|The Knight in Slightly Tarnished Armor (yuuo) wrote in chaotic_library,|
@ 2007-06-12 19:16:00
|Current music:||The Vincent Black Shadow - Metro|
[Elricest; Heiderich x Edward; NC-17] Between Our Rise And Fall
Character/Series: Edward Elric, Alphonse Elric, Alfons Heiderich; Fullmetal Alchemist
Notes: Written for tears_priestess and kaltia. Blame them. :D
Title: Between Our Rise And Fall
Word Count: 1239
Summary: Alphonse Elric had no memories of the last five years of his life.
Original LJ Post Date: Apr 29, 2006 @ Chaotic_Library
You, I hear you're doing fine
Seems you're doing well
As far as I can tell
Time is leaving us behind
Another week has passed
And still I haven't laughed yet
So tell me what your secret is
To letting go, letting go like you did
-"Like We Never Loved At All"; Faith Hill
Between Our Rise And Fall
Alphonse Elric had no memories of the last five years of his life. They'd disappeared from his mind, an exchange for something he couldn't fully understand. His mind had forgotten everything that had happened, the days riding trains with his brother (it must've been days, with how far we'd travelled, how far I'm travelling, following the rumors of our footsteps), the fights and jokes and laughter and tears and everything in between.
Five years with his brother, and they were only holes in his mind.
His heart remembered though. Oh yes, his heart remembered very well what his mind could not. He knew of promises, of love and devotion and his brother, right there, right beside him, every step of every day.
His brother. His love. His.
Alphonse Elric had no memories of the last five years of his life. He wondered if his brother hadn't forgotten somehow, too.
He could see his brother, through eyes that weren't quite his, as he slept in the bed of whatever inn he stopped at for the night. He could see him, his weary fallen savior that had disappeared from his world, his light that had moved to the dark side of the moon. He saw the way his brother's shoulders slumped over his work, his forehead resting in his hands.
Alphonse couldn't reach out to him and hold him, cling to him the way he wanted to, not then, not watching from some distance his mind couldn't quite fathom. He was a silent visitor, borrowing someone else's sight to peek in on something that was once his.
Edward seemed to have forgotten him.
At first, he thought the dreams were entirely his; the gentle touches and whispered words, the heat, the biting and the quiet growling. He'd wake up dizzy from it, his head spinning and his sleeping pants plastered stickily to his thighs. It couldn't have possibly been anything other than his own dreams, because Edward would never move on, never forget him, never break his promises to him, promises Alphonse had faith had been whispered to him before.
Except he'd never called Edward by name. Except Edward had always called him just 'Al', never by his full name.
Except it wasn't his hands, his lips on his brother's body.
Alphonse cried himself to sleep the first night he realized, really accepted, that the boy with his brother was not him, that it was not a dream, that it was real and that his brother had given promises to someone else, and he woke with a miserable headache, the sobbing hiccups, a wet pillow and an aching erection that he couldn't bring himself to be willing to satisfy.
He could've sworn his brother had promised him.
"Didn't you, Brother?" he whispered, eyes closed against bitter tears as he lay in bed, the images haunting him before he even was asleep now.
His brother's lips, warm and inviting, whispering his name, the name that wasn't quite his, breathless against his own- his doppleganger's, his replacement. Softly spoken words in a language Al didn't recognize as fingers tremblingly fought with the buttons on Brother's shirt.
Hiding his face behind his hands, he drew his legs up to his chest tightly, trying to imagine his brother asleep on his lap, form small and curled tightly on the armor's metal legs. He tried to imagine whispered promises to restore him like he knew his brother must've given, promises to share everything he was missing when that time came, a sated look on his face as he drifted to sleep.
Mismatched fingers travelled up the other Alphonse's back and the boy hissed sharply, whispering Brother's name as he ducked his head, sliding Brother's pants off over his hips. Brother sat up and kissed him hungrily, hand impatiently slipping down the front of the replacement's pants and-
Alphonse whimpered, the sensations from the waking nightmare viciously real on his own body and he curled up tighter, desperately trying... trying to imagine, to...
Desperately trying to hide behind memories that simply weren't there to prove what his heart screamed had to be true.
Brother's hand was warm and practiced- (practiced when did he learn that?) -against aching flesh and the replacement whimpered, bit his lip and pressed his face against the crook of Brother's shoulder as he rocked his hips against the strokes of Brother's hand.
A thready cry worked it's way past Alphonse's lips as his hands tugged and fought with the catches of his pants in a flurry of movement. He hated himself, but he couldn't help it, he could feel his brother's hand, and he was so hard he ached for release.
His jaw clenched so tightly it hurt when his fingers finally found the heated flesh of his cock and he stroked frantically, fumblingly trying to match the feeling of his brother's hand, trying to pretend it was his brother's hand, that he was home and here with him, and showing him everything he'd missed those years he'd lost.
It was dizzying, the way Brother's hand felt, the way his fingers stroked the sensitive underside and the replacement's breath hitched and caught and he whispered Brother's name and a forbidden endearment as he shuddered, thrusting blindly against Brother's hand.
Alphonse bit his lip until it bled, and he could hardly breathe, couldn't see as tears stung at his eyes and he whispered, pleading, "don't say it, Brother, please don't say it."
Brother caught the replacement's lips with his own hungrily, mufflingly the low-pitched moan as the replacement came, tensing and shuddering against Brother, clinging to his unbuttoned shirt tightly. Brother withdrew his hand-
Alphonse almost cried piteously at the loss of the second sensation, the feel of his brother's hand against needy flesh as his cock thrust furiously against his hand, at once disgusted with himself and so close he couldn't stop, and his vision was completely blurred and dizzy and there were tears on his face and oh god "Brother, please don't say it."
Brother lifted his hand, sucking a sticky thumb into his mouth and the replacement grabbed his wrist tightly, running his tongue against Brother's rough hand, cleaning off the come. Brother nuzzled the replacement, nipping his skin lightly. His lips brushed against the replacment's ear-
"Please, don't. Don't say it, please."
-and he whispered, words a faint breath against the replacement's skin. "I love you."
A keening moan escaped Alphonse's throat as he came, hard and bitter, and he trembled and cried and balled his fists against the sheets of the inn's bed. Bile rose in his throat and he heaved, holding his arms over his stomach tightly as he pushed himself away from the mess on the bed, falling off the edge with a loud thunk.
Ignoring the stab of pain in his back as he hit the floor, he skittered back into the corner of the room, curling up tightly and huddling down under his coat and sobbing helplessly. (Didn't you? Didn't you? It can't just be in my head, it can't.)
He couldn't believe, couldn't understand... how? It didn't make sense to him, that his brother would break a promise to him, him of all people!
But he knew what the truth of the matter was, the promises he assured himself with were things his heart believed, and there was nothing to prove them, nothing to say they were real..
Alphonse Elric had no memories.