cozzybob (cozzybob) wrote in cozzybabbles, @ 2008-06-07 22:42:00 |
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Entry tags: | buffy the vampire slayer, drucilla, spike |
[BTVS/ATS] Janitor Talk
Janitor Talk
by cozzybob
Pair: Spike/Dru, joking mention of Spike/Xander.
Warning: none, really. some humor, maybe some language. mostly Spike babbles.
Note: Found on my hard drive, figured I'd post it after the awesome welcome in NS.
Summary: Ghost!Spike has a talk with a Wolfram and Hart janitor about Drusilla.
She meant well, Dru did, but there's a certain place paved with good intentions, and Spike had no good intention of following Angel there, love's bitch be damned. A hundred plus years of watching her fuck sires, pretty boys, fug ugly Crumple Horned Snorkacks and the occasional toddler, it wasn't the bloody slimebag Yeti that broke it apart. Dru could go on about ashes and Slayers all she wanted, but Spike knew--knew--that she'd loved him.
Hadn't she? After all, if she hadn't, why would she go through all the troubles of siring and defending him through the many years Angelus, Darla or any number of forces would rather have him dust? Hm? Why would she always come back to him, lukewarm and sated in his arms, whispering of ravaged pixies in his ear?
Loving him had never been the question. No, for this particular case it was a question of love-or-die Ponce William placing his Dark Goddess over the Slayer.
"You see," ghost!Spike explained to Tom, the Wolfram and Hart janitor, who was buffing floors at three in the morning, "If I'd have just listened to Dru in the first place, none of this would've happened."
"How'd you figure that?"
"Think about it," he said, flailing his arms. "She was screaming about ashes for weeks after saving her from Angelus' crazyfuck Acathla idea, said I was going to fall for the Slayer, which I did, by the way," point in case. "And I should've realized one of Dru's visions when I'd seen it, but I was so wrapped up in the bloody thing actually happening I didn't know to stop it. That was always the problem with her visions, see, easily the best and most accurate prophet of the day, but none of them ever made any sense 'til they happened! She'd screamed about gypsies a year so before Angel got his damned soul, and she'd always gotten upset when Angelus and Darla had their tiffys, used to think it was part of the Daddy deal, but now I'm sure she knew that Angel would go and kill her precious Mummy sooner or later."
"Huh." The janitor had long tuned Spike out, but he hadn't the heart to tell Casper to beat it so that he could do his job in peace. It got lonely at night, anyway.
"Yeah! So if I'd have actually listened to her, I'd have realized that I actually did kind of have a soft spot for Buffy and that it, of course, was no good for me. I mean, look at Angel, jury duty in Hell, yeah, that went well, didn' it? If I'd have listened to Dru, I wouldn't have gone back to Sunnyhell and I'd have never been chipped. It wouldn't have been stuck playing puppy vamp with the Scoobies, and I certainly wouldn't be saving the world every season, now would I? I wouldn't have been anywhere near the North American continent when the First decided to go Nazi on the Slayer population and make me it's bitch, I wouldn't've been around when Angel gave Buffy that damn amulet, and even if I had, she'd have never given it to me anyway because I'd certainly have never bothered to get a soul. I wouldn't die a horrible, ashen, though positively glorious death, getting the last piss on the First's army, and I wouldn't have been mailed here courtesy of God Knows Who for Bloody Fuck All Knows What playing ghost in the belly of the beast for the rest of eternity. I mean, you know what Dru told me, last time I saw her?"
"Nope."
"She was mumblin' 'bout me lost, nobody could save me now, especially not her. Poor Spike, she said. And I didn't listen. Just goes to show you, man, you always listen to your mother-lover figures, even when they're mad as hatters."
"Uh-huh."
"Fucking Dru. I tell you, there's nothing more bloody frustrating in the world than a mad cryptic woman..."
"Sounds like my wife, actually."
Spike huffed, his arms crossed over his chest and radiating defensiveness, as if all the world's estrogen was out to get him. "That's it, then. 'M done with the lot of 'em. Soon as I get solid, I'm going pouf. Know any good gay bars around here?"
"Sorry, Spike. I don't get out much."
"Right, then."
"Uh-huh."
"I wonder what Harris has been up to the last few months..."
--Fini