| Hello... |
[May. 6th, 2008|09:22 am] |
Whats your name?:Heather Rebecca.
Age, Birthday?: 18, 3/19
Form of SI?: cutting
Why do you SI?: to make the pain visible
When was your first time?age 14
Where on your body do you most often SI?: arms/wrists
What do you use?:razorblade
Do you hide it?:sometimes
Do you listen to music while you SI?: sometimes
Anyone know?: yeah, i've been "put away for it" 3 times
Eating Disorders?: not anymore
Mental Disorders?: bipolar |
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[Apr. 22nd, 2008|01:08 am] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | my floor | ] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  cold | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | the sound of truth---as i lay dying | ] |
i want to end it so bad. but i know i cant. i havent felt this dead in so long. id forgotten wat it was like....and now i know y i didnt miss it. i hate this. y is she doing this to me. |
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[Apr. 4th, 2008|01:41 am] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | my floor | ] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  crushed | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | "Good Enough"--Glass Intrepid | ] |
she kissed someone else, her friend Z...and didnt tell me. she told someone that she wasnt aware that me and her ever got back together. she text that same person after introducing Z, "So how do u like my boyfriend?"
and she didnt think the kiss was a big deal..."IT JUST...HAPPEND." how the fuck and she didnt push him away or anything...and this was never told to me. i asked her about the whole not being together and she was like, "Well, we never see each other."
she didnt tell me. thats the big fucking problem. i knew this would happen. i knew something would happen w/ her and Z. i tried to ignore it bc i trusted her. i knew she wasnt like everyone else. but it did happen. i asked her how do i know it wont happen again? she said i should know her well enough to know it wont. and i asked her if we were together or not and she wanted to know wat i wanted. uh...hello? duh! i want her. but now i dont know if i can trust her or not or even...idk.
i always knew i wasnt good enough for her. im not pretty enough. im not rich enough. im not smart enough. im not thin enough. i cant give her anything. now i know for a fact im not good enough for her. this shows it.
so now the only thing i can do is try my best to change and get a job and lose weight. so no more eating. i always promised myself i wouldnt do this again...but i love her.
i love her more than anything. and i cant lose her. im not strong enough to lose her again.
**EDIT**
i just cut pretty bad. im really light headed right now. she still never called me back. |
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| new |
[Mar. 28th, 2008|08:24 am] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | my room | ] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  tired | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | when it rains-paramore | ] |
Whats your name?: Amber Petriece
Age, Birthday?: 20...3/17/88
Form of SI?: mostly cutting i do just about everything
Why do you SI?: it started off as a one time thing. then it happend a few other times after when i was really really really depressed then it became my security.
When was your first time? when i was 12
Where on your body do you most often SI?: everywhere but my ass and vijay-jay
What do you use?:box razorz arnt as sharp is i like so i usually break open shaving razors and keep them.
Do you hide it?: oh god yes...if i didnt it'd brake my dads heart. and i dont wanna go back to the hospital
Do you listen to music while you SI?: usually but i tune it out most of the time.
Anyone know?: just about everyone. i had quit for about a year til my uncle died. i mean if u cant see the scars on my arms and wrists then ur blind. theyre more noticeable than a on legged hooker
Eating Disorders?: i use to starve myself and its affected me. so now if i dont eat when im hungry then i wont eat at all that day.
Mental Disorders?:...u know...i cant even pronounce it but i can tell u that im semi manic. i have social anxiety disorder. if im around alot of people i have panic attacks |
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