Daily Deviant
- there is no such thing as 'too kinky'
Commenting To 
29th December 2009 12:00 - Kinky Kristmas Fic: Sirius Black and the Visitors (Sirius/Kingsley/Minerva/Charlie/Bill/Hestia)
Kristmas Wish Fulfilled for: [info]ragdoll
From: [info]lee_west

Title: Sirius Black and the Visitors
Characters/Pairings: Sirius/Kingsley/Minerva/Charlie/Bill/Hestia. And Moody, maybe.
Rating: NC-17
Kinks/Themes Included: Oral sex, rimming, bisexuality, masturbation, voyeurism, slutty!Sirius
Other Warnings: Shameless PWP.
Word Count: 2,142
Summary/Description: Sirius is antsy and the Order is afraid he might do something stupid.
Author's Notes: Fellow Deviant, what a lovely prompt! That in itself was a Christmas gift. I hope you like what I came up with – I tried to fit in as many of your kinks as possible, although I failed miserably at voyeuristic!Kreacher – I really wanted to work it in (I love the little bugger), but I didn't have any time left. I owe you that one.

And I hope it hits the funny button, too.

The title is a crude parody of Mario Vargas Llosa's brilliant book "Pantaleon y las Visitadoras." Even if Vargas Llosa stooped so low as to read this fic, I'm sure he wouldn't take exception – the idea is roughly the same.

And many thanks to a wonderful beta who rose to the occasion.

"He's been impossible," Remus huffed. "I mean, he was always a bit hard to control, but he's got worse with age. Seriously, if I hadn't come home early from my mission, he'd have managed to Floo out of here."

"He's not a child!" Moody answered angrily. "Doesn't he know the risk he's running, trying to sneak out of the house? This is the only place where he's safe. Maybe he doesn't quite understand what a Dementor's Kiss really is."

"Oh, he knows. Sirius is extremely bright," Remus retorted, "but likes the idea of danger. That’s why he takes this kind of risk."

Moody shook his head. "Well, it's not just about his own safety, but the whole Order. We need to make sure he stays put." He fixed his good eye on Remus. "Did he tell you why he wanted to go out so badly at that time of the night?"

Remus shook his head, maybe a little too strongly, because now Moody stared at him with his magical eye. Remus averted his own eyes; he felt that penetrating gaze into his brain, as if Moody was trying to read his mind.

And the last thing he wanted Moody to know was what Sirius had told him, the reason he was desperately trying to get out of the house.

He risked looking at Moody again, and this time almost crumbled. He fidgeted a little and said, in a very unconvincing voice, "He needed...people."

"People?" Moody asked. "What kind of people? And what would he need people for?"

"Remus, I am horny as hell. My hands are sore from wanking. I need something else. I need a good fuck. A tight arse or a tight-"

Remus didn't even let him finish. He knew what Sirius meant: a man or a woman, whichever he got hold of first. He had always been like that, ever since he first discovered the joys of sex. Sirius's sexual appetite was famous, and he joked that maybe that was the reason he was bisexual – one gender wouldn't be enough for him.

There was no way Remus could disclose that piece of information to Moody, though. Even now, in his mid-thirties, Remus was very shy about sexual matters. Sirius's bluntness about the subject had always made him very uneasy. Stuttering a little, he said, "To...talk. He needs people to talk to. Now, please excuse me, I'm late."

"For what? You just came back from your mission!" Moody shouted, but Remus was already gone, leaving Moody to ponder the issue of supplying Sirius Black with people so he could stay within the safety of Grimmauld Place.


"I need volunteers for a mission," Moody told the Order members who had promptly answered his summons.

"What kind of mission, Moody?" asked Kingsley, already visibly aflutter with the possibility of a dangerous and bloody task. It was obvious that he was dying to volunteer.

"It's internal," Moody answered, and Kingsley lowered his arm. "But it's an important mission and I need all of your help."

"Moody, tell us," McGonagall said crisply. She never had patience for preambles.

"It's about Sirius Black."

"What about him?" Bill asked.

"He's been trying to get out of the house lately, and this presents a huge problem for him and for all of us. He's liable to get captured; I imagine the Ministry would send him directly to be Kissed” – he noted that several members shivered at the thought – “but, if he's caught by the Death Eaters, he may be tortured and they may pry from him the secret of our location."

"Why is he trying to get out of the house? Sirius is a clever man, and he knows about the dangers." Hestia remembered well the boy who was a few years behind her at Hogwarts.

"Remus told me that the idea of danger makes him even more eager to get out of the house."

Several heads nodded. Sirius was like that. Charlie, who lived outdoors and loved the feeling of freedom, could understand it, even though he didn't know Sirius as well as the other people around the table.

"And what do we have to do?" asked Kingsley, maybe a little too eagerly. "Do you want me to put him in a Body-Binding spell?" He fingered his wand affectionately.

"I don't think that will be necessary right now," Moody answered. "At least going by what Remus told me. He said that Sirius is feeling lonely and all he needs is company. People to talk to."

"About what?" Bill asked. He'd been very young when Sirius was sent to Azkaban and didn't think he had too much to talk to him about. He didn't know, for instance, which Quidditch team he supported. Hell, he didn't even know if Sirius liked Quidditch.

Moody shrugged. "I don't know. About...things."

"Things?" Hestia frowned. She had overheard a few of the conversations between James and Sirius, either about pranks or some girl's tits and ass. Or Quidditch. She had no interest in any of those topics, and didn't see how she could sustain a conversation with Sirius long enough for him not to be bored.

"Yes, things. Whatever he wants to talk about. The weather, the Weird Sisters. Anything at all," Moody answered, exasperated. He himself didn't know what to talk to Sirius about, except for the war. But he needed to make sure that Sirius stayed inside that damn house no matter what. "So, volunteers?"

No-one seemed too excited about the prospect, but, slowly, Kingsley raised his hand. A mission was a mission, even if it didn't involve dueling. And he understood security issues better than anyone else around the table.

"Thank you, Kingsley," Moody answered with a sigh of relief. "Anyone else?" His magical eye moved from face to face and, as it did, everyone else raised their hands tentatively.

"That's good," Moody continued, contorting his face into a grimace that could be taken as a smile. "So as not to tax anyone's already busy schedule, let's schedule about ten minutes per person per day. Kingsley, you go first, then Minerva, Bill, Hestia and Charlie."

"When do we start?" Charlie said, anxious to get through this mission as fast as possible and back to Romania, to his dragons and undercover service for the Order.

"Now," Moody said. "The sooner the better."

Kingsley rose immediately and, as he was leaving the room, he told Minerva, "Be there in ten, sharp."


Ten minutes later Minerva was standing at the door of Sirius's bedroom. She knocked to let Kingsley know she was ready, but nobody answered. She waited for a few minutes, then decided that the conversation inside must be going very well. She looked around, then at her wristwatch, then tapped her feet and paced in front of the door a few times. Finally, she gave up. It was wonderful that Kingsley and Sirius were having a nice chat, Merlin knows what about, but she had things to do. The two men could go on in their next session. She opened the door and walked in. And almost fainted.

Sirius was lying on the bed, naked, and Kingsley, equally naked, was giving him what looked like a very fine blow job. They were most definitely not talking – the only sound coming from the room was that of Sirius's moaning. Or it was until he looked up and saw her; far from seeming abashed, he said in a hoarse voice, "Minerva! What a surprise."

Kingsley also glanced up at Minerva, but didn't say anything, since his mouth was full of cock.

Minerva was outraged. She'd long suspected that Kingsley might be gay, and it had been common knowledge at school that Sirius liked boys as much as girls, but, as an Auror, Kingsley should have been concentrating on his mission, and not on Sirius's cock.

"What is all this about?" she shrieked. "Kingsley! You should be talking to Sirius, not-"

Kingsley was concentrating too hard on the job in hand, or rather, in mouth, to respond, but Sirius barked a laugh and said, "Minerva, why don't you get undressed and join us?" He wriggled his brows. "I've always fancied you, old girl."

"Sirius! That's preposterous! We're supposed to be engaging in conversation with you, not...well, this."

Sirius laughed even harder. "Poor Moody! He hasn't got a clue, has he? But I suppose it's Remus's fault for being so prissy about it. He should have told Moody the real reason I wanted to get out of here." He stroked Kingsley's bald head. "And there's no need for any conversation, I can assure you." He beckoned her closer to the bed.

Though Minerva had never admitted it to anyone, she’d often wondered how it was with two men. In fact, she’d even read the occasional article about it. But though she considered herself fairly knowledgeable about these things, actually seeing two men in action was a very different matter – and a much hotter one. She approached the bed, mesmerized by Sirius's cock going in and out of Kingsley's mouth, and, to tell the truth, equally fascinated by Kingsley's very impressive erection. It looked like it needed help. Gay or not, that cock should also be in someone's mouth.

Sirius made a lewd tongue movement at her and she thought that maybe they should all change positions. With a shrug, she unpinned her hair and, in one quick movement, Banished her clothes to the other side of the room, where they folded themselves neatly on a chair.


Bill knocked at the door timidly: he hadn't seen Kingsley leave, but imagined that the Auror had gone at least ten minutes earlier. He was therefore surprised to hear a sort of strangled, "Come in," in Kingsley's deep voice.

He opened the door and saw, on the bed, McGonagall, naked and riding Sirius's cock. Kingsley was on all fours, his own cock inside Sirius's mouth.

"What the hell?" Bill exclaimed, but McGonagall, in the same stern voice that she used to dole out detentions, said, "Bill, get undressed and hop into action."

He never could disobey her.


Hestia was surprised to hear four voices telling her to come in. Had they all decided to undergo some form of group therapy?

There was a group, all right, but not what she would call therapy. On the large bed, Minerva was straddling Sirius, whose mouth was giving Kingsley a professional-looking blow job. Bill lay squeezed between Kingsley's arse and Minerva, his cock in Minerva's mouth.

Hestia hadn't been to an orgy for a long time, not since her days as a groupie for the Weird Sisters. But old habits died hard, so nobody had to invite her to join in.


Charlie was pacing nervously outside the door. To begin with, he had nothing to talk to Sirius about. And, more importantly, he hadn't seen anyone coming out of the bedroom. Of course everyone had told him that Sirius was not a mass murderer, that he had been wrongly convicted of that heinous crime, but he was starting to get worried. Finally, he gathered courage and opened the door. Maybe, if Sirius was not innocent after all, he would still have time to save his brother.

Bill was, in fact, crying out as Charlie came in, but it definitely wasn't in pain. Unless Professor McGonagall was biting his cock, but it didn't look like it. Amazingly, the old lady seemed to be quite proficient at what she was doing. And Hestia! Her tongue was inside Kingsley's arse, which was way up in the air, probably to make room for all those people in and around Sirius's body.

Charlie assessed the situation quickly. He liked a nice piece of tight arse, but he didn't have anything against women, either. And Hestia's bottom seemed to be the only available body part with room for his cock, his brother's arse being completely out of the question.

This was one fun mission, he thought, as he quickly got undressed.


Remus's face was beet red as he told Moody that the mission had been a success, and Sirius had agreed to stay inside Grimmauld Place for the duration.

"I'm very pleased, too," Moody said. "Everyone has been very eager to have conversation sessions with him. They’ve actually set up group meetings. I'm pleased to tell you they’re all doing very well and seem happy. I'm actually thinking about joining in myself. I never knew that talking to Sirius could lift people's spirits so much. Maybe I'll ask other members to participate, too. After all, we have a war to win, and a positive attitude is the key to success."

Remus blushed even more. He just hoped that, when the time came to fight, the Order wouldn't be too exhausted to duel.

Or maybe that was, indeed, the key to success.
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