[roy/riza; pg-13] No Fire Burning Fandom: Fullmetal Alchemist Title: No Fire Burning Author:emilie_burns Themes: #14, craven ("cry craven") (30_Romances) Pairing: Roy Mustang/Riza Hawkeye Rating: PG-13 Word Count: 1804 Disclaimer: Fullmetal Alchemist (Hagane no Renkinjutsushi) is copyrighted by Hiromu Arakawa/Square Enix. This is a work of fanfiction for personal entertainment only. Spoilers for manga chapters 38 and 39. Some liberties have been taken with the scanlation translations where the phrasing and sentence structure was a bit awkward. The concept and intent of what is said remains the same. Summary:Her soul had stopped beating. It was only a matter of time before her heart realized it. Original LJ Post Date: August 08, 2005 @ 30_Romances
No Fire Burning
There is no fire burning, Just a soul crying. - Stevie Nicks, "Fire Burning"
It was incomprehensible. The curious numbness of her mind as she watched the years fly past her thoughts did not offer any handholds. She was only dimly aware of the gun sliding from frozen fingers, the clatter audible over the fading echoes as it landed, the cruel smile in front of her, the sharp impact on her knees, cold cement under her hands, the smell of blood and gunpowder in the room. Her entire reality was brutally ripped away, left down to two things: the images flickering past her mind's eye -- vignettes of moving photographs over the years, and the raw, bleeding vacuum inside which threatened to suck her into oblivion.
Their first meeting. The first time she killed for him. The first time he was there when she needed him. The transfers and secrets and promotions and lies. The train ride west, in a heavy, tense silence through the night. His smirk and the paperwork he always put off -- who's going to do it now? I told him he needed to finish signing those -- and the whiskey bottle with a higher turnover rate after the rain, after the funeral. The way he was there, always there, the look on his face as he leaned on the wall saving her from death by his arrival, not a moment too soon...
A favor which she failed to return, a promise unkept.
Time slowed down. A distant, keening wail tore through her, out of the rawness deep inside. Riza dug her fingernails against the cement, trying to grab hold of a reality now out of her grasp. He wasn't dead. He couldn't be dead. It didn't make any sense! She was suffocating, smothered by the vacuum ripping away bits and part of her life, out of her heart, until it stopped beating.
"Foolish and weak." The woman's voice was a smooth purr, silky and low, and her tone was laced with contempt. "You sad, living thing."
Living. Something he wasn't. Something she no longer wanted to be. Riza waited for it, for the release it would bring. Did she believe in an afterlife? It was not a question that she let herself think about, but in that moment, she hoped that there was, if only so that she could remain by his side even through time. Over the roar of her own pulse in her ears rang metallic footsteps and the clatter of armor as a shadow moved before her, and metal feet came into her line of vision.
"Stand up, First Lieutenant," Alphonse ordered. She lifted her eyes just enough to see he was facing Lust, standing between them. "Run."
"Troublesome child, eh?" the sin sneered. "You want to be the first to die?"
The only answer she heard from him was the sound of leather gloves smacking together, and a blue-white crackle of alchemic energy zipped and buckled around him, dancing over the floor past her fingers, and a spear shot up from the ground into his hand. She had heard him, heard what he said, but she couldn't. She wouldn't.
Her limbs were numbed, icy from frigid, burning pain throbbing around her heart. Even if she had wanted to run, she doubted she could make her body respond. Run? Run to where? Air congealed in her lungs, too thick to breathe and she choked on it. What world was left? When it mattered the most, she failed. She had sworn to protect him, and she wasn't there. The fire was gone and she was frozen, a corpse in mind. It would not be long for it to become in body as well, and she welcomed it.
If there was still a world without him, it was not a world in which she wanted to live.
"So, you did open the Gate," Lust said, and there was a clatter as pieces of the spear fell to the floor, sliced by her talons. "How regretful, to have to butcher a confirmed human sacrifice."
She heard the homunculus' talons puncturing metal, and still Alphonse held firm. A strangled sob choked her as she clawed at the pavement, curling her hands into fists. Why wouldn't he move, why wouldn't he just let her die? She tried to find the words to tell him to leave, but he spoke first.
"Quickly!" he shouted, deflecting strike after strike. "Do something, anything!"
"You're being a silly boy, taking all this unnecessary damage," Lust said. "Can you not see that this girl is feeling her death?"
Riza gritted her teeth against the ripping pain that sparked up again briefly inside at her words, fresh and wounded and raw. That was it. That was it exactly. Her soul had stopped beating. It was only a matter of time before her heart realized it.
"You will not be able to stab her!" Alphonse shouted.
A keening moan escaped her lips. The longer he fought Lust, the longer she had to stay there, to feel that raw throbbing emptiness. "Alphonse, leave me and run away." Somehow, she managed to get her lips to form the words, strained as though her voice was under the weight of the tears.
"I won't!" he retorted, and a panicked desperation inside her snapped.
"Run away, leave me alone!" Riza screamed, a fresh sob searing over the frozen ache where her heart had been.
"I won't!" Alphonse shouted, his voice growing huskier with raw emotion and anger. "No matter what, I won't! My reason is my powerlessness is the fault for the deaths of too many people! I will not tolerate seeing people I should be protecting die in front of my eyes!"
Then, before the echo of clattering armor faded, the parts of his shoulder Lust had just sliced away, a voice brought life back with it.
"Well said, Alphonse Elric."
Disbelief stilled her tears as the ache began to subside, and she looked up quickly, blinking away her blurred vision for a confirmation that it was not a trick, a ploy. But all she saw was a blue crackle of energy as a curved wall shot up before her, cutting her and Alphonse off from Lust. Before she could figure out what was going on, Alphonse pulled her closer, using his body as well as the wall to shield her from the sudden firestorm that surged around it.
"What the hell!" Lust shrieked.
"To hold the initiative in battle, first you have to take away the mobility of your enemy. Looks like a surprise attack proved to be effective again. Remember this! Bit by bit, you will kneel, homunculus."
It sounded like him. Her heart no longer felt so raw, but his voice brought a fresh sort of ache at the fatigue and strain she could hear in it, under the rage, beneath the darkness.
"How?" Lust shouted. "You should be hemorrhaging from your wounds!"
Wounds. What had that bitch done to him? How badly was he injured? She shifted her weight to get to her feet, freezing at his reply, and guilt began to gnaw at her.
"I dammed it up by cauterization."
He continued talking, but she was only half-listening as she sprung to her feet and bolted for the edge of the wall. Her place was at his side, she should have fled from Lust, looked for him, helped him. Instead... A fresh wound of guilt winced inside her, accompanied by an impact which left her breathless as a strong arm caught her around the midsection.
"Stop, First Lieutenant!" Alphonse shouted as he jerked her back, shielding her just before another powerful gout of flame exploded in the room, burning Lust.
"Didn't you say this before, bitch?" Roy asked, his tone an icy contrast to the rising temperature in the room. "'There is still a long way to go before I die'? If that is the case, until you die, I shall just keep on killing you."
Another inferno roared through the room, the searing heat curling around the sides of the wall, greedily devouring the available oxygen. Again and again, fire and screams mingled behind her, and the scent of burning flesh and hair saturated the room with the heat. She struggled to breathe, fighting the flames for air, and then it was over. She remained still for a few moments, winded, sucking in hot air for what little oxygen it still held. She could hear the sin speaking, but could not make out what was being said. Then finally, Alphonse released her and she scrambled to her feet.
"Colonel!" she screamed, nearly falling as she rounded the wall just in time to see him drop heavily to the ground. She didn't make it across the room in time to catch him, but not for lack of trying as she landed on her knees beside him, the sight of his injuries robbing her of breath far more effectively than the flames had done. He opened his eyes and tried to push himself back up, and she slipped her arms around him for support. "Don't move, take it easy!"
He inhaled sharply, a gasp of pain from the exertion, his breathing shallow. "First Lieutenant, are you all right?" His speech was labored from the effort it took to talk.
She flinched inwardly and carefully helped him onto his back. "Please be concerned about yourself!" she replied, evading his question. Their eyes met briefly and she looked away from the anger visible even under the haze of pain, only to see the full extent of his injuries, bloodied and blackened flesh under his hand where he had carved the fire transmutation array into his skin.
"Alphonse, thank you very much for protecting my subordinate," he murmured, and fresh tears, this time of guilt, stung her eyes. She had failed him, not only by not being there, but by giving up.
"Those things can wait," Alphonse replied as he began to move around them for the door. "We better get you to a doctor quickly!"
"Oh, yes," he whispered, closing his eyes. "We should call a doctor for Havoc. Sorry to bother you with this."
"Shh, save your strength," Riza said, looking back to him after Alphonse left the room. "You're going to be okay, we'll get you both to the doctor, and everything's going to be fine."
"Of course it will, Hawkeye. It is good to see you remember that now." He looked at her again, and she bit her lip.
"I thought... I... I couldn't..." she stammered, unable to push her thoughts past her lips. I thought you were dead. I couldn't bear the thought of being here without you.
"Stop, Lieutenant." His hand reached out and she gripped it as he wrapped his fingers over hers. "As you just observed, everything will be fine. We will finish this discussion later."