[roy/riza; g - nc-17] Kiss in a Shadow Title: Kiss in a Shadow Author:emilie_burns Pairing: Roy Mustang/Riza Hawkeye Fandom: Fullmetal Alchemist; manga Theme: set Beta, from 1Sentence Rating: G - NC-17 Word count: 2327 Disclaimer: Fullmetal Alchemist (Hagane no Renkinjutsushi) is copyrighted by Hiromu Arakawa/Square Enix. This is a work of fanfiction for personal entertainment only. These were written unofficially using the theme list from 1Sentence; I did not write these as an official member of the community. Notes: Mild spoilers for the manga up to chapter 58. Teaser:...especially on the days they fought, their quarrels as comforting and familiar as an old, married couple's. Original LJ Post Date: April 29, 2006 @ Chaotic_Library
Kiss in a Shadow
We kiss in a shadow, we hide from the moon. Our meetings are few, and over too soon. We speak in a whisper, afraid to be heard; When people are near, we speak not a word. - Oscar Hammerstein II, "Kiss in a Shadow", The King and I
#01 - Walking It is as natural as breathing, instinctive, for her to fall into step, just a bit behind and off to his right, as they leave the office, walking for the main doors.
#02 - Waltz No matter how tired either of them were after a full evening of obligatory dances at the military functions they were required to attend, the last dance was always theirs; even so, Riza wished that someday, they could share just one waltz.
#03 - Wishes It was childish, he knew, to stop for just a moment and make a wish on those rare occasions he'd chance to spot a falling star; she'd likely tease him for putting any faith in something so unscientific, but he was willing to be unscientific it would give him a chance to find a way to not let any of them down.
#04 - Wonder There were things he would never admit to her; like if she would have still been with him had they met like ordinary people, had her father not been who he was, if he hadn't been who he was, and it scared him to wonder if obligation was all it was, if he was taking advantage of a loyalty he didn't feel he deserved.
#05 - Worry He had too many things on his mind and on his plate as it were, even more since the funeral; and she felt he didn't need to know about all the things that worried her -- the secret fears that kept her awake at night, the tears, the nightmares -- that he didn't need the extra weight.
#06 - Whimsy Roy was amused when he realized that his adjutant still read trashy, formulaic romance novels; it was so unlike the image she showed the world, and the little whimsical details about her he noticed were what he felt made her endearingly human.
#07 - Waste/Wasteland When she first arrived in Ishbal to join his unit, the thing that stood out to her the most when she jumped out of the truck was the absence of everything, save for the sand and sky; it scared her when she realized his eyes had already begun to match their surroundings.
#08 - Whiskey and rum Riza could never figure out how the colonel could stand the taste of whiskey, the slightly wooden flavor tasted far too bitter for her liking, but she didn't dislike alcohol; a mug of hot buttered rum now and then during the colder months in Central was just the thing in her opinion.
#09 - War Ishbal was over, but their own war had just begun.
#10 - Weddings No one, not even Hughes, knew that when they stood in attendance of his marriage to Gracia, that they had looked at one another instead, taking the vows in silence for themselves, the closest they would be able to come to the real thing for years, if ever.
#11 - Birthday They were superior and subordinate; birthday dinners and celebrations between them weren't considered exactly proper conduct, but every year, she would find a carefully-folded scrap of notepaper in her desk drawer under her pencils, a blank IOU for her to request anything of him.
#12 - Blessing Knowing what kind of end her own father had met from his alchemical research, Riza was surprised when her mother's father bestowed on the Colonel his blessings to pursue a relationship with her.
#13 - Bias For all the women that flirt with him, and he admittedly flirts back with in kind, Roy still thinks that his first lieutenant is by far the most beautiful, even under the harsh office lights; but that could just be his bias talking.
#14 - Burning It was wrong for passion to be so intense, she thought, lost in the sensations of her nerves uncoiling and burning, feeling just this side of being consumed by a fire she couldn't see, but a flame nevertheless, still controlled by his touch and his will.
#15 - Breathing Roy always held off on sleep for as long as he could on their rare nights together, comfortably lost in the warm sensation of her skin touching his, and the quiet, deep rhythm of her breathing.
#16 - Breaking When he realized how sensitive Riza's neck was, Roy perfected the fine art of breaking down the stoic lieutenant to uncover an intensely passionate woman hidden beneath.
#17 - Belief It was an odd thought that occurred to her while doing the dishes one night; Colonel Mustang was her god, her religion, and she believed in him and his goals with an intensity that reminded her of the way the Ishbalites served their own.
#18 - Balloon Riza was jealous of the flyaway balloon that drifted past the northeastern corner of Headquarters just as twilight settled in, an escaped prize from a children's fair on the far end of town, and wished they could be like that -- free and no longer tied to the military, its dangers and the obligations; then she chided herself for such a fanciful thought and continued to wait while the colonel took his discoveries to the brass.
#19 - Balcony It was a humid, lazy night with a half-moon when she told him that sometimes she imagined them no longer soldiers, living in a far-off villa on the distant edge of a city, and on nights like that, they could spend together on the balcony, no longer needing to hide everything.
#20 - Bane They both knew she liked the rainy days, for while the water was his bane, and it was a bother to them both, it made her feel complete to be so useful and needed.
#21 - Quiet Roy loved the quiet noises she would make as he explored her body with fingers, tongue, and lips; the choked moans, the stifled whimpers, and his favorite, a little mewling sound, helpless and breathless, whenever need took precedence over clear thought.
#22 - Quirks It drives him crazy sometimes, the way she'd fuss over her desk and his too sometimes, positioning everything just so, and not being satisfied until everything was just the way she liked it, and no matter how much he wanted to grab her hands sometimes and make her stop, he knew that she wouldn't be Riza otherwise.
#23 - Question When he asked her if she would follow him back to Central if his reassignment came through, she couldn't help but marvel in disbelief that he did; of course she would, it wasn't even a question on whether or not.
#24 - Quarrel Even if their coworkers weren't certain whether or not they were involved, there was no doubt in anyone's mind that someday they would be, especially on the days they fought, their quarrels as comforting and familiar as an old, married couple's.
#25 - Quitting As the road they were on led deeper into the unknown, more and more often, Riza wished for something that she would never tell him, a crazy dream where they all went AWOL, the six of them disappearing from the military's awareness, quitting the dangerous game before any more of them were killed.
#26 - Jump He knew that her faith in him was so absolute, that he could command her to jump off a cliff, and she would with certainty that he had something up his sleeve to keep her from getting hurt; if only he felt capable of living up to deserving that much faith!
#27 - Jester If he were the king, and she was his queen, then Hughes had been their court jester, bringing the medicine of laughter, his antics masking cunning and subtle insights, and drawing the attention away from their actual deeds; the royal court was never the same afterward, and the queen could not leave her throne to fill the silence.
#28 - Jousting Being able to talk with Roy, unhindered by fears of being overheard and yet still disguising everything they wanted to say in between the lines was one of her favorite things to do with him, particularly when they were both on the ball as it shifted to verbal jousting, exchanging witty barbs with a dizzying intensity.
#29 - Jewel She had always loved rubies, but after finding out what went into a Philosopher's Stone, she couldn't stomach looking at the red gems any longer and told him as much; Riza supposed she shouldn't have been surprised when she woke up late one morning to find him already gone, and her favorite necklace on the table, the ruby having been transmutated into a blue sapphire.
#30 - Just It was a rare day that she was feeling rather sorry for herself, and petulant about the darkening storms around them -- it wasn't just how evil persisted while good men like Hughes were killed, and it wasn't fair how everything they did just seemed to make them sink deeper; it lasted until she overheard a couple bitterly discussing divorce, and was grateful for what she did have.
#31 - Smirk Riza both loved and hated that arrogant expression so many people associated with the Colonel; when everything was smooth sailing, it only served to drive her mad, but when everything was falling apart, it gave her a peaceful sense of security to know that some things would never change.
#32 - Sorrow Riza didn't used to feel saddened and miserable whenever it rained, dreary, gray days with a constant, steady downpour, but Roy had begun associating rain with hard times and sorrow so much that now, it felt to her like the sky was weeping.
#33 - Stupidity Breda had said once that love made people stupid, and Roy wasn't particularly inclined to disagree with that as Riza berated him for blowing their cover and coming after her to fight off the homunculus; even so, he had no regrets for his decision.
#34 - Serenade The colonel could be serious; he could also be very silly indeed, and always had been able to make her laugh, like the time he -- quietly now, it wouldn't have done for the other soldiers in nearby tents to overhear -- serenaded her with a rather random, silly, and sometimes flustering song he made up off the top of his head as it went along.
#35 - Sarcasm His first lieutenant's wit was razor-sharp, and her sarcasm, hidden beneath that dry, bland tone to her voice, was deadly.
#36 - Sordid He worried sometimes that perhaps their private meetings left her feeling used, as sordid as a mistress he cheated with on the military they were both married to.
#37 - Soliloquy The talented alchemists were textbook mad scientific geniuses, Riza decided upon discovering who Roy was talking to in his study; all the skilled ones she'd observed at work seemed to develop a little quirk for talking -- sometimes muttering, sometimes purely conversational, and sometimes pitching a snarling fit complete with swearing -- to themselves as they poured over formulas and arrays.
#38 - Sojourn Sometimes, Roy admitted, the rainy season wasn't entirely bad, because even as it frustrated him to have his alchemy weakened during the downpours, the brass thought little of his faithful bodyguard waiting out the weather staying at his home and his side, and of course, his bed.
#39 - Share They couldn't live their lives they wanted to, so they stole what moments they could, their silent communication nigh perfect as unspoken thoughts were exchanged in shared glances.
#40 - Solitary It was hard at first, to not want to take advantage of their moments of solitude, little gifts of privacy when it was just them; but like any married couple, the heated urgency faded, leaving in its wake a comfortable companionship like a low-burning lamp, reliable and steady against the darkness.
#41 - Nowhere She never gave serious consideration to her private dreams of convincing him to run away, for them to leave before either of them were killed by the gathering storms; there was nowhere to run to, and they both knew it, and the only choice remaining was to hold on and hope they were both still standing when the skies cleared.
#42 - Neutral Ishbal taught them how to present to the world a neutral mask with dead, unreadable eyes; perfect poker faces that did not reveal to the outside the things they thought, the way they felt, and the plans they made.
#43 - Nuance Most people thought the first lieutenant was cold and unreadable, and Roy marveled at them; he knew Riza like a well-read book, easily interpreting every nuance to her expression and posture to read her mood and overall well-being.
#44 - Near He hated her reassignment; losing everyone hurt, but her the most, because her presence had been such a constant over the years, upwards to a decade, and the world felt terribly off-kilter without her nearby.
#45 - Natural Roy felt that Riza was one of those extraordinary women who needed nothing else to enhance or create her looks, her natural beauty, without a single bit of makeup and her hair in a plain style, and outshone everyone else with the intensity of her heart.
#46 - Horizon She remained where she was as the sun disappeared behind one horizon, and was there to see it come up the other; she wouldn't give up, she couldn't, he needed her there, to hold steady and true, to be his adjutant with the level of courage and determination she lacked before Lust.
#47 - Valiant She didn't know what her father might think of his student entering the military, but when she saw him through her window approaching the house in his new cadet uniform, it felt as though her heart stopped for just a moment as a secret smile curled her lips; the future Flame Alchemist looked handsome and valiant, and walked as though he belonged in blue and silver.
#48 - Virtuous Roy couldn't help but feel just a bit guilty whenever his proud and virtuous adjutant was on her knees, but it was only ever briefly before her lips and tongue drowned out those little twinges under the intensity of his approaching orgasm.
#49 - Victory His was a stunning, incredible victory, but there was no time, and no heart to celebrate it, between her shame of surrender and two of the most important men in her life being rushed to the hospital with critical injuries.
#50 - Defeat "This isn't a defeat," he told her after they dropped off Major Armstrong, and as he slipped his scarred hand into hers, added, "sometimes in order to win a battle, we have to retreat and reevaluate our strategy, never forget that."