InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "possession withdrawal"

wildhairedboy (wildhairedboy) wrote in castagain,
@ 2008-01-22 23:14:00

Who: Cutter and Jordan
When: Tuesday evening
Where: Divination Room
Why: Smoking and Smooching
Rating: R

Cutter had stopped and almost returned to his dorm room three times already. At the moment, he was standing against a random wall in a random corridor, almost hyperventilating. He had no idea what he was doing. It was too fast. There were spur of the moment decisions that worked out for the best and then there were rash, incredibly stupid decisions. Problem was, you could never identify the two until after the fact.

Jordan was bisexual. He liked boys. Liked kissing them, and ... whatnot. Theoretically, he would be the perfect person to make use of James' advice on. He was laid back, effortlessly sexual and had probably mastered discretion by this point. Theoretically, it all made perfect sense.

Only, his logical mind was nowhere near as powerful as the sheer terror working its way through his system. Was he actually seeking out a boy to kiss him? In what universe was that a plan that he would come up with? His stomach was tied in knots and he was wildly out of breath from nothing more than standing against the wall, panting. How was he supposed to get up the nerve to kiss the guy? And why did he want to? Or, did he want to?

Was this all in his head? Was it a test like he was telling himself, or was it something he genuinely wanted? He hadn't wanked in what felt like forever. He was turned on, confused and terrified over the thoughts running through his own head. One thing was for sure though: this couldn't go on.

Pulling himself away from the wall, he took one quick step after another, making his way toward the Divination Room. His jaw was set in a hard line and his breath was coming too fast. If anyone had seen him, they would have thought he was headed toward a fight rather than going to meet up with a potential friend.

He entered the room in a burst and then stopped, rubbing his palms on his pants. The sight of Jordan sent a hard thrum of panic through his body and the tea cups set off a soft clatter as the stone beneath his feet trembled.

"Hey." The word came out sounding funny and he cleared his throat. "What's up? Ever been up here after hours? It's wicked, isn't it? Looks kinda spooky, I guess. Like a crazy old lady with stuffed dolls should attack you or something. Uhm, not that there's a crazy old lady. Don't want to make you paranoid before we smoke. Perfectly safe, yeah? Fuck, why am I still talking?"

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shirtlifter
2008-01-23 05:03 am UTC (link)

Well, maybe he never pegged Cutter as the type, but everyone was at least a little bit that guy. Jordan had almost worried that he'd gone too far with it over the journals, until Cutter said 'or whatever'. Jordan knew what 'or whatever' meant. Jordan was a master of whatever.

Not that he was expecting much to happen. Just a bit of smoking, some harmless flirting, a grope goodnight if he was lucky and then back to the daily grind. Not that he wasn't up for 'or whatever'ing. He just wasn't getting his hopes up.

By the time Cutter had even shown up, Jordan was playing nervously with the tea cups and shuttling between I'd-totally-tap-that and well-he's-probably-not-an-utter-utter-slag. Stupid fecking rational thought.

"Huh? Yeah, good place to snog," Jordan replied off-handedly, slipping easily into his role of devlishly handsome carefree laid back god of cool. He snorted at Cutter's little rant, tugging at his hair absently and leaning against one of the small, round tables. "Dunno, mate, but either way I can think of better things for you to do with your mouth." Jordan winked and paused just long enough for the statement to be taken the wrong way before making a smoking motion with his left hand, looking at Cutter expectantly.

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wildhairedboy
2008-01-23 05:29 am UTC (link)

Cutter felt his mouth gape open and then hurriedly snapped it shut again. He blushed and dropped his head, looking anywhere but at Jordan. So, this idea was quickly shaping up to be one of those rash, beyond idiotic types of impulsive. Clearly, he was not ready for the Jordan's of the bi-curious world. He should have just ignored the entire situation. It would have gone away eventually.

But, he was here now and there wasn't a subtle way to turn around and run from the room, so he just grimaced a little and pulled out his weed.

"Right. Smoking." He liked weed. Hell, at the moment he couldn't think of anything he'd like better. His nerves were frayed beyond endurance and hopefully the pot would help him relax. "I brought my bong. Also a Christmas present from Alice."

He pulled it out of his pocket and had to try four times before he could get it back to its normal size. Damn magic was all buggered up. The bong was in the shape of a crazy looking dragon. Or an alien. An alien dragon?

He was busy thinking of anything but the other boy in the room as he pulled out the bag of weed he'd already sorted and packed the bowl. As he lit it he thought for one second about James' suggestion to kiss a boy when he was sober, but that would have to be another day. He wasn't entirely sure he could go through with it once he was stoned.

"Here." He passed the bong over and exhaled hard. While the other boy hit it, he tried to think of something to say that could get them back on even footing. Time was running out, so he blurted, "So, you've been bi for a long time."

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shirtlifter
2008-01-23 05:54 am UTC (link)

"I'm beginning to like this Alice more and more." Jordan tugged at his hair again, the kinetic energy more from his anticipation at actually getting some weed rather than any pent up sexual frustration (as he repeatedly told himself). Jordan watched Cutter pack the bowl and nearly said something stupid like 'nice hands', filling in the empty space his parted lips made with an amiable "cheers" as Cutter lit and passed the bong. Jordan took a hit the way his dad has taught him to; quick on the inhale, but holding in the smoke and letting it seep out of his nose and mouth at its own leisure, which was both incredibly relaxing and weirdly cool looking.

Jordan was in the middle of passing the bong back at Cutter's outburst. Cocking an eyebrow, Jordan shrugged and grinned. "Er, yeah," he replied, smoke pouring faintly out of his mouth. "As long as you've been straight" (he had to force himself not to add -ish) "if not longer. Pretty fuffilling thus far."

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wildhairedboy
2008-01-23 06:07 am UTC (link)

"Ah. Right."

Cutter hit the bong and tried not to let his frustration show. He was royally buggering this up. The guy thought he was straight and probably a complete spazz. He felt like a spazz. He hadn't been this uncomfortable in his own skin since he was thirteen and desperate to get under some girl's shirt. Those days were looking pretty damn good right now.

"None of my business."

He passed the bong over and twiddled with the laces on his shoes, feeling like an idiot. At the same time, the rough edge of desperation was slowly leaking from him. The bundle of nerves in his chest was loosening and he let out a soft huff of laughter.

This was ridiculous. They were hanging out. Nothing more. Just because the guy was gay didn't mean that they had to make out. Jordan might not even be into him. And if one part of him was annoyed at the thought, a bigger part was relieved to be off the hook. He could ask some questions, get some information, smoke some weed, have a few laughs. Nothing to stress himself out over.

"But you like girls too, yeah? What's the difference, really? Not the big difference, I get that. But, in the small things? Why go after a guy when girls are so much easier?"

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shirtlifter
2008-01-23 06:28 am UTC (link)

"No worries, mate. Its not like you're the only one to notice." Jordan hit again, already liking this Longbottom bloke. Yeah, he thought, pressing his tongue against his teeth as he exhaled, I could totally get used to this. His left hand seemed permanently tangled in his hair, only sliding out to take or pass the bong.

Jordan choked a little at the mention of girls, covering it with a vague throat-clearing cough and shrugging. "Ehm," he started eloquently, "well. Its not really going after one or the other. Just like going in general, you know?" Jordan rubbed his lower lip. "Anyways, girls aren't always easier and they're not at all the same. A bloke knows what feels good, you know, and there isn't ever a bloke what isn't in the mood." Cue charming grin. "Anyways, queers are such a small bunch, people fall all over themselves for a shag. Easier by far." Jordan clicked his tongue cheekily, motioning for the bong.

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wildhairedboy
2008-01-23 06:44 am UTC (link)

"Ah. Going in general."

He smirked but he couldn't help but think of how little going he'd been doing lately. He'd had Laura in his lap and he'd turned her down. Sam had offered and he'd turned her down. Gilly had offered and he'd turned her down. Weaseled out of all three with different excuses and ways to put them off, but absolutely no going had been done.

So, what the hell did that mean?

At Jordan's next words he couldn't help but blush a little. Is that what the guy thought he was doing? Falling all over himself for a shag?

He took another big hit and passed the bong, barely looking at the guy. Here he was thinking about kissing. Anything beyond that was almost unimaginable.

"The girls around here haven't been playing too hard to get lately. It's like they can tell I'm not interested and view it as a personal challenge." He laughed a little before realizing what he said and added, "Cause I'm taking a break for a while. Sorting some things out."

Well, hell. That didn't really sound any better.

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shirtlifter
2008-01-24 12:47 am UTC (link)

"Taking a break? From shagging?" Jordan clicked his tongue enigmatically. "Either you've become a woman, broken something important, or are hiding something." He tapped his temple playfully, adding "Ravenclaw wit" and taking a shallow hit. Jordan pushed himself back onto one of the adorable round tables, kicking his legs idly and holding out the bong for Cutter to take.

He studied Cutter through the thin haze of smoke. Well, he certainly didn't look like he'd spontaneously lost a chromosome, nor accidentally lost his dick, which left the 'hiding something' option. Jordan didn't know Longbottom too well -- they were in the same year and shared a few classes, but that was about the extent of things -- so he could really only guess. It was probably one of three things. Either Cutter was seeing someone he didn't want people to know about, wanted to see someone he didn't want people to know about, or... something else. Jordan was still working on option three.

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wildhairedboy
2008-01-24 02:55 am UTC (link)

"I'm pretty sure everything's in tact down there."

He chuckled softly, feeling the relaxing qualities of the weed seep through him. Beyond that, he wasn't sure exactly what he should say. Obviously, he was hiding something. But there wasn't much point in hiding it if you admitted it to everyone.

"I just wanted some time to think things over. I'm still interested in girls. I just don't really want to deal with it right now."

He took another hit and grimaced once he'd exhaled. Had that made any sense at all? Why was he trying to hide what he was doing here when he had come hoping for something that would make it pretty obvious that he was at least slightly curious about guys? What was the point in this night again? What had he been hoping to prove?

"This room smells funny," he commented idly after thinking for a few minutes.

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shirtlifter
2008-01-24 03:07 am UTC (link)

"You sure? 'Cos I could always check for you, you know." Jordan clicked his tongue again and grinned, looking away for a moment to fiddle with his sleeve before glancing up again. It took him a minute to actually process what Cutter had said, and another for a grin to creep onto his face.

"So you're taking a break from shagging because you like girls?" Jordan didn't add anything, just taking a hit and pursing his lips innocently. "How long have you been plagued by this interest in birds, Longbottom? Is it a -- " Jordan bit back a laugh " -- a recurring thing?"

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wildhairedboy
2008-01-24 03:46 am UTC (link)

"Check? Check what?"

Cutter fidgeted a little, but when he looked up he caught Jordan's eye and held it. He had no idea what the guy wanted to hear, but Cutter hoped that he wouldn't actually have to say it. He wasn't completely sure what was going on in his own head. How could he explain that to another person?

One thing was beyond a doubt though. He was working for this. In his own blundering way, he was purposefully seeking out something he wasn't sure he wanted or could handle. There couldn't be a doubt later that he had stumbled into it or it had been done to him. He waved away the bong and leaned back on his elbows, displaying his sleek, lean body and giving the boy a slight smirk that he hoped would say everything he didn't want to.

"I've always fancied girls. Didn't really know there was another option."

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shirtlifter
2008-01-24 04:13 am UTC (link)

A snort of laughter died in Jordan's throat as Cutter -- finally -- made and held eye contact. Cutter, Jordan realized, was attractive. Jordan cocked an eyebrow with interest as Cutter leaned back. Really attractive. And pretty blatantly hitting on him, which was nice, since the number of times Jordan had had sex with anyone but his right hand since the new year amounted to bagel.

"And that's where you're wrong," Jordan replied, snapping out of his funk and falling back into his role of ambiguously-sexy-flirt. Or was that his personality? It was getting harder to tell these days. Jordan leaned back on his palms, still seated on the table, and helped himself to an eyeful of the young man in front of him. "There is always another option." Jordan bit his lower lip, more out of habit than anything else.

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wildhairedboy
2008-01-24 04:44 am UTC (link)

Cutter felt antsy and fidgety. He really didn't know how to make this any more obvious and he was quickly losing his nerve. The weed was swirling through his system, making him both slightly out of it and impatient.

Flirting with Jordan was about killing him. He was shite at it and it was making him incredibly uncomfortable. At this point, all he wanted was the other boy much closer, and hopefully kissing him. At the same time, he wondered how necessary this test really was, because he almost wanted the kiss. It was awkward and uncomfortable, but he wasn't repulsed by the idea.

"I never thought so, but then this guys kissed me and now I'm a little confused. Someone suggested I give it another shot. See if I like it."

He lifted his chin in a clear invitation, not looking away from Jordan. At the same time, he could feel the flirty confidence in his eyes turn to something less sure and hoped that Jordan wouldn't notice. Nervous energy was rolling in his belly, making his pose hard to hold.

Fuck, this was hard. He felt stupid and vulnerable and like what he really wanted to do was turn and run from the room. Instead, he dropped his eyes to somewhere near Jordan's throat and waited.

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shirtlifter
2008-01-24 05:01 am UTC (link)

Ah, so he was being used. Jordan got the feeling he should be offended, or at least surprised, but he was too busy feeling other things. Different, more enjoyable things. "There's always that," Jordan replied off-handedly, pushing off the table and moving towards Cutter as if he were going for the bong next to him. Jordan stopped short, leaning the flat on his palm just next to where Cutter's hip met the table.

"You know, the easiest was to get something," Jordan started, mouth dangerously close to Cutter's ear, "is to ask." This close, Jordan could smell him -- to be honest, he smelled like boy and shampoo (and of course weed), but in the best way possible. Jordan entertained the idea of just kissing him now, before Cutter had time to react, but decided against it. If Cutter spontaneously changed his mind, at least this way Jordan would be able to keep his pretty face. "Aye?"

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wildhairedboy
2008-01-24 05:17 am UTC (link)

Cutter didn't move as Jordan lowered down beside him. His heart began to beat faster. Much faster. The boy's breath ghosted over his ear and he felt the thrill of reaction clear to his toes. This was turning him on. Fast and hard and in a way that almost made the kiss unnecessary.

Unnecessary for the test maybe, but necessary for completely different reasons now. He wanted it. Wanted a lot of things he wasn't remotely comfortable with. And all he had to do was ask.

"I thought blokes were always up for it," was what he said instead. He turned his head slowly, letting his cheek brush against Jordan's as he sought out the boy's eyes. Anticipating what he knew was to come, he licked his lips. Smirking, he murmured, "Maybe you should ask."

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shirtlifter
2008-01-24 05:39 am UTC (link)

Jordan's eyes flickered between Cutter's eyes and mouth briefly, his own lips parted in an anticipation he hadn't recognized. He leaned back, letting his gaze rake over Cutter's features before murmuring "I don't ask" and, well, yeah. Kissing him.

Softly at first, not out of any romanticism but just for the awkward angle, and then Jordan brought a hand up to curl around the base of Cutter's neck, kissing him harder, deeper. Jordan brushed his tongue languidly across Cuttter's lower lip, already far more turned on than he had any right to be. He pulled away though it was the last thing he wanted to do, glancing up at Cutter from underneath his dark eyelashes. "You want?" and, God, Jordan couldn't even believe himself sometimes.

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wildhairedboy
2008-01-24 05:57 am UTC (link)

Cutter was a little surprised by the intensity of the kiss. The hand at the back of his neck didn't leave much room for argument, but instead of feeling trapped or panicked, he only felt predatory himself.

Jordan was stripping away his nerves and pushing him to a place where he couldn't remember why he was so terrified, only that he wanted this and he refused to shy away like some blushing first year. He may be kissing a guy, but like fuck would he act like the girl in this situation.

When Jordan pulled away only to taunt him some more, Cutter let out a growl of frustration. At the same time he couldn't help but smirk.

"I haven't decided yet. Try harder."

He leaned forward and nipped at Jordan's lower lip and then soothed the slight hurt with a swipe of his tongue.

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