[roy/riza pg-13] Crocus Angustifolius - 2/6 Theme: 24. So shaken as we are (52_Flavours) Characters: Roy Mustang x Riza Hawkeye Series: Fullmetal Alchemist Rating: PG-13 Notes: Fullmetal Alchemist (Hagane no Renkinjutsushi) is copyrighted by Hiromu Arakawa/Square Enix. This is a work of fanfiction for personal entertainment only. Both concrit and comments welcome and desired. The entire anime and movie are spoiled liekwhoa. Title:Crocus Angustifolius : Chapter 2: In the Ashes (Part 2 of 6) Author:emilie_burns Word Count: 14,000 Summary:What was done was done, and the only thing left to do was accept the blame and move on. Original LJ Post Date: December 18, 2005 @ 52_Flavours
Crocus Angustifolius Chapter Two In the Ashes
"She thinks if she calls him, it just shows weakness, So the hurt goes on with every tear she's cried. Ain't it sad to see a good love fall to pieces? Chalk another heartbreak up to foolish pride." - Travis Tritt
It took Roy a half-hour he hadn't been trying to burn to discover the documents office was no longer in the same location it had been the last time he was there as a major, shortly before being deployed to Ishbal. By the time he returned, he had a command and subordinates to get the paperwork for him.
After several wrong turns, one which led him to the other side of the massive building, he finally located the desired room. Perhaps reacquainting himself with the layout of the place, the areas where he normally sent others, would use up the rest of the day. That still left tomorrow, the day after that, the week after that, but he would figure something out later.
It was moderately busy with various soldiers, most if not all of them lower in rank, hurrying in and out and among the cabinets, pulling and filing documents. When he stepped inside and through the metal maze, he realized with no small degree of irritation that he had assumed the paperwork would be filed alphabetically. All the drawers were labeled with coded alphanumericals, everything arranged by form number.
There were only a handful of form numbers he knew by heart, and the ones he needed did not fall into that category. I should have finished up Havoc's work and sent him here instead, Roy thought, weaving between the cabinets in search of any kind of decryption key which would help him find the forms.
Then he saw her. She crouched beside an open drawer, thumbing through folders until she found what she sought, and pulled out several pieces of paper.
His ghost in the flesh.
Roy knew he should turn around, walk away, leave the room, regain the distance he tried to place between them. He had almost managed to succeed at convincing his feet to follow orders when she shut the drawer and stood.
She froze, eyes wide like a wild animal caught by flashlight, a deer in crosshairs poised to bolt. But only for a moment, then her lips pulled into that painful smile she greeted him with the week before, when he abandoned his post to defend Amestris from the otherworld invasion. He hated that smile. The look in her eyes made him feel like he'd just kicked a puppy.
"Sir..." That wasn't his Hawkeye's voice. It was too uncertain, too hesitant. She stood straighter and brought her hand up to a salute. "Welcome back."
He returned a barely passable excuse for a salute, looking away. "Where are the requisition forms?"
"This way," she replied, gesturing past her toward another area of the room. "I can..."
Before she finished speaking, he was already walking in the direction she indicated, not looking at her. Then he realized she had fallen into step behind him, right where she had always been, right where she should be, right where she would never be again, and he stopped. "You know where they're at."
There was a brief pause before she moved in front of him, an unfamiliar position, walking in front of him. It was on the tip of his tongue to mention her knowledge of where the transfer forms were located, but he bit it back. That passed the boundaries of fair.
Just like she did, transferring away without even talking to me about it.
"I... I'd heard you'd been reinstated, sir," Hawkeye said, glancing back to him and giving him that same hated smile.
"Against my wishes and better judgment." He kept his tone curt. She used to be able to read him, couldn't she tell he didn't want to engage in small talk, didn't want to have to look at the fact she was gone, she left him, and she was right there in front of him. In front of him, as real as ever, close enough to touch.
Liar.
A little over a year, since his recovery and the transfer and his resignation. A little over a year, and it was just as raw as yesterday. Up north, the conditions and circumstances were so wildly different than anything he had experienced with her, it was possible to find respite. Here, back where he was, back where they had been, living as if nothing had happened when too much had gone down, it was infected again.
She said nothing more as she stopped in front of a cabinet and pulled a drawer. "How many do we- do you need, sir?" She kept her head ducked, her eyes averted, but he caught the flinch in the slip.
What the hell has happened to us, Hawkeye? It wasn't supposed to be like this, none of it was. You're punishing me for your own mistakes, that's all this is. You're supposed to be here, with me, just like you always promised to be. We're not supposed to be like this.
The words tumbled loose inside him and remained dangerously near the edge at the tip of his tongue. He didn't trust himself to open his mouth, to make a fool of himself, to beg her to come back, when she looked at him in the silence.
"Major?" She met his gaze, and the ragged intensity on her face, a rawness that echoed himself, was as readable as a child's primer.
Roy averted his gaze and stepped past her, reaching for the file himself, not daring to say a word until the threat of the moment passed. He pulled out a handful of the forms and shut the drawer, speaking only when he turned to leave. "Thank you for your assistance, Lieutenant."
***
She forgot how to breathe as she watched him walk away. Somewhere nearby, another drawer slammed shut with a metallic clang, snapping her out of her stupor. Her next breath was harsh, ragged, and she quickly looked both ways for any witnesses. Finding none, Riza allowed for a moment to compose herself and force everything back behind damaged walls.
She hadn't been trying to leave him when she transferred. She wasn't fit to be relied on in the same way he used to rely on her. She was no longer suitable to be his backup, his bodyguard. She had failed. So she had simply left the position so someone more capable could take her place. She had never meant for him to see it as her leaving him.
But then, Roy had more reasons than just that to justify the distance he placed between them. By her transferring out, the door had opened for a chance for them to have a real relationship. By resigning his commission and enlisting, he slammed that door shut and locked it.
He had wanted that, once up on a time. A chance for the two of them to have their own world too. He had reached for it in the beginning, but Riza knew she couldn't justify accepting it, not until he knew the truth of what happened in those final minutes that were gone from his memory. Not until he understood.
It had been her bullet that hit him. Not Archer's.
She had not only failed to protect the very person she had dedicated her life to protecting, but very nearly killed him.
When he came back during the invasion, for just a little while, things were like the old days. For just a little while, they fought back to back, working in the same comfortable coordination and unspoken agreement like they always had.
But once it was over, once Edward returned to the other world to destroy the array there, once Roy had closed the portal on their side, once the dust had settled, the moment passed. She had hoped that perhaps, with the passage of time, they might have a chance to rebuild what had been torn apart.
Riza pushed away from the file cabinet and focused on maintaining an impassive expression. There was really no surprise, nor could she blame him. What had happened was her fault. The stray bullet, the separation, everything.
She gathered the remaining forms on her list, and returned to her office. What was done was done, and the only thing left to do was accept the blame and move on.
***
As soon as she heard the footsteps leading away, Sheska allowed herself to start breathing normally.
Well, as normally as one could breathe into a kerchief while sniffling and wiping at tear-blurred eyes. She had no idea what was behind everything that took place in the next row over, but whatever it was, it was wrong. That much was certain fact.
She quickly shoved the folder in her arms into the drawer, and hurried back to her desk across the hall. In search for ideas and clues, she started mentally skimming through the romance books she'd read while beginning to compose a quick letter.
Dear Winry, I just came in from the forms library where I saw the saddest thing...
Winry could fix anything. Maybe they weren't dealing with machines, but Sheska would bet her book collection on the younger blonde having at least a few ideas. One way or another, they would get to the bottom of it. Even if it meant finding a way to eavesdrop on the communication lines again, preferably without getting caught.
And it's pretty unlikely aliens have anything to do with this.