HP fic: Choices [Harry/Draco, general]
Title: Choices Author: celandineb Fandom: HP Pairing: Harry/Draco Rating: general Warnings: Deathly Hallows spoilers. Summary: [highlight to see summary] Draco sees two possible ways to enable himself and Harry to settle their mutual life debt. Note: This is a sequel to "Settlement." Yes, there will almost certainly be more.
When no owl had arrived from Harry within the next month, Draco couldn't decide whether he was relieved or disappointed. Their mutual life debt would have to be settled sometime, of course, but there no real rush; neither of them was even fifty years old yet. There was plenty of time. And if they waited long enough, perhaps that lingering emotion between them would simply disappear of its own accord. Draco ignored the fact that thirty years seemed to have made very little difference.
The incident had, however, made him begin to rethink his life just a little bit. After half a year in his near-monastic little flat, Draco began to add a few touches that made it seem like it was his. Daphne came over one evening and complimented him on it, saying that he looked happier than he had done in a long time.
"Are you seeing someone?" she asked, one eyebrow raised as she leaned back elegantly.
Shaking his head, Draco said," No. No, there isn't anyone. What about you?"
Daphne smiled. "There are one or two possibilities on the horizon, but I'm in no hurry."
"Sensible of you," said Draco, "but then you always were, weren't you?" He took her hand and they sat companionably, talking about Scorpius and Rosie, and whether Draco's father was likely to get over his pique at that marriage if there were a great-grandchild.
"I hope they don't have one right away," said Daphne.
"Why not?"
"There's no rush, and I think that they'll both be happier if they allow themselves time to get used to each other first."
"I trust them to make the right decision," said Draco. "Between us we raised a good son." It might not have been his first choice for his life, but he found it hard to regret that it had happened.
Daphne rose and brushed a swift kiss over his temple. "See you in a few weeks."
After she had gone, Draco reflected on their conversation. Daphne had always known that he preferred men, but she hadn't seemed surprised when he said that there was presently no one new in his life. He wasn't old, scarcely even middle-aged by wizarding standards, and not unattractive, he knew. Most other wizards in his position would already be seeing someone, so why had Daphne been unsurprised that he was not?
Peering into the mirror as he cleaned his teeth, Harry's words crept into his memory. "Most of the time you were a bit of a coward."
It was true. Nearly always he had taken the easy way out, done what was expected of him, tried not to think about what he wanted. But now... his son was grown and gone, Daphne and he had agreed to lead separate lives, and for nearly the first time he had taken a stand against his father, on Scorpius' behalf. Perhaps it was time not to be afraid anymore, but to take a risk for his own happiness.
The next evening, after work, he wrote a letter to Harry.
"Hello."
They were in a different restaurant this time, and Draco hadn't arrived half an hour early. In fact he was several minutes late, and Harry was already at the table.
"I ordered a bottle of wine; I hope that's all right?"
"Yes, thanks."
Once they had each ordered, and they'd done the requisite round of polite inquiries into each other's health, Harry asked, "What was it you wanted to talk about?" Then he flushed, the scar on his forehead standing out against the reddened skin. "I mean, I suppose it's about the life debt, and what happened last time, but..." he trailed off.
"I was curious," said Draco, "whether you had had difficulty in using the Relinquishment Spell with anyone else."
He saw Harry swallow. "Not like with you."
"I think we should talk about it." Draco said the words with a certain reluctance. There was no question that he was attracted to Harry, but it was one thing to have that sort of physical reaction, and something else again to sit here as if they were friends. They had never been friends.
"I suppose so." Harry sounded reserved, as if he were thinking very much the same thing.
Their meal arrived, and they ate for a few minutes before Draco spoke again.
"Have you ever felt like this about another man before?"
A shake of the head, and then Harry said, "Not in any serious way. Not since I was at school." He blinked rapidly.
Draco sighed to himself. Of course not. Poster-boy Potter... he couldn't have allowed himself to. "I suppose I'm one up on you, then. I've known that I was gay since I can remember."
Harry was looking at him oddly. "But you married Daphne."
Draco gave a short laugh. "I didn't have a lot of of options. She knew, mind you, I told her before we were married, and we came to an agreement." He shrugged. "Pureblood marriage traditions have always needed to be somewhat flexible."
"Did you...?" Harry shook his head. "Never mind. It's none of my business."
"If you're asking whether we were faithful," Draco pronounced the last word with a certain scorn, "you're right, it isn't any of your business." He shrugged. "Daphne and I were friends, and raising our son was important to both of us. We wanted him to be secure in his family."
"I understand," said Harry softly. "Family has always been important to me, too." He pushed his glasses up his nose, settling them more comfortably. Behind the lenses his eyes looked tired, and Draco could see the threads of silver in his hair.
Remembering Harry's insistence on how much he loved his wife, the last time they'd spoken, Draco hesitated a moment before continuing. "If you've never felt anything for another man -- school-age fantasies aside -- then I don't know how you'll feel about this suggestion."
"I survived my own death, in a manner of speaking, when I fought Voldemort," said Harry in a dry tone. "Even if your suggestion is what I think it might be, I can probably hear you out without too much difficulty."
"I have two possibilities in mind, actually. Which might be the better option depends on whether the physical expression of your emotions is acceptable to you."
"What are the options you're thinking of?"
"Obviously one possibility is that we could have sex," said Draco, keeping his voice low. "That might be enough to get it out of your system, or mine. The other possibility is that we could try to become friends. If what's preventing the Relinquishment Spell from working is a strong unresolved emotion, then reaching a resolution through friendship ought to work. You said that you had no difficulty with other people on this?"
"That's right. There aren't very many where the debt is mutual, of course, but I don't think that makes a difference. A life debt is a life debt."
"Well then. Friendship could solve the problem."
"Friendship." Harry said the word as if he were tasting it. "No offense, Draco, but what do we have in common that might make a real friendship feasible?"
"We'd have to find out, wouldn't we? But it seems like it's a reasonable option... unless you didn't want an option," he added with a flash of understanding. "If the only possible resolution is sex, then you can justify it, can't you? You don't want to take a chance of dying still in my debt, so you could use this necessity as an excuse to your wife."
Harry didn't answer.
"If you want to tell her that, you can." Draco gave a one-shouldered shrug. "It doesn't matter to me, and I certainly wouldn't tell her anything otherwise." He wouldn't object if Harry chose to do it that way, either. What did they have in common, really? But the longer he looked at Harry, the more clearly he remembered their kiss, and how it had made him aware again, after all those years feeling as if his emotions were wrapped in cotton wool. It had been more than something physical.
He pulled a handful of coins from his pocket, overriding Harry's attempt to insist on paying for both meals.
"Look. We both have an interest in settling this, and it's always best to do such things sooner rather than later. Think about what I've said." Draco held out his hand, repressing the shiver that went through him as Harry shook it. "The next move is up to you."
Once again, Draco waited to see if Harry would owl him. The days ticked past and he wondered whether Harry was weighing his options. On the one hand, he could sleep with Draco -- sex was likely to resolve their emotions sufficiently to make the Relinquishment Spell work. But Harry apparently had qualms of conscience about that; a kiss might be acceptable, but nothing more. On the other hand, trying to establish a friendship was unlikely to be easy. They had not only the mutual animosity of their school years to overcome, but an almost total lack of interaction since.
It was nearly a fortnight before a message arrived, asking if Harry might stop by Draco's flat on Tuesday evening, at eight o'clock. Draco replied in the affirmative, giving Harry his Floo address.
"I've always hated the Floo Network," were Harry's first words as he stumbled out of the fireplace. "I suppose if you grew up taking it, it's better."
"Not really. I've never cared for it myself." Draco had been sitting in his favorite chair, waiting. He gestured at the other seats. "Sit down. Would you like a drink?"
Harry chose the end of the sofa nearest Draco. "No... well, actually, yes, that would be nice. Whatever you're having."
"Accio." Draco Summoned a tumbler and the bottle of firewhisky, poured, and sent the glass over to Harry. "Cheers."
"Cheers." Harry lifted his glass in return, sipped, and coughed. "Right. Er. I've been thinking about things."
"So I supposed, or you wouldn't have owled me. What brilliant conclusions have you reached, then?"
Shaking his head, Harry gave a wry chuckle. "You know, that's exactly the sort of comment that kept me uninterested in trying to be friends with you."
"It's meant to be a joke."
"Yes, I know. Still." He took another sip of the firewhisky. "This is very good."
"Thank you. What has your thinking resulted in, then?"
"Can I be honest?"
"Of course."
"I'd like to sleep with you... but I don't think I should." Draco saw him take a deep breath. "It might resolve those feelings enough to settle the life debt, but I'm afraid it would make other things more complicated than I can handle."
Draco waited. When it seemed plain that Harry had nothing more to add at the moment, he said, "So then you want to try the second option I suggested... friendship. Even though you dislike my style of humor."
"It seems the better choice... for now."
Which, of course, left open the possibility that Harry might change his mind in future. Since the kind of shagging Draco would like to have with Harry required the latter's willing participation -- rape held no charms for Draco -- he nodded. "Agreed."
"Shall we shake on it?" Harry's lips curved in a half-grin. "Since I once refused to shake your hand, that seems appropriate."
"Done." Draco leaned forward, extending his hand. The same jolt went through him as he had felt the last two times they had touched. Harry apparently felt it too.