PJ Halliwell (![[info]](http://www.insanejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small} cupid_pj) wrote in ![[info]](http://www.insanejournal.com/img/community.gif){kind=small} charmed_progeny, |
Re: phoebe and coop's middle daughter app
Hate to do this but I have to say no. Please give the rest of my comment a read before you get upset or think I'm trying to say you suck or something, which isn't the case. I'm looking at this from a writer AND modly POV.
Okay, there's quite a few things wrong with the application.
1 - Number 12. That question is specifcally in the application for one sole reason: to make sure applicants read the rules (instead of just skimming over them). The answer IS in there. Because you didn't put the proper answer, it leads me to believe that you did not read the rules. I know it's easy to let little things like that slip through the cracks, but it's necessary to pay attention to. We mods need to know that you've read through the information needed. Number 12 is how we tell for sure if you've done so.
2 - First, this middle daughter would not have been born in 1999. That's WAY off. Which is also something else that leads me to believe that you did not look through the necessary information. This is a future role-playing game. If Ally was born in 1999, then she would be significantly older than Wyatt. And it disturbs Charmed Canon. I don't say this to be cruel, but did you even look at Phoebe's other daughters?
Do that, and you'll see why I point that out.
prophet_parker
cupid_pj
Parker was born in 2005. Pj was born in 2008. See what I'm getting at?
Second, (and this point, I know very well could just have been a misunderstanding) the middle sister is not in the 11th grade anymore. She just graduated from it and will be beginning her final year. So she's a senior.
Third, just because empathy is the only required power for her, that doesn't mean that has to be her only power. Granted, if you only wanted her to have just that one ability, then that's completely okay. But you can take liberties and give her a little more instead of just settling for that one thing.
Also, Ally wouldn't just be a human/witch. That goes one in the same. ALL (based on Charmed canon) witches are still just human. Ally would be witch/cupid. That doesn't mean she HAS to inherit cupid powers, but she would inertly still have those cupid genes.
3 - Ally herself. Now, I am not one to tell anyone how to play a character because I see that as obvious god-modding. And that's not cool. But she seems very one dimensional. What are her flaws? Her quirks? What makes Ally unique and interesting as a person? Think about that. Does she jump off the page to you? Don't get me wrong, there were a few things about her that I did like, for example, the fact that she's into making music (much to her sisters' chagrin).
4 - The biggest issue of all. Your examples. Just to be sure, I pulled out my 'Twilight' book because at first, it looked very much like you just copy and pasted your second example straight from the text. After checking, I see that you didn't actually do that. But all you did was take it from another POV. Where's the originality? Where are YOUR own words? It seems like all you did was take Stephenie Meyer's words and rephrase them. The first person example was clearly not done the same way, so that one was all right. But the second? That one is a big problem.
Now that all of that is out of the way, please don't be upset. Just because it's a 'no' this time does not mean that it will always be the same. Even the best of us have to reedit and try again. Hell, I had to redo one character (for another game) three times before I got her just right to be accepted. What I'm trying to say is, try again. I'd really like to see what you can really do with your talent.
We'll keep the middle daughter and Kristen Stewart for the duration of the time left on your hold, that is, if you'd like to give it another shot. And you may have 48 hour extension if you feel you need the extra time to revise and work on her. BUT, if someone else wants to apply for her within that time period, we mods will wait and judge between the two applications. I would hate for you to be discouraged and turn from the game. You know what they say, "If at first you fail, try try again."
Hate to do this but I have to say no. Please give the rest of my comment a read before you get upset or think I'm trying to say you suck or something, which isn't the case. I'm looking at this from a writer AND modly POV.
Okay, there's quite a few things wrong with the application.
1 - Number 12. That question is specifcally in the application for one sole reason: to make sure applicants read the rules (instead of just skimming over them). The answer IS in there. Because you didn't put the proper answer, it leads me to believe that you did not read the rules. I know it's easy to let little things like that slip through the cracks, but it's necessary to pay attention to. We mods need to know that you've read through the information needed. Number 12 is how we tell for sure if you've done so.
2 - First, this middle daughter would not have been born in 1999. That's WAY off. Which is also something else that leads me to believe that you did not look through the necessary information. This is a future role-playing game. If Ally was born in 1999, then she would be significantly older than Wyatt. And it disturbs Charmed Canon. I don't say this to be cruel, but did you even look at Phoebe's other daughters?
Do that, and you'll see why I point that out.
prophet_parkercupid_pjParker was born in 2005. Pj was born in 2008. See what I'm getting at?
Second, (and this point, I know very well could just have been a misunderstanding) the middle sister is not in the 11th grade anymore. She just graduated from it and will be beginning her final year. So she's a senior.
Third, just because empathy is the only required power for her, that doesn't mean that has to be her only power. Granted, if you only wanted her to have just that one ability, then that's completely okay. But you can take liberties and give her a little more instead of just settling for that one thing.
Also, Ally wouldn't just be a human/witch. That goes one in the same. ALL (based on Charmed canon) witches are still just human. Ally would be witch/cupid. That doesn't mean she HAS to inherit cupid powers, but she would inertly still have those cupid genes.
3 - Ally herself. Now, I am not one to tell anyone how to play a character because I see that as obvious god-modding. And that's not cool. But she seems very one dimensional. What are her flaws? Her quirks? What makes Ally unique and interesting as a person? Think about that. Does she jump off the page to you? Don't get me wrong, there were a few things about her that I did like, for example, the fact that she's into making music (much to her sisters' chagrin).
4 - The biggest issue of all. Your examples. Just to be sure, I pulled out my 'Twilight' book because at first, it looked very much like you just copy and pasted your second example straight from the text. After checking, I see that you didn't actually do that. But all you did was take it from another POV. Where's the originality? Where are YOUR own words? It seems like all you did was take Stephenie Meyer's words and rephrase them. The first person example was clearly not done the same way, so that one was all right. But the second? That one is a big problem.
Now that all of that is out of the way, please don't be upset. Just because it's a 'no' this time does not mean that it will always be the same. Even the best of us have to reedit and try again. Hell, I had to redo one character (for another game) three times before I got her just right to be accepted. What I'm trying to say is, try again. I'd really like to see what you can really do with your talent.
We'll keep the middle daughter and Kristen Stewart for the duration of the time left on your hold, that is, if you'd like to give it another shot. And you may have 48 hour extension if you feel you need the extra time to revise and work on her. BUT, if someone else wants to apply for her within that time period, we mods will wait and judge between the two applications. I would hate for you to be discouraged and turn from the game. You know what they say, "If at first you fail, try try again."