InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "Man! I feel like a woman."

Asuka (antabaka) wrote in clockwork_rp,
@ 2008-05-17 18:12:00

Entry tags:

asuka::antabaka, shinji::third_child

Pity and Fear [Active]
Who: Asuka (antabaka) and Shinji (third_child)
What: Asuka needs to color this bitch :/
Where: The lobby of the hotel and then her room.
When: Now! Ooo!
Rating: ROTF PROBABLY AT LEAST PG-13. Asuka has a potty mouth.

Asuka twirled a piece of her hair as she sat near one of the windows of the lobby. Her head was pressed gently against the glass as she watched the storm brewing outside, waiting silently for Shinji's arrival in the hotel, knowing full well that he was not going to be pleased with what she was going to do to him. The memories had been such a painful reminder of how much she'd hated her life, how much she'd hated being alive, and she wondered shortly after Cloud had left her in her room, tears streaming silently down her face as she stared at the wall opposite of her bed whether or not she had been better off ignorant - better of black and white, unaware of the cruelties, the guilt, and the pain of life outside of a little box. Had Cloud really done her a favor pulling back to this world? She couldn't even tell anymore.

So why was she so desperate to bring Shinji back? She wondered briefly whether or not she should simply tell him to forget it, to turn around and go back home - or to at least just stay in her room until the storm passed. She wondered if he was better off forgetting all about Unit 01, Angels, even about his father. He would be forever happy as a carbon copy of ignorant bliss, wouldn't he? Her eyes watered at the thought and she knew full well that that wasn't an option. He needed to remember. He needed to be himself. He needed to experience life, no matter how painful it may have been to do so.

Or perhaps she just wanted him to remember her. Perhaps she was being selfish. It didn't matter anymore - all she knew was it was something she had to do. Something that would make things right somehow.

Pulling herself away from the window, she crossed her arms over her chest, her jaw tight. She pushed the tears that had formed in her eyes away angrily with her hand. She'd promised herself once she would never cry again - never show that kind of weakness. Yet Cloud had caused her to remember and caused her to sob. She wasn't going to do it again. Not if she had a say in it.

"Where the hell is that boy when you need him?" She muttered. Shinji was apparently taking too long for her tastes.

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antabaka
2008-05-19 02:08 am UTC (link)

Asuka shook her head gently, her eyes leaving his finally and looking towards the door again. She didn't know why she felt such a discomfort at the thought of him running to the Fifth Child to show him he was alright. After having helped him out of such a hard place, she felt almost ... clingy towards their relationship, as she used to when they were the only two left, but she couldn't bring herself to show it anymore then she ever had. She clicked her tongue some, walking over to him when he pushed himself up and tilting her head as she looked him over.

"No need for apologies. I wouldn't have helped you if I didn't want to." It was the closest she got to saying she cared - the closest she was going to get, maybe. She pursed her lips quietly, looking at the floor and trying her best to keep her face expressionless, but she felt herself failing at the stoicism she was so often good at. Clearing her throat, she slumped herself on to the bed, fiddling with her hands.

She felt like a silly girl. A foolish one. For once, she wanted to call herself pathetic rather then projecting it on to the boy in front of her.

"Just um... just make sure to check in, ok? You look pretty weak. Not that that's abnormal," she added the last part in with as much of her usual cynical tone as she could, but it was relatively weak. "I don't want to think you've gone and died or something."

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third_child
2008-05-20 07:52 pm UTC (link)

Shinji watched her and flinched, just a little, showing his discomfort with the atmosphere that had settled since... well, since Asuka became aware of his consciousness. Truth was Shinji didn't want to go. It seemed as if he hadn't seen the girl in the longest time, and this fact wasn't as present when he thought about Kaworu. He spent almost his entire days with him, and now felt horrible for having not dedicated more of his time to the girl that seemed to have helped him over and over again since she had stepped foot into the Hotel.

He felt guilty, but...

Shinji looked down, heavily. He didn't want to say anything, that would only make things weird, but at the same time he wished he could stay and talk. Live a little of the relationship they had lost. He couldn't explain it, but- they had lived together, once, and that had stopped when Asuka had gone under a coma. Now she was back and they were separated. It also reminded him of how much he missed Misato and her outrageous behavior.

"I guess I'll..." He brought his hand up to his hair, scratching it awkwardly. "I'll be going now." He straightened back up, facing her again. He somehow managed to pull out a fake smile. "Thank you for everything. And, uhm, sorry for freaking you out, I guess." That was stupid. He shouldn't have said that.

He stepped over to the door, walking by her with a lowered head. His fingers were still curled around the doorknob inside when he stood still for a moment, thinking. He turned around, blushing.

"Hey..." He closed and opened his mouth again, scratching the back of his head, unable to look at Asuka in her eyes. "Uhm. I'm a little hungry." Don't stutter. Don't stutter. "W-wanna..." Dammit! "Go grab something to eat? Or something?"

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lmao this icon has nothing to do with my post.

antabaka
2008-05-20 08:20 pm UTC (link)

Asuka nodded gently as he got up to move, not watching him and trying to keep herself quiet. She was getting rather used to people leaving - she had built up that wall for a reason, right? So Shinji always returning to Kaworu didn't affect her. Nope. Not in the least. Or she at least liked to play it off that way. Her throat was tight, but you wouldn't be able to tell that just by looking into her face, and she was pretty sure that once he was gone and out of hearing distance, she would start to throw stuff at the door - most likely Sakura's stuff, because like hell she would break her own.

But then he stopped. He stayed. He asked her to do things. She looked up at him, brow arched lightly in disbelief. She almost looked irritated at him for having surprised her, though it wasn't a change for her to look that way at Shinji in any way what-so-ever. Perhaps she was too hard on him - tch, that thought was brief and pushed away because she knew that she was and she wasn't going to change it. If Shinji grew a back bone, it wouldn't be a problem. She was almost trying to make him do so - wanting him to snap back. The kid was such a pathetic push over.

"Hn." She scrunched her mouth, the words Anta baka?! on the tip of her tongue, ready to tell him off and make him just go back to his stupid roommate and stop trying to be so friendly with her, but it wasn't coming out. Stupid boy. Why did he have to make her want to spend time with him? She'd been getting over this - hanging out with other people! Of course, given the awkward feelings that now were lingering between her and Cloud due to the last curse, she had practically lost her replacement Kaji, which led her to feel even more bitter and lonely then before. It was becoming a pattern to lose people. Was she really going to push someone away that was trying to reach out to her?

"... Don't be an idiot."

Apparently.

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third_child
2008-05-21 01:03 pm UTC (link)

Shinji's eyes watched her expectantly, afraid of what would come out of her mouth. If having her snap at you immediately was bad enough, watching her remain silent in thought was even more nerve-wrecking. It was impossible to tell what was going on in her mind...

Then her answer. Shinji almost sighed, but looked away with a sad half-smile, instead. He guessed he shouldn't have expected anything else from her. She just wouldn't ever let that hard shell of hers down, would she?

"... y-yeah. Sorry, I guess I shouldn't have-... I should go now." He slowly turned his back, hesitating a bit, but eventually reaching for the doorknob and turning it, stepping out of the room, looking back to wave weakly.

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