Entwined with Nature

I feel so disconnected from what matters most to me lately. Just the past few days but I really do feel it. Hormonal crap leaving my super depressed. I haven't felt this depressed in a very long time. I was hoping to feel better today but I didn't. My knee is bothering me, I feel lonely and that is the worst of it. I feel very lonely. I miss spending quality time with my DH. His work schedule, a guest at the house all week, my work/school, etc. We've spent time but with our guest and I can't complain about the guest because he has been a wonderful help with babysitting this week since my mother-in-law was unavailable. My own mom trying some of her mind games, lies, etc with me yet once again. Finally my DH sees that she is like this. However her negitive crap isn't helping. I feel like if I can reconnect with the Goddess and God everything else will fall into place. It always has before. In my greatest times of need my faith has always been my life raft.

Chapter 5 in Crystal Healing by Katrina Raphaell talks about exorcising negitive feelings with crystals. She uses a man that had an uncontrollable temper that she worked on as his temper was hurting his family. I actually do have a bad temper and while that isn't what is bothering me right now, my depression is negitive and will lead to a temper outburst as it has in the past. Actually tonight, I've been jumping from to angry to sad to angry and sad again. I feel like a yoyo. I hate this feeling. Time to go through my crystals and get the appropiate ones work on some energy work before bed. I need to do something. I hate feeling like this and it is only a matter of time before my family can't take it anymore. I have so much emotional baggage still from my mother that I need to purge. I honestly wonder and not for the first time if my life wouldn't be better without her in it at all. I feel guilty for that but the more I'm around her the more she affects me in the wrong way. It is a toxic relationship that I'm not truly free of yet but I need to be.