Gwynn (dame_du_lac) wrote in carpediem_rp, @ 2015-08-28 18:24:00 |
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Entry tags: | character: narissa smith, character: violet whidbee, thread: complete |
Who: Narissa and Violet
When: August 25, afternoon
Where: Smith house
What: Talking
Rating/Warnings: a kiss? Nothing much.
Status: Closed/Complete
Violet had followed Narissa around doing whatever she could to protect the other girl when the World Cup post-parties were interrupted by Death Eaters. She refused to let her friend get hurt and Violet was sometimes bordering on ruthless when someone hurt or tried to hurt her friends. She had so few things she considered precious that she guarded them with a ferocity that was surprising, given how quiet and reclusive she was much of the time. Narissa meant something to Violet and so she'd do whatever she could to keep the girl from harm, despite how quickly Narissa ran into danger trying to do the same thing.
By the time Violet got home, her foster parents were freaking out and Violet endured their attentions. They took care of whatever cuts and bruises she had, and then she went to her room. Violet played video games the rest of the day and well into the night until she finally decided to sleep. She slept in the next day and only left her room to use the bathroom and grab some food to bring back to it. This wasn't unusual for Violet, but her foster parents still worried.
The gift from Narissa arrived and Violet had sort of hoped that Narissa wouldn't say anything. It'd be stupid and Violet had those long hours of gaming and lying in bed awake to think about it. It was a mistake on Violet's part because she was ruining one of the good things she had. Narissa was either going to put her down gently or worse, she'd want to explore it more and Violet didn't want to put Narissa through that. Narissa cared too much and there was so much she didn't know about Violet and what she'd endured in her life. What had broken Violet before she ever had a chance.
But the plea was heard in the request. The invitation was simple and didn't give a time limit. Violet eventually took a shower and changed. She didn't comb her hair but simply left, the hair slowly drying as Violet made her way to Narissa's home. Why was she there? Right, to see what Narissa had to say and to react appropriately. Not disappointed or to urge Narissa that it was a bad idea.
She waited by the door, eyes staring at the floor as she waited after ringing the doorbell.
Narissa had spent the majority of the day after the cup with her brother. Something seemed wrong and so she didn't bring up the things going through her head, the careful paper folding she'd done while her brother was with Jackson. She didn't usually think this deeply into a kiss. It was just a kiss, after all. But deep down she knew it wasn't. It was Violet and Violet was different. In many ways the other girl was hers, much in the same manner that she thought of Kavi and Adrian as hers. Somehow though it was different too, she knew, as she pondered the long brown hair, the soft lips, and the fact that she was still thinking about the kiss even over a day later.
She dressed nicely, as she always did. She didn't know when her friend would come, and she wanted to look pretty. Her long hair was down around her face in curls with a few braids woven through for good measure. It was obvious she had taken time to work on how she looked that day, and yet she was still somehow natural with it. Makeup had never been her favourite thing and so she simply touched her lips with gloss before she went to wait and hope that Violet would come.
When the doorbell rang she jumped for the door, pulling it open rapidly and smiling brightly as she saw her friend there, though a strange hint of nervousness was in her eyes too. It wasn't normal for her to fear anything, but she feared losing her friend. "Come in, Vi. I..." She trailed off, not sure what she wanted to say.
Violet felt completely underdressed and frumpy in comparison to Narissa who looked amazing. Beautiful. Where Narissa looked effortless in her outfit, Violet's own clothing was a simple pair of shorts and an oversized T-shirt that sat awkwardly on her frame. Her shoes were obviously ones she'd worn for a while and maybe had a good year in them before they would start falling apart. She lacked the touch of color and shine that Narissa had and it was now, especially, that Violet felt how small she was in comparison to Narissa.
And she was there. Smiling. Brightly. She was beaming. But there was something else there. Violet didn't know how to place it because she didn't know how to read it. She was probably imagining things. "Hey, Nari," she said letting the sentence that Nari started sort of trail off. Violet forced a smile onto her face but it wasn't entirely convincing, but when was that any different than normal?
"Thanks for the gift," she said as she stepped in and seemed to make the effort in keeping a reasonable distance from Narissa without being obvious she was avoiding the closeness that a couple of days ago seemed so natural to them.
While Narissa had taken care on her appearance she wasn't certain that Violet saw what she wanted seen and so she was worried. What if it was a strange fluke? She had been with a lot of people so maybe Vi just wanted to play a bit. She didn't know what to think and she had never had doubts like this in her mind. It was confusing and uncomfortable and she didn't like it.
She knew the smiles that Violet gave. This one was different and that made the hint of fear in her eyes increase. What if it was some kind of joke? But it wouldn't be. Violet wouldn't do that she didn't think. She knew the girl well enough to know that at least.
When she was thanked for the gift she smiled and nodded slightly, closing the door as Vi entered. A momentary pause and she looked from her friend to the wall, the floor, the ceiling, and then back to her friend. "You kissed me." A simple fact that needed to be addressed.
Violet was inside and Nari got to the point. Nari would. Violet's eyes shifted away and she stared at the ground again, and god, what did she say to that? Yeah, she kissed her. It felt right. It felt really right. And if Violet got down to it, she didn't really regret it all that much. At least not when it was going on but when the rest of her world came back into her reality she regretted it because it was like torturing herself.
"Ah did," Violet said softly, "Ah'm sorry." Because what was likely to happen next wasn't going to be pretty and everything was going to go down the shithole and it was going to be all her fault. All her fault because she couldn't just keep her stupid lips to herself.
Narissa had never seen the need to sugar coat or skirt around issues. It wasn't in her nature to hide from difficult things and so now would obviously be no different. She wanted to talk to Vi about what had happened and bringing it up before there was a chance to evade would make it easiest she was sure.
A small frown crossed her face at Violet's apology and she ran a hand through her hair. "Why are you sorry?" The worry became more clear in her face as she thought about the possibilities. That Vi hadn't enjoyed it, that she didn't want anything with Nari (and how was this making her think about that? She never contemplated monogamy before!) or that she just wanted to forget all of it. "I...Violet, you're one of the people I'm closest to. It felt good, kissing you. It felt right."
Worst fears realized. Violet wished she hadn't come over and just stayed in her room. She had a look on her face that was likely hard to read. "That's . . . that's what Ah was afraid of," Violet replied shakily, "Narissa, when Ah said it ain't you but it's me, please don't think it's you. It's me. Ah . . . kissing you was nice and it felt good—" it did feel right "—but Ah—Ah—Ah ain't good for that sort of thing, Narissa. Ah wanted to kiss you so bad and Ah shouldn't have. It was—Hell." She covered her face with her hands and showed some frustration.
She didn't want to do this. She wanted this but she couldn't have it. This was life dangling what she wanted right in front of her face. It was waiting for her to reach out for it so it could snatch it away. That was her life over and over again. What should've been relief was only made worse and she just stopped trying. What was the point? She didn't think that Narissa would ever intentionally hurt her, but Violet feared that someone was going to just snatch her away.
"Ah don't wanna lose what we got," she said finally.
Narissa listened to the whole speech quietly, her eyes on Violet. She knew that her friend had a really bad image of herself but this seemed illogical to her. A few moments of thinking and processing before she reached out, her fingers stroking down Violet's cheek softly.
"You say all that because you don't see what I see when I look at you. Violet, you're beautiful. You're smart and clever and Merlin knows you're strong if you put up with all my running into danger and you still keep me around." Narissa ran her thumb lightly along Vi's cheekbone and met her eyes again, her expression just as placid as always.
"I'll offer you more, if you want it." Spoken softly, yes, and followed by another gentle kiss.
Why was Nari making this so difficult? Right, this was Nari. This wasn't like every other kid at the school who would take the veiled warning that Violet was given. Instead Narissa just reached out and touched her and Violet felt like leaning into it. She also felt like crying because this just wasn't fair. It was only made worse when Narissa's lips touched hers. Violet made an inhuman sound that almost sounded like a sob and she stepped back.
"Please," she said, regaining her composure, "Nari, there are just a lot of things. Ah know you care but it's me, Ah swear. This sorta thing can't get fixed so easily." Or ever, in Violet's personal opinion. Violet reached up and took Nari's hand, moving it down from her face and putting a little distance between them. Even if she liked the way it felt there.
The sound confused Nari and she shook her head a bit, uncertain. She didn't want to make Violet make sounds like that. She wanted to make Violet smile, be happy, enjoy things. She didn't want to make her look like that, sound like she was going to cry.
"Violet, whatever it is, you know I'll accept it. You're amazing and so special and please, please don't be sad. We can try, and if it doesn't work we can be friends. You're sort of stuck with me, you know?" She accepted when Violet moved her hand but she didn't step back, just again fixed her eyes on her friend's. "I don't want to fix you. There's nothing to fix, you're not broken. You're Vi and I just want you happy."
Nari only said that because she didn't know. Violet was convinced of that. Violet was broken because if she wasn't, why would she be the way she is? There were days she never smiled and sometimes she didn't speak to people for weeks. She learned to start speaking on occasion or her foster parents would send her to a therapist again and Violet was just so tired of them. Violet realized that coming here was a huge mistake and she should've just seen Nari on their first day back at Hogwarts. Let more time stretch between them to where Narissa wouldn't talk about it.
But then again, this was Narissa. Narissa didn't just let things go. Narissa would pursue them until she got the answers she wanted and if she didn't like them, she would find a way to make them the answers she wanted. Violet felt bad that this was going to be the time for Narissa to learn that not everything could be given a happy ending.
"Ah should go," she said, "Ah gotta think." And she couldn't think straight right then.
Narissa watched her friend in confusion. It was rare she was denied what she wanted and this was a time where she really couldn't figure out why. Her eyes searched Violet's face and she bit her lower lip softly, making a valiant attempt to figure out what was in the other girl's head.
After trying to solve it for a moment, Narissa looked at Violet sadly. "You don't think you can talk to me about whatever it is? Maybe if we talked it out I'd understand. Because I liked kissing you, and it seemed like you liked it too..."
"It's not that Ah can't, it's that Ah don't wanna," Violet said feeling a little exasperated, "Some things people go through, Nari, they don't wanna ever talk about it. Ever. Because talkin' about it means they gotta remember everything that happened and Ah don't wanna." She remembered it all the time and when she went to the therapist, it was all they wanted to talk about. What her dad did, what her cousin did, and how they treated her like she were some china doll. Like all they could do was glue the pieces back in place and she'd be just fine.
That's not how this worked and unless someone cast obliviate on her, she would never forget it. The way it made her feel.
"Ah did like it and that's the problem, Nari," Violet explained and stepped closer to the other girl, "Please, just let me think, okay?"
Narissa's expression quickly changed from confused to worried. What was it that her friend didn't want to remember? Because that meant something really bad had happened. She looked down for a second and bit her lip before cupping Violet's cheek gently.
"You don't have to say, Vi. Just know that no matter what happens I will always care for you." Because that was just how Narissa was. Her friends mattered most, no matter what. "Please don't push me away, is all I ask. I'll give you any time you need and I'll wait, but please, know that I care and I always will."
Violet felt weak. Like she was going to just collapse on herself. When did Nari have this much of an effect on her? Right, when Violet kissed her and realized how much Nari actually meant to her. It was painful, in a way, and cruel and unfair and yet it was everything that Violet wanted. Nari didn't have to know but she would come to know eventually. Skeletons didn't always stay in the closet where they belonged. And then there were others that Violet had contacting her one way or another for meetings.
So there was a lot of fear involved. And Violet wished there wasn't. She just wanted to be able to kiss Nari without feeling like everything would fall apart. She wanted to do a lot more with Nari though. But right now she was looking at her like she was a cornered animal.
"Ah know, Nari," she said, knowing that Nari meant what she said then. She reached up and touched the other girl's hand with her own, "Ah just got . . . things Ah gotta work out."
Narissa didn't understand any of this - for all that she was far from pure, she still held an innocence that people were attracted to. The uncertainty of her friend pulled at her, and she just wanted to find some way to fix it for her. Her fingers remained at Vi's cheek and she offered a small smile. She wanted to see Violet's smile again too.
"That's fine. There's always things to work out. Do you want something to eat or drink? I have some cookies made and I can make actual food if you're hungry." Her eyes met Violet's again and she shrugged. It was one way she could care for the other girl, she knew that. "Are you going to come back for the weekend before we go back to school? Or staying now?" Because they had to do shopping, after all.
Violet forgot about going shopping together until that moment. She needed time, sure, but how much time was enough time? Would their shopping trip be anything like this? Couldn't they just go back to the way things were? Violet hated herself more than ever now.
"Ah'll see ya this weekend," Violet said putting a smile on her face for show, "we can do everythang we said were gonna. Remember, no puffy sleeves or pink, alright?" She didn't want to leave on a completely bad note and maybe making a joke would make this less . . . this.