ℓieutenant ezri dax (joined) wrote in colligo_threads, @ 2009-09-06 16:27:00 |
|
|||
Entry tags: | !open |
WHO: Ezri Dax & OPEN TO MULIPLE THREADS
WHEN: after Jadzia Dax's arrival [here]
WHERE: streets leading away from the apartments/library
RATING: TBA
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
There was little she could do outside of sitting down in a corner and putting her head between her legs that could make her feel any better about what had just occurred here and she hated that the paranoia of the situation had drove her to grab her tricorder and scan herself to make sure that the Dax Symbiont was still there. She could only bring herself to read the top post of the entry she made, seeing that the young, alternate version of Captain Kirk had taken it upon himself to speak to her, but could not read anymore. The reluctant host who'd only joined with the symbiont to save it's life and had trouble distinguishing herself from her other hosts at the did not respond to seeing the woman she used to be and remembered being now here in the city. She remembered Jadzia's death vividly, almost as vividly as she remembered the Tessma attacks and the shuttle accident that had killed Torias. Try as she might, she couldn't stop the flashbacks from that moment from assaulting her mind; Benjamin's look of sheer defeat, Worf's outrage, how broken Julian looked at being unable to do anything for her-- no, not her, Jadzia.
She wasn't Jadzia. She'd been walking in the other host's shadow for too long and had only just been starting to realize that wasn't the path she needed to follow or the one she was meant to. Nor was she meant to be a counselor. She was bad at it now that she was joined. Whatever career she would've had as Ezri Tigan had gone out the window when she became Ezri Dax. She was so sure of the decisions she needed to make when they figured out a way to get off this rock...and now, that doubt was back. What would Curzon do? Emony? Audrid? Jadzia?
It always came back to Jadzia, but Ezri supposed that was mostly her own fault. She was the one who sought out Benjamin after the Symbiosis Institute was done speaking with her and let him talk her into staying on Deep Space 9, when she'd had ever intention of either returning to the Destiny or resigning from Starfleet and seeking out other opportunities, ones that Dax hadn't been exposed to, like a good host should. Yet, she'd stayed. For Benjamin, just as Curzon and Jadzia would have, because Benjamin was a friend to Dax and not the individual hosts. But, after Benjamin went missing...why did she stay? Things with Julian had fallen apart. Worf was now severing aboard the Enterprise-E after a brief stint as an ambassador, Miles was teaching at the Academy, Kira was settling into Benjamin's job...
She didn't belong on DS9 anymore as much as she belonged in this city or two hosts, both with the same symbiont, belonged in this place either. Whoever or whatever was responsible for this sure had a sick and cruel sense of humor.
Pulling her combadge off and dropping it on the table by her bed so the captain, if he knew she was even there, couldn't find her by tracking it's signal, Ezri changed out of her uniform and into civilian clothing, leaving the apartment she shared with Kira and venturing out into the streets. She didn't know where she was going, she just needed to get some air and walk in the direction opposite the library.
She'd deal with this, just...not right now. It was too much and she needed to sort herself out and make sure she had a decent hold on herself as Ezri before she did anything she would later grow to regret.