my_sam_dean (my_sam_dean) wrote in cw_rps, @ 2008-04-26 01:11:00 |
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"Come on, Jare. It'll be fun. Chris and Steve are going," Jensen had spent the entire time since he got off the phone with Chris trying to convince Jared to go to a party.
"I thought we were just staying in tonight," Jared walked out of the bathroom in his boxers and t-shirt. "I don't want to have to get dressed up."
"Just put on some jeans and we can be ready to go. Just give us 20 minutes at the party. If we're not having fun, we'll leave."
"Promise?"
"I figure we can give Chris and Steve 20 minutes to see if it is really our kind of thing."
"Okay," Jared moped back into the bedroom to change.
***
They entered the huge house with the blaring music.
"How are we supposed to find them?" Jared asked.
"Dunno. Just look for them, I guess."
Jared huffed, not really wanting to be there anyway.
It didn't take long for Jared to find the pair and lead Jensen over there. Jared got drinks and brought them back. The three of them seemed to be engrossed in a conversation that didn't interest Jared, so he wandered off. He was just seeing who was there, thinking he might run into someone else that he knew.
The drinks were mixed extra strong, and Jared was really feeing it when he walked outside for a breath of fresh air and a cool breeze. He heard people talking behind him, but he didn't pay much attention. After all, it was a party.
Then, his world went black.
He opened his eyes to a guy slugging him in the face and another kicking him in the ribs and stomach. He rolled over onto his side, trying to avoid the worst of it.
A hazy brain prevented Jared from putting the pieces together quicker. He didn't realize the danger he was in until his jeans and boxers were cut off. One man held him down by sitting on him and clutching his hands. The other got his way with Jared, even with all his kicking and yelling. Then, the men switched positions and it happened all over again.
Jared heard their footsteps running and tried to lift his head to look around. He hurt too bad. He laid his head down and wondered why no one came. Then, he passed out.
***
Jensen started looking around for Jared when the topic had changed to one that Jared would have loved to have been involved in
"Everything alright, Jensen?" Steve asked.
"Seems odd that I haven't seen Jared lately. Have either of you seen him?"
Steve and Chris shook their heads.
Jensen called Jared's cell and it went to voicemail.
"I need to go find him," Jensen was clearly worried.
"We'll help," Chris offered. "If we split up, we'll cover more area. You have your cell, Steve?"
"Yep."
"Okay. We'll call when we find anything," Chris said. Then, he patted Jensen's shoulder, "I'm sure we'll find him off talking to someone in that goofball way of his. He just lost track of time."
Jensen tried to give him a smile but it was fake.
The men split up. Steve took the upstairs of the house. Chris took the downstairs of the house. Jensen took the outside, starting with the pool.
***
Jensen could tell by a quick sweep over the pool that Jared wasn't there. He asked some people if they'd seen him and they hadn't. It was hard to miss a man Jared's size.
He checked the buildings by the pool. Then, his phone rang.
"Steve," Jensen answered. "Tell me you found him."
"No. Where are you at?"
"The back of the house. He's not by the pool."
"I'll move to the front of the house. We're gonna find him, Jensen."
Jensen couldn't muster up a response so he just closed his phone.
An unlit security light got Jensen's attention. He walked over there, calling Jared's name. He saw something on the ground and he ran.
Jensen noticed that Jared wasn't moving and that his clothes had been cut off. He took his shirt off to cover Jared with.
"Jared," Jensen was trying to get him to wake up and talk back to him. "It's Jensen, baby. Jared, I need you to answer me."
Jared's face was a mess and his breathing sounded wheezy. Jensen called 911. Then, he called Steve and Chris to tell them where to direct the medics to.
Steve stayed by the road, ready to direct the authorities. Chris ran back to be with Jensen.
Jensen heard footfalls and saw Chris coming.
"Don't, Chris. I don't want you to see him like this," Jensen's voice stopped Chris in his tracks.
"Is there anything I can do to help?" Chris asked.
"Throw me your shirt. I need to cover him up."
"The medics will have blankets when they get here."
"What if the firemen or policemen come first? I don't want them to see him like this."
Chris had two shirts on and threw them both to Jensen. He saw Jensen gently put them over the figure sprawled in the driveway.
"Is he awake? Is he breathing?" Chris asked.
"He's out. His breathing sounds funny."
"Hang in there, Jensen. Help will be here soon."
Jensen nodded as he continued to talk to Jared to get him to wake up.
The firemen got there first. Chris didn't allow any of them to approach Jared until they had blankets to cover him with.
"Hi, Jensen. We've brought some blankets for your friend," one of them gave him a sad smile and the other helped him cover Jared up totally with the blankets.
"Has he spoken to you?" the other fireman asked.
Jensen shook his head. He felt light-headed and shaky.
"Jensen, are you okay?"
"Just woozy, that's all," Jensen tried to brush it off
They sat Jensen down, and put some oxygen on him.
"Just take deep breaths. The paramedics should be here any minute. They're going to take care of your friend. What is his name?"
"Jared," Jensen answered from under the mask.
When the ambulance came, it all happened so quickly. Jared was on a gurney and Jensen adjusted the blankets. He was allowed to sit in the back with Jared, mostly so the medic could keep an eye on him, too.
Jensen never left Jared’s side. He saw Steve and Chris sitting in the waiting room and waved as they went past. Once all the evidence was taken for the police, Jared had a chest tube in for a collapsed lung, stitches, and was given a pain killer that put him right to sleep. He needed to stay in the hospital because of the chest tube, concussion and the intimate damage he had sustained.
When Jared was in his room, Jensen slipped out to tell Steve and Chris what was going on. He thanked them for being there for him. They were his friends more than they were Jared’s. He was just going to go back to Jared’s room and stay there.
Steve and Chris took the spare key to take care of the dogs for them. They said they’d be up the next day with a change of clothes for Jensen. Jensen gave them each a hug for being there, even though he knew that there was no other place that they would be.
Jensen took the thin blanket and pillow provided and made himself comfortable in the recliner. Many nurses came in during the night. They had to check on Jared to make sure he was alert, check the chest tube and make sure that his breathing wasn’t getting any worse. They changed his pain medication to IV so that it was more constant.
The policeman knocked on Jared’s door around daybreak. They needed to know what had happened. Jensen told them all that he knew. He also said that Jared hadn’t talked about it, he’d been on so much pain medication that he hadn’t said much at all. Jensen took their card and promised to call when Jared was up to talking. Jensen gave them Steve and Chris’s numbers in case they needed to give a statement. The policeman thanked him and said that he hoped Jared would quickly make a full recovery. Jensen smiled as he showed him out.
“Jared, you can open your eyes now,” Jensen sat down by the bed.
“Just too tired,” Jared slurred.
Jensen reached out to take his hand and Jared flinched away. Jensen made a mental note not to touch Jared unless Jared initiated it.
"Just sleep then, baby. I'm not going anywhere," Jensen sat back in the chair and watched the television with the sound off.
When Jared awoke again, Jensen asked him if it would be okay for Chris and Steve to come in and say hi. They'd been waiting in the room down the hall since they'd arrived with fresh clothes for Jensen.
"I don't want to see them."
"They're just worried about you, man," Jensen tried to prod Jared.
"I said no! Did they see me?"
"When?"
"Before help arrived? Who was it that found me? Who saw me?"
"Just me," Jensen wanted to touch Jared to help comfort him but he didn't want to risk him flinching away and moving his chest tube. "I covered you up with my shirt. When Chris came back toward us, I made him stop and throw me his shirts so I could cover you up better. He asked me if you were breathing and awake. I yelled my answers back to him and didn't let him see you.
When the firemen came, Chris didn't let them past him until they each had blanket to put over you. No one saw you but me, Jared. I just glanced over your body as I ran up to try to get you to talk to me."
"The nurses and doctors saw me," Jared was looking far away as he spoke. "Do you know where the nurse has to put medication when she asks you to step out of the room?"
"I know," Jensen replied.
Jared had a tormented look on his face.
"Would you rather I stayed here and talked to you instead of letting her kick me out? I can refuse to leave, you know."
"I'd rather you stayed. But just you. I don't want to see anyone else until I'm healed. I don't want anyone to know what happened."
"It's not your fault, Jared. There are people who love you that need to know how you are doing."
"You can tell them I'm fine. Nothing else. I don't want to talk to them," Jared gave Jensen a pleading look. It was worse than the puppy dog eyes.
"Okay. Whatever you want me to do." Jensen sat silent for a moment. "I wanted to talk to you before your pain medications knock you out again."
"Go ahead."
"Can I touch you or do I creep you out? I reached to take your hand before and you flinched away."
"I didn't mean to. It's just reflex," Jared turned his head to the side.
"Jared., you're hurt. I just want to be able to hold your hand or run my fingers through your hair--things I've done thousands of times without a second thought. Now, it's all I want."
Tears rolled down Jared's face and he didn't answer.
"I'll leave my hand on your bed. If you want to take it, that's great. If you're not ready to, that's fine. I understand," Jensen wished Jared would look at him.
Jared just closed his eyes and let the sleepiness from the medication take over.
***
When they came home from the hospital, Jared wanted to sleep in the guestroom. Jensen insisted that he take their bed because he'd be more comfortable there. Jensen was able to brush against Jared without him pulling away. But sustained contact, like holding hands, was still too much.
***
Jared woke up and stumbled into the living room. He as surprised to find Jeff sitting on the couch.
"Where's Jensen?" asked Jared.
"Steve and Chris brought him in. Apparently, you had a bad nightmare during the night. Jensen came in to wake you up and you slugged him once in your sleep. You pack quite a punch there, Jared. Jensen needed to make sure that nothing was broken. He called me first to make sure I'd be here before Chris and Steve came to pick him up."
"I didn't mean to," Jared wasn't sure what to say. "Did I hurt him?"
"Whatever pain that punch caused is nothing compared to how he's been hurting when you push him away. He really loves you."
"I know he does. He told you what happened, didn't he?"
"He had to give me some idea of why you'd be having nightmares. He also told me not to try to touch you, even casually, because you flinch or pull away. I'm here to listen if you need to talk. I'll just keep my hand right here between us on the couch. You can take it if you want to at any time."
Jared just nodded, trying to let it all sink in.
***
"You sure you don't need us to stay with you?" Chris asked.
"It would make Jared uncomfortable," Jensen said. "Besides, if I need someone to stay, Jeff will."
"Jared will be okay with him?" Steve was unsure.
"Well, I imagine he will be by the time we get back there. Where do I go to pick up my pain medication?"
***
Jared's hand crept across the couch to Jeff's. "I don't want to tune everyone out."
"So don't."
"I just felt so helpless and alone," Jared said as he and Jeff stared straight ahead, not at each other.
"You're not alone now," Jeff told him. "You have Jensen, me, your family. There's lots of people who love you."
"Is it okay if I lie down by you?" Jared asked. "I just might rest better with you here."
"Sure," Jeff grabbed a pillow and blanket. "Come here."
Jared laid his head down and Jeff spread the blanket out over him. Jared reached out for Jeff's hand and clung to it as he fell asleep.
***
Steve and Chris walked Jensen up to the door.
"I'm fine, you guys," he tried to brush them off. But, his words were slurred and his step unsteady.
They opened the door and saw Jared asleep on Jeff. Jeff just smiled and nodded so as not to wake Jared.
Steve and Chris got Jensen set up in the guest room. They got ice packs for his jaw and cheek where Jared had clubbed him.
"Jensen's asleep. I'll put his pain pills on the counter. He can have them every six to eight hours. Are you able to stay?" Chris asked Jeff.
"Yep. I can stay as long as they need me."
"I put our numbers on the fridge. Call us if you need anything," Steve told him.
"Thanks, guys. What did the doctor say?"
"Nothing's broken, which surprised us. He has ice on his jaw and cheek right now to try to keep the swelling down. He's gonna have one hell of a shiner, though."
"At least nothing's broken," Jeff said. "Bye."
"Bye," Steve and Chris walked out without inquiring about how Jared was doing because Jensen told them how embarrassed he was.
"Think he'll be okay?" Chris asked Steve.
"We left our numbers. There's not much more we can do."
They got into their car and headed home.
***
"I know you're awake, Jared. You squeezed my hand the whole time they were here. How are you feeling?"
"I just want to sleep until it all goes away."
"You're going to need time and friends to help you though this. I'll get you and Jensen on a plane to Texas if you'd feel better around family."
"They can never know," whispered Jared.
"Are you hungry? Should I make you something?"
"I need to check on Jensen."
"I'll make us some soup and sandwiches. Just yell if you need something."
"Thanks, Jeff."
"I didn't do anything."
"I'll get it through my thick skull that I'm not alone."
Jeff smiled. "Jensen's waiting for you."
Jared walked into the guestroom and Jensen seemed out of place there. He wasn't a guest in his own home. The ice packs had slipped off and Jared could see the swelling and bruising.
"Oh, Jensen. I'm so sorry," he brushed Jensen's hair back. "I'd never hurt you on purpose."
"Jared?" his voice wasn't more than a croak. "How are you doing?"
"I'm worried about you," Jared replied. "I'm sorry."
"You weren't awake, Jared. You didn't know."
"I mean about before, too. I shouldn't have pushed you away."
"You didn't know," Jensen patted Jared's hand. "Are we okay now?"
Jared nodded. "Jeff convinced me that I'm not alone."
"They put me on the wrong side of the bed," Jensen looked at his surroundings.
"They put you in the wrong bed, period," Jared said. "That is, if you want to chance me having another nightmare."
"Whatever you go through, I'm right there with you," Jensen shut his eyes and mumbled something else as he fell asleep.
"Jared, come eat. Jensen will be pretty groggy for awhile."
"Okay, but--"
"And I'll help get him into the other bedroom after we've eaten," Jeff finished.
Jared smiled.
***
Jared had a pain pill after eating. He carried the ice packs while Jeff helped a drugged Jensen to their room.
Back in familiar surroundings, Jensen woke up to ask, "Jared?"
"Right here," Jared answered from beside him.
"Is it alright if I sleep here?"
"It's where you belong. I don't want to be alone."
"Oh, Jared. You never were," Jensen gave him a weak smile.
Jared laid his head on Jensen's chest and Jensen ran his fingers through Jared's hair.
"I love you and we're gonna be okay," he told Jared.
"I love you, too."
Jeff had left the room but kept the door open in case either of them called for him. They were both beat to hell but they were together. Sometimes that just had to be enough.
***
Injuries on the outside heal quicker than the emotional ones. Jensen and Jared stayed home until their faces looked better. Jeff had stayed with them the first couple of days, keeping to the background, making sure they ate and got their medications. Then, he went home during the days and let them call him if they needed him. He slept in the guestroom at night just in case Jared had another nightmare and placed a lucky punch on Jensen. When Jensen was back to being himself, Jeff went home.
"How did you know to call Jeff to stay with me?" Jared asked Jensen.
"Because he's a good friend of ours. He's the only person I would trust to take care of you besides me."
"He didn't treat me like I was weird or anything. He talked to me a little and then just let me decide what to do from there."
"I'm happy he was able to get through to you. I'd been trying, but it wasn't working."
"I don't know why I pushed you away. I wanted you close but was afraid to let down my guard."
"I'm glad that Jeff just let us come together of our own accord. He didn't push anything."
"Pushy isn't part of his personality."
"You can talk to me, Jared. I'm always here. Or I can find someone for you to talk to."
"There are some things I need to say to you. I just don't know how to put the sentences together."
"Just do your best, Jared. Once you get it out, we can decipher what you mean."
"I . . . I was mad that you weren't there when I was jumped. I know it's unreasonable, but I was so angry."
"That's understandable. What do you feel now?"
"Rotten for being angry."
"You can't help your feelings."
"But, I should be able to better handle how I react to them."
"You were hurting and probably in shock. Do you remember me finding you?"
"No."
"Do you remember me up at the hospital?"
"Yes. I wasn't very grateful when you stayed up there the whole time."
"I never expected to be thanked for that, Jared. I did that out of love."
"Can you still love me, Jensen? Can you still look me in the eye and tell me that you love me without being repulsed?"
"I'd never be repulsed. You're still the man I love."
Jared seemed to struggle with the next part. "They did tests for diseases, Jensen. I have to wait another six months to get tested for Aids again."
"I figured that."
"We've never had to use protection before. I feel so bad for bringing this into our lives. And what if the test comes back positive? I'm scared. I don't want you to leave me and yet I don't want you to think you have to stay if I am sick."
"I'm staying no matter what," Jensen stated. "You can't get rid of me that easily. It's okay to be scared. I'm scared for you, too. As far as using protection goes, it's such a small issue. I hadn't thought as far ahead as making love with you. I just wanted to be able to hold you. The whole time you were in the hospital, that was all I wanted to do."
"I'm not going to be ready to be intimate for awhile," Jared said quietly.
"That's fine, Jared. I'm in no hurry."
***
Because they loved each other, time and patience overcame memories of fear and pain. Condoms were awkward at first but it was necessary for them to get back to the physical relationship they were used to.
After six month test came back clear, a large weight was lifted from them.
"You feel so good around me."
"It's so much better when it's just you inside me, Jensen."
Jensen had to agree. He'd missed the feel of just Jared beneath him.
Through it all, with Jeff's help, they never lost each other.