Title: When Words Fail
Author: GatewayGirl
Based On: Overwhelmed by nolagal
Characters/Pairings: Charlie/Harry
Rating: NC-17
Content/Warnings: anal sex
Word Count: 2,900
Summary/Description: Harry's braver with deeds than with words
Author's Notes: Those of you who usually read my stories might notice this is a departure for me, but I'm trying to follow the characterizations and mood of the original story, because once I thought of Harry's idea, it stuck. :-) Nolagal, I hope you like this!
Thanks to calanthe and sociofemme for beta work! Any little mistakes are probably from my last-minute edits.






Harry was certainly brave enough. He could play tag with dragons, pursue homicidal Death Eaters, even offer up his life. Talking, though, had always been more difficult, at least without the sharp prod of righteous indignation. When it came to saying what he wanted -- and especially to what he wanted to try with Charlie in bed -- the words wouldn't seem to come out.

Of course, another problem was the words themselves. He didn't know what to call things. Oh, for most, he knew multiple things they could be called -- but not which ones he should use. In his inexperience, he was terrified of saying something that would put Charlie off.

And Charlie could be put off, he was sure. The man treated him with a reverent care that was becoming annoying. He was quick enough to do things that he was certain Harry would like -- sucking his cock, for example, had happened soon after being promised -- but he never assumed Harry would want to do anything back, and while Harry was still trying to force his mouth to say "I want to go down on you," or "want to suck your cock," or even "let me try that," he was told to relax, and Charlie moved on to something else.

And as far as his arse was concerned, that something else never went beyond a pull into frotting.

After a week of this, Harry was not only frustrated, but afraid that Charlie would grow bored. Or worse yet, that what he liked about Harry was his inexperience, and he would keep him in that state for as long as he could, possibly going back to his club if he wanted more. Harry could picture him, in the chaotic, low light, casting a charm for his arm band, and another for his sight, looking for a bottom who would do -- what? Anything? For that matter, did he always advertise as a top, or was it a mood thing? Harry could imagine having moods for each.

While he was wondering about this, he was interrupted by beak taps at the window. Quickly, he went and opened it. He didn't recognize the owl, but it was banded with the mark of the Welsh Dragon preserve -- the heraldic Welsh dragon that Muggles knew, but depicted in green.


Hi Harry,

Sorry for the late notice, but I won't be able to meet you this evening. Boudicca's clutch is showing signs of hatching, and we've all been assigned watches. I'll be home in the middle of the night if I don't get lucky, and after dawn if I do. Dinner tomorrow? I can be at your place by 6:00.

Charlie


If I get lucky had been an unfortunate choice of phrase. Harry couldn't help but imagine Charlie was out looking for more interesting sex, even though he was fairly sure that was silly. He sent back a cheerful agreement, but in his head he saw Charlie not armored in dragonhide, but in a minimal tank top that showed off his muscles and the glowing orange band on his left arm.

The armband code both disturbed and fascinated Harry. On the one hand, he couldn't, however much he tried, understand wanting to have sex with a stranger. He supposed he had more than the usual number of strangers wanting to talk to him and touch him, long before he'd been old enough to want sex. Maybe it was different for men who had usually been anonymous in a crowd. Still, it seemed uncomfortably ... businesslike. On the other hand, he could definitely understand the appeal of having what you wanted understood from the onset. In a way, that was sort of a fabrication of intimacy, providing that facet of knowing about each other before actually knowing each other. If only he could get what he wanted across to Charlie with that sort of ease, then maybe--

Harry sat bolt upright from his slouch, knocking over his quill and endangering the ink. He could use the same code at home! He'd need to cast the seeing spell on Charlie, of course, since Charlie wouldn't be expecting to need it, but Charlie knew what the codes meant. He'd know--

Harry frowned. Charlie knew the codes, but he didn't. He'd have to learn them, or at least the ones he wanted. And how did the oral sex one work, as far as right and left went? Sucking someone else was the "active" role, but having it done to you was usually seen as more "dominant", he thought, but Charlie was a top, maybe, and he obviously liked to....

He gave up. Obviously, he needed to move right to anal. The side for that was clear, at least, and if Charlie wouldn't take a glaring "fuck me" in his own bedroom, this was hopeless.

So how did he find out what the code was? He had a day to figure it out, now. His first idea, horrifying as it was, was to ask Hermione. Not that she'd know, but she'd know how to find out, he was sure. George came to mind next, but he was both less resourceful and less discreet than Hermione. So how would she find that sort of information? Books, if possible, Harry thought, though he wasn't sure this would be in a book. She sometimes used the computers at the Muggle library, but that wouldn't do for him -- he had no idea how to work one, or how you used them to get information. The Muggle world, though, was definitely the place to go. Charlie had said that the codes were mostly the same as Muggle ones, so probably all the basic ones were, and Harry was no one special in the Muggle world. There must be gay shops and sex shops -- possibly even gay sex shops -- in London, and he did know how to use a phone book. He could find a place where people would know what he meant
and ask someone he'd never see again if there was a list somewhere. And maybe he could buy a book about gay sex so he spent less of his time staring wide-eyed at things Charlie seemed to find normal. Not only was that embarrassing, but it had the unfortunate effect of making Charlie stop talking.


In the end, it wasn't too difficult. He mumbled out something that caused the shop boy to smirk, but not unkindly, and was handed a small book that had a glossary of handkerchief codes. "Don't worry about it being for S&M," the young man told him airily. "The vanilla ones are in there too." Harry had to ask what 'S&M" meant, and the answer made him turn as red as a beetroot. With that, he bought a 'vanilla' sex book, and when the shop boy suggested it, some condoms. He knew wizards used spells instead, but he couldn't figure out how to say he didn't need them without looking like even more of an idiot than he did already.

Back at his flat, he checked the glossary and practiced the charm until he could get the right color. Charlie had said anything blue was good, so it wasn't as if he didn't like plain anal sex, which was another worry that Harry had been trying to dismiss. The entry for orange, though, gave him pause, as he scanned up and down other meanings. Would Charlie like something in the S&M book better? Harry thought he trusted Charlie enough to let him tie him up, but beyond that, his brain skittered away from imagining scenarios. Pain was too real too him.

He put the books in his bedside cupboard, tucked the condoms behind them, and wondered if dinner meant going out. Charlie would be tired if he had been out all night. Maybe it would be better if he cooked and had something waiting.



Perhaps that hadn't been the best idea. Charlie looked disappointed that Harry had planned to stay in, and Harry remembered that Ginny liked being taken out, and decided that was probably normal if you grew up without money and without being stared at in public. Or maybe Charlie didn't like his cooking. That didn't seem to be a problem, though, as he tucked into the lamb.

At the table, Harry was so nervous that he spilled the gravy and dropped a potato from the serving spoon, but afterwards, when he held out his hand and Charlie took it and let himself be led into the bedroom, Harry's nerves vanished. He knew this would be wonderful, and even if it wasn't, it would at least be done and stop hanging between them like a sword.

They kissed. Charlie undid his shirt. Harry pulled Charlie's shirt off and played with his nipple piercings, making Charlie moan. With a mischievous look for his lover, Harry dropped his wand from his sleeve and cast the sight charm on him before pulling off his own shirt.

He'd expected surprise, hopefully followed by a lascivious look. Instead, Charlie twitched back as if Harry had caught him with a Stinging Hex. Harry's gut twisted.

"Didn't I get it right?" he asked uncertainly.

"Oh, that's right," Charlie said bitterly. "If you're ready to move on, Harry, there were kinder ways to have told me."

So Charlie didn't want to go any further with him, after all. The twisting turned to a far more familiar flame, and Harry advanced on Charlie. Charlie backed away, maintaining their distance. "You make up your mind," Harry said hotly, "whether you want a man or a princess. Because I'll tell you right now, Charlie, I'm damned well not suited to playing princess, even for you."

Charlie's eyes narrowed. "Call me a hypocrite if you like, but there's nothing particularly manly about going out cruising the first night I'm away."

Harry's jaw dropped open. "You...." He spluttered. "You idiot! I haven't been out!"

Charlie bit his lip. "But you intend to," he said sullenly.

"No!" Harry gestured at the arm band. "For you. Because I don't know how to say it, and I thought you'd understand--"

The words caught in his throat, and he turned away. The bedroom was silent

"Oh, baby," Charlie said, stepping close, finally. "Harry." Out of the corner of his eye, Harry saw Charlie's hand hover above his shoulder and then twitch back. He turned to see Charlie tugging at a fistful of his own hair. "I swear I'm not this much of an idiot with anyone else. You're the only lover who's ever made me feel like this."

"Like what?" Harry challenged, crossing his arms over his chest.

"Like I'm going to mess this up. Like there is something I could mess up."

"I dueled Voldemort when I was fourteen! I'm not going to break."

"I know," Charlie said, despite that not making any sense, and his arms finally came out again, and around Harry, and Harry uncurled to hold him in return. "I just ... it scares me how young you are. I don't want to rush you."

"But I don't want to wait, not when I've waited so long already."

"Yeah." Charlie kissed his cheek, and then his temple. "It's easy to forget that part of being eighteen." His kissed Harry's lips, but too briefly for Harry to catch his mouth. "It was clever of you. I'm sorry I misunderstood."

Harry looked away, wondering if they should just give up on the evening here, but Charlie was kissing him again. "Forgive me?" he asked.

"For what?" Harry asked bitterly. "I'm the one who hurt you."

"Only because I was an idiot, like you said," Charlie admitted sincerely.

Harry bit his lip. "Does that mean you will?"

Charlie's mouth twitched. "Maybe," he said. "Let's see how it goes, shall we?" His hand hesitated at Harry's chest and then slid down. In a moment, he was undoing the button and hook of his trousers. "Let's get naked."

"I've touched myself there," Harry volunteered. "I can get two fingers in."

Charlie snorted. "I'll take that into account."

Harry set his jaw stubbornly. "I don't like being treated as a child."

"I'm not treating you as a child, b-- love," Charlie said soothingly. "I'm treating you as a virgin. If you relax enough, I will, I swear. If not, we'll try again some other time."

Harry took a deep breath and tried to rein in his temper. Charlie was being reasonable now, really. Once he got indignant, though, it was hard to stop. "Okay," he said reluctantly. His hands went to Charlie's zip, and then hesitated. Slowly, he caressed up Charlie's sides and over his broad chest, dragging down over his nipple rings. Charlie's touch faltered. While Harry's hands moved down again, he leaned in and put his mouth to one nipple, hooking his tongue through the ring so he could lift it and catch it in his teeth.

"Yeah," Charlie breathed, as Harry pulled. In a sudden resumption of motion, he pushed down Harry's trousers and wrapped a hand around his cock. Harry freed his feet while he continued to pull with his teeth, turning his head slightly to add a twist. He held it for a moment and then let up slowly, while Charlie stroked him to hardness. After releasing the ring, he slowly raised his head to take in Charlie's flushed face.

"Okay," Charlie said breathlessly, releasing his erection. "I get the message. You're a fast learner." Catching Harry's shoulder, he spun him around and gave him a light slap on his bare arse. "So get on the bed."

Grinning, Harry scrambled up on the duvet. Unsure whether to settle down for snogging or to stay on his hands and knees, he looked back over his shoulder at Charlie. The older man climbed out of his pants and onto the bed, and pulled Harry down and onto his side, lying behind him. As he snugged in closer, Harry could feel Charlie's cock, already long and thick from Harry's attentions elsewhere, pressing along the crack of his arse.

"Let's start like this, shall we?" Charlie panted. "I like rubbing against you."

"Mm. Like that."

Charlie summoned lube and slicked both of them up. Harry enjoyed the feel of him rubbing there, but it was most intense against his hole, and he squirmed up until each stroke was pressing there, catching for a moment as he angled his bum into it, and then slipping up. Finally Charlie stopped the rocking and just pressed. His cock didn't go in, or at least not more than a few millimeters, but it felt good.

"Oh," Harry sighed. He tried pushing back a little, but Charlie, laughing, moved away.

"Not like that," he said. "Not your first time."

Something smaller pressed at Harry's hole and went in easily. Charlie kissed his neck and told him how relaxed he was, and the intrusion returned wider, stretching him more, until Harry felt like he was floating on Charlie's touch.

"Trust you," he murmured, and Charlie moaned in his ear and eased in further. A sudden flash of sensation returned Harry's world to focus, and he stretched back on Charlie's fingers. "More," he demanded.

Charlie pulled his fingers out, and for a moment, Harry thought he had got something wrong and was being refused, but Charlie returned to rubbing against him, and this time when Harry angled into it, his cock started to go in. It felt impossibly wide, and Harry wasn't sure how far he was getting.

"Roll forward a little," Charlie whispered, and Harry did. That opened him up more, apparently, because he suddenly had no doubt that he was being penetrated.

"That feels so strange," he said.

"Uh-huh." Charlie wiped more lube around his entrance and rocked a little bit out, and more in. "I'm fucking you, baby. You like that?"

Enveloped in a haze of pleasure and strangeness, Harry couldn't even object to 'baby.' "Yeah," he said. "Like. Want."

Charlie kept pumping into him, until the haze resolved into something more real. Charlie picked up his pace, and Harry thought he might be sore in the morning, but couldn't care, not when Charlie's balls were slapping against him, and Charlie was grunting and digging his fingers into Harry's hip, and treating him like flesh rather than glass. His own arousal didn't build, but coasted high, and Charlie must have expected that, because after his own shouted orgasm and a short collapse against Harry's body, he reached a hand around him and took him the rest of the way with a few rough pulls.



"Mm."

"Are you back, yet?"

The soft tug at his hip seemed to be encouragement to roll over, so Harry did, ending up on his back with Charlie kissing him. It was slow, and sleepy, and satisfying.

"I liked that," Harry said

"I noticed," Charlie replied smugly, but then he gave Harry that wonderful, open smile that always made Harry's heart soar. "I thought it was brilliant, myself. I have a selfish desire to keep you."

"You can keep me," Harry said quickly. His voice dropped. "Don't want anyone else," he muttered.

"We'll see," Charlie said, but not as if it was unbelievable. "Hm. Should I get you a list of those armband codes?"

Harry grinned. "Only if you promise not to take it wrong."

Charlie kissed him again, adding a bit of a bite. "Only if I never see you with one in public."

"Fine with me," Harry agreed. He wondered if wizards had colors for magical things, like levitation. He looked forward to finding out.