InsaneJournal

(Post a new comment)

(Screened Post)

Re: phoebe and coop's middle daughter app cupid_pj 2008-10-28 12:00 am UTC (link)

Hate to do this but I have to say no. Please give the rest of my comment a read before you get upset or think I'm trying to say you suck or something, which isn't the case. I'm looking at this from a writer AND modly POV. Okay, there's quite a few things wrong with the application. 1 - Number 12. That question is specifcally in the application for one sole reason: to make sure applicants read the rules (instead of just skimming over them). The answer IS in there. Because you didn't put the proper answer, it leads me to believe that you did not read the rules. I know it's easy to let little things like that slip through the cracks, but it's necessary to pay attention to. We mods need to know that you've read through the information needed. Number 12 is how we tell for sure if you've done so. 2 - First, this middle daughter would not have been born in 1999. That's WAY off. Which is also something else that leads me to believe that you did not look through the necessary information. This is a future role-playing game. If Ally was born in 1999, then she would be significantly older than Wyatt. And it disturbs Charmed Canon. I don't say this to be cruel, but did you even look at Phoebe's other daughters? Do that, and you'll see why I point that out. prophet_parker cupid_pj Parker was born in 2005. Pj was born in 2008. See what I'm getting at? Second, (and this point, I know very well could just have been a misunderstanding) the middle sister is not in the 11th grade anymore. She just graduated from it and will be beginning her final year. So she's a senior. Third, just because empathy is the only required power for her, that doesn't mean that has to be her only power. Granted, if you only wanted her to have just that one ability, then that's completely okay. But you can take liberties and give her a little more instead of just settling for that one thing. Also, Ally wouldn't just be a human/witch. That goes one in the same. ALL (based on Charmed canon) witches are still just human. Ally would be witch/cupid. That doesn't mean she HAS to inherit cupid powers, but she would inertly still have those cupid genes. 3 - Ally herself. Now, I am not one to tell anyone how to play a character because I see that as obvious god-modding. And that's not cool. But she seems very one dimensional. What are her flaws? Her quirks? What makes Ally unique and interesting as a person? Think about that. Does she jump off the page to you? Don't get me wrong, there were a few things about her that I did like, for example, the fact that she's into making music (much to her sisters' chagrin). 4 - The biggest issue of all. Your examples. Just to be sure, I pulled out my 'Twilight' book because at first, it looked very much like you just copy and pasted your second example straight from the text. After checking, I see that you didn't actually do that. But all you did was take it from another POV. Where's the originality? Where are YOUR own words? It seems like all you did was take Stephenie Meyer's words and rephrase them. The first person example was clearly not done the same way, so that one was all right. But the second? That one is a big problem. Now that all of that is out of the way, please don't be upset. Just because it's a 'no' this time does not mean that it will always be the same. Even the best of us have to reedit and try again. Hell, I had to redo one character (for another game) three times before I got her just right to be accepted. What I'm trying to say is, try again. I'd really like to see what you can really do with your talent. We'll keep the middle daughter and Kristen Stewart for the duration of the time left on your hold, that is, if you'd like to give it another shot. And you may have 48 hour extension if you feel you need the extra time to revise and work on her. BUT, if someone else wants to apply for her within that time period, we mods will wait and judge between the two applications. I would hate for you to be discouraged and turn from the game. You know what they say, "If at first you fail, try try again." (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

Re: phoebe and coop's middle daughter app allyischarmed 2008-10-28 10:22 pm UTC (link)

trust me, no harm done. after all, what kind of a writer would i be if i didn't take any criticism? would you like me to resubmit the application or just post the corrections? and also, the third person sample was from an actual RP thread, some of it was mine while others were from other writers. in order to give you a good grip on how i actually write in third person i would have to write something on the spot, most of my writings are first person lol. thank you for your consideration and i will try to resubmit by tomorrow. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

Re: phoebe and coop's middle daughter app - cupid_pj, 2008-10-28 11:11 pm UTC

(Screened Post)

	Re: Phoebe and coop's middle daughter app (again) askxphoebe 2008-10-29 11:40 pm UTC (link)
	I LOVE your second application...thank you so much for reapplying with some of the criticism that Amber gave you. I'm the other mod Jaimie and I'd like to say that I give this app a YES!! (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Re: Phoebe and coop's middle daughter app (again) allyischarmed 2008-10-29 11:54 pm UTC (link)
	thank you so much! i can' wait to start playing. (Reply to this) (Parent)

Re: Phoebe and coop's middle daughter app (again) cupid_pj 2008-10-30 12:05 am UTC (link)

Much better. I agree with Jaimie. You're in. Congratulations! You've been added to the friend all button. I'm working on the cast page once I finish typing here. That said, you missed her birthday. That's okay though haha! You can keep it at January 12. Let's mark the year as 2007. That fits nicely right in between Parker and PJ's birthdates. :) Things to do now? Work on getting a few more icons if you haven't already. Use the friend all button. Hit up me or Jaimie on aim to do plottiness so we can work Ally into the current plot (though she should fit nicely given she's one of the kids). Ally was accepted into the IC group already. So jump in where ever the threads are open! Don't be shy to ask questions about what's going on. We're in the middle of some heavy plot. WELCOME! (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Re: Phoebe and coop's middle daughter app (again) cupid_pj 2008-10-30 12:06 am UTC (link)
	My bad. I just saw you had her birthday in 2006. Could it be changed? The game is in the month of May, so she'd already be 18. Unless you want her to be 18 turning 19 her final year of school? Either works. If you want her to be 17 turning 18 though, it should be 2007. Just a note :) (Reply to this) (Parent)

(Screened Post)

	astral_traveler 2008-11-02 01:14 am UTC (link)
	OOO! Very interesting, Jamie! Do I really have to say it for you to know I approve? Then YES. A big fat overdone yes. :) (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	askxphoebe 2008-11-02 10:36 pm UTC (link)
	yeah approve! (Reply to this) (Parent)

(Screened Post)

	askxphoebe 2009-01-03 11:35 pm UTC (link)
	WOOT!!! I say YES YES YES...I'm excited. I really love your application...and as a Twilight fanatic I find it very cool that your name is Bella from Washington :) (Reply to this) (Parent)

	cupid_pj 2009-01-03 11:38 pm UTC (link)
	Did you really think I'd say no? Naughty, Bella! Ok fine, I'll say it. YES ;) (Reply to this) (Parent)

(Screened Post)

	askxphoebe 2009-01-09 09:31 pm UTC (link)
	YAY I LOVE LOVE LOVE IT!! I ACCEPT! (Reply to this) (Parent)

	cupid_pj 2009-01-09 09:52 pm UTC (link)
	I concur. We need to shake things up around here ;) (Reply to this) (Parent)

(Screened Post)

	askxphoebe 2009-01-13 12:26 am UTC (link)
	WOW...I like how we have a person that's actually applied for a demon. Your application was good, I say yes! (Reply to this) (Parent)

cupid_pj 2009-01-13 09:12 pm UTC (link)

First, I like it that you took initiative to use a more thorough application. People rarely feel the need to elaborate more than necessary. Second, I like the prospect of a new baddie in the game. Jack (our resident source) really needs some trustworthy demons. His current ones are waning a tad. Third, well, that's about it. I like it, so I approve. If you haven't requested membership to the ooc and main boards, do so please. We're happy to have you! And don't be afraid to hit either of us mods up on aim to get in on the past plot and stuff we're planning for later on. (Reply to this) (Parent)

(Screened Post)

	cupid_pj 2009-01-25 09:48 pm UTC (link)
	I like 'em both! Welcome back, Maxi! (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

(no subject) - askxphoebe, 2009-01-25 10:06 pm UTC

(Screened Post)

	askxphoebe 2009-04-05 12:55 am UTC (link)
	wow this is certainly different. but I like it, I would have to say yes! (Reply to this) (Parent)

cupid_pj 2009-04-05 01:16 am UTC (link)

Hmm... Well, I can't say I don't like the idea. It's well thought out and interesting as hell. Okay, I say yes, but there's a few things we need to talk about first. His powers are the only thing that have me concerned. He's way too powerful. Since the other seer took a counteractive potion (and since the child was still half phoebe which means half good witch), then maybe he wouldn't have a gazillion source powers, you know? That potion had to have changed him somehow, considering he was still forming in the whole (and I'm assuming the other seer took the potion for the duration of the pregnancy). How about letting him keep just a few Source powers and giving him a witch power to boot (since, like I said, he's still got some witch in him from Phoebe)? (Reply to this) (Parent)

(Screened Post)

	askxphoebe 2009-04-16 10:29 pm UTC (link)
	I like this...I SAY APPROVED...YAY finally we get a Chris in the game! (Reply to this) (Parent)

(Screened Post)

	askxphoebe 2009-05-30 07:58 pm UTC (link)
	I like it. I say Approved! (Reply to this) (Parent)

cupid_pj 2009-05-30 11:43 pm UTC (link)

Okay, first thing, the PB. I really don't think Hayden would be appropriate for this character, so if you don't mind, please give thought to changing it. Second, I'd like to point out that Omnilinguism is not a Whitelighter power, regardless of popular belief. I'll give you an example why. While it is stated that a Whitelighter speaks any language their charges speaks, that's all the further it goes. Proof of this can be seen in episode 7x15 "Show Ghouls" towards the end. Leo and Piper are at P3 and she's reading to him from an Italian-English dictionary, and when she speaks to him in Italian (a language she does not know), Leo had no idea what she said. Therefore, he was not omnilingustic (but was still a whitelighter by this point). Now, your Henry Jr may, of course, keep the omnilinguism, but it can't be just a whitelighter power. It can be the result of the whitelighter and witch magic mixed in him that enables him to do that, but omnilinguism is not a whitelighter power, but a witch power. I'd say that's about it. Like the rest of the it just fine. :) Just make the necessary changes and he's in. (Reply to this) (Parent)

(Screened Post)

	cupid_pj 2009-06-06 03:59 am UTC (link)
	Tis good. He's got an interesting backstory. I like him; I say yes. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

(no subject) - askxphoebe, 2009-06-06 11:11 pm UTC

(Screened Post)

	askxphoebe 2009-06-06 11:19 pm UTC (link)
	hmmmm very very interesting. having the manticore baby that the charmed ones saved is a really neat idea, and the story of him is pretty interesting as well. I say yes! (Reply to this) (Parent)

	cupid_pj 2009-06-07 12:21 am UTC (link)
	Two thumbs up. :) I approve. (Reply to this) (Parent)

(Screened Post)

	askxphoebe 2009-06-09 12:41 am UTC (link)
	well, I have to say that I just adored your application. I like the way that you made his history, it certainly does sound like Andy. And the examples were really awesome as well, I laughed at them. I made my final decision and I say YES. I just love your Andy! (Reply to this) (Parent)

	cupid_pj 2009-06-09 11:50 pm UTC (link)
	Oh yeah, I approve. It's great to see someone take up Andy!! (Reply to this) (Parent)

(Screened Post)

	cupid_pj 2009-06-09 11:53 pm UTC (link)
	I like it! Approved! (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

(no subject) - askxphoebe, 2009-06-11 07:08 pm UTC

(Screened Post)

	askxphoebe 2009-06-12 09:53 pm UTC (link)
	I like this. he seems really interesting and I like the power that you chose for him. His history also is exciting as well, looks like he's going to put a strain on Ally and Tyler's relationship...UH OH!! well, of course you know my answer to this....I say YES! (Reply to this) (Parent)

cupid_pj 2009-06-12 10:03 pm UTC (link)

Steven Straight simply makes my cold little evil heart glee with happiness. That alone gives him a big plus. Just be sure to keep in mind exactly how his power (or powers with the suggestion I gave you via aim just now) works. Mimicry means he can take on the animal attributes, not transform into the animal. Just a reminder because Cameron is the one that can actually shapeshift into animals. ... YES. YES YES YES. I love him already. Btw, icon? That's Peej at the moment. Like 'WHOA.' (Reply to this) (Parent)

(Screened Post)

cupid_pj 2009-06-19 08:20 am UTC (link)

To be completely honest, that biography was completely stellar. Detailed, precise, very thorough. It's impressive, to say the very least. We've been toying with the idea of having Cole a part of the story, and you seem like just the kind of writer I'd envisioned taking on his character. And your writing examples were amazing! I say yes. We do need to chat on his powers just a bit though, just something minor. I very much liked the openness to plot that his character is led to, which is something I'd love to plot on with you. I've got a few of the baddies in the game, as well as many others, so when you get your aim set up, please let me know! (Reply to this) (Parent)

	askxphoebe 2009-06-19 09:39 am UTC (link)
	Yes I totally agree with this as well, your biography was very detailed and I loved it. I like how you put him now with a whole other person like he's totally forgotten about himself and everything. I'd very much like to plot with you once you've gotten your AIM set up and everything as well. LOVED IT, I say yes. Can't wait to plot with you! (Reply to this) (Parent)

(Screened Post)

	cupid_pj 2009-07-04 06:19 am UTC (link)
	Oh, I like that! It's simple and precise. And who doesn't love Ali? She's awesome on Heroes! It's nice to see we finally, FINALLY have someone willing to take her, and such a relief to already know you're not a shitty player, by far. THANK YOU! Yes from me :) (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

(Screened Post)

(no subject) - askxphoebe, 2009-07-04 06:42 am UTC

(Screened Post)

	askxphoebe 2009-08-02 01:16 am UTC (link)
	I like this application. and the power seems pretty good as well. I pretty much would say that everything looks pretty good. my decision would have to be YES! (Reply to this) (Parent)