It had been hard to go down and talk to his cousin. He didn't like being away from Nate. The sex may have trickled to crawl, but the need for comfort and love that Nate gave had tripled.
"I just don't want...I don't know, Nate. I try to put it out of my mind and if fucking takes over. I keep thinking what I could have done, not taking the drink, taking it. A small part of my brain thinks that he was not asking for that much. That giving him head was nothing compared to before. Then another part chastises me for even taking the drink. Then my heart aches of the thought of let him do whatever. It just too much and I don't want to burden you with everything." He sighed, toying with Nate's shirt.
"Your getting tired of it, aren't you? All the cuddling and vanilla sex. You want more, don't you?" Of course he did, that was another bit of his brain that liked to over work. Nate was getting bored. He wanted his old Lucien back. The kinky lover and begged for everything, instead of this lover that wanted it one way and one way only. On his back, his Nate above him.