The calmness of his voice was unnerving, she had expected the fire and brimstone that Emrys had been faced with. Instead he was burning cold. Jenn yelped slightly as her Master grabbed her by the hair but never once resisted him. His eyes were frightening in that she could see the pain she had caused him in them.
Were it up to her, she would have died in that moment. Rid the world of herself once and for all. It would be for the best after all, she was a waste of space and oxygen. She barely noticed that he had released her, too wrapped up in her self-loathing. She heard his questions though and knew that she would tell him everything. Then he'd see just how worthless she really was. She tried to collect herself and her thoughts, her Master deserved a proper explanation of her motivation.
"You're both so different to anyone I've ever known before... I thought I was jealous of Emrys at first but that didn't make sense. I'd never had a problem with serving with others before you see. I don't like change... it messes me up, everything gets tight and I feel lost... like I can't breathe. I've never served with a male slave before... men have always been superior to me. So it felt wrong. I thought that maybe we were still the same... I got confused, I never meant to hurt anyone I..." Jenn stopped herself, breathing deeply as she tried to get her composure back. She would start rambling and then he'd never understand, she didn't really understand it herself.
"I can't forgive myself when I screw up, make a mistake, talk out of turn, accidentally disobey... anything. The guilt eats away at me and builds and builds. It only goes away once I've been punished enough. If I'm not punished... it's dangerous..." Jenn whispered the last word, trying not to get choked up as the tears welled in her eyes. It was natural wasn't it? Slaves needed to be punished. If they weren't things got ugly, she'd seen it happen to other slaves. Scars that no Master put there, corpses strung up with a pool of money at their feet - usually amounting to what they were purchased for as way of a note.
"I didn't want Emrys to get dangerous... he'd screwed up so much and you never punished him not once! I got scared, real scared for him. I thought he was like me. That he'd be hurting and it would get worse until... until he couldn't take it anymore..." Jenn shuddered as she hugged herself. She had got it wrong. So wrong. Emrys wasn't like her at all. He was worth something.
"I just wanted to help... I thought I was helping... I knew he wouldn't ask for it and you weren't giving it and I thought I was doing the right thing... and... and I needed to know that you would punish me"