LotR fic: Passages, chapters 1-3 [Haldir/Melpomaen, adult]
Title: Passages Chapter 1, "Partners Journey"; chapter 2, "Dale"; chapter 3, "Realizations" Author: celandineb Fandom: LotR Pairing: Haldir/Melpomaen Rating: adult Warnings: PWP, angst, first time Summary: Haldir and Melpomaen find their friendship developing beyond the expected as they travel from the Golden Wood to Dale and back via Mirkwood. Note: Extensive author's notes may be found in chapter 44.
1. Partners Journey
He walked through the forest as only an Elf can: soft and silent as the down of a baby bird, discarded and fallen to earth as its true feathers grow. In a general way only did he know where he was going, but he presumed he would be intercepted before he reached his destination. He had been assigned to join one of the patrols that guarded the borders of Lothlórien against Orcs and other foul creatures, but since the patrols were constantly on the move, they had few permanent camps. Woods-wise though he was, he had not the experience yet of the long-time scout and fully expected that one from his new company would be alert to his presence before he was aware of theirs.
Indeed his assumption was not mistaken, for as the sun began to lower in the west, sending light dancing through the golden leaves of the mellyrn, a voice spoke at his ear.
"You are Melpomaen, are you not?"
He stopped moving and replied to his unseen questioner, "I am. And since you know my name, I must have reached Lórindol's company."
The other stepped from behind a thicket of holly. "Near enough; this is the outskirts of our patrol region." He turned his head slightly and gave a call that mimicked a whippoorwill. "There, I have sent out the alert that you are arrived. Follow me and I will lead you to tonight's camp."
Melpomaen fell in willingly enough. He was happy to observe the tricks and techniques the other used to make himself more than silent, to seemingly become one with the forest. After a moment, though, he said, "I am unused to being in company with any whose name I do not know. May I ask yours?"
The other Elf turned around to answer. "I am Haldir. I apologize for my lack of manners, but my mind was on other things. We have had ill-luck these last several months; it seems that every attack has been in the territory we protect, and several of our best warriors have been gravely injured and had to return to Caras Galadhon, fit only for lesser services. Hence your presence here, though welcome, certainly, also reminds me of those who have been lost."
"I see," said Melpomaen thoughtfully, and they walked in silence the rest of the way, arriving at the camp well into the night.
There Haldir told Melpomaen to wait below as he climbed to the talan where Lórindol rested. Shortly the captain himself descended, with Haldir following him.
"So you are our newest recruit, Melpomaen. What skills have you?"
He answered honestly, "I can shoot four arrows in a minute, and at least three of them will hit their mark. My skill with a sword is not great, but I am good with a knife. I can move quietly and track well, and easily travel a day and a night without rest."
"Not bad for one so young, but we will have more from you than that," said Lórindol. "In this company we work most of the time in pairs. I will partner you with Haldir, at least for the time being. He will train you further in archery and other weapons, and you will go with him on patrol. But it is late now, and you have been traveling for several days. Haldir, take him to your talan; we can issue his gear in the morning, and you can test his abilities then as well."
Haldir nodded and beckoned for Melpomaen to follow him. "I have spare blankets," he said, "but I imagine you brought your own with you for the journey."
"Of course," Melpomaen replied. "I hope that I do not intrude upon you."
"No, I have always shared a talan with another. My former partner was one of those who was recently wounded and had to leave. But he had not been here long; before that I shared with one who was made a captain and transferred to another company," said Haldir.
They climbed the mallorn that held Haldir's talan and quickly rolled up in their blankets, to rest their thoughts in dreams.
Next morning, as Lórindol had indicated, Haldir put Melpomaen through a series of tests designed to challenge all his skills of scouting and fighting. At the end he said, "You have been well-trained, Melpomaen. You need practice, but then we all must practice. I think you will prove a good addition to the company."
His chest still heaving from his exertions, Melpomaen merely nodded, pleased that he had been judged fit enough for his new station.
For the next months he acted as Haldir's shadow, following the older Elf and learning from him as they took their turns on patrol. The year was turning to winter and it seemed the Orcs did not care for the cold, for they had no skirmishes. He helped to collect the lembas that the company ate from the supply dump along the Silverlode and commented, "Never till I came here did I eat the waybread."
Haldir gave him a look that he could not interpret. "No, it is rare and precious, and now reserved to sustain we who must be away from the rest of our people in order to defend them. Eaten alone, it will bring you greater strength and will than ordinary foods... and it has other properties, as well," he finished under his breath.
Melpomaen wondered a little at Haldir's comment, but inquired no further just then.
Slowly the weeks and months passed. Melpomaen's skills improved steadily, until he was nearly the equal of his golden-haired partner. Haldir complained laughingly about that one day, saying, "Had I dark hair like yours, it would be easier for me to melt into the shadows! Perhaps I should dye it?"
Melpomaen joked in reply, "Nay, for you can lay along a branch of the mallorn and look to blend in with its leaves for half the year."
"True enough. One always wishes for what one does not have, I suppose!" said Haldir. "But come now, it is our turn today to take the northernmost patrol."
So it went on, as the seasons passed from spring to summer, autumn to winter, and then round again. As the two patrolled together, fought together, camped together, they began to act as if a single thought ruled them both. If one was in dire straits against some Orc, the other would immediately be at his side in defense. If one was injured, the other would be there to bind the wound almost as soon as it was inflicted. They were the best partnership in Lórindol's company; even the captain recognized it and held them up as an example to be followed.
After five years, Melpomaen scarcely thought of what his life had been like back in Caras Galadhon, until one day in Cerveth Haldir asked him, "Do you not miss your family? I have never heard you speak of them." (1)
"No." Melpomaen looked down. "My parents departed for the West twenty years ago. My father had also been in one of the patrolling companies, and was badly hurt. He decided that he must leave Middle-earth, and my mother chose to join him."
"And have you no other kin or loved ones to think of?" came the gentle question.
Melpomaen let out his breath in a sigh. "Distant kin only. As for the other... well. I had hoped to wed Caranfíniel, but she refused me."
"I see," said Haldir quietly. "I have sorrow for your pain."
"Perhaps it was for the best. I have no lingering ties, now, to distract me from my duties here. Caranfíniel has a reputation for foresight, so she may have seen some reason why we should not wed. It could even have been the fact that I would join you here; she might not have wished to be separated from a new husband," said Melpomaen.
Wishing to speak no further of his own troubles, he added, "And you? What of your family?"
"I am hardly separated from them, as you know! Not from my brothers at least. We take it in turns to visit our parents on leave, so one of us has always seen them lately. I think Lórindol had doubts of the wisdom of enrolling three brothers into the same company, but it has proved to be a good decision. Since Rúmil and Orophin are twins, they chose to partner together once they had enough seniority to make the choice."
Melpomaen nodded. He had known this, but had wanted to turn the conversation away from a topic that he found uncomfortable. Haldir seemed to sense his reluctance, for he shifted to an altogether new subject.
"I think we two are to be sent out on an unusual mission," he said. "Lórindol spoke with me this morning. He received word from the Lord Celeborn that a message needs to be taken to Bard, king of Dale to the northeast, past Mirkwood on the River Celduin. Lórindol asked if I would be willing to make the journey, since I am one of the few in our company who can speak in the Westron tongue. I told him I would speak with you about it. I knew not how you might feel about leaving Lórien."
"I had never thought to do so," confessed Melpomaen. "But we are partners, and if Lórindol wishes you to carry out this task, I will accompany you. You will have to speak for us both, though; I know no Mannish languages."
"As to that, I will teach you a little along the way," said Haldir. "It will be good for me to do so, to refresh my own memory. And if some mishap should befall me, it would be well for you to be able to speak the Common tongue enough to carry out this task, even if you are not fluent in it."
That evening Haldir informed Lórindol that he and Melpomaen would be prepared to undertake the mission, once Celeborn had sent the message to be conveyed to King Bard. A week later, the two set out.
"What is our road?" asked Melpomaen. "I know little of the lands through which we will travel."
"We dare not travel east to begin; that would take us far too close to Dol Guldur. No, we must leave the forests and journey north along the western bank of Anduin until we reach the Men-i-Naugrim, the old Dwarf-road leading east through Mirkwood. From there we may travel along Celduin to the Long Lake, and thence to Dale, which lies before the mountain of Erebor."
Melpomaen listened in wonder. "How long is the journey, then?"
"I am not absolutely certain, but at least two hundred leagues, perhaps more. A month's travel each way, and that with the luck to be pursued by no enemies and turned off-course," answered Haldir. "We have lembas enough for all of the outward journey, I think, but we will have to purchase supplies of food for our return, and likely hunt as well."
"That will be a change," said Melpomaen. "I hardly recall the taste of other food besides the waybread, these days."
"Nor I. I look forward to it," said Haldir. He glanced at Melpomaen. "If traveling across the open plain disturbs you, we can plan to move at night, while we are near to Dol Guldur. It might be safer in any event; the Orcs prefer darkness and if we are both awake our chance to detect and avoid them is greater."
"Whichever you feel is the better course," said Melpomaen. "We are partners, but you have the greater experience in these matters."
"Then we shall travel by night, I think, at least while we follow Anduin. In Mirkwood we must move by day, for even then the light is dim. At night, I have been told, one can scarcely see at all, the shadows are so thick. Let us move on, then."
They spoke little as they walked, staying alert for any sight or sound of an enemy. At times they passed scattered houses and villages of Men, and Haldir noted that on their return journey they might be able to purchase supplies from such folk, if needed. Each dawn saw them halt to make a cold camp, alternating watches through the day.
At length they reached the edge of Mirkwood. Though that night had many hours left, Haldir decided it would be best to halt and rest, and wait for morning to tread the dim road through the forest.
Melpomaen, as was his habit, took the first watch. The moon was nearly at the full, and he had little fear that they would be attacked. To pass the time, he began to practice a series of exercises designed to increase strength and flexibility in sword-play, for the sword was his weakest weapon. As he moved through the sequence, Haldir spoke from his bedroll.
"Your form improves, Melpomaen. Almost I could think you were dancing, not fighting."
Melpomaen stopped, a little embarrassed. "I did not know you were still awake. I did not mean to disturb you."
"I am unused to resting at night, now. And you could not - disturb - me. Not at this time," said Haldir, an unfamiliar note in his voice. "Continue your practice, by all means. In fact, since I seem to be unable to sleep, perhaps I should join you in it."
"By all means. There are several moves that I cannot complete without a partner," returned Melpomaen.
Haldir arose and stood facing him. They moved in tandem, silently flowing from one posture to the next, like mirrored images. Slowly the pace increased, the focus became more intense. Melpomaen could feel Haldir's gaze on him, challenging him to ever greater achievements. At last he had to stop.
"You may be unable to sleep, Haldir, but after that I am more than ready! Will you take the watch?"
Haldir glanced upward, gauging the time from the position of the stars. "Yes, I will watch until dawn. Then we must enter the forest."
As Melpomaen drifted off, he saw Haldir pacing around their camp. Clearly something was bothering his partner, something he was reluctant to share.
Perhaps he is simply worried about the next leg of our journey, Melpomaen thought. It is unlike Haldir to be secretive, but if his mood does not lighten soon I will have to ask what his trouble is.
The next day, though, Haldir seemed to have returned to his usual good humor. The woods of Mirkwood were dark and very different from those of Lórien, but to be amid trees again was a pleasure to both of them.
"There are giant spiders living in Mirkwood, so I have heard," said Haldir. "But I was told that they do not usually venture out of the thickest patches of trees. So we should be careful to camp close to the road while we are here."
Melpomaen heartily agreed with that sentiment. "Do they fear fire?" he asked.
"I would think so. It might be a good idea to have a small fire each night for the watch, as well; as long as we are careful and do not go too far in collecting the wood for it," Haldir said.
That became their pattern as they traveled through the forest: up at dawn, a wafer of lembas, and then walking along a road that seemed unchanging, through the dark unrustling leaves of the trees. As the always-dim green light faded, they stopped to collect fallen branches for their fire and make camp. Another meal of lembas, and then watches through the night.
"I am glad that I am not one of Thranduil's folk," remarked Melpomaen after a week of this. "Though I imagine that his halls are fair to look upon, still I would find this realm dreary to live in."
"There is nothing to compare with the beauty of Lothlórien, that is true," agreed Haldir. "And Thranduil and his people have as many enemies to fend off as do we; they have not Orcs, usually, but spiders instead. Yet I can imagine that if the shadow in the south of the forest were somehow lifted for ever, beauty might return here. I would like to visit sometime; not on this journey, for our return must be swift, but I have distant kin among Thranduil's folk, and he is said to set a splendid table for guests."
"No lembas, then?" teased Melpomaen.
"Assuredly no lembas at his feasts! I do not think that they use it at all; the Lady Galadriel brought the knowledge of its making to Lórien."
"Speaking of which, it is getting on for dark. We should stop and make camp, have our meal," said Melpomaen. And they turned to their nightly chores.
At length they reached the eastern borders of the forest, and emerged again into the clear sunlight. Celduin sparkled in the distance, their guide north towards Dale.
"Before we reach the Long Lake from which Celduin springs, we shall be able to see Erebor as our guide. And I believe that there is a well-traveled road from the lake to Dale, and commerce between the peoples who live there," commented Haldir.
"Is there no road along the river?" Melpomaen asked.
"Only a little-used path," Haldir said. "The river is the usual road, but we will travel by foot as we have been doing. I have some coin to purchase supplies for our return, but not enough to buy us passage on the river as well."
Melpomaen shrugged. He was happy enough to walk and see the land they passed through more closely.
Footnote: (1)</a> Cerveth is the Sindarin name for the month of Cermië, or July.
2. Dale
Nearly a week later, they finally approached their goal. Haldir's words to the guard of King Bard's palace brought them inside immediately. There they were shown to a chamber to rest and wait until the king was able to see them; he was hunting, the man said, but was expected to return soon.
Melpomaen wandered about the room, investigating the furnishings. It was long since he had been in such luxurious surroundings.
"I will speak with the king alone," said Haldir abruptly. "I have only to pass on the message from Lord Celeborn, and answer any questions the king might have for me. Your knowledge of Westron is not yet great enough for you to need to be there, and I do not think there is any reason to fear treachery."
"As you wish," said Melpomaen. "Perhaps I will see what their gardens are like. After the wilds, it would be good to see tended beds."
"A good thought. I doubt the king will have an answer to give me today, so I do not expect our interview to last long. It may be a week before he makes a reply," Haldir said. "So I will come or send to find you, before evening."
King Bard was much as Haldir had expected; a strong man, yet thoughtful. He greeted Haldir civilly and assured him that he and his traveling companion were welcome for as long as they wished to stay. When he had broken the seal and read Celeborn's message, he sighed.
"Do you know the contents of this letter?" Bard inquired.
"I do not, sir, I am only the message-bearer; but I was told to answer freely any questions you might have," replied Haldir.
"At the moment, none. I will have to consider your king's words carefully before I reply, but I am likely to call on you for information. So if you would remain in the palace or on the grounds for a few days, I would be appreciative. And please, both of you join me for dinner. I have never traveled so far south, myself, and would enjoy hearing of your journey," said Bard.
Haldir bowed in acquiescence. "We would be honored, sir."
"Until this evening, then; and do not hesitate to call for anything you may require, after your travels," Bard dismissed him.
The meal that evening was a great change from those that Haldir and Melpomaen had shared for so many days on the road. The red wine of Dorwinion flowed freely at the king's table, which was laden also with venison, fish brought from the lake, and many dishes that neither Elf had seen before. Unaccustomed as they were to such plenty, they nevertheless did full justice to their host's generosity.
Next morning, Melpomaen regretted his lack of restraint. His head throbbed as if Orc-drums were beating inside it, and he shuddered at the very thought of breakfast. Instead he made his way outside to the grassy courtyard he had found the previous afternoon, and there Haldir discovered him lying on a bench, one arm flung over his eyes.
"Too much feasting for you, too?" he said sympathetically, sitting down beside Melpomaen.
"You could say that," came the muffled reply.
"Well, perhaps bound to happen. We'll both know to be more cautious from now on with the wine! Here, rest your head," Haldir moved Melpomaen's head off the hard bench and began to rub his temples gently.
"Ah, that helps," Melpomaen relaxed at his friend's touch. They sat quietly for a time, glad simply not to be traveling for a few days, and to be able to let down their guard against potential threats.
At last Melpomaen stood up and stretched languorously. "You have done wonders for me, Haldir. I feel as if I might live again now. I have never been in a town of Men before; have you? Shall we explore it?"
"I would enjoy that. I must leave word though of what we are doing, since the king asked me to remain available for consultation. I doubt he would object to our looking around his city, but still he should know where to find me," said Haldir.
After speaking with one of the servants of their plans, the two Elves wandered through the city. It was vastly different from the towns of Lórien, which were built into the mallorn trees. Here the dwellings were made of unlovely stone, crowded together and stained with the smoke of hearthfires.
"How can they bear it?" whispered Melpomaen to Haldir, as they stood in the marketplace amid the bustle of daily business.
"Most of them - all of them perhaps - know nothing else. Men are not attuned to Arda the way that we are. They live so briefly, they simply have not the time to learn what we understand," said Haldir. "But we should not pity them. Look at their faces; though times are troubled, still the people here seem content, and happy with their lot."
Melpomaen took Haldir's hand and pressed it. "You are always so wise, my friend. I would not have thought to look from their perspective."
Haldir returned the clasp for a moment, then released it. "Not always so wise, Melpomaen. I simply have had more experience of the world than you have, as yet. Someday you will no doubt outstrip me."
They had been speaking in Sindarin, both for privacy and because Melpomaen's command of Westron was not yet firm. Now Haldir shifted to the Common Tongue.
"Come, let us try one of the local shops. You said that you needed to make a new clasp for your hair; why not buy one here, instead, as a memento?"
"Yes, a good idea," said Melpomaen. They walked along the edge of the street, looking at the displays of goods that spilled out from each open shop.
"Here is one," called Haldir, who had moved more quickly. Melpomaen hurried to see what his companion had found. The clasp was not of wood, as was usual among the companies that patrolled Lórien. Instead it was of silver, smooth and plain except for a narrow band of leaves along the edge.
"This will last longer than a wooden clasp, I think," said Haldir, "and so will remind you longer of this journey."
"You are right," agreed Melpomaen. "But I fear the cost will be too great."
"I will do the bargaining," said Haldir, and beckoned to the silversmith.
Melpomaen listened carefully as the two bargained, but their speech was too fast for him to follow easily. At last they shook hands, and Haldir passed over the coins, receiving a carefully wrapped package in return.
"I do not think he expected me to drive such a hard bargain!" the Elf said cheerfully as they departed. "Do not worry about repaying me now. I know you brought little coin with you, we can settle up when we return home."
Melpomaen shook his head. "You're too kind, Haldir, but I do not like to leave debts unpaid. Please tell me what I owe you."
Haldir resisted, but finally gave in. "It was five silver pennies. I bargained him down from eight."
Melpomaen raised an eyebrow at the extravagance he had just been lured into. He handed Haldir the proper sum. "Remind me never to let you bargain for me again, my friend! Had I but known, I might have stopped you."
"Do you wish to return it?" Haldir stopped in the middle of the street. "I can do that, if you truly did not wish to spend so much. I apologize for my hasty behavior, if I forced something upon you that is not to your liking."
"No, it's all right. I had not anticipated spending such a sum, but the clasp is beautiful and I will be pleased to wear it for many years, I am sure," said Melpomaen.
"As long as you're sure," said Haldir doubtfully. "Very well, then. I have seen enough of the city for today, have not you? I would be glad now of a warming cup back in our room."
"Perhaps one warming cup," Melpomaen said. "I do not wish to feel tomorrow as I felt when I awoke this morning!"
The next week passed quietly. King Bard called Haldir to him several times to answer questions about Lórien's forces and her borders. At last the king reached a decision, and wrote to Celeborn to accept his offers of alliance.
"Though I do not know how much use it will be," he said ruefully as he handed Haldir the letter. "Our two realms lie far enough distant, and the Enemy is so widespread, that it seems unlikely that either of us will be able to readily aid the other. Dale has traditionally allied with the Elves of Mirkwood, and the Dwarves in Erebor, but Lórien is far afield."
"Distant, but not powerless," said Haldir. "And he would be a fool who does not secure allies when he can, even if they seem of unlikely help."
"You are correct, which is why I reply as I do. I assume you will leave tomorrow?"
"Yes, we are needed back in our company, and summer draws to an end. Better to make the journey in fair weather, if we can," Haldir responded.
"Then I wish you all speed, and safety in your travels. Should your king wish to send another message to me, I would be more than happy to see you again," and Bard bowed in courtesy.
Haldir bowed deeply in response, and left to find Melpomaen and tell him that they would be departing the next morning.
As usual, the younger Elf was in the gardens, enjoying the sunshine and quiet. Few of the king's household seemed to spend time here, and he could imagine himself back in a glade in Lórien.
"Thinking of home?" asked Haldir.
Melpomaen looked over. "Of course."
"Well," Haldir said, "you should be pleased, then, to know that we will leave tomorrow. King Bard has decided to accept Lord Celeborn's offer, and I have his sealed agreement ready to deliver."
"That is good to hear. Both the agreement, and that we can leave. I begin to grow restless in this stone city, do you not?" said Melpomaen.
"Impatient, yes. So - we should see to our packing, that we may depart at sunrise."
Their packs were larger for the return journey than the outward one. Bard had given several small gifts to be taken to Celeborn, but most of the increase was due to the food they carried. Their lembas had lasted for the whole of the distance to Dale, but was now exhausted. More ordinary foods were far bulkier than the waybread, and even now they knew that they would certainly have to hunt in order to extend their supplies.
On this last evening, the king again ensured that the meal was a feast, but neither Elf indulged as freely as on the first night. They took leave of Bard with many assurances of respect and friendship between the men of Dale and the Elves of Lórien, and retired for one last night of rest before their journey home.
Up at dawn, Melpomaen was almost dancing with anticipation to be on the road again. He had not realized how uncomfortable he was in the city, amid the crowds, until he knew he would be leaving them behind.
"Slow down, Melpomaen," Haldir called. "If you walk so quickly, you will exhaust yourself before nightfall. A day or two more or less will make no difference in our absence from the company."
Melpomaen slackened his pace at the mild reproof. "I'm sorry," he apologized. "I am just enjoying the freedom to move as I wish again. In Dale it seemed that I could hardly take two steps without bumping into someone."
Haldir laughed. "I know how you feel. The first time I was in a city of Men, I had exactly the same reaction."
"But I will walk with you, my friend." Melpomaen took Haldir's hand.
"I would enjoy that, Melpomaen," Haldir told him. If Melpomaen noticed that his partner seemed a little short of breath, he put it down to the lack of exercise in Dale.
They traveled quickly that day, however, fresh from the previous week's inaction. As night drew near, they stopped to make camp.
"One thing about Men's travel rations, they're more trouble than lembas," muttered Melpomaen, who had volunteered to cook the first evening. Among their supplies were dried meats and vegetables; the Elf was attempting to concoct a soup for their meal, with little experience to guide him.
"Just let it simmer for awhile," advised Haldir.
Melpomaen pushed a stray wisp of hair off his face. "I know, I know. I am just so restless for some reason, I cannot sit still." He stood and paced around the perimeter of their camp. "I feel as if there is something happening inside me that I don't understand, and I cannot contain it. It's like - stepping out of shelter when you thought the sky cloudy, and unexpectedly seeing the stars. Surprised and overjoyed at their beauty."
He dropped to the ground beside Haldir and lay with his head propped on his hands, gazing at the fire. "It is more than just pleasure at leaving the city and returning to the free fields and forests. It is as if my blood is learning again how to flow through my body. Do you feel nothing of the sort?"
"I do... but I know what it is I feel, as I think you do not."
"What is it, then?" Melpomaen asked. "You are always so good at explaining things, tell me this."
Haldir was silent for a moment. He leaned over and touched Melpomaen lightly on the shoulder, saying, "Are you certain you wish to know?"
Melpomaen felt the touch like fire running through his veins. And suddenly he remembered the last time he had spoken with Caranfíniel, whom he had once hoped to wed.
I will not join with you, Melpomaen, she had said. There is that in you which cannot turn to me, and I will not be bound to a divided soul. At the time he had thought she referred to his commitment to join Lórindol's company. But now, in Haldir's company, he recognized a different interpretation.
But perhaps I am mistaken, he thought, and said aloud, "I do wish it."
Again, silence from his partner. Then he felt the other's hand move slowly from his shoulder to trail down his side, until it rested above his hip. Haldir repeated, "Are you certain?"
Melpomaen rolled a quarter-turn, so that he faced Haldir directly, but without losing that tentative contact. "I am," he said.
Haldir exhaled a deep breath, then lowered himself onto his elbow, so that he looked Melpomaen in the eye. Melpomaen had never before looked into another's soul as he did then; he saw that Haldir had loved him for years, that the partnership between the two of them meant everything to the other. And he recognized that he returned the feeling. Why did I never see this before, he had just time to wonder, before Haldir kissed him.
3. Realizations
Their mouths clung together at first as if to let go would destroy them both. Melpomaen had kissed Caranfíniel, once, before she rejected him, but that experience had been utterly unlike this. He could feel Haldir trembling even as he did himself, shaken by the unexpected delight he found in his partner's arms.
Tenderly, Haldir flicked his tongue along Melpomaen's lips, which opened in response. Their breaths mingled, heated. Melpomaen's eyes were closed as he concentrated wholly on the new sensations he felt, as if fire and ice ran together in his blood. He raised a hand blindly to Haldir's face, and stroked a finger down his jaw.
Haldir ended the kiss and drew back a fraction, so that he could see Melpomaen's face. The other's eyes opened, pupils dilated until the iris was barely visible.
"So now you know," Haldir said simply. "This is what we might always feel, this taste for the physical, if it were not for..."
"The lembas," Melpomaen suddenly realized. "It sustains the body and the will, at the expense of the emotions."
"Not emotions," Haldir disagreed. "But the ability to transform pure emotion into something acted upon. I have loved you since soon after you became my partner, but without this - need - to express it." He drew a finger along Melpomaen's neck. His voice roughened as he said, "And it is a need, is it not?"
"Yes," breathed Melpomaen. He in turn traced the outline of Haldir’s ears, jawline, neck, tearing off the clasp that bound the golden hair and running his hands through it. He pulled Haldir to himself again, kissing him deeply, their tongues thrusting against each other. He felt Haldir's hands running along his torso, tracing the muscles of his chest and then curving behind his back to clasp him closer still.
Suddenly Melpomaen thought of something. "My soup!" He began to struggle out of Haldir's embrace.
Haldir laughed. "You put so much water in the pot, it could boil for three hours and not go dry. But take it off, if you will feel better about it."
Melpomaen pulled the pot to the side of the fire. He glanced over at Haldir and decided that since they had paused for the moment, he would build up the fire to last the rest of the night.
Bringing an armful of wood, he saw that Haldir too had moved. He had spread their blankets together and was beginning to remove his clothes.
"Wait," he called, and hastily dealt with the fire.
Haldir smiled and waited. He had hoped to encourage Melpomaen to return to his arms more quickly, and the strategy had worked.
The younger Elf stood in front of his partner, carefully removing Haldir's tunic, and was unlacing his leggings when he paused.
"Sit for a moment, Haldir," he asked. "I will not be able to do more without taking off your shoes."
"I wondered when you would think of that," Haldir remarked. "You had better take yours off as well, now, to save trouble." He removed his own. "Would you prefer me to stand again, or shall I stay here?"
"Stand, please," said Melpomaen. He knelt before Haldir and finished his task, pulling the garments down as Haldir stood on first one foot, then the other to allow them to be drawn off completely.
Then he paused to look at his partner, now completely unclad. He had seen Haldir naked before, of course; they had shared a talan for years, and bodily modesty was something few Elves had ever concerned themselves with. But this time was special; it was the first time that he had looked on Haldir in recognized desire.
Haldir was aware of Melpomaen's feelings, and to lighten the mood he struck an exaggeratedly athletic pose. "How is this, love?" he asked, and Melpomaen laughed.
"However you stand is fine with me. But I think I prefer you at my level..." and he hooked an arm around Haldir's legs, pulling him down to the blankets.
"I prefer that too," Haldir whispered, and kissed him again.
Slowly at first, the unfamiliar sensations of desire built up within him, and Melpomaen moaned against Haldir's mouth.
"Shh, shh, it's all right," Haldir soothed.
"I don't - I've never - I'm not sure what to do," Melpomaen confessed.
Haldir gauged his partner's probable reaction to the truth, then spoke it boldly. "I have never made love to another, either. But I think we can figure out what can be done, hm?" He had in fact a very clear idea of what might be done, based on certain inadvertent observations he had made in his youth. But if it made Melpomaen feel less uncertain to think that Haldir was equally inexperienced, then the whole of his knowledge need not be shared just now.
Melpomaen nodded. "Yes, of course you're right." He grinned a little weakly. "I suppose the first thing is probably to remove my clothes as well?"
"That seems like a good idea. But stay, lie there. I will be back in a moment," and Haldir moved to rummage through his pack.
He came back with a small flask. Melpomaen looked at him inquiringly and Haldir shrugged, "Scented oil. I bought it in Dale and thought to give it to my mother, but this seems a better use."
Haldir set the flask aside for the moment, then leaned over Melpomaen. He moved his hands over the other's torso and legs, with each pass loosening the clothing a fraction more.
The teasing caresses set Melpomaen aflame once again, until he could wait no longer and began to remove his clothes himself. Haldir's hand stopped him.
"No, no, I will do it," and now Haldir swiftly pulled the garments from around Melpomaen's body, until he lay there wrapped only in the night air. For Haldir, this was not the first time he had seen Melpomaen unclothed, with the knowledge that he loved the other, but it was the first time he was able to react to the sight.
"Oh, my love," he whispered, and buried his face in Melpomaen's neck, kissing and then sucking there until the blood rose to the surface.
"My love," whispered Melpomaen in reply, brushing away the mingled gold and dark hair to press small kisses on Haldir's face. He took his partner in his arms and rolled them over so that Haldir was underneath him. Imagining what he would like himself, Melpomaen began to trace circles across his partner's chest and belly with his lips and tongue. By the time he reached the base of the stomach, Haldir's eyes were closed and his breath came in quick pants.
Melpomaen rubbed his cheek along the length of Haldir's warm hardness, then retraced the path with his tongue, swirling it around the tip and finally sucking in the whole. He breathed in the musky evidence of the other's desire, and that knowledge increased his own to the point where he feared he could not wait any longer.
Haldir's hands were entangled in Melpomaen's dark hair as his partner traced deliciously down his body. When a wet mouth engulfed his member, he let out a strangled moan, straining for control. He gently pulled to bring Melpomaen back up.
"What do you wish to do, love?" he said. "I am close to the breaking point." His hand strayed down Melpomaen's body. "And so are you, I think. Shall we finish this quickly and relax a bit before, perhaps, going on? For I doubt that I can restrain myself much longer now."
Melpomaen said raggedly, "Yes..." He bent his head to Haldir's shoulder. Their hands reached, each for the other, stroking first gently, then more rapidly, as once again their mouths found each other in a passionate kiss.
"Ah..." Haldir hissed, tensed, and exploded into orgasm, followed only seconds later by Melpomaen. They lay cradled together, their seed mingling on their skins, their breathing gradually slowing back to normal.
Melpomaen turned his head towards his partner, his lover. "I had never imagined such pleasure, had you?"
Haldir laughed a little at the ingenuous question. "Imagined, perhaps. Experienced, no." He rolled over and reached for the waterskin. "Too bad we have none of the king's wine here, but would you like some water?"
They drank, and then used a dampened cloth to clean each other off. The flickering light of the fire sent rosy streaks across their skin, and Melpomaen said, "That is what it felt like, as if there were a fire within me. Had I realized what I was missing all those years..."
"I know," agreed Haldir, "but there is doubtless good reason for the use of the waybread. While few would choose lovers from among other men, even with no women present, I suppose that the effects of lembas help to keep those who are wedded - or who wait to wed - less discontent. Desire, fulfilled or not, can only be a distraction in our lives as rangers on the borders of the Golden Wood. So it would be unwise, and dangerous to the company as a whole, if we were to let this new understanding between us cause any difference in how we carry out our duties."
Melpomaen bowed his head. "I know, and yet I will find it hard to put this aside and return to the commonplaces of company life."
"We will have no choice," the words carried overtones of sorrowing resignation. "But we can still love each other, even if we cannot express it physically."
"Can we?" asked Melpomaen. He sat up, clasping his knees and looking thoughtfully at the fire. "As you say, it will make things - difficult. Would it not be wiser to try to put this love aside? All custom and law is against it, as well."
"Put it aside?" Haldir's voice broke. "Could you really do that, now?"
Melpomaen looked over and saw the tears running down Haldir's face. His heart gave a queer thump inside his chest as he realized that he could never bear to hurt his partner, his lover. Even if that meant living in restraint and in the subtle deception of their other friends.
"No, I couldn't," he reached over to touch Haldir's cheek. "Forgive me for the thought, my love. You may have been aware of your feelings for long, but remember that this understanding is new to me."
Haldir reached up to take Melpomaen's hand, then drew him into a close embrace. "I know, Melpomaen. It is just... I was so filled with joy to have finally been able to tell you, show you how I felt, and the thought that you might turn away..."
Melpomaen kissed him, to stop the words: a tender kiss, of love rather than passion.
"We will work out, together, what is best to be done," he promised. "We have the whole of the journey back to decide."
"We have," Haldir agreed. "Melpomaen..."
"What is it?"
"I have thought, this last week, about what we might do together... before our return, that is. This time will be short, and may never be repeated. I would like to make the most of it, if you are willing."
"Of course I am. What had you in mind?" said Melpomaen.
Haldir smiled. "I thought I would begin with this," he held up the flask of oil. "If you will lie down, on your stomach?"
Melpomaen stretched out on the blankets. "Like this?"
Haldir parted his legs gently and knelt between them.
"Yes."
He poured a bit of the oil onto his hands, rubbing them to warm it, then began to stroke Melpomaen's back, kneading the muscles in long, loving motions.
"Oh, that feels wonderful," murmured the younger Elf. A realization struck him. "Tell me, Haldir, had you this in mind when you were rubbing my head to ease the ache, last week?"
"Yes, I did, but the effects of the lembas had not yet fully worn off. And I would not have wanted to share my feelings with you in a town of Men, in any case," said Haldir.
After a few minutes he shifted to a lighter touch, dancing his fingers down Melpomaen's spine, along the smooth pale skin.
"That tickles - but it still feels good," said Melpomaen.
"Ah, well, tickling was not the effect I intended," said Haldir. He moved towards Melpomaen's feet and, pouring more oil, began to massage his legs, first the right and then the left, moving upward from ankle to thigh. As he finished with the left side, he allowed his fingers to stray between his lover's legs, brushing the back of his testicles. Melpomaen quivered, and reflexively parted his legs slightly wider.
Haldir lowered his head to kiss the spot gently, then took the whole of the sac into his mouth, laving it with his tongue.
Melpomaen could feel himself hardening with excitement, but waited to see what Haldir would do next. He was surprised when he was released, and then felt oil being poured, drop by drop, between his buttocks.
Haldir smoothed the oil into the puckered opening, making sure that his fingers were coated as well. Very slowly he began to ease one finger past the tightness of Melpomaen's orifice.
"Don't worry," he whispered. "I would never hurt you."
"I know," Melpomaen said, and tried to relax into the unaccustomed sensation.
Gradually, Haldir inserted a second finger, and moved them slightly within the heated passage. He could feel a slight protrusion through the wall and stroked it. Melpomaen let out a gasp of unexpected pleasure. Haldir mistook the sound for pain and immediately withdrew.
"No," said Melpomaen. "Go on, please."
Haldir returned to his explorations with one hand, using the other to raise himself so that he could kiss the back of Melpomaen's neck. His lover turned his head to look at him, and their lips joined, wordlessly. Melpomaen could feel Haldir's hot body against him, his erection throbbing.
Then Haldir pulled his fingers out. Melpomaen made a sound of protest, but Haldir shook his head and rolled the other over onto his back. He slid between Melpomaen's legs again and began to tease him with his tongue, flicking it against the tense flesh, nibbling at the sensitive veins. At last, when Melpomaen thought he would be unable to bear it any longer, Haldir finally took him fully inside his mouth and began to move up and down his length, suckling firmly on the head, then encompassing the whole.
Melpomaen abandoned himself to the feelings that Haldir's touch brought him. If before he had felt fire in his body, now it was as if he had become a volcano; his very limbs seemed molten with desire. He was nearly to the point of orgasm when Haldir stopped, and he emitted a strangled cry of frustration.
"Sh, love, sh," said Haldir into his ear. "I want this to last long for you."
"Then you must let me caress you as well," Melpomaen said.
Haldir hesitated, then nodded acquiescence, shifting to lie by his lover's side. Melpomaen half-sat up, gazing at his body in the firelight, admiring the play of muscles on his chest and the taut hardness below. He slowly drew his hands across Haldir's torso, brushing the nipples with his fingertips, then suckled them with lips and tongue and teeth.
Next Melpomaen reached for the oil flask and anointed his hands. Returning his lips to Haldir's neck and ears, nibbling and breathing on the sensitive nerve endings, he stroked Haldir's firm member, reaching below to caress there as well. He felt for the tight opening, and as Haldir had done for him, slowly worked first one, then more fingers inside.
"Does it feel good?" he murmured.
Haldir made a sound like a soft growl, his eyes dilated with desire as he looked at Melpomaen's face.
"Oh yes, I see it does," said Melpomaen. "I wonder..." he removed his hand and placed the tip of his erection against the opening, "can I follow where my fingers go?" He eased the head through past the tight ring of muscle, and gradually slid inside. Haldir shifted his position, raising his knees to aid Melpomaen's entrance, his own organ erect and throbbing against his stomach.
"So you anticipated me," Haldir said breathlessly. He could add no more as Melpomaen began to move, slowly pushing into the clasping tunnel, with each stroke bringing them both closer to ecstasy. Melpomaen balanced on one hand, using the other to rub against Haldir's erection, until at last neither could hold back any longer.
"I love you," Melpomaen's voice sang out as he thrust more and more rapidly.
"And I you," Haldir cried as he felt Melpomaen shudder within him. His lover continued to stroke him and within moments he reached his own climax, convulsing with pleasure as Melpomaen grasped his willing flesh.
They lay quietly then, in each other's arms. They knew that although their time as lovers could not last long, their partnership would endure.