InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "That's hot."

wildhairedboy (wildhairedboy) wrote in castagain,
@ 2008-01-15 02:27:00

Who: James and Cutter
Where: Edge of the Forest
When: Late at night on Monday/Early Tuesday
Why: Because the boys need to chat
Rating: Pg-13

Cutter jogged toward the edge of the forest. It wasn't a quick trip, but he liked the exercise and his head was doing some unusual things. Everything seemed so clear. All of the bullshit he'd been letting weigh him down was gone. Instead, there was an understanding there. A complete selfishness that let him see directly to the core of the matter without partial truths or complicated obligations. It had never been so easy to brush away all of the noise and see straight to the truth.

He spotted James and ran even faster, not even stopping to think about what it looked like. He couldn't believe the things he'd just said to Laura. He didn't know what had gotten into him, but he almost liked it. Coming up beside James, he plopped onto the ground and pulled out a cigarette.

"Hey." He lit it up and took a deep drag, groaning as he exhaled. "Fuck, I needed this."

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bradders
2008-01-15 07:49 am UTC (link)

James was only just lighting up when he spotted Cutter, all but sprinting toward him. For a moment, he was worried the Hufflepuff had been seen sneaking out, but there was no one behind him and he relaxed. He was quiet as Cutter sat down. He needed to stay on his feet or else he'd fall asleep, and he knew it. He hadn't slept since around dinner time on Saturday and he was worn out. He was sort of glad it was dark and Cutter probably couldn't get that good of a look at him. He knew he looked tired and scruffy, and really the last thing he needed was for Cutter to tell Tuck that he was in bad shape. It was true, but he didn't need her worrying. So if anything, James sunk a step further into the shadows of the trees.

Not that he was all too concerned that Cutter was going to fuss over him or something. From the sounds of it, he had a lot on his mind. So he took a long drag, exhaling slowly before he spoke. To his own ears, his voice sounded too soft, and there was an edge of weariness that he wasn't used to. But maybe he wouldn't notice.

"So what's up?"

It was a very broad question and he knew it. Cutter could take it how he liked and answer accordingly. James was offering his ear, an extremely rare act, but he wasn't going to be offended if Cutter didn't want to talk. In the end, he had to live with his own demons, just like everyone else.

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wildhairedboy
2008-01-15 08:02 am UTC (link)

Cutter took in the state of James easily enough. He'd been reading the other guy's journal. He knew that James had to be exhausted and frustrated as hell. Inwardly, he really wanted to do something to make him feel better, but he didn't know what to do.

Instead, he focused on the question at hand and thought about how to respond for a long minute.

"I was just sitting on my bed, thinking, and suddenly I couldn't stand keeping quiet anymore. I've been pissed that no one's noticed how strange I've been acting, but I never brought it up. So, I thought I should. Just get everything out in the open. Maybe it was a little forceful though, huh?"

He studied James for a minute longer before blurting out, "Do you want me to do your herbology work for you? I'm way ahead, cause of my da. It wouldn't be any problem."

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bradders
2008-01-15 08:10 am UTC (link)

James listened in silence. He couldn't help but feel sort of bad. He hadn't noticed. Not really anyway. But was it really up to him to notice? Three weeks ago they'd been at each other's throats. Was he supposed to notice those sorts of things? James frowned and puffed on his cigarette. Before he knew what was rolling off his tongue, it was out in the open.

"I'm sorry, Cutter. I sort of feel like this is my fault, yeah?"

What the hell? James shut his mouth, mentally kicking himself. He didn't say things like that. Christ. It had to be the lack of sleep. That was all. Maybe he'd catch a couple hours tonight. Maybe.

At Cutter's offer, James hesitated. Tucker had offered as well. He'd refused her help because he thought that her dad would probably know her handwriting in comparison to his. Wouldn't the same be true for Cutter? He was trying to avoid more detentions after all and it'd do no good if the Professor found out he was cheating.

"He'd know though, wouldn't he?"

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wildhairedboy
2008-01-15 08:21 am UTC (link)

"It's not your fault. I'm being completely irrational. I've been trying so hard to act normal so no one knows I'm upset and then I get pissed because no one noticed. It makes no fucking sense."

He frowned a little as he realized what he'd admitted, but brushed it away. He was clearly having some sort of great understand. But....

"I just completely spazzed out in front of the entire school, didn't I? Why would I do that? Do you think Alice slipped me a sugar cube?"

He took a giant drag off his cigarette but shook his head. "The problem with wizarding cheating is people try to go about it through magic and get caught. I could do the work and then get it to you to copy by hand. It would save you a lot of time."

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bradders
2008-01-15 08:31 am UTC (link)

"So then what's the problem that you're pretending isn't a problem?"

James fixed Cutter with an almost hard look as he asked the question. Apparently he had even less tact when he was tired, if that were possible. At his next question though, he shook his head. Not because he didn't think so, but because he didn't know Alice well enough to judge. She'd always struck him as really sort of odd and he didn't know why Cutter and Tuck were so close to her.

"I don't know. Would she do that to you?"

Oh, good old fashioned cheating. This time James barely thought about it. It would definitely save him loads of time. Enough to get a couple hours of sleep and probably an actual meal in his stomach. And god, he hadn't written home since he'd gotten back.

"Yeah, that'd be brilliant, actually."

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wildhairedboy
2008-01-15 08:44 am UTC (link)

"The problem? Remember New Years? I was completely gone and that friend of Alice's kissed me. You know, your dorm mate, Vaelon. A guy."

At the question about Alice he just snorted. God only know what that girl would do.

"I don't know what Alice is capable of. She brought that guy because she said she had a vision of him kissing me. So she brought him to my house. What the hell is that?"

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bradders
2008-01-15 08:53 am UTC (link)

Oh, New Years. No James actually didn't remember much of New Years. He couldn't remember the last time he'd been so drunk. But at Cutter's confession, James only puffed on his cigarette, slowly processing that information. Of course he knew Vaelon, and of course, Vaelon's persuasion with blokes. Not that he'd run around telling people that. It was hardly his business, who slept with who. He figured he didn't like everyone in his sex life so other people didn't either. The same was true for Cutter. After he was sure he understood what the other guy had said, he only nodded.

"Yeah, I can see how that might be a problem," he hesitated again. Did he really want to ask the next question? No. Not really. Instead he shrugged. "Whatever you're into Cutter, really. If the problem is what other people are going to think, then stop worrying about it. No one who actually matters to you is going to give a fuck."

James furrowed his brow and lit another cigarette. He had never been one for Divination. He thought it was a sketchy branch of magic anyway, and he hated the idea of his life already being planned out for him. As far as he was concerned, he made his own life.

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wildhairedboy
2008-01-15 09:00 am UTC (link)

"That's the problem. I don't really know what I'm ... I was so fucked up. High and drunk off my ass. I barely knew what was going on, and nothing happened. I more or less ran away like a first year when I came to and realized what was going on."

He took a few more drags of his cigarette, a little distressed over what he'd said now that it was out in the open. James was being better about it then he'd ever hoped, but that still didn't stop Cutter's stomach from rolling.

"I still like girls. I think. I mean, I was trying to prove a point with Laura but that turned my stomach. But I like girls. And I don't know if I can't stop thinking about it because it actually meant something or I can't stop thinking about it just because I'm freaking out and being obsessive. And I really don't know why I'm telling you all of this."

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bradders
2008-01-15 09:09 am UTC (link)

James shrugged. The answer seemed rather simple, but he didn't really know if he wanted to point it out to Cutter in the state he was in. He was quiet for a while whilst smoking, walking around a bit. It was just to keep himself alert and awake.

"Might have turned your stomach just because it was Laura," he half-joked, smirking just a little.

But then he got more serious and stopped moving. He might as well tell him. He sort of thought Cutter probably knew and was just avoiding doing it because he was scared. Because of course, he didn't really know why Cutter was telling him all this either. So he probably owed it to him to be as honest and helpful as he could.

"Well, you know what you have to do, right? You're going to have to do it again whilst sober to see if you like it."

He dropped his eyes. He wasn't sure how Cutter would react to that.

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wildhairedboy
2008-01-15 05:35 pm UTC (link)

"I hope so. Your pep talk before hand couldn't have helped."

He laughed to himself to think of it. James had him half convinced that Laura was giving him lice just sitting on his lap without any panties on. A few minutes in and he realized there was no way it was going to happen.

"Oh, I'm not sure I like that plan. I was kinda hoping to just ignore it until it went away. Anyway, there's no one. I mean I could never ask anyone and the only people I could ask would be my friends and that would be too awkward. I think no, really. No."

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bradders
2008-01-15 11:33 pm UTC (link)

James smirked. "Just looking out for a mate."

Mate? Well yes, he supposed so. He wouldn't be out here smoking with Cutter if he didn't consider them friends. And James' social circle was always very tight. He had a few close friends, a handful of acquaintances, and then everyone else, who he either ignored or hated. His relationship with Cutter was odd. He wasn't sure how they'd gotten so close so fast, but there it was. Perhaps he'd think about it later. Now probably wasn't the time.

Puffing on his smoke, James considered Cutter's train of thought. Ignoring it didn't seem like the best idea in the world. Granted, he couldn't really come up with someone else either. He wasn't about to volunteer himself anyway. So he opted not to say anything and simply shrugged.

"Just don't tear yourself up about it."

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wildhairedboy
2008-01-17 10:02 pm UTC (link)

Cutter cocked his head back and studied James. The man was obviously exhausted and yet here he was, out in the forest late at night, trying to console him. The entire thing threw Cutter for a loop, but he felt so much more relaxed after telling someone.

"I have no idea why I dumped this on you. I mean, less than three weeks ago we were threatening each other with death. I really appreciate it though."

He dragged himself off the ground and dusted himself off, both literally and figuratively. He needed to get over this. Figure something out one way or another. This moping shit was ridiculous.

"You want to go back? You look like you could do with a bit of sleep."

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bradders
2008-01-17 11:44 pm UTC (link)

James had a reputation of being an asshole, there was no use denying that. Besides, it wasn't as though he wasn't. He genuinely disliked most people and he made that perfectly clear. But if there was anything that could be said for him, it was that he looked out for his friends, regardless of the cost to himself. In that one way, he was actually rather selfless.

He shrugged, "No problem, don't think anything of it."

A tired smile crossed his face as Cutter mentioned his lack of sleep. What he wouldn't give for some real, uninterrupted sleep. But he had too much to do tonight. He shook his head, finishing off his cigarette before answering.

"We can go back. But there's no way I'm getting any sleep tonight. Even without Herbology, I'm up to my neck." He sighed and ran a hand through his hair, but decided not to say anything else on the topic. It wasn't as though there was much else he could do about it.

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wildhairedboy
2008-01-20 03:31 am UTC (link)

Cutter decided not to say anything more about the Vaelon situation or how much he appreciated James' open mind on the issue. He couldn't speak for James, but he was more than a little embarrassed about the whole thing and wasn't sure why he'd decided to confide in anyone. Strangely enough, he trusted James to keep it to himself, but it was still awkward.

"I really can't believe my da has gone this far. Maybe I could talk him out of it. Try to make him see reason, like. You can't keep going like this."

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bradders
2008-01-20 03:48 am UTC (link)

James wasn't at all embarrassed for himself or Cutter. As far as he saw it, it wasn't anything to be ashamed of and he'd never really understood why it was such a big deal to other people. He could sort of see why Cutter was having a problem — he was confused. It was his life, and he was allowed to be. But in the end, it wasn't really anyone else's business. All the stigma attached to it was purely religious and James was one of the least religious people you could find. Even if he thought he was better than most people, he still thought everyone should at least have a fair playing ground. Otherwise there was no fun in being better.

He sighed and shook his head. "I don't think it'll do any good. The man's out for blood." A bitter smile touched his face before he went on. "But thanks for the thought. I can do this a while longer. As long as it doesn't get to be much more, you know? And hopefully if I can keep just one day out of the weekend to myself, I'll be okay. And if I don't get sick."

It was that last bit he was really worried about. There was the tell-tale soreness in the back of his throat that warned him that that was exactly what was happening. If he did indeed happen to get sick whilst not really eating or sleeping, he wouldn't be able to keep this up. In fact, he'd probably break down altogether, which was the last thing he wanted. He didn't even want to think about the humiliation involved in that scenario. Maybe he'd ask Slughorn about health potions the next time he saw him...

For now though, James took a step in the direction of the castle and then glanced back at Cutter. "Coming?"

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wildhairedboy
2008-01-20 04:29 am UTC (link)

Cutter suddenly felt very affectionate toward the other boy. He'd been beyond cool about everything today and it wasn't fair that he was getting stuck with this just because his father was angry. Yet he was being a trooper about that too.

"Let me know if you need anything, and go to the nurse if you get sick. Better to catch it early, mate. That'll take the energy right out of you."

He gave James a smile and a quick nod when he asked if Cutter was coming. The walk back to the castle was easy and comfortable. He felt relaxed and calm in a way that he hadn't for weeks. Who would have thought that James would be one of his best friends three weeks ago? No one probably, but he was glad they would have all been wrong.

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