LotR fic: Passages, chapters 33-34 [Haldir/Melpomaen, adult]
Title: Passages Chapter 33, "Farewells"; chapter 34, "The Journey Resumed" Author: celandineb Fandom: LotR Pairing: Haldir/Melpomaen, plus Legolas Rating: adult Warnings: PWP, angst, intercrural sex Summary: Haldir and Melpomaen find their friendship developing beyond the expected as they travel from the Golden Wood to Dale and back via Mirkwood.
33. Farewells
Melpomaen woke with a start, worried that he had overslept – but surely Haldir would not let him be late for their shift? – then relaxed, remembering. Today was their last day in Thranduil's household, and they had been released from duty. All they had to do was prepare to leave.
"Yes, all," he muttered aloud. Next to him Haldir turned over, dragging the covers with him. Melpomaen considered tugging them back, but decided instead to get up. They might not have to report in to the guard, but there was more than enough to do today. Besides packing their gear and arranging for the disposal of anything they could not take, they had been asked to attend King Thranduil this morning.
Yawning, Melpomaen lit the lamp and went into the bathing room. That was a convenience he would indeed miss, not only on the journey home but also after their return. There were no hot springs nor baths out on the borders of Lórien.
By the time he emerged, face washed and hair braided for the day, Haldir had arisen and was pulling on his clothes.
"Good morning, Maen," he said in cheerful tones.
"Mm." Melpomaen went over and kissed Haldir's cheek, then rummaged for his own garments.
"Choose something good," advised Haldir. "After we eat we're supposed to go take formal leave of the king. But of course you remember that." He disappeared for a moment into the other room and came out with the comb, pulling it through his hair and grimacing when he struck a tangle.
"Let me." Melpomaen enjoyed combing Haldir's hair, which felt almost alive under his fingers. He sat cross-legged behind Haldir, who perched on the edge of the bed, and drew the comb through the golden strands. When it all lay smooth and shining, he took a lock from each temple and twisted two braids, one behind either ear, to keep Haldir's hair from falling into his face.
"Thank you," said Haldir when Melpomaen had finished. "I'd offer to return the favor, but I see you've done it for yourself." He smiled the loving smile that always made Melpomaen's heart turn over. "So shall we go and break our fast?"
They were later in the mess than usual, and the few Elves left were all finishing their meals quickly, lest they be late for their assigned duties. Erentar stopped before rushing out to say that he would see them that evening. Belegorn waved from the next table, but had no time then to speak.
Rather than in his chambers, King Thranduil spoke to them in the Great Hall, thanking them for services well-rendered over the winter past. His seat was twined with the first flowers of spring, reminding them that the season arrived later here; it would already be nearing summer to the south.
"As a token of that service, and of our esteem, we wish to present you with these rings," the king said, and Guilin stepped forward to give a ring to Haldir, and then one to Melpomaen.
Slipping the gold band onto the first finger of his right hand, Haldir noticed that the crest bore an image of a stag with three stars caught in its antlers.
"At any time that you may return to Mirkwood," said Thranduil, "if you show these rings you will be welcomed as one of our own, and given whatever assistance you may require. Though I hope you will need none," he added, a hint of humor on his lean face.
"Indeed," Haldir murmured.
Melpomaen said, "If I may inquire, lord king, we have not heard – did the searchers ever discover any trace of the creature that was stealing the babes of the woodmen last autumn?"
Thranduil shook his head. "No, I regret not. Thus far it has eluded every attempt at capture. You plan to take our northern path rather than the Old Road through the southern part of the forest, I think? Either way it would be wise to be wary – this creature has never been known to attack openly, preferring to rob nests and cradles in stealth, but with only the two of you there is doubtless some risk. But you are prudent and skilled enough to need no such advice from me. I bid you both farewell and a good journey. Know that should you ever return, you would be most welcome."
Haldir bowed, with Melpomaen a heartbeat behind him. "Thank you, King Thranduil. You have been a most gracious host."
They withdrew to the back of the hall as Thranduil turned to the next person awaiting his attention.
"We should stop in the kitchens and take leave of Vida," remarked Melpomaen in an undertone.
"Of course," Haldir agreed, his voice equally quiet. "We must go there in any case for some of our supplies. I think we should ask for as much bread as we can eat while it is still fresh. Dried meat and fruits we can take from the guards' stores."
The kitchens were well down the corridors away from the Great Hall, full of the aromas of roasting meat and stewing vegetables, with hints of the wheaten loaves that had been pulled from the wall-ovens hours before and now filled several great racks. Though the guard companies had their own separate kitchen, all bread was baked here.
Melpomaen was the first to see Vida, who was stirring a great kettle and almost hidden by the clouds of fragrant steam rising from its surface. Her face broke into a smile at the sight of them.
"A pleasure to see you, Haldir and Melpomaen," she exclaimed. Noticing their sober expressions, she continued, "Oh. Oh. You are leaving, aren't you?"
"We must, Vida. We have responsibilities elsewhere that call us away," said Haldir.
"But we wished to say to you goodbye," said Melpomaen. His command of Westron had improved over the past few months in speaking to Dwarves and Men at the cavern gates. Though he knew it was still imperfect, he was comfortable using that tongue now.
"Thank you," said Vida, and put her arms around each of them in turn. "I am glad to have a chance to bid you farewell; I am so grateful to you both. If you had not happened by that day. . ." Her voice trailed off and she shook her head. "Well, it isn't worth thinking about. And if you stay here now I will think about it, so best that you go." She hugged them once more, then turned resolutely back to her kettle, dabbing at her eyes with the edge of her apron.
"Goodbye, Vida." They spoke in unison. Melpomaen reached out as if to touch her shoulder, but Haldir held him back and jerked his chin towards the racks of bread.
With permission from the head cook, they took four loaves. Melpomaen wanted six, but Haldir reminded him that they could only carry so much. Once through Mirkwood, there would be a few villages along its western border where they might buy further supplies if they wished.
They collected the dried meats, fruits, and a few other odds and ends from the storerooms, and walked back to their own room with full arms.
"We'll never manage all this," Melpomaen said, setting his load down on the table and looking around the room in dismay. "How in Arda did we manage to accumulate so many things in just a few months?"
"The uniforms will all stay," Haldir said, putting them to one side. "We do both have rather more changes of clothing now than we arrived with, however. Most of them not very practical for travel – those we'd better leave. Someone will want them."
"I shall take at least one new tunic, though," said Melpomaen with determination. "Or perhaps two, the plainer ones. What I wore last summer can stay, it's only fit for rags."
They sorted through the chestful of garments, reducing the number to take down to a manageable amount – a spare pair of leggings and three tunics each, along with some undergarments and stockings. Melpomaen fingered the engraved leaves of the silver hair-clasp that Haldir had given him in Dale and carefully tucked it down at the bottom of his pack. He would not wear it on the journey, for fear it might be lost.
A handful of books waited in a stack on the table to be returned to the shelves in the common room; uniforms and other clothing were folded to go back into storage; and they were nearly finished, in far less time than either had expected. Haldir volunteered to carry all the things back where they belonged, while Melpomaen made a final check to ensure they had not missed anything.
He was in the bathing room, trying to recall what they had brought and what had already been there and should remain, when a tap sounded at the door.
"Come in," Melpomaen called, and emerged from the bathing room holding the wider-toothed comb, having decided that was their own and that the other had been supplied with their quarters.
Dúlin entered, carrying her pipes. "I want you to have these, Melpomaen," she said, holding them out to him.
Melpomaen raised his hands, palms out, fending them off. "I couldn't possibly," he protested. "They are yours. I couldn't take your pipes away with me."
She gave a sniff. "As if I cannot make another set whenever I wish. You play them better than I; you should have them, as a remembrance of this winter at least."
"No," Melpomaen demurred. "That isn't necessary. Truly. I appreciate the sentiment, but I cannot accept such a gift."
On those words Haldir returned. "You cannot take what gift, Maen? Ah, good afternoon, Dúlin. How are you?"
"Quite well, except that I am having little success at persuading your stubborn friend here that I genuinely wish him to have these pipes."
Haldir looked at Melpomaen and raised an eyebrow.
"They are too valuable – and we do not have room." Melpomaen gestured to their full packs sitting on the floor by the wall.
"For this, we can find room," said Haldir firmly. "I think you should accept Dúlin's offer, Maen."
Melpomaen capitulated. "All right. I can't deny you both. It isn't that I mean to be ungrateful," he said hastily to Dúlin, "but I have nothing to give you in return, as I ought."
Dúlin cocked her head at him, saying, "Do you not realize what a gift you have already given me? All the melodies that you have shared? Let there be no thought that my poor pipes can even begin to balance that out."
"Very well," laughed Melpomaen, taking the object in question from her hand. "Shall we call it even, then? I hope you do not still feel in my debt – if you were to give me your cittern, too, I would be forced to refuse regardless of either your or Haldir's insistence! I should look like one of those traveling tinkers, those wandering peddlers among Men, all hung about with the goods they sell and rattling in any breeze."
"No, this will suffice," said Dúlin gravely. "Haldir, I think that you should ask him to play for you on your journey."
"I would enjoy hearing him," Haldir said. He did not feel it necessary to explain that often it would be wiser to maintain silence, or at least quiet, of an evening, lest they attract unwanted attention in the wild. The musician meant well, and it was not surprising that she should know little of the practicalities of travel.
Dúlin remained a little while longer, chatting, then bade them both farewell and a safe journey. After she had gone, Haldir put his arms around Melpomaen's waist from behind and rested his chin on his partner's shoulder.
"You'll miss her, won't you?"
"Yes," Melpomaen said, "I will."
"I'm sorry."
Melpomaen shrugged. "That is how it is." He looked around the room. "I think we're finished here, or as near as possible for now – shall we go see about some dinner?"
The meal and the ensuing time in the common room were suffused with a kind of melancholy cheerfulness. Everyone with whom either Haldir or Melpomaen had any acquaintance came to bid them a good journey and to regret their departure. Since all were well aware of the need to travel as lightly burdened as possible, no parting-gifts were offered, with one exception. Erentar, together with Gelion and Lasmir, jointly presented them with a pair of excellent Dwarf-made knives to replace their own.
Pleading the excuse of an early departure the next day, they did not remain too long. Legolas had been at their table during the meal, and had said to Haldir that he would be certain to be present when they left the following morning, so his absence from the common room did not surprise them. As the door to their chamber closed behind him, Melpomaen saw on the table what appeared to be a letter. It proved to be three: one with Melpomaen's name on it, one with Haldir's, and the third addressed to them both and with a few words indicating that this should be opened first. The other two were sealed with the king's seal of stag and stars, but this last had instead the imprint of a leaf.
Melpomaen broke the green wax, and Haldir looked over his shoulder to read along with him.
My dear friends, it began, although I shall see you once again before you depart, I wished to put my true farewell into this message. I cannot possibly convey my gratitude for your friendship in any adequate fashion, yet I hope that you can guess its depth. While I might have wished for certain matters to have been different, I have nothing but admiration for the two of you and your bond, and for the way in which you have extended your hands to me in comfort and help, to a greater extent than I could have imagined possible. In no way do I regret anything we three have spoken of or done – I shall cherish the memories, and I hope that you will as well.
You will have seen the additional two letters with the king's seal. Though I presume that you will continue to work together, it seemed best that each of you should receive his own statement of recommendation – in the highest terms, of course. I hope that these may be of assistance to you in the future. And of course you both know well that you would be welcome to return at any time.
I regret that my present circumstances are not such that I might travel with you and see something more of Middle-earth than has yet been my fortune, but who knows what the future may hold? My heart tells me that we shall all meet again someday, though where or how I do not know.
May your journey be swift and safe, and your days and nights alike filled with joy in each other. In friendship, Legolas.
Melpomaen set the letter down next to the other two, carefully returning the parchment to its original folds, before turning and taking Haldir into a close embrace.
"He is too generous," Haldir heard Melpomaen mumble into his shoulder. Haldir did not understand what his partner meant by that, but he had no chance to inquire, for Melpomaen had lifted his head again and taken Haldir's face between his hands, kissing him insistently.
They moved together to the bed and fell upon it, entwined. Haldir ran his hands along the length of Melpomaen's back and pulled him closer, pressing his left thigh between Melpomaen's legs. He had supposed that they would make love tonight – perhaps the last time in their lives that they would do so in a proper bed, though he fervently hoped not – but had wanted to draw it out, which Melpomaen seemed unprepared to do just now. The younger Elf was rocking his hips against Haldir without even pausing to unfasten his garments.
"Sh, Maen, sh, meldanya," said Haldir, as soon as he could free his mouth. He held Melpomaen and rolled them both over, so that now Melpomaen lay on his back with Haldir above him, then pushed himself towards the foot of the bed. He pulled off Melpomaen's shoes with one hand while the other fumbled with the laces that bound Melpomaen's leggings. At last he was able to tug the garment down and reveal his lover's member briefly before he took it between his lips, judging that Melpomaen's urgency made this the best course.
Melpomaen groaned and his organ quivered in Haldir's mouth. Under Haldir's tongue the loose skin slipped back. He licked at the petal-soft head, dipping his tongue into the tiny slit and tasting a hint of bitterness there. With his thumbs he rubbed the base, his fingers curling around to press lightly against the tender stones in their warm pouch. He let his teeth just scrape the shaft, taking great care, for he did not intend any discomfort to come to his lover, and was gratified by Melpomaen's strangled moan and the sudden grip of Melpomaen's hands on his head, urging him to continue.
He sucked harder, his tongue rubbing along Melpomaen's length, feeling the blood pulsing there. When he slipped a forefinger down to press against Melpomaen's puckered opening, Melpomaen's entire body stiffened and his seed spilled out into the back of Haldir's throat. He swallowed hard to keep from choking on the bitter fluid, and with his mouth still full of its taste, he crawled up the bed to kiss Melpomaen, who responded as completely as if they had not made love for a week, his hand going to Haldir's firm member and gripping the shaft through the fabric of his leggings, his fingers tightening and releasing again rhythmically one by one.
Quickly Haldir loosened his clothing, flinging it onto the floor, and groped for the flask of oil which he had prudently omitted to pack that afternoon. He nudged it against Melpomaen's hand. When his lover took it, Haldir moved to his hands and knees.
Melpomaen spread a generous amount of oil into Haldir's crevice, massaging it into the skin, and then put some on each of their cocks. Taking Haldir's in his right hand, he pressed the tip of his own against Haldir's waiting passage. Melpomaen was not yet fully hard again, but he was firm enough to push past the tight ring of muscle and ease inside. He remained there without thrusting for a few moments, only rocking very gently deeper within as he stiffened. He continued stroking Haldir meanwhile, and the golden-haired Elf began to squeeze his buttocks in time to the motion, stimulating Melpomaen further. Melpomaen leaned over and kissed Haldir's shoulder blade, his free hand reaching around to take Haldir's left nipple between his fingers, pinching it to a point.
He now started to thrust more vigorously, withdrawing almost entirely and then pushing back inside. Haldir bucked his hips as he thrust into Melpomaen's hand in reaction, his head flung back. He called out Melpomaen's name and spent; his passage pulsed and contracted around Melpomaen's organ. Melpomaen found himself again at the brink of climax. He did not try to hold back, but shuddered as he came, relaxing forward and resting his forehead against Haldir's spine, still sheathed inside him.
They lay curled together, spoon-fashion, for some minutes before Melpomaen pulled out.
"Perhaps a bath?" suggested Haldir.
"It will doubtless be our last chance for weeks, even months," agreed Melpomaen.
"And if we wait a little while," said Haldir, "I would like to make love to you one more time in comfort. We have said we will depart early, but that does not mean we cannot stop early tomorrow evening if we want, if tonight's activities keep us awake until late." The smile he gave to Melpomaen was mischievous.
Melpomaen smiled in return, but the smile did not reach his eyes. Haldir knew why, of course, and knew that on this last night in the Wood-King's halls, Melpomaen was unlikely to be able to be cozened out of his sadness at leaving. Nevertheless Haldir resolved to do what he could.
They entered the bathing room and stepped into the warm water. Haldir wordlessly pointed to the soap on the ledge next to Melpomaen, who handed it to him. Lathering his hands, Haldir had Melpomaen kneel up so that most of his torso was above the water, and smoothed the scented foam over his skin. Without being asked, Melpomaen sat on the edge and held out first one leg and then the other so that Haldir could wash them as well. He slid underwater to rinse off and emerged, spluttering slightly and pushing his dripping hair away from his eyes. Then Haldir washed the dark strands. When every inch of Melpomaen was clean, Haldir took up the comb to ease the tangles from Melpomaen's hair. He did not hurry at his task, and Melpomaen relaxed under his hands and in the heat of the water.
When he had finished his ministrations, Haldir leaned back against the side and drew Melpomaen into his arms, so that Melpomaen's back was against his own chest, and simply held him as he had once held Legolas. Their breathing slowed and became as one. Even their heartbeats fell into the same rhythm as they sat embraced. There was no need to speak. All the words that could be said, had been, weeks before.
At long last it was Melpomaen who broke the silence, pulling his hand from the water and gazing at his fingertips. He held them up to show Haldir. "If we stay in much longer, I fear that my entire skin will shrivel and wrinkle like this."
Haldir chuckled. "I have never seen it happen, but perhaps I have never remained in the water long enough." He unwound his arms from Melpomaen's waist. "I still need to use a bit of soap on myself first, though. I would rather begin this journey washed clean."
Melpomaen nodded and moved away enough to give his partner room to wash. When he had finished, Haldir stood and held out his hands to help Melpomaen up. They stepped out together, each wrapping a towel about. Melpomaen took up a fresh cloth to and dried his lover's hair. Returning to the other room they spread fresh sheets on the bed, snapping the linen across the mattress and tucking it in.
"I'm glad that we didn't take these back yet," remarked Haldir, smoothing the top sheet; a pointless endeavor since he promptly sprawled on it and beckoned Melpomaen to come to him.
They lay facing each other, as close together as twin babes in the womb. Haldir kissed Melpomaen's lips and murmured, "What would you have me do, meldanya?"
Melpomaen remained silent for a few moments, and then said, "Nothing."
Haldir raised his brows in surprise. "Nothing? Do you wish simply to sleep, then, Maen?"
"No, that is not it." Melpomaen's hand strayed down to Haldir's groin, his thumb stroking as Haldir's organ began to twitch and grow. "I don't want you to do anything to me, Dír. I want us to do it to each other."
"What?" said Haldir.
"Just this." Melpomaen took Haldir's hands and drew them down with his own, wrapping them around so that each of them touched both his partner and himself. Melpomaen's eyes were wide and dark in the dim light. He tilted his head with an almost dreamlike slowness to kiss Haldir as their joined hands began to move.
Haldir was hard now, but after their earlier lovemaking his desire was not urgent. He decided he would let Melpomaen set the pace for the rest of the night, or at least for the time being, and Melpomaen seemed content to enjoy the warmth and friction without wanting to achieve a quick release. His lips brushed against Haldir's and his tongue traced the line between them, slippery as a fish, probing into Haldir's mouth. Haldir curled his own tongue around Melpomaen's and suckled on it. When Melpomaen withdrew Haldir followed him, slipping his tongue between Melpomaen's lips to taste him.
Melpomaen's breath was sweet, bearing a hint of musty spice from the wine they had drunk much earlier in the common room. Haldir sighed in his throat and nestled even closer, his hands still moving at Melpomaen's pace. He was determined to wait as long as his lover wished, but he could not help rocking his hips slightly in encouragement.
After a long time, Melpomaen began to increase the speed of his hands' motion. His breath came quickly through barely-parted lips. Haldir stepped up his own tempo as well. He felt heat centered at his groin but spreading out to every part of his body, running through his veins like the sap that rises in trees in springtime. Just as he wondered if he could restrain himself any longer, Melpomaen spent, his cock pulsing into their joined fingers. In relief, Haldir followed him within seconds and they clung together, gasping and kissing. Though neither was much inclined to move, Haldir rose and fetched a cloth to clean them both before again embracing Melpomaen and falling asleep in his arms.
Despite the lateness of the hour at which they slept, Melpomaen woke before dawn, as he had intended, and nudged Haldir to wake him too. They dressed and took their used linens to the company's laundry before returning to stow the last few small items in their packs.
It was early, too early for those on the daytime watch to yet be breaking their fast, but Legolas was present when they entered the mess. He said nothing, but ate bread and cheese with them and drank hot tea with a generous spoonful of honey in it.
At the front gates they bade a final farewell to the night guard. Legolas walked with them a little ways along the westward path. When its twists took them out of sight of the gates, he stopped, and held out a hand to stop them too. Turning first to Melpomaen, he put his arms around the other and kissed his cheek, whispering in Melpomaen's ear, "I forgive you." Then he embraced Haldir and kissed him likewise, but this time he whispered, "Forgive me." Releasing his grasp, Legolas bowed formally, his expression set, before walking off with long strides, neither pausing nor glancing back before he disappeared around the bend.
Haldir and Melpomaen looked at each other, each wondering if Legolas had said the same to his partner as to himself, but neither yet spoke of it. They turned their faces westward into the dark of the forest and set out.
34. The Journey Resumed
That first day out of the king's caverns, Melpomaen spoke little. Haldir, respecting his mood, tempered his own remarks, keeping them to the occasional comment on the unfolding of spring as shown among the plants and animals of the woods. They held a gentle pace and had covered perhaps four leagues along the path when Haldir suggested that they stop for the evening and make camp. He took it upon himself to gather wood for a fire. Much of what he found was damp, however, between melting snows and spring rains, and he was forced to seek out pines and break off their dead lower branches; even damp they would burn, albeit fitfully.
The evening promised to be cool, and they were both glad for the fire. Legolas had warned them to take full waterskins along, for if they stayed on the path, there was but one stream that crossed it – several days' travel hence – and its waters were not fit to drink. The Elves who dwelt in this region made use of springs and small streams, but they lay some distance from the road, not convenient for travelers.
Bread and a piece of cheese made their supper that night, with a handful of dried berries that Haldir stewed in a bit of water on the edge of the fire. He put some pieces of dried meat and vegetables into the pot when they had emptied it, and more water. The soup would simmer in the fire's embers all night, and be ready to break their fast in the morning.
Darkness had by now closed in around them. "How do you wish to divide up the watches?" Haldir asked, giving the mixture a final stir before replacing the lid on the pot.
Melpomaen considered it. "Each of us taking half the night worked well enough last summer. I would prefer the second watch, if you don't mind."
Haldir nodded. "I'm not sleepy. I will be happy to watch first." He straightened from his culinary labors and sat down by Melpomaen on his blanket. "Would you like me to rub your shoulders before you go to sleep?"
Melpomaen rotated so that his back was to Haldir and he faced out into the darkness. "I think it is too cool to take off my tunic."
"You needn't." Haldir began pressing his thumbs into the muscles of Melpomaen's back. His lover's head drooped forward, but Melpomaen made no other response, even when Haldir found tight knots in the muscles of Melpomaen's shoulders and had to apply more force than usual to ease the tension. Gradually Haldir allowed his touch to soften into a caress, slipping one hand around to reach Melpomaen's chest and then downward toward his groin.
Melpomaen caught Haldir's hand and held it. "No, Dír." His voice was low, but firm. "Not tonight." He released his grasp.
Puzzled, Haldir said, "Why not?"
"I. . ." Melpomaen shook his head, his face still turned away. "Not tonight," he repeated.
"All right," said Haldir, careful to keep any hint of hurt or dismay from his voice. "If that's what you prefer. I will wake you just past the middle of the night, then. Rest well." He stood up and walked around the fire and a few yards into the trees on the other side, to the place they had chosen for a waste trench that night. He loosened the ties of his leggings to relieve himself, and smiled wryly. He had expected to make love with Melpomaen, and his member had already hardened in anticipation. Holding it, he considered bringing himself pleasure, but the thought did not appeal. When he had finished what was necessary and refastened his clothing, he returned to the little glade to take up his watch.
Uneventful hours later, he woke Melpomaen and, rolling up in his own blanket, quickly fell asleep.
The next three days scarcely differed. The gloom under the trees told on them both, and their speed was slow. Melpomaen continued in near-silence, ignoring Haldir's attempts to cheer him and evading any embrace, until the older Elf was nearly beside himself with distress. On the fifth day he decided to bring the matter out into the open.
It was midmorning, or so Haldir guessed. The sun itself was concealed by the looming treetops. The previous night had been cold, and frost still lingered in patches. Haldir could think of no easy way to begin, and so he simply said, "Maen."
"What?" Melpomaen continued walking.
"Melpomaen. Please stop." Haldir's voice rang in the quiet of the forest.
Melpomaen stopped a few yards ahead of Haldir and turned to look at him. "Yes? What is it?"
"Why are you acting this way, meldanya? You have scarcely spoken to me since we left Thranduil's caverns. If I touch you, you freeze. What is wrong?" Haldir spoke without accusation, and his eyes pleaded with his lover to answer.
Melpomaen put his hands over his eyes, his head bowed. Haldir moved toward him "Please, Maen. I cannot bear to see you so unhappy. I need to know what is troubling you thus. We are under no compulsion to reach Lórien on any given day – let us stop now." Without waiting for Melpomaen to agree or demur, he slipped his own pack from his shoulders, and reached to tug Melpomaen's off also. He led Melpomaen southward off the path and into the trees. "I think we should look for a spring today, in any case. Our waterbags could stand to be replenished, and I want a cup of tea while we talk."
Haldir made swift work of kindling a small fire and putting some of their precious water to heat. He tossed a generous pinch of chamomile into each of their cups and let it steep for several minutes before handing Melpomaen his. "Here, meldanya. Drink. Now tell me – what is it? Are you simply unhappy to have left Thranduil's caverns? But you offered to go back to Lórien with me. I thought that the reason you wanted to stay was because when we return home, we will no longer be able to express our bond physically – at least not if we remain members of the border guard. So I expected that you would want to make love as often as we could on this journey, not begin to abstain before we had to."
"No." Melpomaen was silent again for a little while, but it was the silence of thought, of choosing how to answer, and Haldir waited for him to speak.
"I didn't want to leave, you're right," said Melpomaen at last. "But that is only part of what concerns me. I never thought of our people as being narrow-minded. It was simply never something I even considered – I always accepted what was said and done without questioning if it was right or wrong. But what you spoke of, at different times last winter, to Legolas – I began to think about how it will be to live among people who would despise me, despise us, if they knew that we love each other. I don't know how it will feel to do that, but I fear being found out. And I loathe that I feel such fear. I don't want to be afraid of people I have always admired and respected. I am not a different person from who I was a year ago; I have only realized something about myself that I had not before understood, and it is a dreadful feeling that because of that I might well be outcast. I'm afraid to go home, Haldir." He looked up into Haldir's face, his own drawn with sorrow and dread.
"Come here." Haldir held out his arms. Melpomaen crawled from where he sat and accepted Haldir's embrace.
"You can't make it better, Dír," he said in a muffled voice.
Haldir tightened his arms around Melpomaen, rocking them both slowly back and forth. "I might have been oversensitive to what our people said, you know, Maen. Don't be so certain that the worst would happen."
"But what if it does?" Melpomaen pulled back and gazed seriously at Haldir. "I keep imagining what could occur – friends turning away, not speaking, looking at me as if at an insect in their food. Even being asked by Lord Celeborn and Lady Galadriel to leave. You may have stronger connections, with your family and all, but the thought of being cut off from everyone I've ever known made me realize that I love our home too, and I would hate to be ostracized, maybe even exiled."
Nodding, Haldir said, "I know. I've thought about it too. It was one thing before I met you; to be unwed so long might be unusual, but not objectionable. Now it's different. I don't know any more than you do how our people might react, and so I would rather be discreet, if we can, rather than run that risk of rejection. No more than you do I like the idea of hiding – I just cannot think of anything else, not if we are to remain in Lórien – and I do want to go home."
Melpomaen sighed. "So do I, really, though I wanted to stay in service with Thranduil also, just to avoid this problem. Oh, meldanya, what shall we do?"
Again Haldir hugged Melpomaen, thinking the matter over as he soothed his lover with touch. "All right, Maen, how about this? We make a trial of it – for a few years, anyway. We can stay in the guard, as partners; the lembas will help to ensure that we won't miss the physical expression of our bond too much, and we will be able to be together more than in almost any other pursuit or craft I can think of. We could see how that went. Maybe, even, depending on how the others speak and act, we could be more open about our bond than I've thought we could be. But if it doesn't work out, we can choose to leave the guards and do something else; if we've tried, and failed, I would be willing to leave Lórien altogether. Perhaps return here to Mirkwood, or perhaps we could journey to Imladris, or the Havens, first; I would like to see those places someday. Of course, I hope that we won't have to leave, but I would if needs must. You are my bondmate, Maen; in the end, you are my family."
"And you are mine," was all that Melpomaen said in return. He kissed Haldir's mouth, a simple kiss at first, a guerdon for his lover's offer to give up so much he held dear. Then his hands crept around Haldir's neck, and the kiss became more complex.
When they broke apart, Haldir said breathlessly, "I think we should travel no further today."
"No." Melpomaen glanced at the fire. "Shall we build that up, or let it die down for now? And when did you want to search for water?"
"Let it die. And later." Haldir pulled him close again. "We have better things to do, just now."
"Indeed so," Melpomaen agreed, tugging Haldir's tunic loose and sliding his hands underneath it, onto the warm smooth skin of Haldir's back. "I missed this," he murmured into Haldir's ear. "I just couldn't. . ."
"It's all right, I understand," Haldir told him. "Neither of us knows what the future will bring; it's only natural to worry. Just, please, meldanya, share it with me, next time."
"I will," Melpomaen promised, the words coming out in a gasp as Haldir's hands swiftly plucked at his clothing, exposing his belly and groin. The chilly spring air made him shiver.
Haldir slid his hand along Melpomaen's thigh, and bent his head to take Melpomaen's still-soft member into his mouth. He suckled the tender flesh, which grew and stiffened with the inrush of blood. Melpomaen's hands wound into Haldir's hair, tugging him closer, but Haldir released Melpomaen instead.
"Just a moment, Maen," he said, and turned aside to pull the blanket from his pack. He hesitated, then decided not to waste time searching for the flask of oil that he knew was in there somewhere. Snapping the blanket to unfold it, he spread it on the ground. Melpomaen was behind him, his hands busy at Haldir's waist to loosen his leggings.
"With this breeze and no sunlight, I think better not to strip entirely," Melpomaen breathed in Haldir's ear as they tumbled each other down.
"You feel warm enough," Haldir teased, curling his fingers around Melpomaen's cock and fondling it. He thrust his hips forward so that their bared groins pressed together.
"Ah, well," said Melpomaen, matching him stroke for stroke, "I don't notice that you are anxious to go bare either, and you are as warm as I." He enclosed the head of Haldir's organ in his palm. "Yes, I would even say hot."
Haldir quivered. He tilted his head so that he could kiss Melpomaen again, thrusting his tongue between lips that opened willingly to him. Melpomaen's tongue flickered to meet his, darting like a fish, smooth and slippery. Haldir captured it, sucking, then released it to bite at Melpomaen's lips and throat. "I'll give you hot," he growled. He let go his grasp of Melpomaen's member and pulled the other's hand away from his own cock, pushing both their organs down to nestle between each other's legs. Then he held Melpomaen's hips and began to thrust, keeping his own thighs together to create a kind of tunnel for Melpomaen's reciprocating motion. Without oil, the friction of skin on skin rapidly brought them both to the point of release.
Melpomaen clutched at Haldir, stopping him. He was red-faced and panting, but managed to say, "Dír, would you let me finish in your mouth?"
Haldir gave him one last fierce kiss, and wriggled downwards. Within seconds Melpomaen felt the wet suction of his lover's mouth on his cock. He was so excited already that it took only a moment to reach his climax.
As Melpomaen's seed spurted over his tongue, Haldir gripped the base of his own organ to keep from spilling onto the blanket. He swallowed, licking away every trace of the fluid, noticing how the texture of Melpomaen's skin seemed to change and soften, though his member was still firm. When he lifted his head, Melpomaen was looking down at him, his face alight and his lips parted.
"Let me sit up, Dír," said Melpomaen. Haldir moved to one side, and Melpomaen sat cross-legged, his leggings tangled around his feet, thighs still bared. "Now – come, kneel." Haldir shifted back, resting his weight on his heels and bracing his hands behind him, his hips thrust forward. Melpomaen bent and gave a long loving wet swipe of his tongue along Haldir's length before enveloping him completely.
"Oh, Maen," Haldir forced the words out as desire swept through him, a storm of longing deferred. He closed his eyes to concentrate on the sensations. Melpomaen's lips slid down and up his shaft, each movement drawing Haldir a little closer to ecstasy, the touch light and teasing until Haldir could bear it no more and begged, "Please, now," and Melpomaen responded by contracting his mouth and throat, suckling hard. Orgasm shook Haldir, the outrush of his release spilling down Melpomaen's throat.
When he had swallowed and raised his head, Melpomaen was astonished to realize that his cheeks were wet with tears.
"Meldanya, what is it? What is wrong" said Haldir in concern.
"Nothing is wrong. I'm happy," Melpomaen said. He wrapped his arms around Haldir's waist and lay back, pulling Haldir on top of him. His legs were still folded and it was a bit uncomfortable, but he ignored that for the moment. "Dír, I love you."
"I love you, too, Maen." Haldir rested his head on Melpomaen's chest, in deep contentment. "We will meet the challenges we find together, will we not? And overcome them, one way or another."
"Yes," said Melpomaen. "We will."
They lay quiet for a while, until at last Melpomaen complained that his legs would fall asleep if he did not get up and move around.
"Do you want to look for water, or shall I?" asked Haldir, pulling his clothes into place and fastening them. "Or should we go together?"
"I would rather go together," said Melpomaen, "Not that I think either of us would get lost, even in these dark woods, but from what I heard of the giant spiders in guardroom gossip, I'd rather not risk meeting them alone."
"Probably wise," Haldir agreed. "We should take our packs and all along, too, I think. Then if there is a suitable place to stop near water, we won't have to come back here."
They slung their belongings on their backs and set off southward. There was no path, but the trained eye could see blazons on the trees. In their months in Mirkwood both Melpomaen and Haldir had learned some of these signs, enough to guide them now. For one who understood them, the way to the nearest spring was easily followed.
It took longer than they had expected. The spring proved to be a good three miles from the path, more than an hour's hard going through the thick trees and brush.
"I can see why Legolas warned us to carry water," commented Melpomaen. "I would not want to have to go this far out of our way each night."
"No. But since we're here, though it is only early afternoon, I think we should just stop. We can begin traveling at dawn tomorrow if we want, or not."
"It doesn't matter to me," said Melpomaen. "Do we have any bread left?"
"A loaf, I think. We should eat it tonight or tomorrow; it's getting stale. I would offer to look for some game, but I don't really like to hunt when all the animals have their young. They are always poor eating after the winter, in any case," said Haldir.
"I know – you just want to get out of cooking, don't you?" chaffed Melpomaen.
"You are much the better cook, Maen."
"Trying flattery, now? Since it's true, I'll accept it. I'll cook tonight." Melpomaen looked through their supplies. "One of us will have to hunt, though, sooner or later; we can make it through the forest, I think, but that's all."
"There are some villages of Men to the west of Mirkwood, between the forest edge and Anduin. We can make some purchases in those," Haldir said.
"Once we get there. I'd rather not run out first," said Melpomaen.
"Do you want me to hunt today, then? I will if you insist."
"Why don't you take a look and see if you find anything easily. I haven't seen any sign of spiders, so I think you would be safe while it is still day. Some fresh meat would make a nice change."
Haldir said, "All right," and picked up his bow, slinging his quiver of arrows over his shoulder. "You'll have to get the firewood, then, and make camp. I'll be back in a little while."
Melpomaen cleared the ground and laid out their things, then fetched wood. It had not rained since they had left the caverns, by good luck, and the scattered deadwood he found was drier than that Haldir had been forced to use the first night out. He hummed to himself as he worked. When he finished what was necessary, he took out the pipes that Dúlin had given him and began to play softly.
Distracted by his music, he did not notice how much time had passed until the light began to fade. Then he grew worried at Haldir's continued absence. By the time the older Elf returned, it was nearly full dark, and Melpomaen was pacing around the fire, trying to decide whether he should go in search of his lover.
"Dír!"
Haldir put down a brace of rabbits. "I'm sorry, Maen. I meant to be here sooner, but in going after the first rabbit I saw, I came to a stream. The animal leapt over it, using a stone in the middle, but the rock wasn't large enough to take me and I wasn't sure if it was the stream Legolas warned us about or not. So I wasted some time going along its banks. I apologize for worrying you – forgive me?"
"Just don't do it again, if you can help it. Not at the end of the day! I could just see myself wandering around in the dark calling for you – not a good idea," said Melpomaen. "You clean and skin those, then, and I'll find some sticks to set up a spit."
The roasted rabbit tasted delicious after four days of dried rations. Haldir sighed contentedly. "I had wanted to talk some more this evening, but getting back late may have ruined that plan."
Melpomaen shrugged. "Only if you insist on leaving at dawn. What did you want to talk about?"
"Oh, anything. After the past few days I just wanted to hear your voice," said Haldir.
"Mm." Melpomaen lay on his back, looking up in a vain attempt to see the stars through thickly overhanging branches. "I don't want to think about going home right now, or talk about it." He rolled onto his elbow, looking at Haldir. "I know. What was it that Legolas whispered to you, when he bade us farewell? Did he say ‘I forgive you'?"
"No," said Haldir, "he said ‘Forgive me.' I wasn't sure what he meant by that."
"I would imagine he was referring to his feelings for you," Melpomaen said. "At least, that is the first thing that strikes me."
"Perhaps." Haldir frowned. "I wonder."
"Well, what else?"
"It occurred to me that maybe he wanted forgiveness for something he had said to or done with you," said Haldir. "Though I could not think what that could be."
Melpomaen shook his head. "I cannot think of anything he could have meant along such lines. Nor did I understand why he felt the need to grant me his forgiveness – as far as I knew I had done nothing to offend him."
Haldir chuckled. "If you think his words to me referred to his feelings for me, perhaps those to you were along the same lines – and he was forgiving you for being my bondmate?"
"I suppose that would make sense," said Melpomaen, "but somehow I cannot believe in such a straightforward explanation."
"We may never know, unless we meet him again and can ask."
"Well, it bothers me. I want to know," complained Melpomaen.
"So, think of all the explanations that could possibly make sense, and maybe we can work through and make a good guess. But that's the most you can hope for," said Haldir.
Melpomaen snorted. "Humph. That's a great help, Dír."
"Sorry. You're the one who brought it up. Do you want to keep talking, or ponder the mystery in silence for the rest of the night?"
"I'll ponder, thank you very much. In fact I'd better take the first watch so I can do just that."
"If you must," Haldir sighed, regretting that he had suggested it. He knew his mind, too, would be occupied with the puzzle of Legolas's last words, and he would have to work hard to put them out of his head and fall asleep.