Title: To Hold and to Have
Author: kirasha
Characters: Remus Lupin, Severus Snape
Rating: NC-17
Warnings: none, really, beyond the themes below
Themes/kinks chosen: Trial Marriage (sort of), fight!sex, blow jobs
Word Count: ~2,275
Summary: Remus had never expected it to be easy. But, when he returned to Hogwarts, he couldn't help but hold the hope for a chance to correct the biggest mistake of his youth.
Author's notes: Almost forgot I was doing all months now and not just evens! LOL But, I just made it, as usual, by the skin of my teeth. Just before settling on the theme of Trial Marriages, I happened to read an article talking about how the Scottish handfasting, historically had most likely been more an alternative to a religious union and not a trial at all, the tense of the promises spoken being all that decided if it was a betrothal or a true marriage. So, I played with the theme a tiny bit.


As this cord binds you, hand to hand, in symbol, so too have you pledged to bind your lives, one to the other, until the time as you should part in this world, or, should you choose, the next.


Remus Lupin paced the hall outside the Potions Master's office, only the sound of his worn, low-heeled boots tapping across the stone floors for company. The day had been long and emotionally draining. Waking in the train to find Harry and his friends there had been disconcerting. The boy was so much like his father, a painful reminder of all that had been lost.

Yet, not so painful as the opening feast and the dark, accusing eyes whose weight never left his back, though they refused to meet his own.

Sighing, Remus paused in his pacing and ran a tired hand through hair growing more grey than brown with each passing lunar cycle. He'd never expected this reunion to be easy. Even after nearly twelve years he had not forgotten the volatile past. Still, he had not expected quite this level of coldness.

Perhaps he should have.

Perhaps he should have done a lot of things.

"I do not recall putting in a request for an old, flea-bitten guard dog this term."

The constant chill of the damp dungeon corridors seemed as temperate as a spring day by comparison to the biting voice that suddenly snapped from the darkness behind him. Turning, Remus couldn't help the soft intake of breath as he took in the tall, imposing form of the man whose presence had been the last enticement needed for Remus to take this job.

"Good evening, Severus."


Keep you this promise to hold true to one another, no matter what storms of passion or wrath should threaten to rip you asunder, for so long as these vows should join you.


"It will be a good evening once you no longer darken my door, werewolf."

Remus gritted his teeth against the almost instinctual urge to tuck his tail and slink away -- figuratively, of course.

But the last twelve years had taught him a few things about standing up for himself in the face of his survival's demise. So, he swallowed the automatic apology and straightened his spine.

"We need to talk."

"I have nothing to say to you." Severus swept past him, dark robes swirling around the long, lean form Remus remembered from years long past, when things had been different between them -- when there had been things between them at all. He flicked his wand and the latch of the office door echoed softly in the empty corridor.

"Fine. There is plenty I have to say to you."

"I don't wish to hear it. Goodnight." A second slower and Remus would have been forced to give his apologies to a solid oak door. But, though it cost him some bruising, he managed to wedge his foot across the threshold before the door could be slammed in his face.

"We need. To. Talk."


Heed the words each other speaks, but listen to the whispers of your hearts for that is where your truths are revealed.


Severus said no more, but turned on his heel, leaving the door open for Remus to enter.

The room was vaguely as he might have expected. Shelves of books and potions ingredients lined the walls, much has they had the walls of the tiny flat they had shared as a secret retreat when they were young and idealistic. But, gone were the little personal touches that had once surprised Remus, the thin green throw draped over a chair or the inexpensive-yet-fancy-looking decanter of brandy by the hearth. Everything was tidy, severe.

Just like Severus had become.

Shutting the door behind him, Remus eyed the man now standing behind the plain oak desk with a mix of confusion and guilt.

"There was a time when you didn't need to put furniture between us," he said quietly.

"I would prefer not to catch whatever variant of rabies you might have picked up wherever it has been that you have been hiding."

"Severus, don't be like this."

"How else should I be, Lupin?" The venom dripping from those thin lips implied there could be no more vile insult than the name of Lupin. "If you were expecting me to pine and swoon at your feet when you deigned to come here, you will be sadly mistaken."

"I never expected you to swoon, Severus." Although, a little pining might have been gratifying.

Biting unconsciously at his lower lip, Remus fell silent. No, he hadn't expected Severus to swoon...or welcome him with open arms, despite how much Remus had fantasized about just that over the years. But he had not expected the open hostility glaring out at him from eyes he had once seen crackle with desire.

"I'm sorry. I never meant to hurt you. I just..."

"Just couldn't find the courage to speak the truth? You have not hurt me," Severus sneered, "You don't have that kind of power. I am well aware of your weak will. If that is the only reason you have for delaying my marking, you may go now."

"I am not one of your students you can dismiss with a regal wave of your hand." A low growl rumbled deep in Remus' chest as he strode furiously across the room. Only Severus had ever been able to touch off his anger, or his passion, with only a few well-honed words.

"No, you're the spineless coward who had to come slinking back, begging for scraps from the Headmaster's table when no one else would have you! Now Get. Out."

"I didn't come back for Albus."

"Of course, not." The words were spit from Severus' mouth so sharply Remus almost cringed from the impact. But, he held his ground, hands clenched into fists at his sides. "You came back for Potter's whelp, to protect him from the mongrel who killed his parents! Or maybe, you're really here to help out your dear friend Black. After all, you mourned his loss as much as the dearly departed, didn't you?"

"No!" Remus was seething. Sirius Black had betrayed them all and paid James back for his friendship with an ugly death. If Remus was the one to find him, he would see to it Black met the same fate.

"Spare me. You never went but where Black and Potter led and you never shall. You're still the same pathetic hanger-on you've always been. It's no wonder you're still alone and begging for favors."

"I do not need anyone's favors." Remus rounded the desk to stand nose to prominent nose with the other man, harsh, angry breaths mingling between them. "Yes, I want to keep Harry safe. But, I came back for you, you idiot!"

"Me? Whatever makes you think you've any right to me?" They were close enough now, drawn together unconsciously, even in their tempers, that Remus could hear the sudden racing of the other man's pulse.

"I'm still your husband."

A vein pulsed threateningly at Severus' temple.

Remus quashed the urge to suck lightly upon it.

"We were once handfasted, Lupin. It was convenient to both our needs and temporary, as you lost no time in proving to me rather pointedly when you ran away as soon as you could. You've no further rights to me husbandly or otherwise."


Take comfort in each, sharing your fears, and your bodies as well, for in drawing together physically, you will build the bridge for love to communicate itself to one another.


"It was never temporary. Those promises were not temporary."

"A year and a day and you were gone before the cock crowed once. Your promises meant nothing!"

Clearly, Remus was not thinking. He couldn't have been thinking. If he had been thinking he never would have grasped those thin, stiff shoulders and slammed the other man against the wall behind the desk. And he would never have pressed their mouths together in a kiss so brutal it would likely leave both their lips swollen and bruised. His tongue pushed it's way into Severus' mouth, thrusting fiercely against Severus' as he reclaimed possession of what he'd once been given freely.

It had been so long, too long.

Bodies flush against each other now, it was easy to let his body react to the nearness of the man he'd once loved. Still loved. His arousal left him hard and aching, hips canting forward with the renewal of desires he'd struggled to leave behind him for twelve years. Nor was he alone in his ardor. The intimate proximity allowed him to feel every subtle shift of the other man's body as Severus fought to keep his reactions hidden.

"Is this nothing?" he gasped when the need for air grew too much to ignore. Trailing bites and suckling kisses along the long, pale throat, Remus rubbed against Severus more firmly, reveling in hot, hard evidence of Severus' reaction to him. "Tell me you feel nothing, this means nothing."

The Adam's apple beneath Remus' lips jumped convulsively before deep, silky words came haltingly to his ear.

"Nothing."

"Nothing," Remus growled.

A moment later he had gripped the dark cloth wrapping Severus from throat to toe and ripped the robes open, tiny silver buttons flying in all directions.

"What the he--" Remus cut off any further exclamation with another fierce kiss, need pooling low and warm in his gut at the shudder he felt run through the other man.

The buttons of the simple white shirt and black trousers hidden beneath the now flapping open robes followed shortly after, tiny clatters scattering out across the stone floor as Remus' fingers wrapped carefully around Severus. Gods, he'd imagined having this again so many times! He'd been a fool to leave.

But, he was back now and he intended to make Severus believe he was not running away from him ever again.

Remus' mouth trailed hot, open mouthed kisses down the pale expanse of chest that had been hidden beneath the many layers of clothing. At the same time, his hand stroked firmly along his former-lover's shaft, stifling a groan of his own as he caught the quiet hitching in Severus' breath.

"Tell me you don't remember this, haven't wanted it back."

The trail his kisses blazed across the map of Severus' blazed a path to the waistband of the now-open trousers, his tongue dipping teasingly into the tempting crevice of Severus' belly button. Nimble fingers pushed trousers and smalls from the dark man's hips to reveal the swollen, leaking proof of Severus' desires.

"This doesn't seem like nothing," he murmured against the moist tip, kneeling to better accommodate his actions.

Breathing deeply through his nose, Remus slid his lips over and around and down the throbbing length of the man who still held his heart. His tongue swirled around the tip as continued to suck more and more of Severus into his mouth and down his throat until he had nearly swallowed the entire length.

A gasp above him caused him to smile as he began to bob his head, lips sliding up and down in time to the rapid pounding of the other man's pulse. Humming around his delectable mouthful, Remus rolled Severus bollocks between his fingers, slowly remembering all the tips and tricks he had once known for driving this man insane with need.

One long-fingered hand now grasped a handful of Remus' shaggy hair, urging him on as sucked firmly upon the sensitive tip, flicking his tongue across the slit before taking all of Severus in once again.

"Lupin!"

The sudden violent throb of the hot shaft between his lips was Remus' only warning before the slightly bitter essence of Severus' release pulsed hotly down his throat. The combined sensation of Severus trembling beneath his hands in the aftermath, the sense of completion at having brought the other man such pleasure, and his own raging need and emotions sent Remus hurtling over the edge moments later, the shuddering climax taking him by surprise as he had not even been touched.

With a last gentle flick of his tongue, he allowed the softening shaft to slip from his lips as he sat back on his heels, panting in the wake of lust and desire.

Looking up, he met dark eyes that remained unguarded for only a moment.

But a moment was enough.

"Get out, werewolf."


The ribbons binding your hands have been removed, but the bond between your hearts cannot be broken so easily. It will remain strong so long as you remain true to each other, forgiving your hurts and giving the love in your hearts freely. In this way, shall nothing tear you asunder, no matter what pain or grief might strive to come between you.


Severus flicked his wand to clean himself and repair his clothing, casting a scathing look at Remus as the myriad of tiny buttons flew to his hand.

"Severus..."

"No, you've gotten what you wanted. But you will get nothing more from me. Whatever you think you are owed, that debt was paid during twelve years of silence. Now, I want you gone from my sight."

"This isn't over, Severus." Remus stood, likewise casting a charm to clean himself up before reaching for a handful of fine, dark hair to pull Severus into one last deep kiss.

Releasing his hold, he stepped back and made his way to the door. As he reached it, Remus paused and turned to see the now impeccably put together Potions Master watching him with thinly concealed consternation.

"This is far from over, my husband."


As you have willed it, so mote it be.