…" being touched. Anyone wanting to touch me this way. You two being nice to me. Severus' first thought was that it was some horrible prank, but he quickly dismissed the idea. There was no way Black and Lupin could or would fake something like this. It had to be the effects of the potion. Apparently the concentrated dose made them a bit more than merely amicable towards him.

"You don't want to do this," Severus said.

"Oh, really?" Black said, then grabbed Severus by the waist and pulled him close. Severus felt something hard pressing against his hip, and his eyes went round as dinner plates as he realized what it was. "Does that feel like I don't want to do this?"

"All right," Severus said, his voice coming out higher pitched than he intended. "Maybe you do." Severus' head spun, the room tilted, and he felt his body responding.

"I do too," Lupin said near Severus' ear, and then Severus felt another hardness against his back.

Abruptly Black reached for the placard of Severus' trousers. With the hand that wasn't holding his wand, Severus batted at Black's fingers, keeping them at bay.

"I think we're going to have to go first, Sirius," Lupin suggested.

Black gave a devilish grin, and Lupin pulled Severus back a few steps. He wasted no time in kicking his shoes off and unfastening his trousers. Pulling his trousers and pants down in one go, he gave his arse a ridiculous -- but admittedly sexy -- little wiggle and winked at Severus. Once stripped from the waist down, Black nodded over Severus' shoulder and said, "Now turn around."

Turning, Severus found Lupin smiling sheepishly. He seemed to hesitate for an instant, then dropped trou, though with decidedly less flair than Black. Nonetheless, the sight of his erection bobbing in the air made Severus' mouth go dry. "Your turn," Lupin pointed out.

Although he was mortified at the notion of being seen half-naked by Lupin and Black, Severus thought it really was only fair under the circumstances. Besides, he might not be a Gryffindor, but he was no coward. Reluctantly he laid his wand aside. With shaking hands he managed to get his button open and his zip down, then shoved down both trousers and pants. Somehow he managed to kick his way out of them along with his shoes without falling over.

A low whistle came from behind Severus. "Who knew you were hiding an arse like that, Snape?" Black said.

Scowling, Severus turned to face Black again, but Black didn't appear to be making fun of him. In fact, he was looking Severus up and down with what seemed to be open amazement. Then he shook his head as if to clear it and redirected his eyes to Severus' face.

Severus felt trapped in Black's intense gaze, unable to look away, unable to flee even had he wished to. He watched as Black prowled up to him and stopped near enough for Severus to feel the heat radiating from his body. Black lifted his hand and rested his fingers on Severus' cheek, placing the pad of his thumb under Severus' chin and tilting his head up. Severus' heart hammered against his ribs and Black's breath brushed across his face before, finally, their lips touched.

Being kissed by Sirius Black was one of the very last things in the world Severus ever would have thought could happen to him. But if he had thought about it, he would have expected it to be all snapping teeth and crushing mouths and clawing hands. This was nothing like that at all. Black kissed him sweetly, thoroughly, his tongue following the curve of Severus' lips before slipping between them to tickle Severus' mouth and then dart back out again. His cock nudged against Severus' stomach, leaving a patch of moisture behind.

Then Lupin was behind him once more, running his palms across Severus' back, down his sides, over his arse. The assault was too much for Severus. He moaned into Black's mouth, and his knees began to shake, threatening to give out beneath him. Seeming to sense his distress, Black and Lupin lowered him to the floor, sliding to their knees with him. Lupin picked up a wand from Severus-didn't-care-where and cast a Cushioning Charm on the stone floor.

Black and Lupin worked in tandem, tugging Severus' jumper up and off, loosening his tie, and popping open the buttons of his shirt. Severus briefly considered objecting, then decided to simply quit thinking and take advantage of the situation while it lasted. Black's thighs were right in Severus' line of sight, muscles flexing beneath skin, practically daring Severus to touch them. He placed his palm on Black's knee and, receiving a hum of approval, slid it higher until he'd come to Black's hip. With his other arm he reached back to feel his way up Lupin's leg and grip his arse. Severus was gratified when Lupin gasped and jerked forward.

Tangling his fingers in Severus' hair, Black moved in close. Severus thought Black would kiss him again, but instead he leaned over to whisper beside Severus' ear, "Fuck, you have no idea how much I've wanted you like this. I want to make you feel good. Let me take care of you…" As if the words weren't astonishing enough, they were followed up by a kiss laid on the side of Severus' head.

Severus was powerless to hold back the smile that spilled forth. However, it was quickly replaced by something of a rather different nature when Black began licking and nipping a trail down his neck and across his collarbone. At nearly the same time, Lupin pressed up behind him and began rolling his hips, rutting against him in an easy motion.

Black continued traveling downward until he stopped to swirl his tongue around one of Severus' nipples. Severus gave a sharp, surprised cry and clutched at Black's jumper. "Like that, do you?" Black said, and did it again, and again, and more until Severus was a quivering mess. When at last he pulled away, he groaned, "Want to touch you," and promptly did, wrapping his fingers around Severus' cock.

After only a few strokes, Black reached down with his other hand to grip himself as well. He tugged them both to the same urgent rhythm with Severus rising up on his knees and thrusting into Black's fist. His fingers digging into Severus' hips, Lupin moved with them, his cock sliding in the precome gathering along Severus' arse and back. It was all frantic motion as Black whined through clenched teeth and Lupin murmured mindless things over Severus' shoulder and Severus panted for breath.

With a shake of his head, Black gasped, "Ah, god, I can't--" His words shifted into a shout as he came, semen spurting high onto Severus' stomach and spilling over the floor. It was very nearly enough to send Severus spiraling into climax as well, but Black's stroke had faltered and stuttered to a stop. Making a disgruntled noise, Severus pushed his hips up in an attempt to remind Black that he was there. Black met Severus' gaze with a dazed but wicked smile. "Oh, I haven't forgotten about you," he said.

No warning came before Black bent down and took Severus into his mouth. The incredible sensation stole the air from Severus' lungs, and Severus grabbed for Lupin's legs, seeking balance. Severus didn't think anything could feel better than that, but then Black bob-sucked-licked, and Severus came undone. It was too sudden too fast too hot too much, and Severus spent himself so hard he thought he might black out.

When Black rose up again, he slowly ran the back of his hand over his mouth, his eyes flashing with mischief and heat. It was the most lascivious thing Severus had ever seen. He didn't know whether it was that look or his own orgasm or some combination of the two that did Lupin in. Bucking against Severus a final time, Lupin made a little nnh sound in his throat, then Severus felt Lupin's cock pulsing and wet warmth spreading on his back.

Severus wasn't certain who helped whom to the floor after that. All he knew was that they were soon lying together on their backs, catching their breath, assorted arms and legs thrown over each other. Severus twisted a strand of Lupin's hair while Black toyed with the fingers of Severus' other hand, and he wondered whether sex always resulted in such a profound sense of peace or if that was merely an effect of the potion.

The potion. The fumes were long gone. If Severus was realizing it, then any moment Black and Lupin likely would as well. And Severus was lying right between them. Naked. And wandless.

Moving slowly the way one does to avoid drawing the attention of a dangerous beast, Severus sat up and glanced around for his discarded wand and clothing. He crept away on hands and knees and just managed to snatch up his wand and find his shirt before realization set in for the others.

Lupin flushed and scrambled for his trousers, but Black's expression turned thunderous. Unmindful of his nudity, Black leapt from the floor and shouted, "What the fuck did you do, Snape?!"

Never had Severus seen Black so furious. Clutching his shirt to his body, he half-raised his wand and took an uneasy step back. "What did I do?" he said, incredulous.

Black snarled like a feral dog. "What was in that potion of yours?"

"Doesn't matter," Severus said. He risked a glance to the side, but Lupin seemed more interested in hopping back into his trousers than cursing Severus into unrecognizable pieces. "It didn't do what it was meant to do."

"Yeah, right. Seems to me it did exactly what you wanted, you pervy little wanker."

Under the circumstances, Severus thought it best to let slide any remarks about who the proven wanker in the room was. "You think I actually wanted to be," he flapped his hand around as he tried to find appropriate words, "sandwiched and pawed by the two of you?!"

Black's laugh held no humor. "I don't recall you lodging any complaints at all once my pants came off."

"I was affected by the fumes too! You knocked the ruddy bottle out of my hand and overexposed us all. This is your fault, not mine!"

All at once Severus found himself shoved against the nearest workbench, the edge digging into his back, the tip of Black's wand pressed against his throat. He'd never seen Black move so fast. Nor had he ever seen Black look as mad as he did at that moment, all wild eyes and flaring nostrils as he stared down at Severus. "This is not my fault," he spat. "Not this! I would never have--"

"Sirius." Lupin's voice was surprisingly firm as he shoved Black's clothes into his chest none-too-gently. "Let's get out of here before you do something you'll regret."

For a long moment, no one moved. Severus didn't even dare blink. Then Black jerked away from him as if burned. "I've already done something I regret," he said.

Black threw on his robes and stomped out of the room with the rest of his clothes balled up under his arm. Lupin shot a last glance at Severus and followed. Once they were gone, Severus slumped against the workbench and breathed out slowly. The fact that they'd left him to clean the classroom alone was likely the least of his worries.



It had been four days since the Incident. Four days of Black shooting Severus hate-filled glares and Lupin giving him peculiar, calculating looks. Four days of Severus constantly watching his back in expectation of retribution. It had made him so twitchy that the sound of footsteps approaching him from behind as he made his way down a corridor near the Slytherin dorms had him instantly reaching for his wand. He spun and cast the first hex that came to his lips without bothering to find out who his target was.

Approximately three seconds later, Lupin hung upside-down midair, his belongings spilling onto the ground and his robe trying to obscure his vision. "Bloody hell, Snape!" he said, fighting with his robe. "I just want to talk to you." Anticipating Severus' next question he added, "I'm here alone."

Severus cancelled the spell and was satisfied at the thud Lupin made upon hitting the floor.

Picking himself and his books up, Lupin said, "Was that really necessary?"

Severus smirked. "No."

Lupin sighed but didn't respond to the barb otherwise. Instead he said, "Look, I want to talk to you about the other day."

"There's nothing to talk about," Severus snapped. "I didn't plan that. It's Black's fault as much as mine."

"I know. But the potion--"

"I told you, that wasn't what it was meant to do."

"I know that. God, Snape, will you just shut up and let me say something?"

Although Severus was fairly certain he didn't want to hear whatever it was Lupin had to say, he crossed his arms and waited.

"The thing about the potion is, it didn't make us do anything we didn't want to do."

"You honestly mean to tell me you wanted to have it off with me?" Severus gave a derisive snort.

Rubbing the back of his neck and looking away abashedly, Lupin replied, "Well, I'd be lying of I said I'd never thought about it…"

"And Black?" Severus challenged.

"You must have noticed how he was with you."

"What, willing to hump anything that moved?"

"Gentle," Lupin countered. "Look at the way he kissed you."

Growing more uncomfortable with the conversation by the second, Severus said, "So?"

"I didn't kiss you like that."

"You didn't kiss me at all. But then, you did say the potion didn't make you do anything you didn't want to." Severus was surprised at how bitter his voice sounded.

"Oh, I wanted to. But I knew that if I did, Sirius would have been mad with jealousy. Not that he'd ever have admitted it."

"Lupin, you are not seriously trying to convince me that Black has some sort of… feelings for me." The very idea was beyond ridiculous and well into the realm of inconceivably absurd.

"That's exactly what I'm trying to convince you of."

"And that's why he almost killed me when the potion wore off."

"Actually, it is. Don't you get it? He was absolutely mortified that he'd given so much away."

Try as he might to quash it, a small spark of hope flared within Severus. Narrowing his eyes, he asked, "Why are you telling me this?"

"Because Sirius would never tell you himself."

Severus shrugged. "What do you want me to do about it?"

"Just…" Lupin shrugged. "Talk to him."

"Right, I can see it now. 'Oi, Black! I want to talk to you about how much you liked getting my kit off!' That'll go over well."

"Well, it won't if you go about it like that," Lupin said, rolling his eyes. "Would it kill you to just admit to him that what happened wasn't so bad?"

"It might," Severus muttered.

Lupin threw his hands up in frustration. "Never mind! Forget I said anything." Turning to leave, he added, "I don't know what made me think you'd be any less mule-headed than him."

When Lupin had made it four steps down the hallway, Severus called out, "Lupin, wait." Lupin looked back, but Severus didn't quite know what it was he'd wanted to say. He opened and closed his mouth a few times before finally managing, "If this is some kind of sick joke--"

"I know, I know, you'll string me up by my toenails and hit me with jinxes I've never even heard of."

"Close, but your toenails weren't what I had in mind."

"It's not a joke."

"You'd better hope not."

Breaking into an irksome grin, Lupin said, "Guess that means you'll be talking with him then. Brilliant!" Then he continued down the corridor away from Severus.

"It bloody well does not!" Severus called out after him, but the words rang hollow. Severus knew very well Lupin was right.