: Another Life GivenAuthor
: Mild NC-17Warnings
: none specifically that I can think of.Kinks chosen
: Confessions, talismansWord Count
: Regulus has a lover, but he’s never seen his face.Author's notes
: I wanted to do this a few months back, but then this stupid Marauder got caught in my head, and insisted I do bestiality instead. So I did. But I still really wanted to do this, so I’m glad I got the chance. I hope everyone likes it. If you like any Regulus pairings, I hope you give it a chance. I actually had a large selection of possibilities to choose from, but I felt this one worked best for what I wanted to accomplish. I might write other iterations of it, someday, though. We’ll see. Huge thank yous to wolfish_cat
for egging me on and holding my hand while I wrote as well as rereading the final for me for any last errors, and to ceria
, who is still the best beta of all time. :D
For the last surviving scion of the Black family, life had ceased being worth living years before. Loss of brother, loss of values, loss of the life he had always assumed…
And then his life had been stolen. Well, given. In hopes that Voldemort would be destroyed.
Regulus had never thought he was like his brother. Not until the moment he had learned just what his Master had been up to, and realized what it meant for their world. That Voldemort’s intent had been nothing less than dominating the entire world for all of eternity, with even the purebloods under his heel.
So, in a flash of Gryffindor-like courage, he had offered his Lord the help of his house-elf, then used that elf’s knowledge to destroy his Lord’s horcrux. But like a Gryffindor, he’d been impulsive, not even considering how he would escape. If he’d been thinking much about it at the time, he might have wondered where his sudden need to be like his brother had come from.
He’d escaped by using a secret portkey, but he’d overshot his home, and the liquid he’d drunk had left him mad and wandering for days. He wasn’t sure who had found him. The memories were blurred by madness, but also by the drugs that had followed, first to calm him, then to dull his realization of how badly he had failed.
All he knew was that his saviour had left him here, and this place had become his new home. It was shocking how easily he’d gone from pampered heir to paid whore. But then, Sirius would have said he’d always bent over for their mother… Still, the master of the House had taken him in on his savior’s word, and it was something to do to pass the time. It helped him forget. So did the drugs and the drinks.
His saviour had returned infrequently over the years. Some years at least once a month, others barely once a year. Regulus had begun losing track of the time between visits. He knew he had “died” many years before, but these days, the only time that mattered was the time he
was visiting. Only he could make Regulus feel; help him remember; make life real. Sometimes he wondered if maybe he just imagined him. But then he would visit, and that voice would wrap around him and make him remember. The man’s voice was like no one else’s, and the way he touched him, so reverently, as though he might break, made him feel more real than anyone else who came to avail themselves of his services.
It had been a long time since his last visit. Reg couldn’t think how long. If he let himself, he knew he would begin to despair.
Still, every time a client came, he couldn’t help comparing them to him. How different their fingers were from his long-fingered touch, how fleshy their lips, how coarse and unrefined their speech and movements. He couldn’t stop himself.
Even though he’d never seen his lover’s face.
Regulus knew he was a wizard. Knew, in fact, that the man was likely someone he had known before
. Whether he was a Death Eater fellow, or some other acquaintance, Regulus had no idea. All he knew for certain was that he recognized the magic that kept him from being able to see his lover’s face. It would have been easy enough to dispel, but he had been too happy to see his saviour again when he had returned the first time, and subsequently, he had not wanted to offend him by asking or removing it himself. He needed him. Whoever he was. And if it meant not knowing, then he wouldn’t force the man to tell him.
But that didn’t mean that he didn’t look forward to his visits.
If only he would visit again.
The outside world meant little to Regulus any longer. He rarely left his room; his only awareness of time the darkening of the sky outside his window, and the need to stoke his fire at night. He had enough regulars that they simply asked for him, and were sent up to his rooms when they arrived. By the time his clients reached him, they had already shed their coats, and few spoke at all of the world outside this place, though he did get occasional offers to come home with them and be a kept man.
But none of them were him
. If he
had asked that, Regulus would have gone in a heartbeat. Instead, he stayed and waited for him to return.
It was getting into late summer, now. The hottest part of the season, where Regulus had the window open all the time, and wore nothing to bed, but could sometimes feel just a nip in the morning before he truly woke up.
Customers had been getting scarce lately. And not just because he was growing older. He’d heard murmurings of war, but had avoided listening to anything more than that. The last few months had been particularly bad, and Regulus knew that things were getting worse. Then, a few months ago, things had begun to return to “normal.”
Regulus had found himself receiving a few less customers than before, though. It was no surprise. He was far older than the rest of the boys in the house. But he had nowhere else to go. He supposed he could have begun a house of his own, but why would he want to? If he’d done that, he
wouldn’t have known where to come when he did return. But he hadn’t. It had been at least two months since the rest of the customers had begun returning. Perhaps he had been lost in the war? Regulus pushed the thought down. He couldn’t lose him. He’d have nothing left.
So he’d waited.
He was lounging on his bed, half-dressed, when there was a knock at the door. “What?”
Toren peeked in. “Customer for you.”
Regulus nodded, then sighed. “Send him up.” His regulars still visited, though less than they had before.
“Right.” The younger man disappeared again, and Regulus sat up to pull on a shirt. His customers liked a show, at the very least.
When the door opened again, he was sitting on the bed. His eyes widened as he made out the cloak and hood, even now familiar despite the fact that he had not seen them in so long. His heart sped up as he stood. “I was beginning to think you wouldn’t come back.”
The man was silent for a long moment. When he spoke, his voice was harsh and hoarse. “I almost did not.”
Regulus felt glued to the spot. He wanted to reach out to push back the hood. Something told him that for once, the spell would not be in place. But he stayed. The secret was not his to reveal. “Then you were in the war?” he asked softly.
The man nodded stiffly. “I was.”
Silence spun out between them. “I’m glad you survived,” Regulus finally said, his voice soft.
The words felt like a blow. “What do you mean? You’re here.”
“Yes. I am. But like you, to the rest of our world, I am dead.”
Uncertain what that meant, Regulus bit his lip. “But…you came back to me?”
The other man’s hands clenched. “I only ever wanted to help you, Regulus. I never meant to take advantage…”
“No advantage was taken! I needed…”
“Solace. I took more than I should have. Had you known…”
“I don’t care!” Regulus insisted. “Don’t. Please don’t. If you were gone…” His reason for still being in this world would dissolve with his rescuer’s support. “I have no other reason for being here.”
The other man shifted at the words, and Regulus thought he saw the other man’s eyes flash, even from the darkness of his hood. “I’m leaving. They think me dead. I was just going to tell you…”
“And leave me here?”
“…And offer to take you with me.”
Another shock, albeit a pleasant one. “Do you mean it?”
“If you can stand to be with me…”
“Of course I can! Why would you say that?”
“You don’t even know who I am, Regulus.” His voice was harsher, now. Grating. Whatever had happened to his voice made it far more rough than the purr Regulus remembered.
“Do you want me to say that it doesn’t matter?”
“Then what do you want? Should I guess? Should I tell you who I dream you are when I’m alone here at night, dreaming of having you come to take me away?”
The sudden vulnerability made Regulus reach out, though his fingers stopped just short of the hood. “Yes. I do. I have…for years.”
The man turned his face away, looking down. “But if you knew…”
“What?” Regulus asked, his voice soft. “That you were a Death Eater, as I was? That you betrayed him?” His hand settled on the man’s shoulder. It was bonier than he remembered. A sense of certainty filled him. Somewhere deep inside, he’d always known. But he’d been unable, or possibly unwilling to admit it even to himself until now. “Severus…” he whispered.
Looking up sharply, the other man pulled away. “What…” He shook his head as though to deny the name. “I don’t…”
“We may not have spent much time together, but I remember that voice.” Regulus didn’t advance on him, though he wanted to. “I remember watching your hands at school. Never quite still. Those fingers…how could I have forgotten? Please…don’t pull away from me?”
“You don’t know what you’re talking about,” the other man growled, pulling back deeper into his hood.
“Then why are you still hiding?” Regulus asked softly. “Surely there is a simple way to prove me wrong. And all it would take would be a memory charm to make me forget once more, if you wished…”
“Who you were before the war? Am I? You said yourself. It’s over now. Please…Please, Severus. Return to me?”
For an eternally long moment, the dark form stood, his breathing shallow. All Regulus could do was wait. This was not something he would be able to force. Finally those long-fingered hands he’d come to love raised and pulled back the hood of the cloak.
Severus was right. He was not the same man Regulus remembered as a boy in Hogwarts, closed off from even the others of his house most days. Nor was he the young man who had blossomed so under Lucius’s tutelage and the Dark Lord’s praise. His face was gaunt, his eyes shadowed and hollow, his skin sallow.
But the worst of it all were the scars across his neck, as though something had tried to bite off his head in the most literal of senses. Regulus found himself reaching for them before he had even realized it. “What…?”
“The Dark Lord’s pet. I became…expendable,” Severus sighed.
Severus nodded. “He is gone. Forever. Potter made sure of it.”
“Then he can’t ever hurt us again.” Even though he had not been under the Dark Lord’s control for many years, he had felt the weight of it crushing him. The danger of being found hanging like the sword of Damocles over his head. But now it was gone. “We’re free.”
Severus was still watching him warily, though. Regulus moved closer, stopping only when Severus began to pull back at his closeness. “Let me show you,” he whispered, his fingers tangling in Severus’s hair, the weight of it so familiar that it made him smile. “Please, Severus?”
“Are you certain this is what you want? You could have anyone.”
“Severus…” Regulus shook his head. “Perhaps once. But I’ve always been a picky bastard. Seems I prefer those who truly want me…” He smiled, then leaned in. “May I kiss you?” he asked in a whisper.
He saw Severus’s Adam’s apple bob before he nodded.
Regulus smiled, then kissed the lips he’d been dreaming of for so long, lost in the memories of all they had done together, even though he had never been certain who it was that was making love to him. All that had truly mattered, though, was the feeling behind the touches. And that had always been obvious.
Breaking off the kiss, he led Severus to the bed, settling on it, then reaching to push aside Severus’s cloak. Before he could, though, Severus’s eyes caught sight of a picture on the bedside table there. “Is…is that us?” He reached for it, and Regulus blushed. He’d had few things on himself that day, and many of the things he’d had had been ruined by being pulled into the lake before he could get away.
“It’s the only thing I have from then,” he said softly. It was a picture of that year’s Christmas celebration. Narcissa and Lucius had been there, as well as Rabastan, his brother, and Bellatrix. And a few of the younger Death Eaters as well. Including Severus. The photo had been taken by Regulus’s father, all the Death Eaters smiling and calm, sure that soon they would rule their world. “I keep it to remind me that pride is a dangerous thing,” he whispered.
It hadn’t been his only reason, though. He’d been nearly certain that one of the men in the photo had been his mystery lover. Often he’d lain alone in bed at night and stared at it, wavering back and forth over which might have saved him. Severus had been at the top of the short list. He knew for certain that he would never tell Severus the identity of the other he had imagined at times. Lucius had had reasons of his own to hide away a lover. More so than Severus, really. But Regulus was glad it had turned out to be Severus. It meant they were free to escape together. To be with each other, free of worries now that the war was over.
“A good reminder,” Severus agreed, running a finger lightly over the photo before turning back to Regulus. He looked uncertain for a moment, then dropped his cloak. “I am not beautiful to look at. Less now than before…”
“I don’t agree, Severus. You are worn. Tired. But you are not unlovely to look at.” He tugged Severus on top of him, stretching out across the bed, then pulled the man down into another kiss.
This time, Severus didn’t hesitate. His lips were warm and certain, and Regulus moaned as the man took what he needed, giving Regulus the same in return. “Wanted to tell you so many times,” he whispered between kisses.
“Why didn’t you?” Regulus whispered, his lips tracing the scars of Severus’s neck, his hands stroking down the bumps of the other man’s spine.
“Too dangerous. Too much…” And though he didn’t say it, Regulus heard the tremor in his voice. He’d been scared that Regulus would turn him away.
“I’m glad you finally did, then. So I can show you how I feel.”
Severus pulled back enough to see his face. “Then show me?”
Regulus smiled. “Gladly.” He pulled Severus down into another kiss, then began to undo the clasps of his robe. Pushing it carefully off his shoulders, Regulus began to kiss over the revealed flesh. He might never have seen Severus’s face before when they’d made love, but he knew this body better than his own. How to touch him to make him moan, even when he tried to bite it back. Where to lick to make him squirm, even just a little. How to move against him to drive the man crazy until he was ready to pin him to the bed and kiss and fuck him senseless.
“Regulus…” he moaned now as Regulus sucked at a nipple. “God…”
“Tell me what you want, Severus. I’m yours. All you have to do is ask.”
He couldn’t recall having seen so much emotion in the other man in his memories of the time before. And now, Severus meant so much more to him. It was enough to take his breath. “I want you,” Severus said softly. He pulled Regulus into a kiss, then removed the rest of his clothes before pushing up Regulus’s shirt. “Never thought you’d want me.”
“Well, I do.” Regulus reached down to stroke Severus’s cock. “Nothing feels quite like this lovely cock inside me,” he whispered. “Dream of it. Frequently.”
Severus licked his lips, then pulled back, tugging Regulus’s trousers down. “Missed you.”
“Why didn’t you come to see me, then?”
“Too much going on. You wouldn’t believe me if I explained.”
“I assume it had to do with getting rid of Him?”
Severus nodded, then kissed Regulus again, stretching out on top of him. “I don’t want to talk about that now.”
Regulus couldn’t blame him. “Good. Because I have other things I’d much rather do.” He kissed down Severus’s neck, pressing his hips up against the other man’s, groaning as their cocks slid against each other. “Oh…please…Severus…”
“Yes,” Severus whispered, gently pushing open Regulus’s legs. Regulus let him, pulling his legs up and apart to give Severus room. The touch of those long fingers once more stroking over his cock, his balls, then down over his perineum…it was almost too much.
He groaned, then looked up at Severus’s face. This was one thing he’d never been able to experience before, and seeing the look there—the eager hunger—made his breathing speed up. “Severus…ohgod…”
Severus smiled at him, then pressed a finger into him. It slid in easily, and he crooked it, stroking over Regulus’s prostate. Unable to hold back at that, Regulus cried out, letting his head fall back, his neck arching. No one else could make him feel like this. No one else tried. “Severus…yes…” He felt teeth scrape lightly over his neck, followed quickly by soft kisses, the finger inside him soon joined by a second. “Please…need you.”
“And you will have me, Regulus. If that is what you want,” Severus murmured, his gravel-torn voice making him shiver.
“Yes. Yes. A thousand times yes. Yours. Take me.”
There was a pause, and then the fingers slid away, and Severus shifted above him. Regulus looked up at him, wanting to see his face the moment they were joined. The sight was more incredible than he’d imagined. The feeling of Severus pressing into him was almost completely eclipsed by it, and he pulled Severus down into another kiss, wrapping his legs around the man’s waist.
Severus moaned into his mouth, kissing him deeper as he began to move. Regulus returned kiss for kiss, moaning just as loudly, moving with him, his hands sliding down over Severus’s back.
For a few moments, there was nothing but the sounds of their joining, and soft, wet kisses, interspersed with moans. Severus’s thrusts grew more intense, and he pulled back, framing Regulus’s head with his arms. “I cannot believe you want me.”
“How can I not want this, Severus?”
Regulus put fingers across his lips. “You are exactly what I want. Someone who cares for me. Someone who can…” he paused, not sure he should say the word. It wasn’t a word that came simply or easily to Slytherins. But that didn’t mean they didn’t feel it. “Who can love me,” he finished softly.
If he hadn’t felt the emotion pouring from Severus already, he would have been overwhelmed by the wash of it as Severus’s gaze intensified at the words. Then Severus was kissing him, moving faster inside him, his fingers wrapping around Regulus’s cock. “Tell me,” he whispered between kisses, his voice low and pained. “Tell me you want me.”
Regulus took his face in his hands, kissing him slowly, then pulling back to meet his gaze. “I want you, Severus Snape. There’s no one I can think of better to save me from this life. I need you. Need your love. To finally make me complete.” Before Severus could answer, Regulus kissed him again, clenching around him. “Now…make me come. Want to feel you inside me when I come, love.”
There was only the barest pause before Severus began to thrust, harder now, kissing over Regulus’s face and neck as his hand stroked over Regulus’s cock. “Come. Yes. Want to feel you come apart around me…”
It didn’t take long before Regulus shuddered under him, clenching tight around him coming with a sharp cry. “Severus!”
Severus wasn’t far behind. A few more sharp thrusts, and then he was coming, and Regulus watched as the man went rigid above him. It was the most beautiful sight he thought he’d seen in his life. Once Severus’s muscles unclenched, Regulus pulled him into another, much softer kiss, then held him close.
“Don’t leave me again,” he whispered softly, almost afraid to say the words. What if Severus didn’t mean to take him with him?
“Never,” Severus said, pulling back enough to meet his eyes. “Never again. This time, when I leave, you will come with me.”
Regulus beamed at him, kissing him once more. This time, they would start a new life—together.