Customers Suck

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November 21st, 2008

07:38 pm - 'Tis the season!
Please tell me the apeshit customers and bold-as-hell shoplifters aren't just my problem.

My one workplace has a repeat shoplifter who comes in, fills a bag, and runs like hell. Today I got to chase him--only to find out he'd taken the plate off his car to thwart identification. And that his car = faster than me. I'm wondering how much shit I'd get in if I pegged this drug-addled waste of skin with a rock.

But on a healthy note, I think I'm gonna start running again--so I can be sure to catch up to him the next time he shows up. Which'll probably be next week.

I'm not sure what's worse sometimes, though--the people who come in to steal shit or the actual customers. I got one this week of the shrieky crazy "I WILL NOT LEAVE UNTIL YOU GIVE ME MY MONEY BACK" variety--and came thisclose to laughing in her face when she demanded my coworkers & I not talk about her once she'd left the store. As she had the information our company required to get her damned cash back in her car (less than fifty feet away) and refused to go out and get it, I'm forced to believe she only came in and started being a crazy monkeyfucker because she's a really crazy monkeyfucker who really, really wanted to start a fight.

And I ph34r it's only gonna get worse.

Happy fucking holidays, guys! :D

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August 19th, 2008

01:17 pm - lol, letter format
Dear cranky family who is Never Coming Back to our cafe,

I was willing to hear you out until you started telling me how you're more valid customers than the people who complained about your noise level because you buy more than they do. But no, you can't be remotely respectful of the other people here and tone it down a little. You're a fuckin' high roller, and have to remind us of this by shouting at and almost coming to blows with the tiny old man in his walker who was just trying to read his newspaper in peace.

Also? Your family doesn't spend $40 and $50 a week in our cafe. You spend maybe twenty, thirty if you eat (which you haven't in weeks), and then harass whoever's working for free refills and your own personal (free) carafe of coffee (which we're not supposed to give you).

I hope you get food poisoning from the next cafe over,


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July 21st, 2008

04:38 pm - Dear Already Moody Customer
Do not blame us when at 9PM on a Sunday night that we are running out of product, we can't control how busy we actually end up being (sales were up all weekend), nor what other people buy to leave us without such things as salad dressing.

Also, it doesn't help to get moody at the manager, she just knows what we do and do not have.


Employee who only makes minimum wage and is just trying to do their job.

(Funniest part though was another customer sticking up for my manager and at the end told the lady to F off).

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May 12th, 2008

11:28 am - Not directory service, thanks
I work for a very large state agency in a very large state, where one of my duties is to answer calls on a fraud tip line. I get a lot of suckiness doing this. Most of it is people who don't grasp the concept of tip line, or people (in past years) who couldn't get through to one of my agency's busiest call centers and thought that I could fix their problem.

This morning, however, I had a caller that made me roll my eyes.

Now to be fair, I think she knew she was calling the wrong agency. But she started off talking about how the fact that the emergency room doctors decided to bill her more money after the fact. And when I explained to her that we handled x fraud (which is not healthcare-related in any way), she snapped that it wasn't (though I heard that it was, mystifying me as to why she was insisting it was), and then repeated herself again. Then after I asked again if it was x fraud, she snapped that she'd said before that it wasn't. And expected me to find her the right agency.

Did I mention I live in a large state? We have forty zillion agencies, and unless we know on general principles about what you're looking for, random state employee is not going to know where to direct a call so off what we handle. It's like asking a general member of the public the same question

I mean, who calls a random state number and hopes they know where to direct them, instead of calling something that may be more relevant?

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May 7th, 2008

07:33 pm
Once upon a time I worked in a law library where my customers were lawyers and law students (if the law students worked for a law firm, that is). At the time I worked there, the library had no security system, and so it was possible for people to walk out of the library without signing out their books. This caused problems when some library users would deliberately not sign out their books so that we couldn't track who had the book, and therefore couldn't call and ask them to return the books, so they could keep them as long as they wanted.

Basically, my job was to take the returned books out of their bin, put the cards back in them, put the books on the book truck in numerical order, and re-shelve them.

One day Law Student comes in and starts putting books on the book truck. I say to him, "Law Student, you should put those in the book-return bin."

He asks, "Why can't I just put them here and save you having to bend down to get them out of the bin?" (Now, he really was being considerate; I did and still do have a bad back, and bending over did and does hurt.)

I tell him, "I have to put the cards back in before they go on the book truck."

He says, "Oh, but the cards are still in them. I didn't sign them out."

I ask, "Why not?"

He says, "Because it was after hours and there was no library staff in here." (Staff was at the library from 8 to 5, but lawyers and students had access until 10 p.m.)

I tell him, "Law Student, are you aware that taking books without signing them out is stealing?"

Law Student goes pale. "But there was no one here to sign them out for me!"

I mentally do a headdesk. I show him the (very simple) procedure of how to sign out a book: write his name and the phone number of the firm he is working for on the card, and put the card in the little holder provided. See? Easy-peasy.

He was really a pretty nice guy, but some simple things like signing books out seemed to escape him.

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April 20th, 2008

02:15 am - (name changed to protect the derranged)
Ever get the kind of call where you answer the phone and it sounds sorta like the person on the other end's narrating James Joyce?

"Hi I'm looking for a CD, a CD I heard of this song, it kinda goes like da da dee da dee da da la, only not like that of course and I saw it on TV a few years ago Jerry Lewis was singing it--"

And of course they supposedly don't know what they want--except for you to read all thousand-plus search results to them when they don't even know if they're searching for the right title. But eventually they'll get on a roll again, and then they won't fucking shut up.

"And I need it for my mother, my mother she's gonna be ninety-one next year and was ninety this year and this year we got her a chocolate marbled cake and oh, she was so happy you should have seen her and I think she'd like this song, she's got a boyfriend at the home this year and do you know if any of those artists are good artists, like good singers, like you know, they sing the song and it's like--"

Before you know it it's ten minutes later, and they keep going to the point that you're bonking your forehead off the desk (and your coworker is laughing at you) while you both wonder if the caller is a) insane, or b) just trying to fuck with you. Especially when they want you to put something on hold without telling you what the something is.

"Well could you put my name on one of them, my name's Berrett, B-E-R-R-E-T-T, B as in boy, E as in eat, R as in rabbit, R again as in rat, maybe not rat rats are so not nice you know? Where was I--Oh yes I remember now, my name, I was giving you my name, it's B-E-R-R-E-T-T, B as in boy, E as in ex-lax, R as in railroad . . ."

I never drank this much in college, I swear.

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March 30th, 2008

01:37 pm
FastFacts: I work at the shoe store where fashion is comfort. Our store branch sells about 80% adult shoes and 20% children's shoes, give or take.

Not A Jungle Gym )

Why don't you have a changing table? )
Current Mood: tired

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March 18th, 2008

10:28 pm - Bellydance Bullshido?
I had a customer today who's supposed to be a bellydance instructor. The woman is a fucking scam artist idiot. She didn't know any of the names of any of the Middle Eastern artists or songs she was looking for, but I was somehow supposed to help her find them anyway. She's supposed to have been teaching Arabian bellydance for years, but for a while couldn't remember what type she was teaching so I could search for more specific CDs for her damned nameless music. She didn't know what a dumbek (traditional Middle Eastern drum) was--instead she referred to Arabian songs as having "those jungle drums." She did not know what a throat singer is--instead she talked about "those songs where the guy sounds like he's being strangled." But what got me the most was when she told my cashier friend that if she just came to her bellydance class, she could "easily" drop two dress sizes in one week.

Two dress sizes in one week. The hell is this woman running, a dance studio/liposuction center? My friend's a bigger girl. At between ten and twenty pounds per dress size, the results this woman's talking about--especially from just a few dance classes a week--go from hideously unhealthy to physically impossible.

Did I mention that the woman promising this dramatic weight loss was about 5'4" and probably upwards of 180 pounds? I know there's some very good plus-sized dancers--I've seen a number of them--but this is a little like seeing a wizened old man selling permanent youth elixir.

There's times where it's a very good thing I'm not allowed to speak my mind to these people.

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February 27th, 2008

06:17 pm - Minor suck but still sucky
I work in a small public library -- and besides the old hag who outright lied to me today, this really bugged me.

Dear Sir,

When, for each of your ten books you're looking for, I say "and the title is?", that is a cue to give me the title first, not the author.

I search by title because it's way easier to narrow it down, and also since you insisted three times that Book A was written by Author B, when I can see right in front of me that you've got the name wrong, perhaps we could stick to titles?

Thanks ever so.

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January 27th, 2008

06:35 pm - Tales from the library
A few years ago I worked in a law library, and my customers were lawyers and law students. I would say that 99 percent of them were not sucky, mainly because my boss would never have let them get away with it. (Boss Lady was not very big, but she ruled the library with the proverbial iron fist.) But there have to be a few in every bunch, right?

Now, I happen to hate telephones. I have this horrible fear of interrupting people when they are sleeping or working or doing something else important. But sometimes phone calls are necessary, and they were sometimes necessary in my job, because many of the lawyers did not return their library books on time. It was my job to call them and ask them to return their books.

I still remember this conversation, because it illustrates one of the reasons I hate telephones. I am sure he would not have behaved this way to me if he'd been in the actual library and spoken to me face to face.

Me: Hi, Mr. Lawyer. This is rainbow from the law library. I'm calling about some overdue books you have checked out: book 1, book 2, book 3 and book 4.


Me, after looking at list: Oops, you're right, Mr. Lawyer. I'm sorry. Book 4 was borrowed by the next person on my phone list. But you still have books 1, 2 and 3.


Me: I'm sorry, Mr. Lawyer, but your name is definitely on the book cards.


Me: Er, okay, bye. (Hangs up.)

Boss Lady sees that I am upset and asks what happened. I tell her. She sends me to go get a cup of tea and sit down in the break room for a couple of minutes.

Two days later, the lawyer comes in with the books in his hand. He avoids me and goes straight to my boss.

Lawyer: Hi, Boss Lady. Look what I found in the trunk of my car -- your missing library books! Looks like I did have them after all! Ha ha ha!

Boss Lady: You yelled at my employee when she phoned you about those books.

Lawyer: Uh....

Boss Lady: You yelled at her, you called her names, and you said that she couldn't do her job properly.

Lawyer: Uh....

Boss Lady: You apologize to her. NOW. Or you will not be able to use this library again.

Lawyer: Yes, ma'am.

He did apologize, although apologies aren't all that sincere when people are forced to make them. But at least he didn't behave that way again!

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January 24th, 2008

10:40 am - Two for the price of one!
The poor soul who invented voicemail must hate you )


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December 21st, 2007

11:27 pm - Be nice to me--I have the power to affect your credit rating!
So you know where I'm coming from, I work as a collector for federal student loans on behalf of a private company, and I generally only talk to people who are at least thirty days behind on their payments.

In this line of work, I get all KINDS of people to talk to, from the 30-some-days-past-due "Oops, my bad--lemme whip out the checkbook here and take care of that" folks (whom I love), to the really-caught-in-a-rough-patch people, to the wannabe-know-it-alls, to the people I wonder how they ever managed to get admitted to a post-secondary institution to begin with. And then, I get people like this girl.

It's not MY responsibility! )
Current Mood: predatory

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December 16th, 2007

05:37 pm - I would love to know the story behind this one
Last night I was in the drugstore picking up a few items when I overheard a cashier say the following (presumably to a customer):

"Yes, I know. You're never going to shop here again. Of course you're not. I don't blame you. Goodbye. Have a nice day." (And there was a sigh at the end.)

I really wonder what had been going on to prompt him (the cashier) to say that.

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December 7th, 2007

10:30 pm
Where to start? I know, I'll just make a list, and start from number one and just flow from there.

1. Working in retail, SUCKS.

2. Yes, I am the only woman who's working in our tire shop. I've been there for nearly five years now, yes I really should know what I'm doing by now. No, you will not hurt my feelings by wanting to talk to a guy, though, I should really point out that aside from my team leader, I've been in that garage the longest. The guy's you want to talk to, are rookies (OH WOW, IMAGINE THAT). They'll basically tell you the same thing I will, just with far less detail about the tires. Can you just GUESS who trained them?

3. I WILL NOT lower the price of my tires/batteries just because you claim you can get them elsewhere, cheaper. Go there and waist their employee's time. I've got seven other people behind you, whom are more then willing to spend their money on an even better product.

4. Just because I work at Sam's Club, does NOT mean that I know where everything is at Wal-Mart. And no, I will not start looking for the object you need/want just to satisfy your needs. I'm off duty, and in the WRONG STORE. You do the math.

5. It's been snowing out all day/week. What on earth makes you think that you'll be able to come into my department and get your car done in less then a half hour? You'll be lucky to get it out in two hours, thanks. And, while I'm at it. Why do you have to come in at six o'clock and complain to me about how badly you need tires, even though we're already closed. I realize people do have job's during the week, but come on. When I'm supposed to take my last car at 5:45 so the guys can get out at 7:00, there's no way your getting in.

6. I will NOT put you in front of someone, just because you want to get wiper blades put on. >.< If you were in that much of a hurry to have them, you should have got them when you ENTERED the store, not while you were leaving.

7. Three hours is three hours. Do not come back to me in an hour and complain about your car not being done. The result in that will only result in me making sure that your actually there for ALL three hours.

8. Your not always right. GET OVER IT! I will NOT put a size onto your car just because you 'think' it'll fit. We only put on what it call's for, deal with it.

Something tell's me that there's going to be quite a few of these post's over the next few weeks.
Current Mood: annoyed

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November 19th, 2007

08:07 pm - Dear Customer
Dear Customer,

Just because I happen to work here doesn't mean that I know absouletly everything about my job, nor do I actually like my job. So don't get mad at me when I have to find my manager to answer your question.

Thank you.

PS - Never promise your kid any of the toys in the display case. Chances are that they will pick one of the toys we don't have out, and no we aren't going to open a new box to get the one toy your kid so badly wants, especially when inventory gets done the next day. Don't take it out of me.
Current Location: School
Current Mood: calm

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August 30th, 2007

11:51 am
I know this is for customers but this is about me being the customer and having a bad experience. I am storry if it is against the rules, I wasn't sure. If it is, you can delete it and I will be ok. So, I need to share this because it is bothering me. The people at the shop where my car is called today and told me that it will cost me 170 dollars to change my spark plugs. The thing is, last time my car broke down, that is exactly what they did and it happened again. My mom got pissed and called them to figure out what the hell, and why 170 dollars when the plugs cost 20 dollars. I didn't get the full story from my mom but she called me back and apparently the woman at the dealership was laughing at my mom and the problem with the damn car that we bought from Chrysler and my mom started crying on the phone. I have a thing against people making my mom cry and now I am SO pissed that I feel like going over there and telling her to shove her damn plugs in her ass and beat the shit out of her. No one should make my mother cry, they don't have the right!!! What kind of idiot treats a costumer like that. I am so pissed that I feel like I am boiling. I told my mom I could get a loan out and start paying off for a new car but my mom said no, that I shouldn't pay for a car with a loan. We have spend so much money on this damned car, and I know it is my fault for buying a damned American car, which my mom will never let me forget, but I am sick of the fact that the day after I bought this car it started doing that and it has done it for two years now and they still have no idea what is wrong with it or they just keep making stuff up and we keep paying and the car is still not fixed. And it pisses me off because instead of them trying to fix it when it first did it, the day I bought it, or trying to give me my money back they keep saying there is nothing wrong with it so apparently I am imaginning my engine turning off in the middle of the road. AAAAGGGHHHHH *punches bed* I AM SICK OF THIS!!!!
Current Mood: angry
Current Music: Ayumi Hamasaki - m (above and beyond remix) (1)

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August 22nd, 2007

01:08 pm
The sheer level of WTF keeps this from being long. For the record, I work at a bookstore.

Customer: Where do you keep your guitar strings?
Current Mood: amused

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August 18th, 2007

01:43 pm
Yesterday while working the drive through, I decided to express my hatred for a certain kind of customer in haiku.

Phone clipped to your ear,
imitation Prada bag.
I hope you get fat.

I really recommend coming up with your own haikus at work. It's a good distraction from your seething rage.

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August 11th, 2007

11:08 pm
Dear Customer:

Next time you feel sick and decide to throw up on an isle? Don't just disappear and have us be surprised and almost scream when we noticed we've just stepped in a pile of vomit consisting of pasta. Do us a favor, and tell us. We understand accidents happen, but WTF? Leaving it there splattered on the floor and on items is just fucking rude.

No Love,
The worker that had to, y'know, scrub it off the carpet.

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August 1st, 2007

05:39 pm
I work at McDonald's, and I often take orders and money in the drive through. Our prices are kind of high compared to some other McDonald's in the general area, but there's obviously nothing I can do about that. We also charge $0.25 for water.

As much as I love my grandparents, old people in the drive through seem to be able to piss me off much faster than young or middle-aged people. I don't know why, they just do.

This morning at about 9:00 an old lady came through. She was one of those people, who you can just tell from their voice, that was going to complain about something. She ordered a senior coffee, a cinnamelt and a water. It cost around $3. I told her the price, she came to the window, it was all going well. But as soon as I saw her face, I knew she was already mad.

She argued about the price, I told her that we had to charge for water.

"What? You can't do that! I've got to take my pills in the morning!" As if I was personally responsible for the store charging for water. As if I gave a damn.

"I'm sorry, do you want me to take it off?" I'd already taken it off the order at this point. I knew she wasn't going to give me her precious $0.27.

"Yes I want you to take it off!"

I read her the new price and she handed me two one dollar bills. It cost more than two dollars.

"I'm sorry ma'am, it's $2.86." She gave me the meanest, most wrinkled glare that she could muster and snatched the bills back from me.

"Well just forget it then!"

If she were about 500 years younger, I'm sure this would have been the point where she angrily sped off while giving me the one-fingered salute. But instead she clumsily put the car into drive and slowly rolled away after one last death glare.

There was much swearing on my part while I deleted her order. In retrospect, it was kind of funny, but at the time, I was pissed.
Current Mood: sleepy

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