LotR fic: Passages, chapters 21-22 [Haldir/Melpomaen, adult]
Title: Passages Chapter 21, "Evenings of Two and Three"; chapter 22, "Uncommon Ideas" Author: celandineb Fandom: LotR Pairing: Haldir/Melpomaen, plus Legolas Rating: adult Warnings: PWP, angst, blindfolding, bondage Summary: Haldir and Melpomaen find their friendship developing beyond the expected as they travel from the Golden Wood to Dale and back via Mirkwood.
21. Evenings of Two and Three
With Melpomaen on night duty, over the next two days Haldir found that he had scant time to even give his lover a kiss in passing in their room, much less suggest to him that they spend an evening together with Legolas.
He missed sitting with Melpomaen at dinner – though they had no chance then for private conversation, it was comforting to not be solely among strangers. Legolas was not so much a stranger any more, of course, but he was wary of seeming to be too close to the captain. When the latter caught his eye across the table the evening after their first conversation, raised his eyebrows, and nodded toward his quarters, Haldir glanced around the room and gave a tiny shake of his head. Legolas closed his eyes for an instant and then opened them, exhaling with a nod of resigned understanding.
Melpomaen, meanwhile, rather enjoyed the change; he had done his best with the company records, but never felt quite comfortable with them, and was happy to relinquish even a hint of command to Lasmir. Since his injured arm was still stiff and needed careful exercise before he could draw bow, he had been placed as a door guard for the time being, and whiled away the hours with the three others stationed there by telling stories. Following Haldir's suggestion, he kept to ancient legends that would not give away his origin in the Golden Wood.
Nevertheless it was a relief to him after three nights to know that he would again be able to see Haldir and spend time together with his partner. He slept through the morning, but worked on the accounts during the afternoon hours until it was time for the evening meal. Melpomaen went back to their room first, intending to wash the dust and ink off his hands before going to the mess.
When he entered, though, Haldir was waiting for him, and swept the dark-haired Elf into a tight embrace before he could say a word.
"I missed you so, meldanya," Haldir said, his breath warm in Melpomaen's ear.
"I, too," Melpomaen replied, drawing his hands down his lover's back to his hips, pulling them together so that thigh thrust between thigh. A grin of pure mischief crossed his face. "It was nice not to have you taking up the whole of the bed, though."
Haldir's jaw dropped for an instant, then he realized that he was being teased and responded in kind. "I? You are the one who rolls over with the blanket until there is none left for me. Perhaps we should ask Legolas to keep us on different watches, then?"
Melpomaen laughed and hugged Haldir more firmly. "I don't think so, Dír."
"That reminds me, though. I spent the first evening you were on duty with him, at his request. . ."
"I knew he would ask," interjected Melpomaen, and Haldir nodded.
"You were right. We had a pleasant conversation, you can guess what about. But he had a request. Not tonight – I hope – but perhaps tomorrow night he would like to spend with both of us, if you would be willing."
Melpomaen let a grimace flicker across his face.
"No? If you really do not wish to, we can refuse."
"Oh, I suppose I might as well. It cannot hurt. I would just prefer to spend the time with you alone, you understand."
"We cannot disappear together every night, Maen, at least not until later in the evening."
"No, and speaking of that we had better go on to supper, before we miss it. Let me wash my hands and I'll be ready. But this evening. . . how about staying for one game of cards, perhaps, or one round of songs, and then leaving?"
Haldir was easily persuaded to agree. In the common room after the meal he caught Legolas aside and told the other that they would meet with him not that night, but the next, at whatever hour he chose.
"Perhaps it would be best if I came to your quarters, if you don't mind?" said Legolas with a hint of diffidence. "I will be a good guest and bring along something to drink."
"If you wish," said Haldir, and passed on to spend half an hour with a group telling stories, before discreetly relinquishing his seat and slipping out.
Melpomaen had left a few moments earlier. He had stripped down and was in the bath when Haldir reached their room. "Come join me," he called, hearing the door to the corridor close and the latch fall into place.
Stepping into the warm water next to Melpomaen, Haldir put one arm around his lover's waist and rested his head on Melpomaen's shoulder. "I could grow to like this too much to want to leave," he said, regretting the words almost as soon as he spoke them. He did not want to spend the evening talking about their future, whatever it might hold. Hastily he added, "I told Legolas that he might come here tomorrow evening; I hope that is all right with you."
Melpomaen considered pursuing the question of leaving, but decided to leave it alone for the time being. He shrugged, the movement making Haldir's hair float outward in the rippling water. "If he wants this conversation, we might as well have it sooner than later, and I don't really care where. Need we talk about Legolas now?" He bent his head to kiss Haldir's lips, his tongue teasing them open.
Haldir yielded to Melpomaen's searching at first, then reciprocated, thrusting his own tongue to explore his lover's mouth, familiar now, but still exciting.
"It is my turn this time," he murmured as he pulled away and sat up. "I have been thinking of something for tonight."
"I am at your command," said Melpomaen, his eyes bright with anticipation.
"You have done this to me, once. I thought perhaps you might enjoy it yourself. But first, let us just wash quickly."
There was just enough room for them both to wash bodies and hair at the same time, stretched out to rinse off the herbal soap. Haldir stood, sluicing the water from his torso with his hands and wringing out the excess from his hair. He posed for an instant to let Melpomaen admire him – which the other did – then wrapped himself in a towel and picked up another to dry off his lover.
"So what are you planning to do?" Melpomaen inquired.
"Patience, meldanya. Patience. Come with me."
Haldir led Melpomaen out into the other room and seated him on the bed. "Wait." He went to the chest and brought back a pair of the scarves that they had been issued for outdoor gear.
"Ah. . ." Melpomaen felt a flush of heat through his body as he guessed what his golden-haired partner had in mind.
"First – you liked this before, I remember," said Haldir. He drew Melpomaen's hair back from his face and carefully tied one scarf around his eyes.
"Now, this I am not sure about. If it disturbs you, I will take it off again, just tell me," and he held Melpomaen's hands together, binding the wrists.
"It does not hurt," said Melpomaen, lifting and lowering his arms and flexing his hands experimentally.
"No, but I found the constraint unnerving, after a time. So do not be troubled if you wish it removed."
"I could never wish for your bond removed," whispered Melpomaen, as Haldir sank to the floor between his knees and began to run warm fingers across the skin of his chest. He raised his arms and looped them around Haldir's neck.
Kneeling, Haldir pulled Melpomaen close so that he sat on the edge of the bed, legs spread apart. He began by circling his fingers in a sweeping motion over Melpomaen's chest, teasingly coming close without quite touching his tight nipples.
Melpomaen could feel each inch of his skin heating as Haldir passed over it, the warmth spreading down to his groin in pulsing waves. Involuntarily he tried to press closer, but Haldir held him back, saying, "Remember. You said you were at my command – and my command is to have patience."
"I remember." He relaxed, trusting that Haldir would make this a memorable night.
In return Haldir edged forward so that Melpomaen's growing erection just grazed his own chest, while continuing to stroke and pet him. He tilted his head and darted out his tongue to circle first the left, then the right nipple, and was rewarded with a gasp. He smiled to himself and withdrew his mouth again. Sinking down onto his own heels, now he turned his attention to the base of Melpomaen's belly, his thighs, and the creases at the top of his legs, careful to keep the pressure light enough to stimulate but firm enough so that it would not tickle.
As Haldir shifted downward, Melpomaen moved his hands to his lover's head, hoping to encourage him to use his mouth and tongue again, but again he had to practice patience.
Haldir ceased his motions and looked up. Melpomaen's head was tilted slightly back, his throat making a beautiful line in the lamplight.
"Up," Haldir said, lifting Melpomaen's arms. He stood, shaking out his legs briefly, and then urged Melpomaen to lie back on the bed, swinging his feet up so that his lover lay at full length before him. Now he reclined on one elbow and used his free hand to run along the contours of Melpomaen's shoulder, ribs, hip, sneaking across to make glancing contact with his hard member.
Melpomaen bucked slightly at the unexpected touch, but said nothing when Haldir failed to continue there. Haldir ran his thumb along the line of Melpomaen's jaw, then inward and over his lips, which parted willingly to allow entry. Melpomaen sucked hard on the tip of Haldir's thumb, and when it was replaced by warm lips he greeted those with equal eagerness. Haldir continued the kiss even as he cradled Melpomaen's neck and chin and felt the quickening beat of the other's pulse there. He pushed his hips against Melpomaen, his own organ prodding insistently against the warm skin. Melpomaen moved his tied hands down as if to try to touch – whether himself or Haldir mattered not, as Haldir quickly moved to intercept him and instead took Melpomaen into his mouth.
After such a long wait, Melpomaen was more than ready. The warm moistness encircling him was exquisite – in his mind's eye he could see Haldir bent over him, golden hair making a tent in which all manner of delights took place. "Dír, oh yes," he cried out, and spent, unable to hold back any longer.
Holding Melpomaen's hips and swallowing, Haldir licked clean the shaft, then continued licking and kissing his way back up to Melpomaen's mouth. He used one hand to untie the bonds that held his lover's hands.
As soon as his hands were freed, Melpomaen reached for Haldir. "Come to me, meldanya, yes, now."
Haldir reached for the flask of oil at their bedside and poured a bit into Melpomaen's hand. "Prepare us, then."
Cool oil spread down his length as Melpomaen stroked him and then guided him to the place he sought. He slid in gradually, savoring the sensation, until he was fully sheathed in his lover's tight passage. He began to thrust, feeling Melpomaen rise to meet him, until in sweet release he spilled his bitter seed deep within.
Still joined, they embraced tightly, then relaxed. Haldir reached up to pull away the cloth over Melpomaen's eyes and asked, "Yes, Maen?"
"Oh yes." Melpomaen smiled and stretched languidly. "Oh yes. I could almost feel sorry for Legolas right now."
Haldir pushed Melpomaen's shoulder. "You should. You and I have each other, and what does he have? Nothing and no one."
"I know, Dír, and I do. I'm glad we are together – I love you."
"I love you, too, meldanya. That will never change." He sighed contentedly and held Melpomaen close. Pleasantly fatigued, they slept.
In the morning they each went to their separate duties. Haldir mused over what that evening's meeting with Legolas might entail, until a second reprimand for inattentiveness made him shamefacedly put the matter from his mind. Melpomaen gave it no thought; he would learn what Legolas wanted to discuss soon enough. He only hoped that it would not occupy the whole of the evening. Haldir's remarks about not wanting to give up some of the benefits of their present situation had encouraged him to hope that they might find another path for their future together.
At dinner, Haldir had some teasing to endure from the others in his squad about his apparent drowsiness earlier in the day. "Well, then," he said finally, "I had better go off and sleep longer tonight, had I not?" Piling his dishes together, he rose and bowed ironically to them before stalking out of the mess.
"What's the matter with him tonight?" asked Erentar. From the other end of the table Legolas looked up and listened.
Melpomaen shrugged noncomittally. "He gets moody sometimes, that's all. I'll talk to him." He finished his own bowl of stew, wiping the last of the juices up with the crust of his bread, and returned to their room. There he found Haldir fiddling with the wick of the already bright-burning lamp.
"What is it, Dír?" he asked in mild exasperation. "Even the others at the table noticed your mood."
"I don't know." Haldir flung himself across the bed and gazed up at the ceiling. "Worried about tonight, I suppose."
"You accepted Legolas's invitation," Melpomaen pointed out. "You could have said no. I might have declined, but you didn't want to. Or so it seemed." He sat down on the bed and smoothed the hair back from Haldir's temples. "So why the fuss now?"
Haldir moved his head back and forth under his partner's hand. "I'm just. . . I fear this will be awkward. Back when I was young, I was always a bit uncomfortable when I knew that one of the lasses was interested in me, because I could not return the feeling. It is like that with Legolas, a little, except that I know in this case it might have been possible to return it, had you and I not already. . ." He swallowed. "That is not coming out right, it sounds as if I regret my bond with you, which is not the case at all. I suppose I see too much of myself in him, myself before I met you, and I know what he must suffer – only perhaps worse, since he sees someone he thinks he could love already joined with another. I never had that."
"If he were really so likely to be made unhappy by seeing you and me together, why would he have asked that the three of us meet this evening?" asked Melpomaen logically. "I do not think you need worry that you will bring him undue pain." He leaned over and kissed Haldir's cheek.
Placing his hand behind Melpomaen's head, Haldir drew him down to kiss his lips. "I know, I am sure you are right. But you must see that it will be strange for me nevertheless."
"It will be fine, Dír. You should enjoy being the center of attention for once." Melpomaen grinned, his eyes sparkling. "Think of it this way. When a couple weds, all their friends and family are focused on them for that time. We will never have that – this is the closest you will ever come. Rather an easy way out, actually."
Haldir put out his tongue at his lover.
"You know I'm right. Come on. When is the dreaded Legolas supposed to arrive here, anyway?" Melpomaen asked.
"He didn't say, but I would imagine soon." Haldir looked around the room. "Does everything look all right to you?"
"We will need another chair, unless someone is to sit on the bed. I'll go get one from the mess-room." Melpomaen hopped up.
He was carrying the chair back to their room when Legolas walked around a corner with a pitcher and three cups.
"Melpomaen. I was just about to come visit you and Haldir."
They walked together without further speech. Melpomaen opened the door and indicated that Legolas should precede him inside. The courtesies of pouring wine for them all smoothed over any initial awkwardness.
"Your father does know his wine," remarked Melpomaen, sipping appreciatively.
"So he does," agreed Legolas. "He prefers that of Dorwinion, which makes strong vintages that travel well. At one time he used to buy wines from Gondor, but they tended to sour more quickly than he liked – though I believe the kitchens were happy enough to have the best of vinegars." He sat back and looked from one of his hosts to the other. "So. Is the present schedule working all right for you? It will only be for a few more weeks; I will try to do some adjusting as soon as Melpomaen is fit for full duties."
"I'm glad to be able to do something besides book-work," said Melpomaen. Glancing over at Haldir, he added, "Although naturally we'll be happier when we're both on the same shift all the time, whichever one is needed."
Legolas was nodding. "Yes, of course."
There was a silence. Haldir looked at the table, and Legolas gazed at Haldir. Melpomaen reached out and deliberately picked up his lover's hand. With that, both Legolas and Haldir sighed, and a certain tension departed.
"Yes." Legolas looked now at Melpomaen. "I understand."
"I was sure you would," said Melpomaen, entwining his fingers in Haldir's. "You came here to talk, I think, sir – what would you like to talk about?"
"Haldir has not told you what he and I spoke of the other evening?"
"I would not presume to repeat more than the barest gist of a private conversation," said Haldir with dignity, tightening his fingers on Melpomaen's.
"I am sorry," Legolas shook his head, "I did not mean to imply that you would be indiscreet." He turned to Melpomaen. "I was asking Haldir how it felt to love a binn rather than a biss, and he said that I should ask you, for he had not that knowledge."
Melpomaen's eyebrows lifted. "And he said I had? I suppose perhaps I do – I did once think myself in love, before I met Haldir. Caranfíniel was her name. I offered indeed to wed her, and she refused me. At the time I thought my heart was broken, of course, but looking back now I think that I was more hurt by the failure than anything else. I do not know that the emotions differed because she was a biss; I would say that what I felt for her was less than what I feel for Haldir, but not on account of her sex, only that she was not in the end the proper mate for me. Does that make sense to you?"
Legolas frowned a little. "Not entirely. If you loved her, and now love Haldir – how would you define love, then?" He looked at them both with wide eyes. "Either of you? How can you know if you love someone?"
"I would say that there are many ways to tell," said Haldir. "But there are many kinds of love, too. The love I feel for my brothers is not the same as the love I feel for friends, and different again from that which Maen and I have."
"When I was with Caranfíniel, I thought mostly of settling down, having a home together, and someday children. But I did not think in very specific terms, either. Perhaps I was more in love with the idea of being in love, than really in love with her," Melpomaen speculated. "With Haldir, the more time I spend with him, the more I want to. I would rather sit alone with him and talk than celebrate a festival with anyone else."
"Loving someone – you want their happiness more than anything. If they are threatened in any way, you want to defend them. But it isn't always that easy. There are choices that must be made, and not always choices that are simple," Haldir looked sad.
"What of," Legolas flushed, "what of physical desire?"
Haldir and Melpomaen looked at each other and smiled. Legolas almost regretted asking the question; the connection between the two was nearly palpable, and he felt a stab of envy over their bond.
"That is important," Haldir conceded.
Melpomaen was nodding. "I have to admit that it was desire that first caused me to realize that I loved Haldir, not just as a friend, but as the person I wished to join with. He knew far sooner than I."
"Well, I'd had a lot longer to think about it." Haldir smiled slightly. "I told you, Legolas, that I did not have prophetic dreams, but Melpomaen had had them? That's not entirely the case, but the only dreams of the future I have had were of Melpomaen himself."
"What?" Melpomaen looked at his lover, surprised. "You've never told me that, Dír."
"I dreamt of you before you were ever born. At the time I hated those dreams – it was in part to escape them that I. . . took up the work in which we met," said Haldir, phrasing his words carefully so that their origins would remain concealed from Legolas. "They seemed to me shameful; I did not want ever to meet with the person with whom I did such things in my dreams. When I first met you, I was so shocked I could scarcely speak, but I knew that I had found the one I could love – if you loved me, too. Discovering that took quite some time."
Legolas was looking from Haldir to Melpomaen in amazement. "You dreamed of him before you met, even before he was born? How remarkable!"
"I know. I can hardly believe it myself, when I think about it. But it is true. And despite my shame, I used to. . . well. Touch myself, you know, thinking of him." Haldir heard the words leaving his mouth almost despite his volition. Having begun to talk of matters he had never yet spoken of before, he seemed unable to stop.
"Really?" said Melpomaen curiously.
"When I had the opportunity," said Haldir, looking meaningfully at his partner.
"Did you not worry that by doing that you were preventing any possibility of being able to find a biss to love, instead? That you might become too focused on yourself to ever find a bond with another?" asked Legolas. "That is what is said among my people."
"No, I was never told that," said Haldir, and Melpomaen also shook his head.
Legolas said, "Different places, different customs. As we here tolerate such a bond as yours when your own people apparently do not. I wonder why such differences?"
"Who knows?" Haldir lifted the wine pitcher. "Would you like another? It was kind of you to bring this."
"I had probably better not," said Legolas with regret. "In fact, though I would like to speak further about these matters with you, I should probably leave you for now – it may not be that late, but Haldir said at dinner that he needed to sleep early tonight. So I will leave you, with thanks." He pushed back his chair and stood, and the other two did likewise, still holding hands.
Melpomaen squeezed Haldir's fingers gently, and raised an eyebrow at him. The fair head nodded in agreement.
"We would be pleased to talk with you again, whenever you wish," said Melpomaen, releasing his hold and holding out his hand to Legolas, who took it. Melpomaen stepped forward to embrace him briefly; Haldir then did likewise, even more quickly letting go and putting an arm around Melpomaen.
Legolas kept his face carefully controlled, saying only, "I would enjoy that. Until later, then," and went out, the door snicking shut behind him. When it was closed, he leaned for a moment against the wall of the corridor, swallowing hard, before returning to his own quarters.
22. Uncommon Ideas
The two Lothlórien Elves sat with their chairs pulled close together, arms around each other, sipping the last of the wine Legolas had brought.
"That is an odd idea they have here," said Melpomaen. "Who could have ever thought that someone would believe that pleasuring yourself would keep you from finding a partner?"
Haldir leaned against his lover's shoulder. His hair brushed Melpomaen's neck as he shook his head. "I agree – I've never heard such a thing before." He smiled into the fabric beneath his face. "It's just as well that it clearly isn't true!"
"Mm." Melpomaen began to stroke Haldir's head. "Why did you never tell me before about your dreams?"
"Of course I couldn't have told you before we became lovers; I suppose I just haven't thought about it since. I haven't had those dreams in many years."
"What were they like?"
Haldir let his fingers trail along Melpomaen's thigh. "They were. . . erotic. Dreams of seeing you unclothed, of kissing you, of making love with you. What I think bothered me most when I first had them was not even the idea of being with another benn physically so much as loving one – it was the emotion that frightened me. Which doesn't make much sense, does it? No one ever said that I could not love my friends, whether they were biss or binn."
"Oh, it makes sense, Dír. Because without the emotion, you wouldn't have the physical experience, would you? Which is what creates the bond, and that bond is what our folk would disapprove, so that is why it would frighten you. As the eldest in your family you must have felt that you should set the example for your brothers, no? Behaving in a way that would not be acceptable to our people, without your own volition, and all that – I can see why you would have been troubled."
"Yes. Perhaps you're right," said Haldir thoughtfully. He lifted the cup to his lips and swallowed the last drops. "Shall we go to bed?"
"What, exactly, do you mean by that?" Melpomaen teased gently. "Did you want to relive your old dreams, now that I know about them?"
"Not tonight. . . you will not be back on night duty tomorrow, will you, but the next day? I just want to lie with you and hold you tonight. Talking with Legolas made me realize again how much I love you, Maen, and I was sorry that he has no one to be with as we are together."
Lying in their bed, with Haldir's warm body against him, Haldir's chest rising and falling in smooth rhythm with his own, Melpomaen thought about Thranduil's son. The captain had certainly treated them both with great courtesy, and though it was clear that he regretted their bond and had a more than friendly interest in Haldir, Melpomaen could not fault his behavior on that score. Haldir, while obviously uncomfortable with the circumstances, seemed also to be sympathetic to Legolas and even flattered, but again Melpomaen had no complaints about how his lover had acted, and no real doubts as to Haldir's affection for himself. He wondered if there was anything he might do to ease the situation in which they were all entangled, and fell asleep at last pondering it.
The next morning, Haldir stood with the other three members of his squad on guard duty at the main entrance to the caverns. It was cold, with pale sunshine sifting through the leafless trees, but the wind was slack. A short while before they were to take their bread and cheese for nooning, a Man appeared escorted by one of the other patrols, and was taken inside to speak with the king. Haldir noticed that the stranger looked haggard, even distraught, and was only partly surprised when a messenger brought word to bid him come to Thranduil's presence.
As he had speculated, the new arrival was Baldor, Vida's husband; when Haldir arrived in the great hall he saw them embraced and weeping unashamedly together as the king waited to speak with them. Melpomaen was present already as well.
"I am not sure why we are summoned," he said to Haldir in an undertone. "We have told the story to the king, as much as we know."
When the first storm of reunion in sorrow had passed, and Vida looked up, she tugged at Baldor's arm to lead him over to the two Elves who had brought her into Thranduil's halls.
"Baldor, this is Haldir, and this Melpomaen, who found me the morning that our son was lost."
Her husband bowed deeply. "I thank you for rescuing Vida – in the circumstances, she might well have perished of grief and loneliness. I owe you both a great debt."
"Do not think of it again," Haldir spoke for them in Westron. "I am only sorry that we could not have found and saved your son also."
"King Thranduil has told me a little of what happened, and of course I read the message you left. Is there anything more known of this creature, this murderer?" The woodsman's face was drawn tight with grief and anger.
"I fear not," said Haldir regretfully. "Not that I am aware of, at least. Perhaps the king has other news?"
The king's face was grave. "I sent out patrols to see what they could discover, but all that has been found is that you are not the only ones to suffer such a loss. There is some new evil abroad in my realm, something that slips past in the night, steals from nest and den and home that which is most treasured. The Elves are searching, but whatever it is, it is wary and cunning, and knows well how to hide."
Baldor looked down at his wife, then gazed back at his king. "Might I join in the hunt, my lord? I have not your men's experience, but I am not unskilled in tracking and wood-craft – and it is only meet that I should help as I can."
Thranduil nodded, even as Vida cried out and clutched at her husband's arm. "When the next patrol returns – in a week or two, I expect – if you wish to join them, you may."
"I must, Vida," Baldor said, gently taking her hands in his own. "You know I must."
She pulled away and ran out of the hall, her face tear-streaked as she passed Haldir and Melpomaen.
"She will come to accept it, my lord," Baldor said. "She knows what is right." He turned and thanked the two Elves once again for their assistance in bringing Vida under the king's protection, before leaving to find his wife and ease her pain as best he could.
"You are free to return to your posts now," Thranduil said. "Baldor would not delay his gratitude to you. I hear that you, Melpomaen, have been able to take up more regular duties, is that not so?"
"It is, sir, three days of the week, and I am glad to be in your service."
"Good, good. I have not forgotten that we are to speak again, one of these days. Perhaps some time when you are both off-duty; I should enjoy conversing with you, too, Haldir. I have not traveled beyond this forest in years, except once to fight at the Lonely Mountain. I would like to hear of the lands to the south from one who knows them well. When I have time, I will send for you, eh?"
They bowed in acquiescence, and departed, each back to his tasks, able only to steal a quick touch of hands and a smile as they left the hall.
"What was that all about?" asked Meneldil when Haldir returned to the gate.
"That was the husband of the woman that Melpomaen and I brought with us the day we arrived; the woman whose son was lost. Being away on a trading trip, he only just received the news and came to find her. The king called me to hear the Man's thanks for the little help we were able to give," Haldir shrugged.
Meneldil nodded. "I see."
Haldir added, "He – Baldor – even asked if he might join the patrols that hunt the creature responsible for his loss, and the king agreed."
"He agreed? How surprising. Usually he does not like mixed patrols. I suppose the king considers this a special circumstance. I'd rather like to be on the hunt myself – far more entertaining than guard duty." Meneldil shrugged. "Ah, well. Here," he held out a half-loaf of bread and a wedge of cheese, "I saved your meal for you."
When Haldir returned to the room to wash up quickly at the end of his shift, he was surprised that Melpomaen was not waiting there for him, since the records room had been dark and empty when Haldir had visited the armory to leave his spear. It was not yet so late that they ran any risk of missing the evening meal. But indeed, Melpomaen had gone on to the mess without him, as Haldir found when he went in and saw his lover sitting near the end of the table, next to the captain.
All the places nearby had been taken, so Haldir merely nudged Melpomaen's shoulder in greeting as he passed and moved on to seat himself with the other members of his squad. After he had eaten, deliberately not hurrying through the meal, he accompanied them to the common room and joined a group telling old legends.
It was a tale of the time under the stars, before the coming of the Sun and the Moon, that was being told tonight.
"They were persuaded," said Belegorn, a silver-haired Elf with a twinkling gaze and a quick hand on the bow, "that safety lay to the west, and that they should follow Araw as he would lead them. (1) But our fathers wished to be free, and so though they traveled for some way, reluctant to be parted from their friends and kin, in the end they remained here."
"And for the best," added Meneldil as he drew up a chair, "for did not some of those who left, later return after all? Our king among them?"
Haldir listened to the discussion that followed with interest. His own lord and lady, Celeborn and Galadriel, were of those kindreds that had gone into the west, and had returned to take up rulership long after. He had heard vague rumors that they had been forbidden to leave the mortal shores again, but did not know if there was any truth to those stories.
"What do you think about traveling west someday yourself? I have heard that there are havens on the western shore, where Elves yet dwell and build ships for the journey, for any who wish to make it," he asked Belegorn at a moment when the conversation fell into a lull.
"Me, travel west?" Belegorn laughed. "Why would I want to? What could I find there that is not here? Would you leave all you know for a fairy-tale land?"
Haldir hesitated, unwilling to say anything that might offend.
"I would," said a voice quietly, and Haldir recognized Legolas as the speaker. He had not seen that the captain and Melpomaen had joined the group.
"Oh, come now. Leave your home? Leave your father and family? Whatever for? We have made this land our own, we have fought for it, dwelt in it long years. And you would leave it?"
"There is more to the world than this small corner, more to life than its defense, Belegorn," Legolas rebuked him mildly. "I would not leave now, no, but someday I might. I do not know if I would travel into the uttermost west, but I would like to see the Sea, someday." He looked over at Haldir. "We have those here who have traveled well beyond our Wood, even beyond Dale and Erebor to which many of us here have gone. Is it not worthwhile, to see more of Middle-earth than this small part?"
"It is," affirmed Haldir. "I would also choose to go west, sometime, at least as far as the Sea. I have known of those who made the journey across it," he avoided looking at Melpomaen as he spoke, "and though their kin regretted their departure, still I would not despise their choice."
The debate continued around him, but he added no more to it, now free to gaze at Melpomaen unobserved. His lover sat still and silent for some little time on the other side of the loose circle of chairs, before murmuring a few words to Legolas beside him and rising to leave the room. Haldir caught Legolas's eye; the captain raised a brow. At that Haldir too slipped away and back to the room.
He found Melpomaen curled up tightly on the bed. "What is it, meldanya? You've been acting oddly all evening." Haldir sat down on the edge of the mattress and stroked Melpomaen's shoulder. "Come on, Maen, if you're going to go to sleep you should at least take your clothes off first. Or do you want to talk?"
Melpomaen uncurled under Haldir's coaxing, and allowed himself to be undressed. "I. . . No. I mean yes. I don't know. That conversation in the common room about going to the west. . . I miss my parents, Dír," he said. "I do, I do not talk about them often but I miss them. When you said that you might also choose to travel west, what did you mean?"
"Just what I said," Haldir answered, bewildered. "Sometime, I would like to go at least as far as the Great Sea. Perhaps further. But I do not have any immediate intention of doing so, and I would never go without you. You can't possibly think I would?"
"No. . ." Melpomaen bit his lip and was quiet. Haldir looked at him questioningly for a moment, but when the face under the dark hair remained still and silent, he left the matter and drew Melpomaen after him into the bathing room.
"Here, would you like to soak in the warm water for a little? You seem very upset, and it might calm you."
Passively Melpomaen let Haldir lead him into the great stone basin. As the heat penetrated both of their bodies, Haldir could feel his partner relax just slightly against him. He shifted their positions so that he was behind Melpomaen, and began to knead his shoulders and back. He was astonished at the tightness of the muscle, and wondered what Melpomaen could possibly be thinking to provoke such a reaction in his own flesh.
"Maen," he said, after about a quarter of an hour. "Can you not tell me what is wrong? It must be more than just missing your parents. At least tell me something?" A quiver of the head was his only response, and the muscles that had begun to relax under his fingers tightened again.
Haldir thought about what he had seen that evening. "Is it something to do with Legolas?" he asked. Tension in the back before him.
"It is, then. Maen, meldanya, if you do not tell me, I cannot help you."
Melpomaen turned his head slightly and Haldir was appalled to see that he was weeping. How could he not have realized?
"I think I'm no good at thinking, Dír. After we saw Baldor at noon, I went back to the records room and started thinking about his loss, and Vida's, and I wondered how my own parents could have chosen to leave their children, grown though we were. But then I thought about you, and our bond, and realized that I would do the same for you as my mother did for my father, if it came to that.
"When I was nearly finished for the day, Legolas stopped by to remind me that I was expected on watch tomorrow night. He was trying to be cheerful, but there was pain shadowed at the back of his eyes, and I felt so sorry for him that I asked if he wanted to talk for a little. He said no, not then, but would I bear him company at the meal. I tell you, Dír, it was like sitting next to misery wrapped in skin – I could almost taste it. It was nearly enough to make me wish that there were some way he could find ease from his longing – but I do not see how that can be."
Haldir put a gentle hand on Melpomaen's cheek. "It is not your responsibility to heal Legolas's pain, Maen."
"Oh, but if I were not here, were not your partner, he would not have it, surely? And he is a worthy fellow – he has never said anything amiss, I can only tell he is hurting because I know I would feel the same."
"You should not feel any guilt, though. This is simply the way things are – perhaps there is a reason why the captain has fixed on me, an unattainable object? Besides, remember that whatever Legolas may think he feels, I know that you and I were meant to be together. Else why would I have dreamed of you, so long ago?"
"I know. I know, meldanya. I had an idea, though, for something that might – perhaps – help him. I don't know. I'm sure you'll think it completely idiotic if not wholly offensive. . ."
Bewildered, Haldir asked what his lover could possibly be thinking of.
So faintly that Haldir could scarcely hear the words, Melpomaen mumbled, "I thought he might. . . be with us."
Had he not already been sitting down, Haldir would have had to do so. In complete confusion he asked, "How? Such a thing is impossible, you know that."
"Not to be part of our lovemaking, to watch. . ." Melpomaen's voice was almost inaudible.
"Whatever made you think of that?"
"Well. . . it was seeing another pair of binn that made you realize that such a partnering could be all right, was it not? So, I thought, if we – I don't know – demonstrated the joys of self-pleasure, and that it need not interfere with a bond to another?"
"Wouldn't this, this," Haldir swallowed the word "hare-brained" and simply finished, "this idea make matters worse yet? To see what he could not have?"
Melpomaen's tears had ceased and he sat still under Haldir's hands. "I suppose it might. You see, I told you I should not think. All I think of is foolish, Dír."
"Unexpected, at any rate," Haldir murmured.
"Is it such a very ridiculous idea?"
"I just doubt it would be of use to him, and might hurt him more – although he would have to be the judge of that. I should think it would embarrassing to me, at least; would you not find it so?"
"Perhaps it would be pointless. . . but," Melpomaen wrapped his arms around his torso and bowed his head, "would you consider it? Even though you say I bear no responsibility for Legolas's unhappiness, it would make me feel better to know that I tried to help him. It would not shame me, not if he were willing."
The initial surprise over, Haldir was able to think more calmly. It was a bizarre notion, truly, but seemed to be spurred by the same feeling of compassion he himself had towards the captain. He had always known that Melpomaen was impulsive, he just had not realized to quite what lengths the other might go.
"I suppose I can consider it, although I don't make any promises. You will be on duty for the next three nights, and nothing can be thought of until then in any case."
Melpomaen turned around and met Haldir's gaze. "No, of course not. And if you decide that you think it's simply too strange or shameful to even suggest to Legolas, I will not mention it again."
"Very well." Haldir stood up and reached for a towel. "Come on, Maen. Come to bed. I don't want to think about Legolas any more just now."
He found himself being rougher in his kisses and caresses than usual. Deliberately, he stopped, then began again, reminding himself that it was only an excess of sympathy that had led Melpomaen to make such a suggestion, not any lack of love for Haldir.
Melpomaen enjoyed the roughness as a contrast to the quiet of the night before. When his lover paused, and resumed his caresses with more tenderness, Melpomaen almost regretted the change. He responded to the shift in mood, though, and began to kiss Haldir back more deeply, running his hand along his lover's side and down to his waist, drawing them closer together.
"Dír," he murmured.
"Hm?"
"I love you, you know."
"I know." Haldir traced the line of Melpomaen's jaw with the pad of his thumb. "I know. I love you too, even when you come up with odd notions like this one. Because that is part of who you are." He gave Melpomaen one swift kiss on the mouth, then pressed a whole series of kisses to his neck, trailing up to breathe in his ear. Melpomaen shivered pleasantly. Haldir whispered, "You are mine, meldanya, forever, just as I am yours."
Melpomaen nodded and moved his hand from Haldir's waist, around his hip, to rest between their two groins. "I am yours," he agreed softly. "Always." He held their members together, hardness against hardness, heat against heat. The pulsing blood under their skins throbbed in syncopated rhythm as he stroked. He felt a sudden yearning, and pulled away just long enough to reverse his position on the bed, so that he could take Haldir into his mouth, tasting the hint of bitterness at the tip, inhaling the scent of sweat and desire. He ran his tongue along the firm length and dipped down to lave the loose skin below before returning to suckle once again.
For a moment Haldir lay unmoving, enjoying the feel of Melpomaen's moist lips and tongue, but the sight before him was tempting and he too took his lover into his own mouth, curling up to find a more comfortable angle so that he could fully engulf the jutting organ before him. Every touch, every caress, that Melpomaen bestowed upon him he duplicated. After a time, though, he found that his passion was rising so that he could not continue; he withdrew his mouth and began to thrust against Melpomaen's with abandon.
Though the loss of Haldir's touch left him longing, Melpomaen relaxed to the insistence of his lover's desire. His throat opened to the flood of Haldir's seed as the golden head was flung back in release. He swallowed, tongue moving to catch every drop and leave Haldir clean.
Haldir quivered at the tender touch, and pressed his lips against Melpomaen's own organ.
"Wait. . ." Melpomaen changed places once more and reached for the oil-flask. "Haldir?"
At the nod of acquiescence, he smoothed the cool oil along his length. Haldir shifted onto his belly, legs opening, and Melpomaen used one oiled finger to test his invitation. He pressed slowly inside, and felt Haldir shiver as he penetrated. Withdrawing only slightly, he repeated the gentle thrusts over and over, knowing that this would bring his partner the greatest pleasure. He could feel Haldir moving against him, tightening and relaxing in time with his thrusts. The sense of unity that resulted was such that Melpomaen hardly cared when or whether he would reach his climax; all he wanted was to be joined with Haldir. But at last he did spend, deep within Haldir's body, and half-collapsed across him, their sweat-dampened skins clinging together.
"Maen," murmured Haldir.
"Yes?"
"Just don't try to persuade me. Let me make the decision alone." Haldir was genuinely unsure about what he might choose to do, but for love of Melpomaen, he would consider sharing that love where Legolas could see – if the captain wished.
Footnote: (1) Araw is the Sindarin name for Oromë, the Vala who discovered the Elves at Cuiviénen, and persuaded the Vanyar, Noldor, and Teleri to follow him on the Great Journey to Eldamar, Elvenhome in the West near Valinor.