Kinky Kristmas: Fear (SS/LM, NC-17)
Title: Fear
Author: snapelike
Characters: Lucius Malfoy/Severus Snape
Rating: NC-17
Warnings: Rimming, (semi-)felching, student/student.
Word Count: 3800
Summary: Lucius Malfoy takes Severus him as a lover already at Hogwarts. An unequal relationship it is indeed, because Lucius falls in love, Severus does not.
Author's notes: Well... this is what was left when I had finished mutilating your prompt and our boys. It ended up like more angsty romance than hot kinks.



I.
The first time he falls in love Severus Snape is thirteen.

Only Severus is not in love, he is not even aware someone is in love with him. No wonder, since he is not very friendly and it seems as if he never sees anything but his own hostility reflected in those surrounding him. Actually, he is a bit more friendly than a grumpy badger, but not by much. Severus is blind to the fact that anyone can see behind the cheap clothes, behind the dank hair he hides behind as a warrior behind his battle-scarred shield. He guards his movements, he guards his affections and most of all he guards who he lets in; who he allows to get remotely close.

Lucius sighs and berates himself for being so interested in this strange creature. Lucius had always had an exquisite taste, a taste for the rare and expensive. This young man, Lucius is certain, will be worth everything, all his attention. He can see it when he watches Severus work; the long spidery hands weaving potion after potion, spell after spell of indescribable perfection or beauty or darkness. Even in the darkness is beauty, just like Severus himself. Lucius can see it, the excellence, when the thin, long legged boy (oh, to have those legs wrapped hard around his waist) lounges in a sofa in the common room, glaring at anyone who dares to come closer, almost as a Caesar who doesn't want his subjects near his throne.

Severus' throne is invisible. Lucius is certain Severus has no idea that he even has one. It is a strange throne: one of wit and cleverness; hard work and pride. The boy is crowned with a brilliant mind, a talent far beyond what his classmates show. Is it strange, then, that Lucius wants this gem, this treasure, despite the sourly surface?

Lucius knows he has to move fast. There are other young men at the school who might take the boy for a lover. Lucius knows he is not the only one who has been paying attention to Severus. Lucius is certain, however, that he might be the only one who is truly fascinated, truly interested. To others; Lestrange and Wilkes, Severus will be but a toy, something to use and throw away.

Lucius knows better. A brilliance like this will not allow the boy to stay poor and amongst the ordinary witches and wizards forever. This boy, Lucius thinks, is made for something heroic, something grand.

When he comes to that realisation, he has to accept what he didn't think would happen has happened anyway: he has fallen in love with a boy who doesn't even seem to recognise his presence.

He tries to alter that; he is after all the Head Boy so it should be easy. Only, as for everything else, when it comes to Severus Snape, it isn't. Severus has developed a universe of his own, from where he can arrogantly ignore the world around him.

It begins with small gifts: a delicious piece of candy (Honeydukes, of course), an interesting clipping from a scientific paper (Potions and Their Development Through the Century), a handkerchief with Severus' initials. (Embroidered in dark blue silk.) The day Severus receives a new robe (Gladrags, raw silk), he stops Lucius in the hall. The great hall is almost empty and Severus' voice low. 'Why are you doing this, he asks. I am not for sale.'

'And I am not trying to buy you.' Lucius is a bit angered, but also impressed that the child clearly doesn't care whether he's a Malfoy or a Potter - the boy is rude to everybody, no matter status, blood or riches.

'Then stop sending me things. I am not a bloody charity case.'

'If that is what you prefer...' Lucius raises an eyebrow at the insolent youth. 'Or if there is other things you-'

'Stop insulting my intelligence, Malfoy. What is it you want?' Severus straightens and stretches, the thin shirt sliding over his chest, presenting an extraordinarily arousing sight for Lucius to feast on. Pretty he isn't, but the lanky body shows signs of the man he will become, and Lucius likes the prospect.

'Maybe we could talk about that - a little later, in my room, perhaps?

'Whatever,' Severus snarls and walks away.

'Nine o'clock,' Lucius calls after him.



Lucius doesn't think that Severus will show up, but at nine sharp there is a hesitant knocking on the door. Lucius opens. It is he - Severus. 'So you decided to honour my invitation after all?' Lucius asks and wonders what Severus thinks of it. His hungry eyes slide over Severus, and for a second their eyes meet. Lucius gets the impression that Severus indeed understands more than he lets Lucius know.

'Obviously,' Severus growls. 'Now tell me what you want. Why are you sending me things I don't need?' (That is, if anything, a lie, since some of the articles have been useful for Severus' research, and handkerchiefs always have a function when one is called 'Snivellus', amongst other insults.) 'I don't want any charity from you. From anyone, for that matter.'

'No, that is the impression one gets - you are not exactly grateful, you know. But I like that you are not an obedient little minion.' Lucius smiles, a smile he knows is beautiful and handsome and to die for. 'What I want is...' Lucius raises a hand and brushes back a black lock that has fallen over Severus' eye.

Severus looks up, wide-eyed. He doesn't say anything, but his eyes are deep and dark, almost vast. Lucius thinks he is looking into eternity, only he hasn't yet realised that he is more likely looking at fate. His fate. An unhappy fate.

'I thought so,' Severus says and turns his head to kiss Lucius' hand, still hovering in Severus' hair.

Lucius' breath hitches. The boy is brave, and Lucius can hardly believe that the grumpy boy is giving in to him, clearly understanding fully what Lucius wants from him. Or maybe not fully. Because when they are both naked, sprawled lazily on Lucius' decadently large bed, (and undressing and kissing a writhing Severus is so arousing that Lucius has forgotten to think) the calculating look that meets Lucius' tender, loving eyes is not what he had hoped for. This is nothing but business and curiosity for Severus, maybe release, but he doesn't feel, he is not taken, not like Lucius is.

He will be, Lucius promises himself. Even if he is to dedicate all his considerable charm, beauty and riches to convince Severus. But for now he is satisfied with using his body, if he cannot have Severus' heart.

Severus might be snarky and rude and reserved. But naked under Lucius he is letting go: he moans and cries and begs and pulls Lucius' hair to get further inside his warm and clever mouth. Naked and aroused Severus has no inhibitions, something that makes his inexperience unimportant. He comes quickly, of course, the stamina of a thirteen year old is almost nonexistent. His little moans are wonderful to Lucius; the way he startles when Lucius sucks him is adorable, only Severus does not seem to thrive with the tender feelings. Only for a few seconds, right after his first orgasm (when Lucius lets go of Severus' cock and moves up to kiss Severus' neck, then his mouth) he relaxes and wraps his arm around Lucius' waist. Severus sighs; a satisfied and happy sigh, and for a moment Lucius is happy too. For a few seconds they are there; together, lovers. Then the moment is over, and the brooding young man is back.

A little later Lucius turns Severus on his stomach and rubs himself against him, burying his cock in Severus' cleft - between his tight, firm buttocks - until he comes; splashing his semen over Severus' back and arse. 'Stay,' he says when Severus moves. Lucius is determined to make his young lover lose control. He moves slowly, his hands follows the curves of Severus' back, down to his arse, come-stained, and Lucius bends forward, hesitating for a moment, before he slowly licks Severus' one buttock, tasting his own come.

The outraged cry that Severus lets out makes Lucius put a hand on Severus' back, calming him. 'Please, lie still. You'll like it.' And like it he does, Severus. When Lucius for the first time sweeps his tongue over the puckered skin between Severus' cheeks, the boy moans so loudly that Lucius is very relieved that his silencing charms are rather good. He licks over Severus' arsehole for a while, until Severus is a mess of moans and little, impatient movements against the mattress. Lucius presses a hand between the mattress and Severus, firmly closing it around Severus' cock. Then he pushes his tongue inside, slowly, slowly, and before he has reached in as far as he would like, Severus shudders and comes in his hand. 'You were right,' Severus admits. 'It is not very tidy, but it was... good.'

Lucius wonders that day and in the years to come about the contrast between Severus' pliancy when it comes to sex, and the way he rejects people. Lucius likes it when sex gets dirty, he likes to have his tongue buried in Severus' arse, whether they he has fucked him first or not. He likes it when they are both sweaty and smeared in come. Sex is messy, not as with Narcissa, where everything has to be clean and proper. Maybe that is why Lucius continues their relationship, his and Severus', because it is hot and dirty and becomes more and more interesting. Apart, of course, from the fact that Severus doesn't fall in love with Lucius.

'It feels good,' is all Severus has to say about it. 'You make me feel good.'

That he has to accept. Lucius cannot have what he wish for - love. But he gets what he pays for, unrestricted access to Severus' body. The payment is not about money, the payment is not even one Severus is aware of, Lucius thinks. But he pays anyway. With protection and faith. Love he gives freely, somehow hoping he will run out of it sooner or later.

He keeps Severus as his lover - through the years Severus has left at Hogwarts, through the first years of his marriage, not that Narcissa is happy with it, but she is not questioning him, he has already made that point very clear. His relationship with Severus is not up for debate, mostly because he doesn't dare question it himself.

Severus never tells Lucius that he loves him, and Lucius thinks he doesn't. Severus Snape is not able to love. Not himself, not anyone.

One day Severus turns his back to Dark Lord and goes back to the old fool at Hogwarts. He also turns his back to Lucius' bed, no explanation. They continue their friendship, only Severus is blind to the hurt in Lucius' eyes. Severus who is a master of Occlumency, of Legilimency... but that - Lucius' pain - he does not see.

They are using each other, they both know that - only in another way than before. They are still buying and selling and Lucius gets tired of it.

Lucius falls out of love. Only it is just a moment's calm before the storm resumes.


II.
The second time he falls in love, Severus is a grown man. He is tall and strong and powerful, and Lucius gets weak at the sight of his friend, he melts in the heat in his eyes, his skin turns into a crescendo of tingling fire when Severus' appreciative gaze wanders over his body, leaving Lucius the praise of a smirk and a raised eyebrow; a black arc, a bow strung with sarcasm and arrogant rejection. It happens only once: one time Lucius is allowed to touch and taste and take - and to give. Severus tastes run along the deviant, and Lucius is sore and thoroughly fucked - in more than one way - before the night is over.

Severus is not pliant any more. He is demanding and rough, and this time he almost takes more than Lucius is willing to give. Severus takes him hard, several times, uses hands and cock and even makes Lucius scream in lust and need and pain as he fucks him with cock and fingers at the same time, as if he was trying to get as much of himself inside Lucius as possible. It hurts, but it feels oh, so good. The slight pain is also what Lucius has left when the few tender minutes after their orgasm are over. A few minutes that make Lucius fall; once more, against all sensibility. But just as rough as Severus were, just as tender is he now, he holds Lucius tight, kisses him, and calms him - only to get up and prepare to leave, almost before their breath has calmed enough to breathe properly.

'We can't indulge, Lucius,' is all Severus says. 'It is too dangerous if the Dark Lord discovers it. He didn't like it much the first time, did he? Maybe we can consider it when our Lord is victorious. Maybe.'

But Lucius did like it. What he didn't like is the flicker of a longing in Severus' eyes when he denies Lucius what he wants and needs and wishes for and bloody well craves! He tries everything to fall out of love again, and he thinks he has managed. But it takes a long time this time and he feels like a fool. A damned fool!


III.
The third time he falls in love they are both in Azkaban. Azkaban is not that bad. They share a cell with Rodolphus and Marcus Flint, they have room enough, they have decent beds, they are not bored; they write letters, read... No, prison could be worse, but the nights are lonely and cold.

When Rodolphus openly takes Marcus as his lover, left with no other privacy than the one created by thin blankets, Lucius gives up his pride and asks Severus to his bed. Severus laughs bitterly and asks Lucius what he thinks Narcissa will say about this. Nothing, Lucius replies. Narcissa is dead.

Maybe it is finally an argument Severus understands because the night after he comes to Lucius' bed. It is not far to walk, a few steps; their beds are not yet moved to stand next to each other - not like Marcus' and Rodolphus' beds. They are together openly now, the Death Eater and the Quidditch player, they are not hiding anything, not to the prison guards who just seem to ignore what is going on, not to Severus and Lucius. They have listened to the moans and muffled cries and squeaking bed-springs for months now, and maybe it has a just a little to do with Severus' surprising pliancy.

Lucius is both scared and content when Severus accepts his suggestion, whispered in a corner, so Marcus and Rodolphus will not hear. Lucius is content because he once more will have Severus' sinewy body at his disposal, and he is anxious because he already knows he will fall in love with him again. The thin varnish of Not Being In Love is there only to make life bearable, because a Malfoy would never be as soft as to be in love with someone who does not reciprocate the sentiment.

Later, when the cell is dark and their cell mates have begun their lovemaking or relief of tension - whatever term Rodolphus and Flint would use, the sounds are the same - Severus slips under the covers and into Lucius' embrace.

'You still want to do this?' Severus asks; he is naked against Lucius' body.

'Yes.' There is nothing else to say, because Lucius needs whatever the can get from Severus. He is not used to be without touches and tenderness, not even to be without love. Narcissa always gave him that, and he was happy with her, sometimes even in love with her too. But she was not Severus, of course. There is no one who can replace him.

This time Lucius knows what he is doing, he does not expect anything more than Severus can offer - which is physical relief, and in unguarded moments: tenderness. The man is not capable to love, that is the realisation Lucius has come to. If he is, Lucius is obviously not going to be the target of his affections. Only Severus is a man with needs and urges too. There, at least, they can relieve each other.

Then Lucius' mouth is caught in a deep, intimate kiss; a kiss that reveals that they have indeed known each other for a long time, since Severus knows exactly what makes Lucius arch against him, strung hard against his thin body. The kiss makes his body sing, makes it crave hard touches and soft kisses. 'Gods, Severus... I have missed you so.'

Severus takes command over their bodies, and with tongue and teeth and hands he plays Lucius as an instrument, a bit out of tune at first then - as the master musician he is - in tune, playing heavenly melodies on the strings of Lucius' body. Lucius whisper little, incomprehensible words in Severus' ear. He is aroused, relishing in the feeling of Severus against him, Severus above him - and soon, very soon; Severus inside him.

'Louder,' Severus demands. 'I want them to hear you.'

For a moment Lucius considers refusing, but what is the point? The other two know what they are doing, and Rodolphus has probably his cock buried deep inside Marcus this moment and no one will care. Lucius cries out. 'Severus! Please?'

'Ask me to fuck you,' Severus demands above him; a dark voice whispered in the darkness.

Lucius can't. He can't do that, he is too private a man, it is bad enough that they are doing this in the same room as other people, but... No.

'Please,' he begs. Loudly. There is a moments eternal, embarrassing silence from the couple next to them, then their sounds resume. With more enthusiasm, it seems.

It satisfies Severus, and in the blind darkness Lucius can hear the crisp sound of a bottle opened. They have to use what they have, lotion is not that bad. Then there are two long fingers invading his body; Severus knows exactly what Lucius likes when he thrust them in, deep, before he finally penetrates Lucius, slowly sliding into him.

'I love to fuck you,' Severus groans in his ear, and thrusts into Lucius' tightness, harder and harder, balls slapping against Lucius' arse, hands moving over his nipples, over his cock. 'I always have.'

That's the closest thing Severus had ever come to a declaration, and Lucius appreciates it, in all its cold desire.

This time Lucius does not fall out of love. Severus is all he has, and it seems as if Severus understands they are giving what they can only get from each other. There is nowhere for Severus to escape to this time - only from one bed to another and soon they exclude that option. They move their beds together, and every night they go to sleep in each others' arms. It takes time for Severus to get used to, but Lucius thinks that he realises that Lucius can't go anywhere either. They are stuck with each other, and Lucius is happier than he has been all his life.

The day they are to be released, Severus embraces him, kisses him deeply and tells him, 'That was nice,' and disappears. Lucius does not know where to and he is devastated.

But still he does not fall out of love.



I.
The first time they fall in love they are both older and marred by the hard years in Azkaban. Maybe it is the years in prison that have mellowed Severus, but Lucius doubt it. The cold, hard man he has loved all his life doesn't mellow. Lucius understands that because they are too alike for him not to know. He is hard too, sitting in his posh manor, a white house of ice and loneliness; Narcissa gone; Draco married, doing his duty to family and fortune with Daphne Greengrass.

Yes, he is hard, Lucius: a ruthless man with only one weak spot, one person who can manipulate him, make him do things he would never have done for anyone else. He has always been beautiful and rich and used to get what he wants - only Severus he could never have; the only person who never fell for him, never gave in easily. He is indeed costly to Lucius: Severus is the only thing Lucius could never buy.

They are not old men, not by far, but they are not young either, the years have been passing by, Lucius realises, when he sees the visitor the House-elf announces.

Severus Snape walks in, sits down and doesn't speak. Neither does Lucius, he is too surprised and too angry to say anything. He puts his wand down, because this time he is certain he will use a selection of Unforgivables on Severus. Lucius might be in love, but he has had enough. He is not letting Severus play with his heart again, not that there is much left to play with any more. Poor heart; it is broken and bloody, yet still beating.

The clock in the living room delivers a rhythm of little tic-tocs, counting the silence between them. They sit for some time, hesitating, silent, waiting for something they don't know what is. Lucius doesn't want to speak, and since he knows Severus so well, he is sure that he can't. Only why is Severus here, if not to speak?

It feels as if hours are passing by them, split in little moments of an old clock's deep sounds.

'I have missed you,' Severus says.

Lucius says nothing. He doesn't think he has anything left to say.

'I don't think I can live without you,' Severus says and looks down at the costly carpet under his black boots.

Lucius is sure his heart has stopped beating entirely, only there is this sound in his ears ,as if the world has exploded, and blood is pounding so loud he has to scream to make it stop. But of course he doesn't. A Malfoy does not scream. A Malfoy is calm and collected and keeps his feelings sedated.

'I am in love with you,' he says to make the sound of his beating, bleeding heart disappear.

'I know,' Severus says and steps over to the chair Lucius is sitting in. He kneels down. 'Fear is the best way to chase away love,' he says and leans in to kiss Lucius. 'I am not afraid anymore.'

Neither is Lucius, not this time, when Severus let go of his last mask and lets Lucius see how much love he has kept inside all his life.