Kristmas Wish Fulfilled for: r_grayjoy
From: nehalenia

Title: An Awkward Path Toward Grace
Characters/Pairings: Remus Lupin/Severus Snape
Rating: NC17
Kinks/Themes Included: Awkward Sex
Other Warnings: Virgin boysmex, Wizard pron, very slight Alpha!Remus
Word Count: ~4,500
Summary/Description: Where Severus loses something, finds it, then loses something else; permanently.
Author's Notes: Thanks for the great prompt, r_grayjoy! I hope you like it!




When Severus had first noticed the book missing from his satchel, a cold wash of fear had trickled through him and frozen around his most vital organs; namely his heart, his stomach, and his balls. One had skipped, the second had wrenched, and the third had retreated faster than the legendary Fifth Slytherin Brigade during the Battle of Come-Uppance. Breathless with horror, he had dumped the contents of his satchel on his bedside rug, emptied his trunk, and torn his covers and bed hangings apart in the vain hope that he had mislaid the book, all the while knowing that he had not.

Of course he hadn’t mislaid it. He had watched that book like a mother kneazle watches its only kitten, aware of its exact location at all times. The only time he hadn’t was two days ago in the Library when he, like so many others before him, fell victim to Professor Binns’ assignment of chapter 1-7 of Tedium B. Pall’s Minutiae of the Goblin Wars. More effective than any soporific potion yet devised, he’d been asleep by Chapter 3, nose down in the text, and had only awakened when Madame Pince had poked him awake, hissing that he was drooling into the spine. Blearily, he had staggered from the Library to the Slytherin dorms, only discovering the book’s absence as he prepared to bed down – something he usually did with said book very close to hand.

Despite all his mad searching and scrambling, the book was nowhere to be found, and when a surreptitious tracking spell revealed its location in Gryffindor Tower, Severus had wondered whether walking into the lake and letting the giant squid consume him wouldn’t be the best choice. Because if the book – the book – was there, then it was surely in the hands of his most dedicated enemies: the Marauders.

Dread of what they might do – indeed, what they might have done already – haunted Severus Snape’s every waking moment after that, and he skittered and skulked through the corridors like a man fingered for death, wary of when and where this particular axe would fall. What he hadn’t expected was that it would come in the form of a note that fluttered out when he unfolded his serviette for dinner the following evening.

I have what you’re looking for, the note read. Potions classroom. 4 pm. Tomorrow.

The fact that whoever had sent the note was clever enough to know that Professor Slughorn took an extended tea from exactly 3:45 until supper time might have impressed Severus if only his guts hadn’t been tangled into knots with apprehension at the time. There was no question that Severus would go and no question that he would do whatever humiliating or disagreeable thing those wretched tossers wanted because he had to get that book back. There was no way he could deny it was his. He had cast so many spells on it – Levitation spells, page-turning spells, many many Cleansing spells – that his magical signature was all over the thing, and he spent the next day in a haze of anxiety that deepened as each hour passed. He knew that his immediate future held nothing but embarrassment. The only thing he didn’t know was just how public or private that embarrassment would be.

The hallway outside the Potions Classroom was blessedly empty when the bell began to ring four o’clock, but Severus wasn’t foolish enough to simply march right in. Knowing the sort of puerile tricks in which Potter and Black liked to indulge, he opened the door and then ducked to the side, wand out and ready. Surprisingly, there was no eruption of fire, or gas, or foul-smelling goo. No trap sprang, no nets fell down, and the stone floor at the threshold didn’t turn into quicksand. Gripping his wand, Snape stepped into the doorway and peered inside.

It was almost as bad as he had imagined. His book was indeed in the possession of one of the Marauders. The single mitigating circumstance – the one that kept Severus from losing it immediately – was that the Marauder leaning there against Slughorn’s desk and flipping idly through the pages of his book was Remus Lupin.

It wasn’t good, not by any means, but it was certainly preferable to the other options. If that bully Black or the even more odious Potter had taken the book, surely they’d have shown it around to the whole of the school and broadcast his secret shame from the towers. If that had happened, even his own House would have turned on him, if not for his unusual desires then for his temerity at being caught out and making all of Slytherin look bad. That lout Pettigrew wouldn’t have been much better, though he might have done something idiotic liked turned the book in to Dumbledore or that harpy McGonagall, hoping to curry favour. Pettigrew was likely too stupid to realize that he’d be in trouble as well – for stealing the book, if nothing else – though that was small consolation to Severus, since he’d probably be expelled.

The fact that only Lupin was there and that Severus hadn’t been completely shunned or hexed half to death that day surely meant that Lupin’s despicable companions didn’t know about the book – not yet, at least – and for the first time in two days, Severus saw a faint glimmer of hope. The hallway was empty, he and Lupin were alone in the classroom, and Lupin was the only one who knew about the book. One quick Stunning spell, he thought, his fingers flexing on his wand, and this whole sordid incident would be over.

“Accio Severus’s wand.”

He barely had time to gasp as his wand shot out of his grip and sailed into Remus Lupin’s waiting hand. Lupin’s own wand was out and the next thing Severus knew, the bastard had cast a Leg Locker Curse on him and waved the classroom door shut with another gesture. The door slammed into Severus’s back, knocking him forward and off-balance, and his arms swam in the air as he fell. A moment before he hit the floor nose-first, he was caught by the back of his robe.

“Sorry about that, Severus,” said Lupin in that voice that annoyed Severus so much: smooth, polite, and imperturbable, with a bare hint of amusement, as if Lupin was secretly laughing at a joke no one else could get. “I didn’t mean to be so rough,” he added, lowering Severus to the floor and helping him right himself, “but you were about to hex me.”

Severus didn’t try to deny it, but he shrugged off Lupin’s assistance with an impatient huff. “Take that spell off immediately!” he demanded, pointing at his own long legs stretched out in front of him, bound together as if by invisible cords, stiff and immovable.

“I will in a moment,” Lupin agreed, leaning back on a nearby work table. “But first I want to ask you something.” When Severus merely scowled at him, Lupin Summoned the book – the cause of all these indignities – from Slughorn’s desk and held it up for Severus to see. The dust jacket was missing – actually it was minimized, charmed to look like a pack of Cockroach Clusters, and stuffed inside his mattress – but the silver letters on the cracked spine were clearly visible: Wizards Loving Wizards, it said.

“Is this really your book?” Lupin sounded more interested than accusatory, but Severus blushed fiercely anyway.

“What if it is?” he challenged.

“Well,” Lupin posed, sounding thoughtful, “if it really is your book, then that must mean you’re ... interested. In what’s in here, that is.” Lupin cleared his throat. “The pictures and all,” he elaborated unnecessarily

“So?” Severus shifted uncomfortably under Lupin’s gaze. “Why do you care?”

“Because,” Lupin offered, for the first time looking rather unsure of himself, “I might be... interested in them as well.”

There was an unfamiliar reticence to Lupin’s words, and when Severus looked up, he found him blushing. The rosy flush across Lupin’s cheeks sent an unaccustomed warmth to Severus’ own face. He glanced away quickly but not before noticing how intently those hazel eyes were staring at him.

Severus bit at his lower lip. So Remus Lupin, one of those idiotic, over-compensating Marauders, was actually bent? Bent... like him? He knew it was hope making his heart beat faster, but he didn’t want to admit it. What if this was some elaborate prank they’d thought up? A cruel and terrible joke meant to take him to the peak of expectations before dropping him into the usual mire of embarrassment.

Remus Lupin. Bent. It couldn’t be true. It just couldn’t.

But oh, Severus realized with a sick feeling in the pit of his gut, he wanted it to be true.

When Severus looked back at Lupin this time, it was with different eyes. Before he had only seen an enemy; one of a gang of bullies and cowards who lived to make his life a misery. Lupin’s revelation, however, put a new face on things and now that he looked beyond the Gryffindor tie, beyond the bad memories and associations, he saw a man instead of a Marauder. A man who said he was ‘interested in’ the things in that book. A man, Severus realized as he saw the heat in Remus Lupin’s gaze and the way a single sweat drop tracked its way down the side of his jaw to his throat, who might actually want to do the things in that book.

With him. To him.

In spite of the fact that he was wandless, unable to move his lower extremities, and had every right to be suspicious of what was happening, Severus felt a familiar heat pooling inside him and quickly moving south. He licked his lips and prayed his voice wouldn’t crack before he answered Lupin.

“Just what sort of ‘things’ are you interested in?” Severus asked, entirely failing to sound as casual as he would have liked. “In the book, that is,” he added. Staring up at Lupin, he moistened his lips again and put all his pride on the line. “Show me,” he said, his voice rough with the anticipation he couldn’t fully suppress.

If this was a prank, the time to reveal it was upon them – now, before they’d gone any further – but Lupin didn’t hesitate. He exhaled as if he’d been holding his breath and opened the book, fumbling a little in his eagerness. The book practically opened itself to display a photograph that Severus knew only too well: two young wizards, the dark haired one naked and kneeling expectantly before a sturdy blonde whose trousers were open. Severus swallowed thickly as the clothed one reached into his pants and pulled out a half-hard but still substantial cock, and his friend leaned in and took it in his mouth, sucking on it like he’d just been given an ice lolly on a hot summer day. The photograph was silent, but Severus had no trouble imagining the groans and grunts and soft, slurping sounds that surely must have accompanied that session, and he felt his groin tighten as he watched the blonde’s prick growing fatter and harder under his companion’s ministrations.

Both of them stared at the illustration as the naked man deep-throated the blonde and began frigging his own stiff-standing cock, while the other tipped his head back in obvious ecstasy and wove his fingers into his friend’s dark hair.

“This,” Lupin breathed, his voice trembling a little, and Severus could only groan in agreement. He had wanked to this photo so many times he was surprised the pages weren’t stuck together, stroking himself as he knelt on his bed behind the green hangings, imagining that he was the one sucking on that fat, luscious cock and making the blonde man moan with pleasure. “Do... do you..?” Lupin stammered.

“Yes,” Severus gasped. The book hit the floor before the word was entirely out of his mouth and lay open by his knee, the two wizards in the photo still sucking and stroking toward their release, but this time Severus had something better to watch. Lupin’s ragged-nailed fingers were unfastening his trousers, opening them to reveal the hard bulge of his cock straining against the thin cotton of his underpants. Severus drew a deep breath, wondering at the size of it and how perfectly it was outlined, but he didn’t get a chance to savour that view because Lupin was already hauling the thick shaft out of his pants and pushing the waistband down beneath his balls. Severus stared, his mouth alternately filling with saliva and then going dry as Lupin gave his cock a few strokes to fully harden it and offered that appealing package to Severus.

Apart from furtive glances in loos and locker rooms, this was the first actual cock that Severus had seen ‘eye to eye’, so to speak, and he found himself entranced. Lupin’s prick didn’t look so very long, but it was wonderfully thick with a smooth, tawny shaft and a bright pink head peeking from the foreskin. As Lupin’s fist glided up and down, a single drop of moisture welled from the slit, and Severus felt his own cock fill, and stretch, and press against his trouser seam at the sight. The moment he saw it, Severus knew he wanted to lick it up, to swirl it over the fat, moist head of Lupin’s prick with his tongue, and then see just how much of that impressive member he could stuff into his mouth.

“Severus,” Lupin panted, and the longing in that soft-rough voice was all the motivation he needed to dive at the man and fasten his mouth around that beautiful cock, only to discover he’d quite forgotten about the spell binding his legs. Falling heavily against Lupin, Severus grabbed at his hips to steady himself, which knocked Lupin off balance and sent both of them crashing down. Lupin grunted and cursed as the two of them thrashed on the floor in a tangle, but Severus could only groan as his mouth was full of his schoolmate’s prick, and he had no intention of letting go. Lupin’s shaft felt heavy against his tongue, like an iron bar wrapped in silk, and even while they tried to rearrange themselves Severus began to bob his head up and down, just as he’d seen the wizard in the photo do.

“Oh Merlin—Severus!” Lupin moaned even as he was trying to retrieve his wand. Encouraged by the response, Severus put a little more energy into his movements only to have Lupin’s sounds of pleasure suddenly turn to a howl of pain when one of his canines caught at the tender foreskin. “Teeth!” yowled Lupin, grabbing a handful of Severus’ hair to stop his movements and freezing under him. “Watch the teeth! Ah!”

“Sorry!” he panted, pulling off and trying to sit up. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to...”

“It’s all right,” Lupin panted, pushing up on his hands and then bringing up his wand. “It’s fine. No harm done.” In proof, his erection was still standing proudly up from the patch of brown curls at its root. When he’d caught his breath, Lupin pointed his wand at Severus’s legs and said “Finite Incantatum!” His knees collapsed immediately from the strain, and he rolled over to sit up, grunting in discomfort as he tried to massage some feeling back into his legs.

“Sorry, I forgot to do that earlier,” Lupin said a bit sheepishly, and Severus was surprised to find himself shaking his head.

“S’all right,” he exhaled, his attention back on Lupin’s still-rigid cock. “Bit distracted, weren’t we?”

“Just a bit,” Lupin agreed with a small grin. With his skin flushed and his brown hair tousled – and yes, with his prick hard and moist and waiting – Severus had to admit to himself that, despite his affiliations, Remus Lupin was not an unattractive man. Especially when he smiled like that.

“Try again?” Lupin suggested, raising his eyebrows. Laying aside his wand, he leaned back on one hand and the other went to his cock. With a thumb and two fingers at the base, he drew his foreskin back so it was tight along the shaft, fully exposing the swollen head. It was the most arousing thing Snape had ever seen – even better than his favourite photos in the book – and he felt his cock start to leak in response, making a wet spot in his pants.

“Fuck, yes,” he muttered, unable to tear his eyes away from Lupin’s prick. He crawled between Lupin’s spread legs and – carefully this time – lowered his mouth onto the hot, slick shaft. Lupin hissed with pleasure as he did so, and soon Severus had a rhythm going – and perhaps something close to a technique. Using his tongue to explore the slit and flaring ridge as he bobbed his head soon had Lupin breathing heavily as his hips trembled and squirmed. As more and more pre-come leaked out, Severus’ lips and tongue slid faster up and down the shaft until Lupin was making little mewling sounds in his throat and quivering so violently it seemed he might fly apart.

“Sev—Severus!” he gasped out, his breath coming faster as his back arched and his head thrashed. “I’m—I’m—ahh!” Lupin’s hips slammed up, driving his cock all the way into Severus’s mouth where it spurted enough come to make him gag and jerk his head away, so that Lupin’s final ejaculations sprayed over his face and hair. It would have been gross, Severus thought,, wiping come from his eyes, if it hadn’t been so infernally hot. He was so aroused that his trapped cock was threatening to burst his trouser seam, and as much as he wanted to release it from its confinement, he was afraid if he even touched it he would come.

Lupin, however, had no such fears or compunctions. When his breathing slowed and his muscles stopped trembling, he pushed himself up with what sounded more like a growl than a sigh, gave Severus an incendiary glance, and roughly said, “Your turn.”

Not even bothering to do up his trousers, he grabbed Severus by his school tie, dragged him forward, and licked the come from his face. It was such an outrageous action – so totally unexpected – that it pushed his arousal to a fever pitch, and when Lupin pushed him down, tore open his trousers, and reached in to free his erection, his hips lurched up and he erupted with a strangled cry.

Severus groaned and covered his face with his hands, half in relief, and half in embarrassment at having come in his pants.

“Sorry,” he mumbled through his fingers, but Lupin’s only response was to give an odd purring sort of growl and yank Severus’s trousers and pants halfway down his legs, then pull them off completely. “What are you doing?” he gasped. He tried to sit up, then fell back with a groan as his wet, relaxing cock was engulfed in the moist heat of Lupin’s mouth and sucked clean.

“Oh fuck,” he moaned, arching his hips at the pleasure, and feeling the tickle in his balls that told him he would probably be hard again soon. He pushed up on his hands just as Lupin pulled off his cock and caught his breath at the sight before him. Lupin’s robes were gone, his shirt was open, and his trousers were around his knees. His hair was hanging in his face, but that didn’t disguise the hard, bright eyes that stared at Severus with open lust, or the even harder cock jutting up from between his legs. He knew he had given Lupin a shuddering, draining orgasm – the evidence of it was still all over him – but the man kneeling before him looked like he hadn’t come at all.

“Lupin?” Severus breathed, his heart pounding, his own cock already starting to twitch. For answer, Lupin licked his lips and gave him a grin that was positively wolfish. And then, everything started to happen very fast. Without quite knowing how, Severus found himself flipped over and pulled up on his hands and knees, wearing only his shirt and his tie, and with his school robe crumpled under him. Lupin was behind him, his warm breath puffing on the backs of his thighs, on his rump, and even on his balls. He inhaled sharply at that, but before he could demand what Lupin was doing, big, warm hands were kneading his arse and his thighs, yanking him back so he collapsed onto his elbows, his arse still in the air.

“Lupin! Lupin, what—!” Severus choked as the strong fingers kneading his arse pulled his cheeks apart and something warm and wet and arousing—oh dear Merlin, his tongue! It was Lupin’s tongue that was lapping at his balls and gliding up that sensitive stretch of skin, and then further up.

“Stop it,” Severus whimpered as he felt the tip of Lupin’s tongue circle his hole. “Stop—ohh!” He groaned and clenched his fingers in his cast-off robe as Lupin’s tongue massaged the tight muscles of his entrance, loosening him, wetting him so thoroughly that he knew what had to be coming. He wanted to tell Lupin that he shouldn’t be doing this, that it had to be wrong; but if it was so wrong, why was his cock stiffening up between his legs?

Turning his head, Severus saw beside him his discarded book. It was still open, but the pages had flipped to show a different photo: a lithe boy on his hands and knees, shuddering with pleasure as his partner knelt behind him, pushed his huge cock in and began to fuck him with sure, hard thrusts.

“Do you want that?” Lupin’s whisper was rough against his ear. He pressed his fingers against the pages to hold the book open on that page and breathed against Severus’s neck. “Look at it,” Lupin told him. “Look how hard his cock is. He’s going to come just from being fucked like that, isn’t he?” Severus swallowed as he watched the boy’s hard cock wag and slap his stomach with each thrust. There was no sound, but the boy’s mouth was moving, and Severus could tell he was saying More! over and over again.

Lupin was panting behind him now, his breath tight with arousal, and Severus could feel him sliding his slick cock between his cheeks, rubbing slowly.

“Do you want me to fuck you like that?” Lupin asked, leaning over him so his warm, hairy chest was pressed against Severus’s back. “Do you?”

Without any hesitation, Severus whimpered “Yes. God, yes. Fuck me like that.”

Lupin growled his approval – a sound that sent shivers over Severus’s skin and tightened his nipples in an instant – and wasted no time in complying. Severus caught his breath as he felt the big knob of Lupin’s prick push against his entrance, the pressure increasing as Lupin bore down.

“Breathe,” Lupin murmured, holding his hips steady, and when Severus released his breath, Lupin groaned and pushed in.

“Ah! Ah!” Severus gasped and clenched his muscles at the intrusion, instinctively trying to push his assailant out, but it was too late. Lupin’s thick cock was pushing into him, inch by inch, and he felt himself being opened, being penetrated, being filled. His muscles burned as they stretched, and his erection flagged at the strange intensity of Lupin pushing deeper, taking possession of him, but then Lupin’s cock seemed to hit something inside him and his own prick throbbed with a strange, twisting pleasure.

“There,” he groaned. “Oh Merlin, there.”

Lupin pressed further, deeper, until just when Severus thought he would be split in two, he felt Lupin’s balls press against his own, and a warm weight fell across his back.

“So good,” Lupin whispered against his shoulder, his breath shuddering out of him. “You feel so good. Hot and tight,” he moaned, rocking against Severus with small, slow thrusts. “So fucking tight.”

“Fuck me, damn it,” Severus hissed, an odd sort of pleasure building inside him at the push and pull of Lupin’s cock. “Make me come like that. Fuck me till I come.”

At that Lupin gave an inarticulate groan, buried his face between Severus’ shoulder blades, and began fucking him with deep, hard thrusts. Severus panted through gritted teeth, his balls tightening, his stiff cock slapping his belly with each sharp thrust, the pain and pleasure of Lupin driving into him again and again burning like an ember in his loins. At last he couldn’t take the build up any longer and reached back for his wagging prick, only to find Lupin’s hand there before him, grasping him, working him with quick, sure strokes.

It was too much; Lupin’s cock driving into his arse, hitting something again and again, feeding the fire, and Lupin’s hand fast working between his legs, rubbing all the right places, thumb sweeping over the tip.

“Yes,” Severus gasped, nearly sobbing as the pleasure mounted, twisting through him. “Oh Merlin, fuck me, yes!”

He went over with a cry, arching his back and feeling his come splatter against his stomach and chest as Lupin’s hand kept stroking him, coaxing out every shuddering contraction. At the final spurt, he felt Lupin stiffen with a hiss, felt soft hair brush his back, and teeth scrape his shoulder blade as Lupin’s cock jerked and twitched inside him.

“Merlin,” Lupin heaved, collapsing so completely against Severus that both of them fell to the floor in a heap and lay there panting until their muscles stopped twitching. Severus let Lupin lie on top of him until he felt his cock soften and slip out, then shrugged and shifted until Lupin moved over and rolled to his side.

“I have a confession to make,” Lupin said when he’d got his breath back. “I stole your book when you were sleeping in the Library.”

“I know. I figured that out already.”

“I have another confession,” Lupin added, not sounding at all contrite.

“Oh?”

“I’m glad I stole your book.”

“So am I,” Severus admitted after a moment’s reflection. “But it’s going back to my room with me when we leave.”

“Hmm. In that case....”

Severus caught Lupin’s hand as he reached for the book.

“Uh uh,” he purred, meeting Lupin’s grin with a wicked smirk. “I get to choose this time.”


~~