LotR fic: Passages, chapters 19-20 [Haldir/Melpomaen, adult]
Title: Passages Chapter 19, "Socializing"; chapter 20, "Tangled Emotions" Author: celandineb Fandom: LotR Pairing: Haldir/Melpomaen, plus Legolas Rating: adult Warnings: PWP, angst, very brief rimming Summary: Haldir and Melpomaen find their friendship developing beyond the expected as they travel from the Golden Wood to Dale and back via Mirkwood.
19. Socializing
King Thranduil had given the early afternoon as the time at which Melpomaen should come to speak with him, but had not specified an hour. Deciding that it would be better to be early than late, Melpomaen ate a light noon meal and walked briskly to the great central hall. He counted four doors on the left of the corridor that the king had indicated, and rapped.
And waited. And rapped again. And waited.
Turning to retrace his steps to the main court, unsure how long he should wait, Melpomaen was relieved to see the king coming along the hallway toward him.
"King Thranduil. I fear I was early."
"No matter, we had set no time. I wished to finish today's business first, and it took rather longer than I expected." He opened the door and went into the chamber, leaving his guest to follow hesitantly.
The room was appointed as befitted the king of the woodland realm of Mirkwood. A thick carpet woven in a design of vines in scarlet and green softened the stone floor, and though a number of chairs were set to permit conversation, there was no question which was the king's: it stood nearest the hearth, brave with gold leaf on its intricate carvings, its seat softened with velvet cushions embroidered to match the carpet. Thranduil seated himself there and indicated that Melpomaen should sit opposite.
A pale Elf came out of the next room. Thranduil asked Melpomaen, "Have you eaten? I have not, yet, and if you wish you may join me."
Melpomaen assured him that he had, indeed, eaten.
"In that case, Guilin, bring a glass of wine for my guest, but my usual luncheon."
Guilin nodded and left the room silently.
Thranduil said, "My son tells me that you have offered to take up the duties of the company clerk for the time being, is that so?"
"Yes, I did; I have not much practice in such matters, but I am doing my best. At the moment I am trying to put everything in order, and am nearly through with that. Then I can bring all the accounts up to date. I understand that the fellow who usually does this had to take a leave of absence for family reasons, but is expected to return in the spring. In any case I am happy to help where I can, until my arm is fully recovered and I can shift to guard duty, or whatever Captain Legolas chooses to have me do." Melpomaen realized that he was speaking rather much and too quickly, and fell silent.
"Indeed." Thranduil leaned back comfortably and rested his elbows on the wide arms of the chair, steepling his fingers together. He looked for a long time at Melpomaen, saying nothing. Just as the dark-haired Elf was about to speak again out of sheer nervousness – though not knowing what he would say – the door opened and Guilin returned with Thranduil's meal. He also had a decanter and two glasses on the tray, and poured for both king and guest before setting the decanter on a small table at the king's side.
"Thank you, Guilin, that will be all for now."
Bowing, Guilin withdrew.
Thranduil raised his glass to Melpomaen, and sipped. Hastily the other did likewise, and found that the wine was excellent, but potent. He decided that he had better take care of how much he drank in the king's company.
"So, then, Melpomaen, tell me of yourself and your friend while I eat. As I remember, you said you came from the south and had an errand in Dale."
"We did, my lord. Quite far to the south. I had never had the pleasure of seeing your forest before this journey, nor had I been in any town of Men such as Dale before."
"But you had seen Men, surely?" Thranduil lifted a spoonful of stewed fruit to his lips.
Melpomaen was not certain how to answer this. He had not, in fact, ever seen a Man while in Lothlórien, but he knew that saying so would be tantamount to admitting that he came from the Golden Wood, and he remembered that Haldir would prefer to reveal as little of themselves and their errand as was compatible with courtesy. Carefully, he said, "Yes, I had seen Men before we reached Dale." He did not mention that the Men he had seen were distant figures in their fields, or – for the last part of their journey – a few fellow-travelers on the road.
"And Dwarves?"
"I had never met a Dwarf before coming north, no. I do not believe they travel often in the southern parts of the land."
"They do seem to prefer the northern regions, and the mountains," agreed Thranduil. He spread soft cheese on his bread and bit into it. When he had finished chewing, he added, "I did not think that many Elves lived to the south, either, except in the lands ruled by Celeborn and Galadriel." He looked closely at Melpomaen, who kept his face calm.
"Some Elves wander yet. Not all of the Silvan kindred wish to huddle together and be ruled always by a lord, wise and good though he may be."
"So you and your friend Haldir are two such, then?"
Melpomaen merely nodded.
Thranduil said nothing more until he had finished his meal and set the tray aside. Taking up his glass, he turned it idly in his fingers.
"You would be wise to be honest with me, Melpomaen."
"I have told you nothing but the truth," came the protest.
"That may be so, but you are not telling me all the truth."
"It is not all mine to tell," Melpomaen said with dignity. "You are my host, but not my king, and I may not tell you what is not your right to know."
The king half-smiled at that. "Can you tell me what errand brought you to Dale?"
"It was not my errand, nor even Haldir's – he undertook to deliver a message for someone else, who could not make the journey himself."
"So you made a long journey yourself, for no purpose but to keep your friend company? Very noble of you. Or will you be rewarded as well when you return?"
Melpomaen could not quite control the expression on his face at that.
Thranduil noticed the flicker of dismay in Melpomaen's eyes, and swiftly said, "So you will not receive any repayment for your labor? Or is it that you will not return to your employer?"
"We will return; Haldir bears a reply and it must be delivered." Melpomaen swallowed. "I expect no compensation for myself. I made the journey so that he would not have to travel alone and unaided."
"And as it turned out you were more hindrance than help, becoming injured," mused Thranduil aloud. Melpomaen quivered at the accusation. "Though from my perspective that is a positive good, since it brought you both here to us for the winter, and I hear good reports of Haldir, and expect I will of you now that you are able to take up some duties."
"Yes, my lord," murmured Melpomaen.
Thranduil fixed his eye upon Melpomaen and said, "I suppose I had better let you get back to those duties, had I not? But we will speak again. I would like to hear more of your journey. I have been to Erebor not long ago, but further than that I have not been in an Age – responsibility holds me here." He looked suddenly tired.
Melpomaen rose and bowed, saying, "Naturally I will be happy to speak with you whenever you wish, my lord."
"Go, then, and if you see Guilin in the hallways, send him to me."
As Melpomaen closed the door behind him, he shivered at the memory of the king's eyes boring into him. He hoped he had not given away more than he ought; he would have to tell Haldir all he remembered of the conversation. It did comfort him to think that he had evaded any definite statement of their origins, at least.
Guilin was waiting on a bench just inside the great hall where the corridor joined it. On hearing the message from Thranduil, he hurried off.
Melpomaen wondered if the pale Elf could in fact speak; he had said no word in Melpomaen's presence at all. Shrugging, he headed back for the records chamber. Although the day was wearing on, he could work for a while longer before the evening meal.
Delving through the ledgers was tedious, but by the end of the afternoon he had grasped the system that the clerk was using and begun to transfer the information from all the loose sheets that had accumulated under Legolas's indifferent supervision into the books. Pushing his chair back, he stretched and rose, following the savory smells down the hallway to dinner.
Haldir arrived late, by which time all of the seats near Melpomaen had been taken. He repressed a scowl and sat down at the end of the table. A moment later his captain sat beside him.
"Have you seen the revised duty roster yet?" asked Legolas casually.
"No, I just returned."
"You might want to look at it. You had been due to shift to the night watch tomorrow, but that's been changed. You'll be on my. . . the day shift for the next month."
Haldir glanced over, but Legolas's face remained smooth and unrevealing. "Yes, captain," he said noncommitally.
"Do you play cards? I've seen you dicing."
"Sometimes. Melpomaen enjoys cards more than I do. I prefer chess."
Legolas's eyes lit up. "Do you? So do I. Excellent. How about a game this evening?"
"Certainly."
The guards' common room was, as usual after supper, on the noisy side, but Legolas settled himself and Haldir at a small table in the corner with the chessboard. Melpomaen drifted over, rolled his eyes, and went away again, though first he whispered to Haldir that he did not expect to stay long in company that night. He joined a group playing dice, which he would be able to leave at any time he might wish.
Haldir was surprised by Legolas's strategy and technique. He would have expected the other to think carefully about his moves, but instead the captain played a more daring game. It did not occur to Haldir that Legolas might be nervous.
Risk, this time, did not pay off – Haldir won the game, and Legolas apologized for his poor showing.
"I hope for a rematch soon, to show you what I can do when I'm in better form. Perhaps tomorrow, or the next night?"
"Tomorrow I've agreed with Erentar to do a bit of a swordplay demonstration, but the following night, if you will. Tonight I think I had better turn in; if I'm not to be going onto the night watch, I'll need to be on time for the morning shift."
Leaving the room, Haldir caught Melpomaen's eye, and his lover nodded almost imperceptibly. Legolas caught the exchange and sighed to himself, but joined a group sitting near the fires and soon was caught up in an involved conversation about the best way to hunt goblins as opposed to giant spiders.
Melpomaen caught up with Haldir just as the latter was about to enter their room. He held back from taking Haldir in his arms until they were inside, a candle lighted, and the door closed.
They kissed, leaning against the door, until both were breathless. Melpomaen's hands were busy at Haldir's waist, loosening the ties that held his leggings. He pulled his lover over to the bed and stripped off Haldir's clothes. As he began to remove his own, Haldir slipped under the quilt that covered the bed and watched, trailing his fingers down his belly to stroke himself lightly.
"I was going to ask you how your interview with King Thranduil went, Maen, but perhaps I'd better wait till later, hm?"
Melpomaen was disentangling a knotted lace and had to sit on the edge of the bed. "That might be a good idea. But he wasn't the only one I spoke with today; Legolas came to see me this morning also. He definitely knows about you and me, Dír."
"I know. And he's going to leave me on the day patrol for the time being." Haldir said nothing more till Melpomaen had crawled under the quilt with him. "That was the message I had last night, that he wished to see me."
"To tell you that he was shifting your duty schedule? I'm surprised that he bothered to see you in person, instead of just leaving a message to see the new list posted."
"No, actually he didn't mention any change in schedule to me then."
"So why did he want to speak with you?" said Melpomaen in some confusion.
"He told me also that he knew how it is with you and me, but that he would not say anything to anyone else if I wished that," Haldir said, and hoped that would be enough.
"Why would he need to tell both of us separately? Was that all he said? Erentar mentioned at dinner that you were late this morning; you must have had a longer conversation than that."
Haldir bit at the inside of his cheek. By just saying that Legolas has spoken, he had set himself up to have to explain everything. "No, that wasn't all he said." He tried to laugh. "You were right, Maen."
"About what?"
"About Legolas. About him looking at me, and about why."
Melpomaen sat up, dark hair spilling over his shoulders, and looked down at Haldir lying there with his head turned a little away, one arm flung up to cover his eyes.
"He spoke of that?" asked Melpomaen in disbelief. "I believed it was so, but I would never have expected him to say anything."
Haldir nodded. "I think he couldn't help it. He seemed miserable, Maen, and I felt badly for him. . . but there is little I can do, except talk to him, if he wants to, and I think he does. It sounds as if the customs here differ from ours in Lórien, but there are still some problems when two binn are open about loving each other – they may not be despised and ostracized, but they are still objects of pity, not quite accepted in society. Legolas reminded me a bit of myself, before I met you, meldanya."
Melpomaen lay down again and drew Haldir close. "I understand, Dír. I know you wouldn't want to hurt anyone, and I know you didn't invite his attention. I can certainly understand why Legolas would be attracted to you – I'm just glad that we found each other first!"
Relief washed through Haldir at his lover's acceptance of the situation. He kissed Melpomaen deeply again, his tongue probing into Melpomaen's mouth, trying to convey his profound emotions through the physical contact.
Accepting that Haldir needed to take the lead now, though he had had other plans, Melpomaen relaxed back onto the pillows, enjoying the taste of his lover's mouth, running his hands along Haldir's sides and down to his hips, pulling the other even closer. He could feel Haldir becoming hard against his thigh as their kisses continued, and slipped one hand between them to run his finger lightly over the soft skin of the head.
Haldir shivered at that touch, and pressed more insistently against Melpomaen, moving over until he lay with his legs between Melpomaen's and their two members pulsed warmly side by side.
Melpomaen pushed Haldir's shoulders away a little, and whispered, "You had me say what I wanted yesterday. What do you want tonight?"
"I want you, Maen," Haldir ground out. He reached for the oil flask, and as Melpomaen started to raise and spread his legs more widely, he shook his head and said, "No, not that way. On your knees."
That caused Melpomaen some surprise, but he turned over and knelt, bracing his hands before him. He swayed as the mattress shifted under them, and said, "I think we will have to move to the floor, if this is how you want it. . ."
Impatiently Haldir tossed the quilt down to soften the stone, and when Melpomaen again knelt before him he poured some of the sweet oil into his palms, reaching around to tease Melpomaen's jutting hardness with one hand as he spread him open behind. His own erection felt hard enough to batter down a wall, and he groaned as he slowly entered.
Melpomaen had his head down, breathing heavily. Haldir was now stroking along his inner thighs with one hand, while the other slid up and down his member, fingers and palm working together to stimulate every inch.
The feel of Melpomaen under him was almost enough to make Haldir spill immediately, but he held back, wanting this to last longer. He withdrew almost completely, then made short quick thrusts, moving just in and out of the tight ring of muscle, until he could stand it no more and sank in fully once again. Melpomaen gasped at that, and Haldir could feel his lover's passage contract around him.
"Shh," he soothed, pulling away, and continuing to stroke Melpomaen with both hands.
"No, harder," and Melpomaen bucked his hips back to meet Haldir's next push.
Abandoning restraint, they set up a rapid rhythm, almost slamming into each other as they gave way to the urgency of their desire. As he neared his climax, Haldir let go of Melpomaen's cock and instead seized his hips, pressing in until he could go no further. He hung there an instant on the brink. At last he released, spilling himself in three shuddering pulses, and fell forward onto Melpomaen's back.
Melpomaen let himself sink to the quilt and roll onto his side, carrying Haldir with him. He reached for Haldir's hand and brought it back down to his own groin. Together they brought Melpomaen to his own orgasm, Haldir catching the seed and bringing it up to his mouth.
"Mmm. . . tastes like you, meldanya, tastes like love, bitter, but you can't get enough of it."
Melpomaen rolled his eyes at the whimsy. "Even with the quilt, this floor is even harder and colder than the ground outside was when we were traveling, Dír, don't you think we should move back up to the bed to sleep?"
"Sissy," said Haldir with affection, but moved just as quickly as Melpomaen back onto the mattress, blowing out the candle along the way. He wrapped his arms around Melpomaen and said, "I love you, Maen."
"I love you, too, Haldir. . . and I must say that I'm pleased to have my taste in partners approved by the son of the king!" Melpomaen smiled in the dark and rested his head on Haldir's chest as they fell asleep.
20. Tangled Emotions
Over the next few days and weeks they fell into a routine – now that it was clear that as long as they were discreet, no questions would be asked, Haldir was willing to stay away from the guards' common room altogether every third night or so. Other evenings, however, the two Lothlórien Elves continued to mingle with their comrades, singing songs, telling tales, playing games.
Legolas observed them from a distance, but said nothing beyond daily commonplaces and necessary orders for some time.
A fortnight of hard work saw the company records completely organized and brought up to date. Melpomaen reported as much, adding that he thought his arm was now healed enough to take on other duties.
"I'm not sure I'm quite up to drawing a bow yet, but I can at least wield knife or sword, and certainly stand watches," he said.
"Very well, but I must tell you that at present where we are short-handed is on the night watch. Sheer carelessness in one of the out-patrols, half-a-dozen badly wounded, so they called for replacements and that was how it worked out. If you want to take on active service you and Haldir will have to be on different shifts, at least for a while. At the next moon that could change, and I would certainly try to make sure you had the same schedule, but for now it is unavoidable. Since you've done well in alternate duty, I will let you choose. Do you still want to leave the records?" asked Legolas.
Melpomaen hesitated, and Legolas added, "Or I could put you on half-duty – it would still be at night, three days, but then the next three you could continue keeping our books. (1) Although such a schedule might be awkward for you."
"If that can be arranged, I will take it. I can probably maintain the records that way, well enough until your clerk returns, and I would greatly prefer to return to duties where I feel my abilities are greater, even recovering from injury," Melpomaen decided.
"I will speak to Lasmir, then, and tell him to expect you to report for the night watch beginning tomorrow."
When Melpomaen told Haldir of the change that evening in their room, his lover was unenthusiastic, but resigned.
"You say that this will probably be only for two or three weeks, and that the captain will try to get us onto the same shift again then? I'm sorry we have to wait for that, but I know you've been impatient to get out of that musty little chamber, so I can see why you took the chance even if it's not an ideal arrangement for us." Haldir leaned over and tucked a stray wisp of hair behind Melpomaen's ear.
Melpomaen caught Haldir's hand, bringing it to his lips and kissing the fingertips one by one.
"I don't start until tomorrow night," he said. "Let me show you how much I will miss seeing you every night, even just from across the common room for most of the evening. Wait here for a few minutes, I will be back."
He slipped out. Haldir moved about the chamber, straightening the covers on the bed, piling together clothes that needed washing, putting away small items scattered around. He came across the silver hair-clasp that he had bought for Melpomaen in Dale, and smiled, thinking how well it looked against his partner's dark hair, like the moon peeping through the leaves of the forest at night.
When Melpomaen returned, he brought with him a pitcher of spiced wine and two cups. "I wheedled this from the kitchen," he said triumphantly, "to celebrate going onto regular duty, if only part time. Now. . . let's go in there, shall we?" He nodded toward the bathing room.
In the warm water, relaxing and enjoying the wine, the two Elves sat close together, Melpomaen idly tracing designs over Haldir's chest.
"Haldir." He rubbed the pad of his thumb across one nipple.
"Yes, Maen? Mm, that feels good."
"I wonder if Legolas deliberately assigned me to the night watch."
Haldir considered it. "You said he asked if you would be willing to take it, or if you'd prefer to wait. That doesn't sound too deliberate to me."
"Maybe. What will you do with yourself when I'm not here in the evenings?"
"Probably spend more time with the rest of the company, I imagine, although it will not be so pleasant as this," he inhaled sharply as Melpomaen dropped his hand to brush across Haldir's groin.
"You would not seek out Legolas?" queried Melpomaen, now running his hand over Haldir's hip and thigh.
"I would not, no, though I suppose he might wish to spend more time with me. In which case I would do so; he is our captain now, and I can hardly refuse. Besides, he knows how matters stand between us. I cannot imagine he would have in mind anything but conversation, and I could not begrudge him that. I would enjoy it, in fact. Set your mind at ease, Maen; there is none other for me but you." Haldir leaned over and kissed Melpomaen's cheek, then his earlobe, breathing warmly into his ear until Melpomaen complained of being tickled.
"Fair enough," the dark-haired Elf allowed. "I did not mean to imply that I distrusted you, or our bond, meldanya. A little more wine?" He took up the pitcher from the ledge and smiled suggestively.
"Half a cup," said Haldir. He sipped at it, thinking over Melpomaen's comments and his own replies. It was true that he trusted Legolas's honor, although he did wonder at the convenience of the arrangement. He decided to ignore the issue for tonight and wait to see what might happen tomorrow.
Setting his cup aside, he stretched, and offered, "Shall I wash your hair?"
"I would enjoy that very much. Then I will return the favor, Dír."
The soap he used was a dull green. Haldir thought it smelt of pine, but Melpomaen said the scent was more like rosemary. Whichever it was, it lathered up well without being too harsh. Haldir used his fingers to smooth the foam through Melpomaen's hair and then supported his neck and shoulders as he slid down to rinse, shadow-dark strands floating in the water.
Reversing their positions, Melpomaen gently washed Haldir's hair. When the soap was all rinsed away, he raised his knees to hold his partner between them, supported, as he began to knead Haldir's temples and neck. Golden hair twined about Melpomaen's wrists as he massaged the taut muscles of Haldir's shoulders.
Haldir let his eyes close and submitted to Melpomaen's ministrations. There could be nothing so good as this, being held close in love by his friend, his partner, his lover. He sighed with pleasure.
As he felt Haldir relax, Melpomaen pressed more firmly, digging into the muscles and making them yield up all their tension. He knew with his common sense that the other would not, could not, ever betray their love, but the feeling that Haldir was now surrendered utterly unto him calmed the anxiety that lurked in one corner of his mind. He would love Haldir so well this night that Legolas could not even tempt him to regrets.
The tips of his fingers had begun to shrivel when Melpomaen decided that the massage had gone on long enough. He nudged Haldir. "Come, meldanya, time to get out of the water."
Haldir pulled his thoughts back from their drifting, startled. He stepped out and stood, tranquil, letting Melpomaen dry him off and then following his lover back into the other room.
Melpomaen held Haldir in his arms and pulled them both down onto the bed, rolling over until he lay stretched out above Haldir, gazing into darkly dilated eyes. He kissed one eyelid, then the other, then – with a mischievous look – the tip of Haldir's nose, before moving to a leisurely exploration of his mouth. They were both too relaxed from the heat of the bath to yet be fully aroused, but Melpomaen planned to change that as soon as might be. He slid further down and began to kiss and lick at Haldir's chest, dipping into the space between arm and torso and inhaling the scent that was Haldir's own, distinctive even overlaid with the herbal fragrance of the soap. He bit lightly at one nipple, eliciting a gasp, and felt Haldir's member twitch against the thigh he had nestled between his lover's legs. He pinched the other nipple between his fingers and was rewarded with another twitch. In response Melpomaen shifted his leg slightly from side to side as he ran his tongue along Haldir's collarbone to the hollow of his throat.
Though almost reluctant to lose the sense of relaxed contentment that Melpomaen's massage had given him in the bath, Haldir could not help responding to this new stimulation. When Melpomaen drew his tongue first around one nipple, then the other, then sank down to his navel, Haldir sighed and wriggled with pleasure deeper into the mattress. Soft kisses trailed all the way down his belly, until at last the warm wetness of Melpomaen's mouth had taken in the head of his now fully erect organ. He could feel Melpomaen's tongue exploring every inch, teasing at the slit, tracing the pulsing veins along his whole length, and finally lapping at the tender balls in their pouch below. The heat from the bath still saturated him, and his limbs remained flaccid and immobile even as the tension in his groin rose.
Once again Melpomaen traced up Haldir's length before taking him in completely. His own member, untouched, had risen throbbing against his belly, and he rubbed gently against the fabric of the quilt beneath even as he concentrated on provoking every delightful sensation he could from Haldir.
With Melpomaen's mouth enclosing him, Haldir began to rock his hips, thrusting past lips and teeth to the back of Melpomaen's throat. When Melpomaen pulled back a little to breathe, Haldir whimpered, unashamed of his need for his lover. In a distant part of his mind he wondered how he could ever bear to give up such joys.
Melpomaen returned to his suction, rubbing the base of Haldir's organ with forefinger and thumb as his other three fingers stroked the taut sac. He could tell that Haldir was nearly at the breaking point, and when the pumping of Haldir's hips ceased, he was ready for the bitter mouthful that followed. This was not the only release he hoped to help his lover reach this night, however, and he moved back up to kiss again Haldir's chest and throat and lips, reaching for the oil beside the bed.
Allowing himself to be rolled to his stomach, Haldir was surprised when Melpomaen began by resuming the massage of the bath, but now working most intensely on the lower back, using a bit of oil to smooth his touch.
Then Melpomaen began to lick and nibble at Haldir's hipbones. He traced the line between Haldir's buttocks, first with his finger, then with his tongue, repeating his motions until Haldir was spread wide beneath him. He lapped at the loose flesh, prodding gently at the round stones inside. Again he traced upward and licked at the puckered hole, pointing his tongue to tease it open. A startled sound came from the other end of the bed, and Melpomaen smiled inwardly at having tried this. He would have expected to feel a certain repugnance, but oddly, he did not. He knew he could not reach Haldir's most sensitive spot this way, though, and so withdrew his tongue only to replace it with an oiled finger, and as the sphincter relaxed, a second and third. Rotating his hand, he nudged against the protrusion he could feel through the wall of the passage and felt Haldir quiver in reaction. He continued his slow stimulation until he could stand to wait no longer and had to let himself enter. He pulled his fingers out and quickly poured a little oil on himself.
Haldir had known what would happen, but when Melpomaen's warm cock replaced his fingers, he groaned into the pillow. It was inexpressibly fine to be joined in this way – he felt that their bodies became one just as their fëar had – and when Melpomaen reached under him to see if he was excited again, Haldir had a wood-hard erection to show.
Melpomaen had paused inside, barely moving, when Haldir tightened around him. That did it – Melpomaen began to thrust, pumping his hand on Haldir's organ with the same rhythm. The hot pressure as he slid slickly in and out urged him on. He climaxed hard, shooting his seed deep, still moving his hand, and a moment later Haldir spurted through his fingers. A few minutes of rest, and Melpomaen slowly withdrew. He reached over the side of the bed for the towel he had dropped there earlier, and wiped them both off.
"Lucky thing I can sleep late tomorrow," he whispered in Haldir's ear as they lay embraced, their breathing quieting. "Too bad you cannot!"
Haldir contented himself with kissing Melpomaen's cheek before dropping off to sleep.
The next morning he disentangled himself with care, not to wake his partner, and after a quick bath went off to his duties. When he saw Melpomaen stride up at dusk with the rest of the night watch, his heart turned over, his lover looked so serious and competent in his uniform, but he could do nothing more than flash a smile as the guard was changed.
As he had half-expected, Legolas did seek him out in the common room that evening, where he sat among a group of Elves telling stories. Haldir was careful to tell none that might mark him as coming from Lothlórien, which limited him mostly to old legends and family tales. After an hour or two, the group broke up, some joining in the singing, two deciding to have a game of stones. (2) Legolas and Haldir remained alone together in the circle of chairs.
"Would you be interested in continuing our conversation of the other day?" asked Legolas in a careless tone, as if the subject in question had been what types of wood were best to use for different purposes in arrow-making. He was turned a little away from Haldir, and the lamplight cast shadows across his face.
Although the request came as no real surprise, Haldir was tired and had hoped to retire early this evening. But he heard a quaver in Legolas's voice that suggested his captain needed – needed what? What Legolas thought he needed from Haldir was nothing the latter could give. Still he hated to see the other in distress, and so he said, "If you like. Here?"
"Not here, no," Legolas flushed. "Although as I said the topic might be discussed here, it could only be in generalities, and tonight I am more interested in actualities. Why don't you get yourself something to drink and then come to my room; you know where it is."
Haldir nodded and rose to fetch himself a glass of fresh cider. He wanted all his wits about him. He paused to watch the stones-players for a few moments before yawning and casually leaving the room.
Legolas opened the door almost before he knocked. "Come in."
The fire on the hearth was blazing and the room almost too warm for Haldir's taste, especially since he was already weary. He sat in the same chair across from Legolas as he had before, and again as before, waited for the other to speak.
"Tell me what it is like," blurted Legolas at last.
"What what is like?" Haldir knew he was being deliberately obtuse, but he was uncomfortable with this situation. He sipped at his glass.
"What it is like to love another binn, of course. How is it different from loving a biss?"
Haldir shrugged. "I don't know that I can answer that; I have never been in love with a biss. Melpomaen was once though, or at least he thought he was. He might be able to tell you what difference he has found, if any. On an emotional level, at least – I do not think he ever had anything but a fairly chaste kiss or two with her."
Legolas exhaled deeply, staring between his knees at the floor. "Did he? I would not have guessed. The way he looks at you, when he thinks none other can see. . . I have never seen anyone with more love in his face. How long have you two – no, I am sorry, that really is none of my concern."
"How long have we been lovers?" asked Haldir. "Not long at all, only a few months."
Legolas muttered something that Haldir could not catch.
"What?"
"Nothing – oh, well, why should I lie? I was only saying that such seemed to be my luck, to have found someone that I might love, just a little too late. But I suppose it is not worth regretting. Forgive me, I seem to be terribly rude tonight, and if I offend you with my questions please say so. It is only that I have not had anyone to speak freely to about my feelings; I suppose I feel that you are safe, because you have had similar ones, and because you will not be here in Mirkwood for long. I may be your captain for a little while, but I will never be your lord. Do you mind, Haldir?"
"You may ask or say what you like, but I cannot guarantee that I will always be willing to answer."
"I thank you for that," said Legolas seriously. "Well. . . I suppose what I am most curious about is how you came to know what you are, and how long it was from that time until you found your bond-partner?"
Chuckling, Haldir said, "Questions I suppose I should be unsurprised at. I will do my best." His face became serious. "I think in a way I knew from a very young age, but it was not something I could easily accept. Among my people, for one benn to love another is forbidden, except of course in friendship. I was taught – oh, not overtly, but through stories and songs and all that was said and left unsaid – that because when our ancestors awoke at Cuiviénen, each benn was paired with a bess, that was the way of nature, the will of Ilúvatar, the only proper course of life. I could not reconcile that philosophy with my own feelings, though; and so for long I tried to deny them. I was ashamed, do you understand? I don't think I can convey to you how dirty, how wicked I felt I must be, just to feel as I did."
"Shamed? That I think I can see, but why wicked?"
"Because if Ilúvatar does not approve of two binn together, then such feelings must come from the dark, from Morgoth's taint upon the very substance of Arda itself. At least, that was how I felt when I was young, and for long thereafter." He flushed. "Eventually I realized that it might not have to be so. Please don't ask me to explain why I changed my mind; it is a story I am not comfortable telling you."
"No, no, I won't press you," Legolas assured him. "So you knew from youth that you were drawn to binn, even if you weren't happy about it? How did you know – did you dream of them, or seek out their company more than that of biss, or what told you?"
Haldir considered. "I do not know how I knew, really. I knew a number of biss, of course, as playmates and friends, but there was never any hint of a spark between us. Granted there was no spark with any benn at that time either! Dreams, perhaps, finally convinced me, though I felt more shame in them than pleasure. There was no one person for whom I had any especial desire, though, not until I saw Melpomaen."
"How long was it that you waited for him?"
"A long time, Legolas. A very long time. I thought for more years than I want to remember that I would never find a partner, or form a bond, and I had accepted that. When I first saw him, though. . ." Haldir shook his head. "It was a complete surprise. We worked together, you see, but I never thought that it would be possible that he would think of me in the same way, as a bond-mate as well as a partner."
Legolas saw the glow in Haldir's eyes, and a fist tightened in his belly. "But eventually he did."
"Yes. . ." Haldir looked up, one golden head facing the other across the hearth. "And so it may be for you, too, one day. Do not think it is impossible."
"It is not that I think it impossible, but I am tired of waiting. If your people's customs are at all like those here, most find their future partner in the second century of life, if not the first. Not always, but it is uncommon to reach a half-millennium unbonded – and I am rather older than that."
"I, too. I do understand, Legolas. I wish – I cannot say that I wish myself unbonded to Melpomaen, for that is not true – I love him more than I can say – but I wish that you may find a similar fate. I sometimes think it is all chance, and then again I think that perhaps there is a destiny that shapes our ends, rough-hew them as we will. (3)"
"If so, I wish that I knew what that end would be." Legolas sighed.
"Only Ilúvatar himself knows, maybe – that was a subject of endless speculation, always, whether he knows the precise future for each living being, or only the generalities of what may or will be. Although I have known some who can see it, a little."
"Should you have a prophetic dream for me, don't fail to tell it, then!"
"Oh, my dreams are unlikely to help you, but Maen has had a foretelling dream at least once, I think." Haldir frowned. "It is hard to tell sometimes what is true foresight, and what mere coincidence."
"My foresight tonight is telling me that if I do not let you leave soon, you will not rise in time for your watch tomorrow, Haldir, so best you go. I thank you, very much, for this talk; I hope that we may do it again soon, tomorrow or the next night? And perhaps with Melpomaen as well if you think he would also not mind."
Haldir rose to go, and paused with his hand on the knob of the door. "I enjoyed it also. I will ask Maen if he would like to spend an evening with you, when he is not on the night watch. Rest you well."
"A good night to you, Haldir." Legolas watched the door close behind his new friend – yes, a friend, he decided. He shifted uncomfortably in his chair and tried not to think any further that night.
Footnotes: (1) The Elves in the Third Age of Middle-earth used a week (enquië) of six days for ritual purposes.
(2) Stones: I postulate a game rather like the Chinese "Go" or any of several similar games, in which players take turns setting stones on a crosshatched board and score points by capturing those of their opponent.
(3) A slight misquotation from William Shakespeare's Hamlet, in which Hamlet says, "There's a divinity that shapes our ends, rough-hew them how we will."