HP ficlet: The Downsides of Hero-dom [Harry, Ron, Hermione, general]
Title: The Downsides of Hero-dom Author: celandineb Fandom: HP Characters: Harry, Ron, Hermione (H/H/R references) Rating: general Length: 500 words Summary: Ron is dismayed by what happens after he is described as a hero in the Prophet. Note: For quill_it, 100.3, prompt 37, "heroes". For ancarett who requested Harry & Ron. I didn't manage gen, but the threesome is only by implication. *g*
"Merlin's saggy tits!" A pair of lacy pink knickers fell onto the table. Ron drew back from them as if they might be hiding a baby Acromantula in their folds. "Another one. These girls are mental, Harry. There's no other way to describe them."
"Did this one include a picture of herself?" Harry asked with interest.
"I think so." Ron poked at the lace and pulled out a photograph, passing it to Harry.
The witch in it was wearing those same pink lace knickers and quite obviously nothing else, tossing her hair and smiling flirtatiously from the picture.
"She does have nice tits," said Hermione in a composed voice, plucking the photograph from Harry's fingers and glancing at it.
"Not nicer than yours," said Ron.
"Why, thank you, Ron."
"But I mean, what sort of crazy person thinks that sending something like that will attract me?" Ron wondered aloud.
"It did get your attention," Harry said. "Not in a good way, but they can't have any idea of what you're really like."
"No," Ron sighed. "That stupid bloody article in the Prophet, setting us all up as heroes. I wonder if Neville gets knickers in his morning post?"
Hermione giggled. "And what his Gran has to say about it if he does."
Harry and Ron both laughed at that.
"Seriously, though, Ron, remember all those letters I got after Rita Skeeter wrote those articles about me for the Triwizard Tournament? Mostly from women old enough to be my mum, but if I had been a few years older, I bet I'd have been getting things like that." He nodded at the photograph and knickers. "Some people just don't have any sense of what's appropriate, I guess."
"Clearly not." Ron picked up the offending items with a look of distaste. "So do I send them back, or throw them out, or what?"
"Throw them out," said Hermione. "If you answer at all, it will just encourage more of the same; people talk. If you respond in any way to one witch, a half-dozen of her friends will write you next, and it will never end."
"I think she's right," said Harry.
"Wouldn't it be simpler if we just made our situation public?" asked Ron plaintively. "If people knew the three of us were involved, don't you think they'd quit sending such rubbish?"
"Probably they'd send more," said Harry. "They'd be likely to figure that if you were already involved with two people at once, you might be keen to make it three, or four, or..."
"Not to mention that Skeeter would have a field day," added Hermione. "Can't you just see the headlines? Hogwarts Heroes in Love Triangle, or something of the sort."
"I expect you're right." Ron used a levitation charm to float photograph and knickers over to the rubbish bin "You know, if I'd known this would be the result of being called a hero, I might've had second thoughts."