snapetoy (snapetoy) wrote in churchofsnarry, @ 2006-03-12 08:14:00 |
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Original poster: occasus_crisis
Title:: In This Blood
Chapter:: 8/?
Rating:: PG-13 (for now)
Summary:: Flowing through Harry's veins is a power that few understand. Based on one theory of the Knights Templar.
Warnings:: May be very offencive to Christians, contains loss of faith, blasphemy, Adult Language, Sexual Situations. A/U No-Magic.
A/N:: So this fic was found on deleterius and going to be sporked and likely flamed. Oh joy. Ah well, let them have their fun. I love this fic and don't plan to stop writing any time soon. Hope you enjoy!
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Harry felt as though he was struck dumb. As he followed Severus back down the flights of stairs, he could not form words. He stared at Severus but saw a different creature. Something beyond what had seen before, in Father Snape.
The afternoon passed with a strange tranquillity and as the afternoon turned to night, Severus noticed that Harry wasn’t taking it all very well. Dinner passed in more silence. The table was occupied by Draco, for the first time since Blaise had been killed, and Remus. Severus noticed that Harry could not look at Remus and that gave him a secret, wicked pleasure.
When the meal had been cleared away, Harry attempted to leave but Remus stopped him at the door. “Clearly something is wrong between us, Harry. I’d like to know what it is.”
Harry looked up at Remus with reddened, heated eyes. His lips pursed a moment before he spat, “I do not wish to speak with you.” Harry took a few steps backwards and found himself tripping over Severus. “Sorry,” he muttered.
Severus stayed Harry with a firm hand on his shoulder. “Meet me in my chambers in one hour.” He said the words clear and loud enough for Remus to hear.
Harry nodded. “Okay.” And with that, the young man turned on his heel and left.
When Harry was out of earshot, Remus turned angry eyes on Severus. “What do you think you are doing with him?”
“Nothing more than he wants me to, Lupin,” Severus said.
Remus briefly lost his temper and grabbed the front of Severus’ robes, shoving him hard into the wall. “If you even think to touch him in any way… if you even think to taint him, Snape-”
“Taint him?” Severus sneered. “In the way you’ve tainted Draco.”
“Draco’s purity has long since been destroyed… long before my touch. I know all about you, Father Snape. I’ll not have Harry-”
“You are no longer in control of him,” Severus interrupted and shoved Remus away. “You’ll do well to remember who is in control here. Who controls the lives of the people in this Monastery.”
“You don’t frighten me, Snape,” Remus hissed as he took a few steps back. “I know you want to keep Harry alive.”
“That I do, but you serve no purpose to me. You are alive because Harry wishes it, and now I’m not so sure he wishes it.”
Remus clenched and unclenched his fists before asking, “Why has Harry turned against me?”
Severus smirked a little. “For darkening the only light he had left in his life.” With that, Severus turned and walked back down to his chambers.
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The hour that passed seemed like an eternity for Harry. He was left alone, in his chambers, thinking about everything. About what he’d seen between Draco and Remus, about Severus and the soft lips, the warm hands. He felt the emptiness that his deserting faith had given him grow stronger and stronger.
Harry was near tears by the time it was time to go to Severus’ chambers. He wasn’t sure what compelled him to make the trek down the corridor, because he knew what would be coming. If it wasn’t more of the forbidden actions between them, it would be a discussion that Harry was utterly terrified to have.
He rounded the corner leading to Severus’ chambers and saw the familiar sight of Remus Lupin. His gut clenched and he tried to chase away the feeling of anger, the feeling of blame he was placing on the man who had practically raised him.
“Harry,” Remus said softly.
Harry stopped, despite his desire to walk away. “Please don’t,” Harry said.
“I don’t know exactly what I did, but I know you’re about to walk into Severus’ chambers and that is not the right thing to do.”
Harry looked up, fury coursing through him so intensely that his hands began to shake. He couldn’t bring his voice above a whisper when he said, “Who are you to judge? Who are you to judge my decisions? I thought you were the only one who believed as I did. But I was wrong. I know now, Remus. I know it’s all a sham. That it’s all worthless, that it means nothing.” Harry didn’t bother to explain further or give Remus a chance to speak. He turned and marched to Severus’ door, entering without knocking.
Severus, who’d heard the altercation in the corridor, had been expecting Harry. He was sitting in his chair beside the fire and he looked up mildly when Harry entered.
Harry stared at Snape for several long, intense moments before walking to the other chair and collapsing in it.
“Your faith may be lost,” Severus said quietly, “but the hatred in you will destroy you faster than any darkness could.”
“I shouldn’t be so angry,” Harry confessed. “I shouldn’t, because now I see why he and Draco-” Harry trailed off, unable to say it. “But it still hurts.”
“It hurts because your faithwas ripped from your hands. You didn’t have the chance to just let it go like I did.”
Harry looked up at Severus who was staring down at his hands. “What made you lose the faith, Severus?”
“Assuming I ever had it,” Severus remarked.
“Did you?”
Severus sighed. “For a fair few years. I found my faith in Tom Riddle, and lost it in Albus Dumbledore.”
“Albus?” Harry questioned.
“It’s more complicated than I could ever dream to explain to you, Harry,” Severus said. “Albus opened my eyes, but my eyes opening was the direct cause for this darkness.”
“Is it still so dark?” Harry whispered.
“It will always be dark,” Severus said. “It only matters how you hold the darkness in you, Harry.”
Harry was silent for several moments. “What did Albus open your eyes to?”
“The corruption of it all, and the history,” Severus said. “How can you possibly believe in something that is so utterly human? So utterly what we are designed to be.”
“Designed to be?”
“Liars, thieves, murderers, cheats… sinners. Our religion was created to give us an excuse, a reason to sin and feel okay with it. Confession means nothing. It only gives you the feeling that you are clean. We are never clean, Harry.”
Harry swallowed thickly. “I felt clean once,” he said quietly.
“As did we all. But we eventually reach this point where we realise we are not clean and never will be.”
“How can I live with myself?” Harry wondered aloud, his eyes growing dark with dismay.
Severus reached across the space between them and closed his fingers round Harry’s wrist. “You must redesign what being unclean means, Harry. When you realise that clean and unclean are merely words, you will understand it.”
“And have you done that?” Harry challenged, staring down at Severus’ white hand.
“In some ways,” Severus admitted. “In many others, I still struggle.”
“Why do I have a feeling that the struggles will never end?” Harry asked.
Severus allowed one very small smile. “Because to struggle is human and human is something we will never cease to be.”
Another silence fell between them and Severus rose, fetching two goblets of wine. He handed one to Harry and took a long drink of his. Harry merely stared down into the ruby-coloured liquid.
“In the tower,” Harry said, deciding if they were to talk about it, he was now ready, “did it feel wrong to you?”
“No,” Severus said, his voice firm.
Harry looked up and searched the black eyes for honesty. He found them closed off. “Why not?” he pressed. “How can you not believe it wrong?”
“Because I long since stopped believing in what the Church says. Only the Church deems it wrong, Harry.”
“Those teachings are all I’ve ever known,” Harry said miserably.
“You are young, yet, Harry. You will come to decide on your own one day.”
“But it felt-”
“Like a sin?” Severus offered.
Harry thought for a moment and then shook his head. “Different.”
“And different feels?” Severus questioned.
“I don’t have an answer to that.” And it was true. Harry merely felt lost. He was without answer and without purpose for that moment.
“The answers will come; you just have to give them time.”
“I feel like I have no time,” Harry said. His voice grew hard with frustration. “These things, these secrets that you and Remus have, this whole mess with Riddle and Malfoy, and it all seems to involve me in a way I don’t understand. I feel like my time is short.”
“It is,” Severus admitted. “Or it may be, depending on how you react to it in the end.”
“React to what?” Harry asked. “I don’t even know what’s coming to me.”
“You will. I promise you that soon you will know everything and the decisions from then on will be yours.”
Harry bowed his head and then took a long drink of the wine. He drained half the goblet and set it down beside the chair. “Is that what you asked me here for?”
“No,” Severus said. “Two reasons and we’ve discussed neither.”
“Why am I here?” Harry pressed.
Severus paused and then said, “The first is I wish for you to forgive Lupin. Not blindly, not without reason, but I wish this animosity to end.”
“I’m still so angry.”
“I want you to speak with him about what you saw. Your anger could complicate things and we can’t afford any more complications.” Severus’ tone was business-like and commanding. Harry wondered how this Severus and the one in the tower could be the same person.
“I’ll try,” Harry admitted.
“Do you fear telling him of what you’ve done?”
“No,” Harry said, but that was a lie. He was afraid of being a hypocrite. How could he be angry at Remus, for what Remus had done, yet feel what he did towards Severus?
“Speak to him. That is an order.”
Harry nodded mutely.
“The second,” Severus said and then slipped from the chair to kneel in front of Harry.
Harry looked into Severus’ face and felt his breath catch in his throat.
“Do you hate me for bringing you to this?” Severus asked.
Harry didn’t know. He hadn’t even thought of hating Severus, of blaming him. The blame just didn’t seem to fall on the dark-eyed priest. “No,” he eventually said. He was almost certain he didn’t.
Severus reached a hand up to Harry’s face and let his fingers caress the skin. “There are going to be trials for you in the near future Harry. I think you should know now that all I’ve done for you and Remus were for my own selfish reasons.”
“What do you mean?” Harry asked, leaning in to the touch.
“I wanted you. The moment I saw you, I wanted you. I hated your father but you are so unlike him that it makes my head spin. When I saw you in that house, I knew I had to keep you with me.” Severus paused and then asked, “Do you hate me now?”
Harry’s eyes were wide with wonder. He felt both confusion and flattery. His entire life he had known that somehow he was different. It was the way Albus and Remus guarded him, spoke to him, taught him. But never in his life had he thought another human could feel this way about him. He had dedicated his life to God; his purpose was to serve God. Now God was gone and Harry realised there was so much more to life.
“I can’t possibly hate you,” Harry eventually said.
Severus rose higher on his knees and brought his face in. “It’s all I ask, that you never hate me. For what I’ve done and how I feel.”
“I don’t think I could ever feel that way about you,” Harry said. He wasn’t even sure what he was saying anymore. His head was reeling from the closeness of Severus, from the smell of his robes, from the heat in his touch.
Severus touched with Harry, mouth-to-mouth, hands tangled in Harry’s messy locks. Harry couldn’t help but let out a moan as their bodies collided right there on the stone floor. It was pleasure Harry could never dream of. Pleasure Harry never imagined could exist in his own body. Severus’ hands, his long fingers, were touching him in places that made his whole body sing, made it beg for more until he thought he might explode.
And then he did. Severus touched him there, in that place that was so forbidden to him before and he felt it hit him like a tidal wave. The feeling ripped through him and when it finally dissipated, he was shaking.
Severus carefully helped Harry clean up and adjust his white robes to the state they had been in before he came. Helping the younger man to the chair, Severus gave Harry the rest of his wine and let him calm.
“I didn’t mean to take it further than you wanted to go,” Severus said.
Harry shook his head. “I think I needed it.”
“Why do you say that?” Severus asked curiously.
“Because it’s given me some sort of feeling that I thought was dead to me. I’d heard about it from the servants and others who hadn’t given their lives to God like I had. It all seemed like a myth, like some sort of tale that would never happen in my life.”
“Yet it does exist to us,” Severus said.
“There must be more of it out there. Everything I knew to be real is now dead and I must find the way to live again.”
Severus allowed a bigger smile this time as he took Harry into his arms and said, “At last you begin to understand.”
Later in the night, Severus explained to Harry that it must all be kept secret. It existed to them, yes, but they must preserve their lives until they found a way to live in peace away from the Church and the others that sought to destroy people like them.
Harry vowed that he understood and let Severus walk him back to his chambers. Inside, the door closed firmly, Severus kissed Harry once more. “You are what I was waiting for,” Severus admitted.
Harry closed his eyes, feeling the words wash over him like cleansing water. “I’ll do anything to keep us together, Severus. Anything you ask.”
Severus kissed Harry once more and then left the room. Once he was back in his chambers, he poured himself another goblet of wine, sat down in his chair and allowed his smile to dissolve into a smirk. It was working at last, and in the end, with the help of the Grail, Severus would get exactly what he desired.
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As Harry was slumbering in the most restful, comfortable sleep he’d ever had, Remus was pacing his chambers. Draco was there with him, lying in his bed and watching. He said nothing for the longest time as Remus struggled with his thoughts.
“What’s happened?” Draco eventually asked.
“It’s Snape,” Remus said. “He’s done something to Harry, told him something that he should not have heard.”
“Snape,” Draco spat. He was still wounded by Snape’s rejection. He did want Remus, only Remus, if he was to be honest with himself, but he had always gone to Snape. Now he no longer had that power. “What’s he said to Potter?”
“I’m not sure but Harry is too angry to tell me. I fear this could cause a huge complication.”
“In what?” Draco asked.
Remus ran his hands through his hair roughly and let out a frustrated growl. “In everything. In life.”
Draco slid down from the bed and walked up to Remus, putting his arms round the man. “I’m sorry.”
Remus looked down at the grey eyes and let out a soft sigh. “No need for you to apologise. I just don’t trust Severus.”
“Nor do I,” Draco said. “I know I’ve never been more than a nuisance to my father, which is why I’ve always been kept here, but I can still speak to him about it.”
Remus ran his hands through Draco’s hair and kissed him before pushing him back to the bed. “That won’t be necessary. Your father could cause a potentially worse problem. Your father vies for power and for Riddle to be reinstated with the Church. If we bother him with this, it could pose a threat to my life. Riddle won’t be happy with my presence since I belonged to Albus for so long.”
“But you took your vows with us,” Draco protested as he allowed Remus to put him into the bed. “They can’t possibly hold it against you.”
‘They can, and they will,” Remus said as he slipped down beside his new lover.
Draco threw his arms round Remus. “I can’t let them hurt you.”
Remus kissed the side of Draco’s head before putting out the light. “We will deal with that when the time comes. For now I must focus on getting things right with Harry and removing the threat that Snape poses.”
“Just be careful,” Draco muttered against Remus’ skin. “I can’t handle losing one more person that I love.”
“I will do my best,” Remus vowed. But he wasn’t so sure how helpful his best would be when it came down to the end, when his life was at stake.