InsaneJournal

Current mood:	crushed
Current music:	"Good Enough"--Glass Intrepid

she kissed someone else, her friend Z...and didnt tell me. she told someone that she wasnt aware that me and her ever got back together. she text that same person after introducing Z, "So how do u like my boyfriend?"


and she didnt think the kiss was a big deal..."IT JUST...HAPPEND." how the fuck and she didnt push him away or anything...and this was never told to me. i asked her about the whole not being together and she was like, "Well, we never see each other."


she didnt tell me. thats the big fucking problem. i knew this would happen. i knew something would happen w/ her and Z. i tried to ignore it bc i trusted her. i knew she wasnt like everyone else. but it did happen. i asked her how do i know it wont happen again? she said i should know her well enough to know it wont. and i asked her if we were together or not and she wanted to know wat i wanted. uh...hello? duh! i want her. but now i dont know if i can trust her or not or even...idk.

i always knew i wasnt good enough for her. im not pretty enough. im not rich enough. im not smart enough. im not thin enough. i cant give her anything. now i know for a fact im not good enough for her. this shows it.


so now the only thing i can do is try my best to change and get a job and lose weight. so no more eating. i always promised myself i wouldnt do this again...but i love her.
i love her more than anything. and i cant lose her. im not strong enough to lose her again.


**EDIT**
i just cut pretty bad. im really light headed right now. she still never called me back.