HP fic: Full Disclosure [Draco/Harry, adult]
Title: Full Disclosure Author: celandineb Fandom: HP Pairing: Draco/Harry Rating: adult Length: 2019 words Warnings: infidelity, angst, sex Summary: Harry finally nerves himself up to tell Draco about the other man in his life. Note: For quill_it, 100.3, prompt 49, "can't". For felaine who asked for Harry & Draco. Part of the Draco/Harry, Harry/Lucius series, but (I hope) stands alone.
I pace around my living room, muttering. When Hedwig was alive she would have been the object of my conversation, but she is long gone and I have never quite brought myself to replace her.
Not that Hedwig would have had good advice on this particular problem. I am trying to figure out how to explain to Draco that even as we began our relationship, I was already involved with his father... and that I've reached a point where I can neither keep what's going on secret, nor give up either one of them.
Lucius already knows. I told him last weekend, but I think he had guessed even before then. He's not exactly thrilled with the situation but he says he'd rather have something than nothing.
Neither of us thinks that Draco will take this little revelation as well as Lucius has.
The thing is that I never intended to end up in such a tangle. It's Draco I've been interested in for ages, but when Lucius offered to do anything I asked as thanks for saving Draco from the Fiendfyre, I couldn't resist having him teach me about sex. I guessed, and I was right, that he had had plenty of experience with other men, and with activities rather beyond the usual. I didn't expect that eventually he would come to mean more to me than a kinky tutor, but that is what happened.
In the meantime I had finally managed to hook up with Draco; our initial encounter led quickly to getting physical, but we hit it off in every other way as well. We complement each other. I'm impulsive, he's more calculating; I'm an orphan, he's had more of family bonding that he would like; I'm a hero, he's... well, not a villain, but maybe close, at least in most people's eyes. Anyhow. The point is that we get on surprisingly well, to where I think we're both seriously considering spending the rest of our lives together... except for this one little snag.
"Maybe not so little," I say aloud, just as a thud in the fireplace signals Draco's arrival.
"That's definitely not so little," he says, coming toward me. "Is that a broomstick in your trousers, or are you just happy to see me?"
"Flatterer," I murmur against his lips. "You're bigger than I am."
"Only longer," he corrects me.
We measured, one night, when we'd had sex about four times and were happily exhausted and drinking firewhiskey. Draco's right, he's longer, but I'm bigger around. He says he prefers that; he likes to suck me off but has a tendency to gag when he takes me too deep into his mouth.
Already his hand is on me, and yeah, I'm hard for him. I've been thinking about him and Lucius and sex, how could I not be hard? He's flattered, though, I can tell by the way his eyes shine as he pulls a little back and sinks gracefully to his knees, reaching to unfasten my trousers, setting my cock free.
"Draco," I say.
His lips are already parting, sliding around the tip, his tongue flickering out to taste me.
I can't say it now. I haven't even figured out how to explain the situation yet. So I let it go, let myself yield to the pleasure Draco is offering.
"Nothing. Just that... I love you," I say.
It's not the first time I've told him this, but it's still new between us, this acknowledgment that what we feel is more than pure physical attraction, and I can see his cheeks flush. He keeps his hair trimmed short, unlike his father. I like that. It suits him... and it has helped me, more than once, not to call out the wrong name.
His mouth is busy, but he caresses my thigh in response.
All too soon, it seems, he stops. I can't really object, since he only does so in order that we can both strip down and move into the bedroom. I stroke his chest, his belly, his cock, as he quivers under my touch.
"Accio lube," I say, and slick Draco generously with the slippery gel before positioning myself on the bed on my side, my top leg forward.
He takes a fingerful and probes me, pressing the lube inside. We both prefer it when I am still quite tight, so it is only a few seconds before his cock nudges my hole, and I groan as he enters.
"Ohgod -- Draco --"
"Sh, I have you," he whispers. His cheek rasps against my shoulder blade, and his hand toys with my bollocks. The pressure of his cock, the feeling of fullness, usually makes my own cock soften at this point, but today I remain relatively hard. Realizing this, Draco shifts to give long strokes timed with his own thrusts, so that his hand reaches the base of my cock just as his own cock fills me completely.
I hear myself whimper; that's really the only word that fits the sound. It's all too much, too good, too loving when I am almost sure that what I'm going to have to talk to Draco about tonight will only bring him pain.
But I love him too much to lie to him any more, even by omission, and so I bite down on my own fist and rock back against him, gasping, groaning. He cries out my name when he comes, and together we bring me off too.
Draco spoons himself around me, his breath slowing, warm on my skin. "Good?"
"You know it was," I reply, and kiss his palm.
We stay there a little while, but my stomach starts rumbling. We were supposed to be going out for dinner, after all. Luckily we hadn't made reservations since we would have been late if so.
"Maybe we should just get a takeaway?" Draco suggests. "It would be quicker."
There's a fairly good curry place in the next street but one. Muggle, of course, but Draco has adapted to the fact that I regularly go to Muggle shops and restaurants, even resigned himself to joining me. I wouldn't say he's totally comfortable with treating non-wizards as equals yet, but he's not nearly as bad as he used to be. He even voluntarily wrote a letter of apology to Hermione after he and I had been seeing each other for a couple of months.
We get samosas, chicken tikka masala, and dal, as well as rice and naan and various chutneys and raitas -- more than enough for the two of us, but I'll eat the leftovers for lunch for a day or two.
Draco licks orange-colored chicken sauce from his fork and sighs happily. I grin at how much he likes it all, but my smile fades as I remember what I still have to do.
There's no point in putting it off any longer; we've eaten and cleared away the table and are sitting on the sofa in my living room, sipping the last of our lagers. Draco's kicked off his shoes and his narrow bony feet are propped on my lap.
"Draco." I stroke his ankle. "I need to talk to you about something."
"So talk." He squirms down into the cushions a little further.
I take a deep breath. "Before I started seeing you, I was... kind of involved with someone else. Strictly a physical thing."
He shrugs. "I knew you weren't a virgin, if that's what you're trying to say. Neither was I."
"No. I mean, I didn't stop getting together with him once you and I got involved."
Now Draco cocks his head and eyes me. "Him, huh? I guess at least it's not Ginny. So you're saying that you're still seeing this bloke?" His voice is flat.
"Well, yeah. I am." I swallow hard. "And, the thing is, it was meant only to be physical, like I said, but what I realized is that he means something to me. I love you. I mean that, very much. But... I have feelings towards him too."
"You love him," says Draco, still quietly, but there's a strange hollowness to his tone.
"I don't know. Maybe. Not in exactly the same way. Oh, hell." I pull off my glasses and rub my hand across my eyes, frustrated. "Parents can have more than one kid and love them all, right? Why can't I, can't anyone, love more than one person romantically?"
I still haven't told Draco who the other man is. One step at a time.
Somehow, surprisingly, my rhetorical question engages Draco's interest. "I don't know." He has pulled his feet away and curled up against the far arm of the sofa, but he hasn't moved any further off than that. "It doesn't really make sense, on a certain level. Although it's a lot easier to figure out what is going on if people are only supposed to be involved with one other person at a time."
"That's true," I have to admit. "You can sort of check both people off mentally as taken, and not have to worry about them. Whereas if they might also each be seeing more people... yeah, confusing."
"Just a little." Draco brushes his fringe back and peers at me. "You thought I'd be furious over this, didn't you?"
"Yes." I wonder if maybe Draco, too, has someone else. It would be only fair... but it doesn't seem likely. He's never given the slightest hint of such a thing. Then again, neither have I.
"Well, I am; but I'm a Slytherin. I can save up and hit you with it later, when you're not expecting it."
"If you tell me that's what you're doing, doesn't that kind of ruin the surprise?" I ask.
"Harry..." He shook his head at me. "No. Believe me, no."
"Okay," I say doubtfully, because I'm sure I am going to worry about this until he does take his anger out on me.
"So putting the fact that you've been cheating on me aside for the moment..."
I want to protest that description -- it's not as though we ever promised exclusivity -- but I'm not exactly in a position to do so.
"...is this other man someone I know? Just so I have an idea of who the competition is, you understand." Draco takes a long drink, finishing his glass, but his eyes remain fixed on me the whole time, and I know he won't accept an evasion.
This is even harder than telling him there was someone else to begin with.
"It's someone you know," I say.
"Please tell me it's not that Weasley brother. I don't think I could cope with that," says Draco.
"Not Charlie." I shake my head. "Not a Gryffindor at all."
"Really?" Draco's eyebrows go up. "Dare I hope you had the good taste to choose a Slytherin?"
Since I know that Lucius, like Draco, had been in that House, I can only nod.
"You did? All right, now I have to know who. Blaise? No one else in our year flies on the wrong side of the broomstick." Draco squints at me. "Miles? He's only a couple of years ahead of us, not that much older."
"It's someone a lot older," I say, almost under my breath. Before Draco can ask me to repeat myself, I say, more loudly, "Lucius. Your father."
"My what? Sorry, I can't have heard you right."
"You did," I sigh. "It just... happened."
"I can't believe this."
I have never seen Draco so upset, not even when he was so frustrated in the Room of Requirement that he was practically crying. I guess his relative calm at knowing I've been sleeping with someone else was more of a pretense than he was letting on, because it's as if a switch has flipped inside him. He's not red, but pale and shaking, curled in on himself with his arms around his knees.
"I can't... I have to leave."
Before I can stop him, he's over at the fireplace, grabbing a handful of Floo powder.