[Bucky Barnes; R] I'll Be Home For Christmas: Chapter 10 Character/Series: Bucky Barnes, Cast; Marvel Cinematic Universe Rating: R Notes: To the reviewer on AO3, you are a lifesaver. I think this chapter saved my series and this particular fic. You are full of awesome. This is why feedback is an author's best friend. Title: I'll Be Home For Christmas- Chapter 10: Hell Hath No Fury Author:yuuo Word Count: 4964 Summary:They'd taken turns at the food and the shower, Bucky putting Steve to work chopping the onion and cutting the meat while he showered, and then taking over so Steve could clean up.
They'd taken turns at the food and the shower, Bucky putting Steve to work chopping the onion and cutting the meat while he showered, and then taking over so Steve could clean up. Bucky was still dressed in normal clothes, with his damp hair pulled back out of his face, when Tony and Pepper arrived. He had just put on the rice to steam and the lamb to simmer when JARVIS announced their presence.
He headed back towards his room. "Let them in," he told Steve before getting out of sight of the door, down the hallway, and into his bedroom to change. He heard their voices, muffled, and he could already tell that Pepper wasn't happy to be there. There was no hint of the smile she usually had for them in her tone, a cold and clipped 'hello' to Steve, and then something else that Bucky didn't catch. Tony sounded more amiable, but then, Tony had different ways of handling things than Pepper did.
After managing to fight with his shirt buttons and tie- stupid lack-of-traction-having metal fingers -he took a deep breath to calm his nerves, knowing that he was possibly walking into his one and only chance at salvaging a friendship, and not just any friendship, one that would make his other friendships very awkward if he couldn't save it. And if it came down to it, Tony would always choose Pepper over them.
Bucky returned to the living area. He was grateful to see that Tony and Pepper had not dressed up more than he and Steve, because he and Steve had nothing fancier than what they had on. He wanted to give Pepper a compliment, that blue dress flattered her, but he wasn't sure it'd be welcome. He settled on saying hello.
She didn't smile at him, just nodded her head in greeting. "You're the one cooking?"
"I am," he said. "Tony said you liked lamb."
Pepper glanced at Tony briefly, then looked back at Bucky. "It smells good." It sounded like that was the only nice comment he was going to get without some serious begging that night, if the ice in her tone was any indication.
"Hopefully it tastes good," he said, heading into the kitchen to check on the food. It was simmering, just as it should be, and she was right, it smelled good, now that he had a chance to not be panicking over if it was cooking fast enough for him to get changed in time.
"That remains to be seen," Pepper said. "How long?"
Bucky checked the timer on the stove. "Twenty minutes. Hope that's not too long."
She made a noncommittal noise, but nothing else.
Tony decided to save the day, taking up conversation with Steve, who sounded very uncomfortable, but the wrath of Pepper was upon them, and even Tony dodged that as much as he could, so they all sounded and felt uncomfortable. It was obvious that Pepper didn't want to be there, wanted nothing to do with Steve or Bucky either one. Tony was trying his hardest, bless his black little heart, to show Pepper that they at least should get a chance by being friendly- if Tony could do it, so could she. Steve was attempting to talk to Tony without compulsively looking back into the kitchen, like having food for them to focus on might save the evening. And Bucky was hiding behind the food as much as possible, staying in the kitchen and only speaking when addressed.
Awkward.
Between Steve and Tony, they managed to keep silence from reigning the evening, until the rice had finished and Bucky declared dinner done.
"So which seats do we take?" Tony asked, escorting a still silent Pepper over.
"Take your pick," Steve said. "We'll sit wherever's left."
Bucky served up their portions, setting the full plates on the kitchen island, keeping an eye on the guests, watching Tony pull out Pepper's chair for her. At least chivalry wasn't dead. Bucky motioned to Steve to take the two plates dished up for Tony and Pepper out to the table .
Steve caught the message, and took both plates out, setting them down in front of Tony and Pepper. "Here you are," he said, trying to sound pleasant.
They both said a polite thank you, it sounded like a mere formality from Pepper. Tony had enjoyed Bucky's cooking once already, had decided it'd be a decent way to open the door to making reparations with Pepper, so he sounded a bit more excited about the food than Pepper did. Not much, but by comparison.
Bucky handed Steve his and Bucky's plates to take to the table while he got the wine. Bucky had no idea why Tony had stocked their kitchen with wine glasses, but he was glad that he had, because he hadn't been thinking clearly enough to have picked any up to go with that merlot they bought.
After opening the wine, he balanced four glasses and the bottle in his hands, taking them over to the table. "Did you want wine, Pepper?"
She glanced in the direction of the bottle, not looking up at him- in fact, she hadn't made eye contact with anyone all evening. "Please."
Bucky resisted the urge to sigh. She wasn't even giving them a chance to make amends. She wasn't obligated to, but he could wish she would. Even just long enough to hear an explanation for her to do with whatever she wanted.
He didn't ask for the chance, though, simply poured her wine, offered some to Tony and, when he said yes, poured for him. He knew Steve would want some, if only to pretend it might help ease his nerves, and Bucky rather felt the same way on the matter.
There, everyone wined and dined and seated. Bucky finally took his seat.
"You've never made lamb before?" Tony asked, sounding like he didn't quite believe that. "For something you've never worked with before, you did a good job."
"Thank you," Bucky said, glancing at Pepper, hoping for something better than silence from her.
"It's not bad," she said after a few seconds, flashing a dirty look at Tony. Bucky had a feeling she wasn't going to say anything at all if Tony hadn't nudged her foot.
When Tony was prodding Pepper to have the minimal social graces to make a comment on the quality of the food she was given, there wasn't much doubt left that she was not in a happy mood.
They tried eating, food was disappearing from their plates, but slowly, with no conversation. Even Tony seemed to have given up for the moment. Bucky wasn't about to push when even he wasn't; Tony knew Pepper far better than he did. But he knew they'd have to at least use the word 'sorry' at one point that night. He wasn't sure while everyone was eating was a good time, though.
After a few minutes, Pepper set her fork down noisily, making a disgusted noise. Before Bucky could ask if he'd messed up the food, she crossed her arms and finally looked he and Steve in the eye. "Okay, fine. The food's good, thank you for the suck up. But since everyone has decided that they don't want to say anything, in the name of being able to finish my meal with some peace of mind, I'll say something. I'm very angry with you both. Especially you, Steve."
Steve set down his fork, opening his mouth to say something. The word 'sorry' almost crossed his lips before she interrupted.
"Shut up. I'm not done." She took a sip of her wine, and nobody dared to do more than breathe while waiting for her to continue speaking. "I'm not mad about what happened to Howard and Maria. I was, but Tony made me look at the files when he decided to step up to help you guys. I knew you'd been brainwashed, I had no idea how badly and what had been done. So you're off the hook on that one. But."
She took in a shaky breath, looking ready to fly apart at the seams. "You lied to us. You both decided that Tony didn't deserve to know that his parents hadn't died in an accident. I don't know why, I don't care right now. It doesn't even matter whose idea it was, but you will be answering all of those questions before the evening's done if you even hope for me to stop being angry at you. If you were worried that Tony might not come around, you could've come to me. Steve, you know me well enough to know that I would've been on your side and would've helped convince Tony to be, too. So especially you going behind our backs infuriates me. Quite frankly, I didn't want Tony bringing you here. It was one thing to help you out with the criminal charges, you didn't deserve to rot in prison because of something you couldn't help. But quite frankly, I don't think either of you deserve his friendship or his further help. The CIA can handle you just fine, they could've relocated you to anywhere."
Bucky stole a glance at the other two men at the table; Tony was sitting back, gaze flicking between the three of them. Steve was staring at his plate like he might end up making what he'd eaten rejoin what was on the plate if he chewed on his liver any more. Bucky looked back over at Pepper, not daring to speak up until it was clear she was done yelling at them.
She was clenching her teeth, her jaw taut, staring holes in their heads. "All right, start talking. Whose idea was it?"
"Mine," Steve said quietly.
Pepper's jaw actually dropped open at that. "You? Captain America, defender of truth, liberty and justice? You chose to deliberately lie to your friends?!" She gripped the edges of the table until her knuckles were white. "Why?"
Since the questions were currently directed at Steve, and Bucky knew cutting in right then might not be such a great idea, he stayed quiet, deciding to be the only one not staring at Steve and putting him on the spot.
Steve didn't answer right away, only finally spoke up when Pepper started to get angrier at him. "I didn't think to at first," he said. "Not right after I found out. I was looking for Bucky. I had no idea where he was, or if he was safe. When he came home, he was a mess, and I was focused on helping him. It didn't even cross my mind until Bucky's arm got blown, and we needed Tony's help too urgently to risk having to wait while he cooled off over the issue."
"So you used him," Pepper practically snarled. "I'm not seeing any reason why I should've even been dragged down here, and definitely not any reason why I should forgive either of you."
Knowing he was risking life and limb to do it, Bucky finally interrupted. "Pepper, he watched me fall to my death," he said quietly, not flinching when she turned her glare on him. "And you said you saw the file. He's gotten cutthroat about taking care of me because of it. Tell me Tony wouldn't do the same for you."
At first, that seemed to only make her angrier. Her face was red with rage, her hands shaking, then she let out an explosive sigh, letting go of the table and resting one elbow on it, her forehead propped on the palm of her hand. "I can't," she said, just the tiniest bit of the edge taken off her tone. "He watched me fall, too. If I hadn't been experimented on, I would've died." She lifted her head enough to look between them. "Did he tell you about that?"
"He did," Bucky said. "Which is why I said what I did. I was hoping you'd understand."
She made a very unladylike noise. "If he weren't stupid enough to do the exact same thing for me, I wouldn't." She drummed her nails on the table, staring down at the table, possibly at her wine glass, for a few seconds before looking back up at them. "All right, fine. You're going to have to work very hard to earn my trust back, but I'll give you the chance." She looked back down at her food. "The food is very good, by the way." She sounded like her anger had cooled off enough to have a civil conversation.
"Thank you," Bucky said. "Do you feel better?"
Pepper stared at him, one hand halfway to her fork. She sat up, looking at him like she wasn't sure if she wanted to keep chewing them out, or maybe just relieved that she could have a break. "A bit. Thank you for being smart enough to let me yell for awhile."
Bucky offered her an awkward smile. "I grew up with a mother and a little sister, I know better than not let a woman take me to task when I deserve it."
The last of her temper seemed to drain off, not leaving behind friendliness, but not coating every expression and word she said. "You were raised right, then." She picked up her fork and poked at a piece of lamb, before setting it back down. She no longer looked angry, just hurt, still red-faced and now wet-eyed. "I want to trust you guys," she said. "You've looked out for Tony, been friends to us both. But you lied to us. You hurt Tony. You two should both understand why I'm so angry about that."
"We never said we didn't understand," Bucky said softly. "We never even asked for a second chance, from either of you. But if you'll give it to us, the best we can do is promise that we'll do our best to earn it."
Pepper didn't answer at first, staring down at her plate. "Your promises don't mean much right now." Her tone still wasn't angry. It sounded almost flat, like she was full of too many conflicting emotions with that statement to have any one stand out.
"I know," Bucky said. He sat back, studying the light overhead, trying to figure out the best way to make it clear that it was a promise she could trust. He finally thought of something, and lifted his head to look at her. "I'm promising you on my friendship with Steve that I'm going to do everything I can to not let you down."
She stared at him, mouth slightly agape. There was a faint furrow in her brow that suggested that maybe, somehow, that had actually gotten through her anger to something more familiar to him, touched on what used to be their friendship. "You're serious."
"Dead serious."
She looked over at Steve silently.
Steve didn't hesitate to answer. "I make the same promise, Pepper." He frowned slightly, looking at Bucky. "Don't think I would've thought to put it that way." Then back to Pepper. "But I make the same promise. And I'm sorry. I don't always think very clearly when I think something might endanger him."
Pepper glanced at Tony. "He's just as bad when it comes to me." She sighed. "All right, I said you two have a second chance. Although I'm feeling a bit more confident about letting you have it, now. So everyone eat, we've thrown feelings out all over the place, it's probably made our food gone cold."
The dinner went a little easier after that. Pepper still didn't smile, but it was clear she was no longer running hot with anger, nor icy cold with rage. It was an improvement. Her basic manners came back; she complimented Bucky on the cooking one more time after her food was gone, and said thank you when Steve took her empty plate to clear the table.
Bucky joined Steve in the kitchen. "I got this," he said quietly, speaking in Russian in the vague hope that Pepper didn't know the language. "I did most of the talking at dinner, you need to go do some talking of your own. I'm good at defusing a woman's temper, you're better at actual apologies, and that lie was your idea, you have more to explain than I do."
Steve frowned in consternation, didn't say anything, but set the plates down in the sink for Bucky to do and turned back to the others. "Do either of you want more wine? There's plenty left."
"I wouldn't mind some," Tony said. There was a three second pause before Pepper said she would like some as well.
Steve grabbed the bottle of wine and refilled their glasses. Bucky occasionally kept watch while he rinsed dishes and loaded them into the dishwasher.
"Does anyone mind if I talk a little?" Steve asked, sitting down. "I think there's more to say."
"As long as the only one doing any yelling is me," Pepper said, and normally, Bucky would've thought there'd be some humor in that statement, but he heard none.
"I claim rights, too," Tony said, and Bucky had to pause to look at him, realizing that while he'd let Pepper do the talking before, this dinner idea of his had been just as much for his benefit as for hers. "She's not the only one that got lied to."
"No, she's not," Steve agreed. "And it was my idea, and of everyone, I knew better. If I'd thought of it, I would've told you much sooner. I don't know how much time you two spent focusing on each other after what happened with the Mandarin, but I'm willing to bet 'quite a bit' would be an answer to that. I don't like talking about him like he's not standing right back there, but you have no idea how much of a mess Bucky was when he first came home. He was functional, he could survive on his own, but functioning as Bucky rather than just the Winter Soldier trying to survive without Hydra are two different things, and he needed help sorting through what they did to him."
Bucky made a point of staying quiet. He didn't like being spoken about like that, but this was a something Steve needed to explain from his perspective. They already had a good idea of what it was probably like for Bucky, after seeing the file. But the caretaker was sometimes forgotten when someone ran into problems and needed help.
Tony made a thoughtful noise. "So, basically, everyone else in the world stopped existing."
"Kind of, yes," Steve admitted. "I kept Sam updated, but he'd invested time into finding Bucky, and was one of the few people who had an idea of what had happened, that Bucky was even still alive. Other than that, yes, I was only focused on helping my best friend try to recover from what Hydra did to him. To the point that I had forgotten about Hydra being behind Howard and Maria's deaths. That information had passed so quickly by us when Zola mentioned it that it hadn't gone anywhere but to the back of my mind. It's not because I didn't care about you two, it was because there was a lot going on at the time, and my focus was elsewhere. Being a super soldier doesn't mean things don't slip by me sometimes."
"Never said it did, Cap," Tony said, sitting back, arms folded across his chest. Pepper was sitting forward, elbows on the table, her glass of wine in one hand. She wasn't saying anything, letting Tony have the floor. "But I came to your mind eventually."
Bucky didn't have to see Steve's face to know what expression was there, one of guilt and admission. "You did. After Bucky's arm was blown by that RPG. You were the only one I could think of who had a chance at being able to repair it. He hadn't wanted to go to you at all, he remembered what happened to Howard. You know what it's like to try to relive something before you're ready."
"So you told him to just not say anything," Tony said, and while it was clear he was trying to keep a level tone, there was some bitterness and hurt creeping in there.
"I told him I'd handle it," Steve said. "I didn't handle it well. If it makes you feel at all better, I felt like a jerk doing it. I just made myself focus on making sure there wasn't anything at that base that could be used to hurt Bucky. Like he said, I've- well, I've become a bit ruthless about it. I know you don't know what it's like to have a brother you barely remember life before him, and then watching him die, but I know you know what it's like to want to protect someone dear to you."
"Ruthless is not a strong enough word," Tony snapped, then took a long swig of his wine. "Fine, okay, so you kept your mouth shut to make sure everything came up roses for him. How long were you going to let that go on before telling me? I didn't even get to find out from you, I found out almost two years later through the press. I know I'm not always the greatest friend in the world, but I thought I'd done better than that."
Steve didn't say anything for a few seconds, head bowed, and while part of Bucky wanted to step in on Steve's behalf, he made himself stay quiet and back out of the way. This was something Steve had to do himself, big brother Bucky couldn't come storming in to help him this time.
"You had. Have. One reason I never got good at lying was because they have a way of getting out of control very quickly. And I'm so bad at it, I didn't know how to handle it but to just keep my mouth shut." Steve lifted his head a bit. "It's not a good enough explanation, I know, and I'm sorry. I can't offer a better one, because there isn't a better one. I screwed up, and I admit it, and I'm sorry."
"So you used me," Tony said, still with that mostly level voice, but there was a bit more anger under the surface than last time. "You used me to fix his arm, you used me to get him to start talking to you, you used me to do everything possible to fix him without any regard for me, or for Pepper. I should let Pepper tear you a few more new assholes. And I would, if it wasn't for the fact that I would do the exact same thing for Pepper. Might even do worse." He sighed, setting down his mostly-empty glass. "The fact that you were able to pull this off at all shocks me enough that I have trouble being as mad as I should be."
"I had more motivation than my own safety," Steve said. "If it'd been anything else on the line, this would've come out a long time ago."
"Mm." Tony sighed, looking at Pepper, who just shook her head, then back to Steve. "I would've done the exact same if positions were reversed. So this is what I propose. I'm not going to tell Pepper how she has to handle this, that's between her and you two. But as far as we go, how about you decide to stop being bad friends and we start trusting each other instead of going behind each other's backs?"
"That's the way I prefer it anyway," Steve said. "It hasn't been easy on me to not say anything. I don't like being dishonest."
Tony raised an eyebrow. "Not surprised. Isn't lying one of the seven deadly sins?" he asked.
Steve shook his head, not taking the remark about his old church too seriously. "No, it's in the ten commandments, though, so close enough."
"Shame," Tony said, not as light-hearted as he might normally, but not exactly serious, either. He looked at Pepper. "While we have a captive audience, is there anything more you want to say?"
Pepper studied Steve, quiet, then glanced over at Bucky. "He's not going to tell me how to deal with you, I won't tell him how to deal with you. He seems to want to trust you. I don't think he should, but it's his choice. Just remember this, you break that trust again, and there's not a force in the world that will save you."
"She's not joking, either," Tony said.
"I know she's not," Steve said.
Bucky finally decided to rejoin them at the table. "So who else in the Avengers do we have to make this up to?"
Tony's head tilted slightly to the side. "Good question. Thor doesn't know, and he doesn't need to. It doesn't affect him personally, it's our business and nobody else's, and the last thing we need is to pull him into the middle of something. Natasha obviously knows, and her reaction is her thing. I doubt Hawk knows yet, but all considered, I doubt he'll care, as long as none of us shoot him in the back in the middle of a fight."
"Nat's reaction is probably neutral," Steve said. "She didn't act terribly surprised or upset one way or another. Truth is a matter of circumstance to her, exact quote," Steve said.
"What about Bruce?" Bucky asked, a bit hesitantly. If Bruce knew, there was a chance of Bruce being angry. Bruce being angry tended to end in a lot of property damage, if the video footage from the battle of New York was any indication. Bucky didn't care to become part of the other guy's destruction resume.
"He knows," Tony said. "He said he understands both sides, and in the name of not becoming too angry at any of us, he's staying out of it. I have a feeling you're going to have to win him over a bit, though. Just because he's staying neutral, doesn't mean he's going to be terribly trustful of someone who lied to his friend."
"Believe me, I'm not going to do anything to piss Bruce Banner off." Then Bucky took in a breath, letting it out slowly. "Speaking of Bruce," he said, his tone rather flat, attempting half-heartedly to thaw some of the ice in the room, "where are those texts you said you wanted me to read so you two can get your evil scientist claws into me?"
There was the first smile anyone in that room had had since Tony and Pepper had shown up. "Patience, young padawan. You'll get them." He looked up. "JARVIS, what time is it?"
"It is seven fifteen in the evening, sir," JARVIS replied.
Tony nodded, considering. "I think at this point, we all know sticking around for after dinner conversation isn't going to be very successful, unless we all want to bitch at each other more, so Pepper and I are going to go. I will be around again with patriotic garland to stick on your walls."
Even Pepper gave him a tired look at that. "Tony," she said. "I think you've beaten that joke to death this season." She leaned back to see the tree behind him. "Nice tree, though."
"It was a gift from a friend," Steve said.
Tony stared at him, then looked at Pepper. "Now he appreciates it."
"He has reason to try harder," Pepper said. "Now, let's go, and no, you are not putting patriotic garland on their walls. I won't let them hurt you for it, but I might have to." She stood. "Let's go."
Steve and Bucky got up with Tony, walking their guests to the door.
Before Tony could open the door for Pepper, she turned to Steve and Bucky and gave them both a level stare, like she was sizing them up, then stepped closer to Steve and slapped him across the face, the contact making a loud smack. Bucky jumped, then went preternaturally still. Steve looked like he wasn't even breathing anymore, trying to not draw more of her ire.
She surprised them both by hugging Steve, then gave Bucky the same treatment. He made a point of not trying to duck either the slap or the hug.
When she stepped back, she looked like she was ready to cry, tears of anger and hurt, but there was a faint smile tainting the effect, a tiny sliver of hope. "I miss my friends. You make sure I get them back."
"We will," Steve said, said good night to Tony politely, then closed the door behind them and had JARVIS lock it. He rubbed his cheek where Pepper had struck him. "She's got a mean swing."
"We deserve it," Bucky said. He glanced back at the kitchen that was not fully cleaned yet. He'd spent more time focusing on what was being said than on the dishes, and the wine glasses were still at the table. "Quite frankly, we're lucky we got as much as we did from her. Or him. We fucked up, Steve. How'd we get so bad at being friends with people besides each other?"
Steve sighed, looking down at his shoes. "I don't know. I guess we got out of practice."
Bucky looked at him. "Come on. Let's finish the kitchen and then go to bed. I don't know about you, but I'm thinking the couch sounds fantastic tonight."