|Hiroki (shakkun) wrote in candypop,|
@ 2009-02-11 14:16:00
4th of February 2009, Ryo, Hiroki and random people
Staring down at Hiroki, his lips slightly parted as he breathed through his mouth, Ryo closed his hand into a tight fist.
“Fuck off then…,” he mumbled, throwing the car keys on the floor as he just stood there, looking at his husband, disappointed.
“If that’s how much you care then get the fuck out,” the older one said, nodding towards the door before walking to the counter and taking the kitchen towel from there as he then turned to dry the spilled coffee from the table, ignoring the other man down on the floor. If Hiroki really didn’t care at all, then Ryo wouldn’t bother with it either, what good would it do if only one of them wanted to solve this? Granted, Ryo didn’t use the best ways to fix things, but he had started calmly, as Hiroki was like this though, how was he supposed to just take all of it, it was only natural to get angry at something like that.
For a few seconds Hiroki didn’t do anything at all, but then he slowly lowered his head and just closed his eyes. Even though the car keys were right there, right now he didn’t really want to go anywhere. He wanted to stay here and be with Ryo and… somehow fix this. He didn’t know exactly what it was that suddenly made him feel like this, but no matter what it felt rather good. It felt as if they had… stopped fighting now? Of course there were still quite a lot of things that they obviously had to talk about, but…
Moving backwards so that he was leaning back against the wall, Hiroki looked up at Ryo who was working on drying the table and the chairs that had gotten coffee on them. There even was some at the floor…
“I didn’t mean that…,” he eventually said then, pulling his legs up so he could wrap his arms around his knees. He hadn’t meant that after all, he didn’t really know why he’d said it either. He didn’t think Ryo was anything like… Oikawa Sousuke after all…
Pausing for a moment, Ryo swallowed once before continuing with cleaning the table. So now they were just going to make up? Just like that? Still feeling angry, the older one didn’t want to turn around, didn’t want to see Hiroki down on the floor like that, but he could already feel the guilt growing inside him…
“Sorry I hit you,” he then mumbled as he crouched down to dry the floor as well, he’d have to wash that spot later. Despite apologizing though, Ryo still felt angry. Despite having now calmed down it didn’t mean he would just put it behind him, no matter how badly he just wanted for this to be over with – at the same time wanting to just hold Hiroki but also wanting to just be left alone for a while – it still hurt though, it still was so humiliating.
Of course Hiroki felt bad too, about that he hit Ryo but more than anything…
Hugging his knees even more, as if that would make everything a lot better, Hiroki then let his eyes fall to the floor before him and he let a few seconds pass before he said anything again. He wasn’t quite sure of how to say it even though all he had to do was to apologize.
“Sorry…,” Hiroki finally whispered then once Ryo had stood up straight again. “For… doing that… last night.”
”Why the fuck would you do that?!” Ryo then asked, holding the wet towel in his hand as he stood there looking at Hiroki, the younger one looked so small and vulnerable and Ryo hated it, hated how it made him so weak, made him want to walk up o the younger one and tell him it was okay, that no matter what it would be okay… that as long as he wasn’t hurting everything would be fine, he hated being this weak for Hiroki.
“Do you have any idea how humiliating it was?”
“I..,” Hiroki started then, honestly asking himself the very same question as he had no idea of why he actually had gone ahead and kissed that girl. He honestly had no good answer to it, but probably it was a good thing that Ryo had ended up seeing it as Hiroki wasn’t sure he’d have the guts to actually tell him otherwise.
Not really liking where he was, Hiroki then stood up, having had every intention to walk up to Ryo but as he finally stood up he wasn’t sure if he dared.
“I… I was angry at you…,” he eventually started explaining, not quite sure of if he had been thinking of that yesterday or not, but he had indeed been angry with Ryo. “And… I don’t know…”
Having thrown the towel into the sink, Ryo then sat down on one of the chairs, leaning his arms on his knees as he pulled his fingers through his hair once.
“What the heck did I do?” he asked, confused as he had no idea what could’ve made the younger one so angry that he felt like… like doing something like that, they hadn’t had any fights or arguments before this one, so what on earth had he done wrong?
Looking up at Hiroki as he waited for an answer, Ryo eventually let a sigh past his lips before leaning down to pick up his phone from the floor, hopefully it had survived the crash…
Not moving even a little bit from where he stood, Hiroki nursed his bottom lip between his teeth while holding on to his left arm. Honestly he had no idea of what it was that Ryo had done. He couldn’t really put it into words, it was such a… it wasn’t anything he’d done just yesterday after all. It was… difficult to put into words.
“I don’t know…,” he eventually answered, blinking several times as he could feel how his eyelashes were wet. He then turning a little so that Ryo wouldn’t be able to see his face, Hiroki quickly dried off his cheeks before ruffling his hair a little bit.
Letting out another sigh, Ryo left his phone on the table as he walked out of the kitchen, sitting down on the couch in the living room. He couldn’t just sit and watch Hiroki like that, knowing himself well enough to realize that he wouldn’t be able to argue against Hiroki’s tears. Taking one of the couch pillows, Ryo wrapped his arms around it as he lied down, staring at the blank TV screen before him. This was really useless wasn’t it?
Normally Hiroki would follow Ryo and try to talk to him, but now he just couldn’t bring himself to. Instead he too left the kitchen but instead walked into the bedroom and silently closed the door. He didn’t intend on sleeping or anything, definitely not, but he simply had to be alone for a little while. Think things through and just… be alone. Probably Ryo felt the same way?
Not really having thought too much of time, Hiroki didn’t really know how many hours had passed since he had closed the door to the bedroom once he opened it again. But as he immediately noticed how it had gotten dark outside, he figured he had at least been in there for a few hours.
Quietly walking closer to the living room, Hiroki soon saw how Ryo had fallen asleep on the couch, still holding on to that pillow.
“Ryochan…,” Hiroki said then, not quite daring to walk up to the older one just yet. A soft smile spread over his lips but he would be careful to not show it too much… if Ryo was still annoyed that might annoy him even more.
Only stirring up in his sleep, Ryo rubbed his face with the palm of his hand, scratching his cheek before wrapping his arm back around the pillow. Somewhere in the back of his mind the older one knew he should open his eyes, sensing that there was someone else in the room as well, but once having fallen asleep he wasn’t one to wake up easily. Moving to lay on his back, Ryo moved his right hand behind his head while the other one stayed wrapped around the pillow, his lips curling upwards just slightly as he smiled unconsciously in his sleep.
There was no way that Hiroki could not smile a bit wider at that, silently thinking to himself that he probably had the most adorable boyfriend in the world. Though, as it seemed that Ryo had decided he didn’t want to wake up, Hiroki leaned a bit against the bookcase next to him and just watched for a little while. He could watch Ryo sleep forever if he was allowed to, somehow it was just something… quite magical about the older one when he was relaxed like that.
“Ryochan,” Hiroki said then after a while, using a slightly louder voice this time. “I’m going to cook, are you hungry?”
Fully waking up this time, Ryo blinked at the light that hit his face before rubbing his eyes to get rid of his sleepy state. Turning around to lie on his stomach, the older one looked up and as his eyes met Hiroki, the fight from before came back into his mind, wiping off the small smile he had on his face.
“Mm…,” he hummed though, before letting his head drop down onto the pillow as it was never easy to get up and going after you had just gotten woken up. In a bit he would though, in a bit he would and then they would have to talk this through and get over it…
“Okay,” Hiroki replied and then turned to head for the kitchen. He had no idea of what to make really, but as he didn’t really feel like eating but knew he should, he would just have to do something easy.
It didn’t take too long before he had prepared the rice and left the rest to the ever so reliable rice cooker and then opened the fridge so he could take out some sausage and eggs. This was really random and not what he would call a proper meal but at least it would be edible and that was what mattered.
Staying put on the couch for a couple of minutes, Ryo then eventually got up, walking towards the kitchen only to pause by the door as he saw Hiroki standing there by the stove, cooking something with the pan.
Letting out a low hum, which probably came out more as a whine, Ryo entered the room, mumbling a question about what the time was as he walked up to the younger one, placing an arm around his waist in a sleepy manner.
“Ne Hiroki…,” he mumbled, nuzzling the taller one’s back as if it would make the tiredness go away. Sick of all the fighting and way too tired to care about it right then, Ryo just did what his instincts told him to, all he really wanted to do was hold the younger one close.
“It’s half past seven…,” the younger one answered lowly then, closing his eyes for a little while as he just enjoyed having Ryo close like this. It had been way too long since the last time after all, the two of them definitely… didn’t do this nearly as often as they should.
Opening his eyes then, looking down at the food to make sure he didn’t burn it, Hiroki put his free hand over Ryo’s and let his thumb brush over his hand a couple of times.
“I’m sorry…,” he apologized then, not feeling comfortable enough when he knew that the matter wasn’t settled just yet. “I really am… okay?”
”Mm…,” Ryo mumbled, taking a deep breath as he put is another arm around Hiroki as well, holding him tightly.
“I’m sorry I… I…,” the older one started, thankful to the fact that he wasn’t facing Hiroki right now but instead resting his head on the younger one’s shoulder. To get into such a huge fight over a drunken kiss, wasn’t that actually rather stupid? To get so angry that he had actually… “You aren’t afraid of me are you…?”
Immediately remembering the comment he had thrown at Ryo earlier, Hiroki hurried to shake his head. He knew that there still were people who were rather afraid of Ryo because he had done that role almost a year ago, and he knew just how much Ryo had been afraid that maybe he would end up with a really bad image or something…
“Of course not,” the younger one answered , his voice rather soft. He had no reason to be after all, he knew that Ryo weren’t really violent and those times he was… he always regretted it a lot. Like now, it was easy to tell that he regret it. It wasn’t only his fault either, it wasn’t as if Hiroki had done nothing…
“Sorry for saying that… I really didn’t mean it…”
“It’s okay,” the older one mumbled then, turning his head slightly in order to place a soft kiss on his husband’s neck. Falling silent, Ryo just rested his head against the back of Hiroki’s, enjoying the peacefulness of the moment. It felt like it had been ages since they had been like this, just the two of them, even if it was something as simple as holding Hiroki in his arms, it had been a while hadn’t it?
Despite not wanting to, Hiroki moved a little then – though only to take care of the food and that didn’t mean he would have to go anywhere.
“Ryo…,” the younger one said after a while, not waiting for an answer from Ryo before he continued – if he did he might end up not wanting to say it. “Next… next week… can we… not go anywhere then… after work? Just… get back home…?”
A small smile appeared on Ryo’s face then, as he nodded, humming approvingly. Despite enjoying the company of his friends, everyone knew Ryo liked to just be at home as well, not everyone knew why though, but that didn’t matter – what mattered was that there was something to come home to, and after a few days Miyuki would come back as well.
“Sounds good to me…,” the older one eventually said, kissing Hiroki on the cheek before letting go of him as he went to get plates for them as it seemed so that the food was ready to be served.
Having been slightly nervous as he had asked that, Hiroki let out a breath he had been holding then. That felt good, to having asked that… and gotten such a positive response from Ryo as well. Maybe he too had noticed that they weren’t much together lately? Maybe he too wasn’t happy about it… maybe he…
Turning off the stove, Hiroki put the pan aside as he walked up to where the rice cooker was. Not noticing the small smile on his lips, he took of the lid and then turned around to look at Ryo.
“Ne…,” he said and once Ryo looked up, he smiled a bit wider. “I love you.”
Blinking a few times, Ryo then quickly turned his gaze back down at the table, making sure that the plate was… was straight. It wasn’t like he hadn’t heard that countless times already during the time they had been together, but getting told randomly like that, while looking Hiroki in the eyes, for some reason it became a bit awkward right then.
“Love you too…,” the older one said, biting his lip as he tried to fight the wide smile that made its way on his face. Why was Hiroki so random? Saying things like that on a time like this… And why couldn’t he get that damn plate straight, was the whole world suddenly against him?!
Unable to keep himself from giggling at Ryo’s – very, very adorable – reaction, Hiroki then walked up to the table. Before taking the two bowls in which he would but the rice, he ruffled Ryo’s hair a little bit. The smile on his face grew slightly – if that was even possible – and he hummed some to himself as he put rice in the both bowls.
Somehow it felt quite a lot like life was really awesome right now. Even though, just six hours ago it had been awful… right now it was great again. Maybe he was a bit immature, being able to change his way of thinking so quickly?
Turning around to stare after the younger one, his lips parted as a slight frown took over his face, Ryo couldn’t help but to feel like he was right then, treated very unfairly.
“Don’t do -that- to me” the older one said then, sounding just about as scandalized as he felt, though of course it didn’t take long until the frown got replaced with a smile and Ryo left the plates to be, instead closing the distance between him and Hiroki, wrapping his arms around the younger one.
“Stupid…,” he mumbled, kissing Hiroki’s neck, his hands finding their way under his shirt. “I hate you…”
Hiroki closed his eyes then and slowly lowered his hands as he leaned just a little bit back against Ryo. This felt way too good, it felt as if his skin was burning under Ryo’s fingers in the best way ever and the kisses on his neck were even worse. Of course this was meant in the most positive way ever.
“Ryo…,” he whispered then, feeling just a little bit out of it right now. He was way too weak for the older one, wasn’t it? “Ryo… we’re supposed to eat…?”
Grinning mischievously, Ryo removed his hands as he backed up a few steps.
“Right,” he mumbled then, looking around as if waiting for Hiroki to get to the table already. He was quite hungry though, and they should eat, but there was always room for some dessert…!
“Lets eat then…,” the older one said, smirking at his husband as he walked to the table, sitting down on one of the chairs.
Turning to look at Ryo, Hiroki just stood still for a little while. He had no idea of what to say or do – except the obvious of course – when Ryo acted like this. A part of him wanted to just skip food and be with the older one already as that was what both of them wanted but on the other hand… they sort of had to eat and all that.
“…don’t look at me like that,” the taller of the two eventually ended up saying as he turned around again and finished what he was doing. Leaving the bowls at the table together with the sausages and the eggs on a separate plate, he then took out a bottle of water from the fridge before he sat down in front of Ryo.
“It’s not a proper meal but it’s something…”
”Like what?” Ryo then mumbled, faking a pout on his face. Taking his bowl, Ryo immediately stuffed some of the rice into his mouth before taking some sausages and eggs.
“At least let me look if I can’t touch…,” he then complained, eating some more before pouring some of the water into a glass. Really though, those were like his… privileges as a husband, so Hiroki had no rights to tell him not to look!
“Food’s good by the way~”
Hiroki remained silent for a while, only enjoying the food as it did indeed taste rather good. Even if it was simple, it was definitely edible and exactly what he wanted right now. Though, once a few minutes had passed he finally put down the chopsticks and after having had some water, he looked at Ryo for quite a while before saying anything.
“You’re not very tired, are you?” he asked eventually and smiled a little at the memory. Ryo was always so cute when he slept, no matter how badass he wanted to be, once he fell asleep everyone realized he was no way near as tough and mean as he pretended to be.
“Since you slept?”
“Not really,” the older one said, drinking some of his water before smirking at Hiroki. There weren’t many reasons why the younger one would ask that were there? Actually Ryo could think of only one reason, but there probably were more than just that, not that he cared, the one he had in mind worked just fine. Finishing what was left in his bowl, Ryo put down his chopsticks, leaning back on his seat as he watched Hiroki.
“Why…?” he asked after a while, crossing his hands over his chest as he waited for the other one to say something.
Seeing that smirk on the older one’s face made Hiroki sigh and shake his head in reply. He hadn’t had that in mind at all. Sure he wouldn’t mind being really close to Ryo or anything, but he was way too tired to actually have sex right now. He had, after all, been working with a hung over and then gotten home to fight with his husband. Of course this made him tired? And different to Ryo, Hiroki hadn’t been sleeping during these hours. Just done some reading and writing and mailing with his friend.
“Just asking~” He would try to get Ryo to bed early though… so they could just be for a little while.
The smirk on his face turning into a smile, Ryo then got up from his seat, taking his plate and glass with him as he walked up to the younger one, leaning down to place a kiss on his lips before walking to the counter to put the dishes down into the sink, pouring some water onto them before turning to face the younger one as he leaned his back against the counter.
“You tried?” he asked, staying put on his place as he felt just a bit too lazy to take those few steps towards the table so that he could take the rest of the dishes with him.
Despite having been with Ryo for so long, Hiroki never stopped being surprised by how fast the older one ate. Normally it was he who was done before Ryo, but normally Ryo always took at least two or three servings. When he didn’t, then the older one was done in the blink of an eye…
“A little,” Hiroki answered honestly as he turned his head to look at the older one. “I really would like to go to bed actually…?”
Looking down at his hands, Ryo smiled at the thought. It had been a while since they had slept in the same bed actually, or at the same time at least, what with both of them having kept themselves busy going out, and most of the time staying out all night.
“Sounds good to me,” he then said, leaning his elbows on the counter behind him. Though as it seemed so that Hiroki wasn’t done just yet, Ryo pushed himself off the counter, walking to stand behind Hiroki’s chair as he bent down and wrapped his arms around the younger one’s shoulders, placing a kiss on his neck, right under his ear.
If fighting made this to them, made them suddenly become this close, then maybe it wasn’t such a bad thing to fight every now and then? Of course, the feeling he had had during the actual fight was something Hiroki would never want to experience ever again because while it had been mainly anger, he had also been really, really scared that maybe… just maybe that would have been it. Maybe Ryo would have wanted to break up with him.
Letting go of his chopsticks, Hiroki placed his both hands on Ryo’s arm and held on tightly. He didn’t want that to happen ever, no matter how many times they would fight, no matter what happened.
“We’ll… never break up, right?”
Closing his eyes as he hummed lowly, Ryo shook his head.
“No…,” the older one whispered then, softly kissing Hiroki’s jaw as he tightened his hold around the younger one slightly. To Ryo, the possibility that they would actually break up didn’t really exist, of course he couldn’t tell the future, but if depended on him they would never break up… rather than breaking up, they would only get closer. Not that they could really get any closer than they were, for now at least, and even though Ryo didn’t really care much about the whole marriage deal, the thought of one day making things official didn’t sound bad to him – he had proposed to Hiroki after all.
“I’m not wearing the ring just for fun y’know…”
“Mm…,” Hiroki hummed in agreement and nodded as he too closed his eyes. That was true, he had gotten proposed to after all, that if anything meant something. But then again one never knew, but Hiroki definitely wouldn’t be the one to end something. He couldn’t really imagine himself without Ryo right there. It felt as if they had always been together, as if it always had been the two of them… it felt a bit as if the two of them wouldn’t be there would be something horribly wrong with the world. Or at least that was the feeling the mere thought of not being with Ryo gave him.
“Don’t ever want to…”
”Won’t ever have to,” the older one said with a smile on his face, gently turning Hiroki’s face to the side so that he could press his lips against the younger one’s. It was really nice to be like this, just to be in each others company like this, especially after not being very close for a few days, just holding Hiroki like this was really nice.
“You done yet?” Ryo asked then, not thinking about how the fact that he had his arms around Hiroki made it a bit difficult for the younger one to finish eating. “Should we go to bed?”
Hiroki hadn’t finished his meal yet, but honestly he didn’t think it mattered very much at the moment. What mattered was that he wasn’t starving and that he was in Ryo’s arms like this.
It didn’t take too long for the two of them to get done for bed, and once Hiroki closed the door behind him and walked up to the bed, it was with a smile that he got down. Immediately crawling closer to Ryo, he wrapped an arm around his waist and let his head rest against the older one’s shoulder.
“This is good,” he said in a small voice and closed his eyes. Probably he’d be able to fall asleep like this, but he wouldn’t allow himself to just yet. Eventually, but not yet, he wanted to enjoy this closeness a bit longer.
Smiling softly, Ryo put an arm around the younger one, keeping him close.
“Yeah…,” he mumbled after a while, tightening his hold around Hiroki. It was nice to be close like this, it was really nice, but still Ryo couldn’t help but to feel a bit bothered about what had happened before, about the fight and the video clip that still remained in his phone as he had forgotten to delete it, having been too angry to think so far.
“Hiro…,” the older one whispered then as he moved to lie on his side, leaning over the younger one to place his lips on those of his husband’s. It didn’t last long though until the kiss broke, but not pulling fully away, Ryo lingered close, letting his eyes scan the younger one’s face as his hand caressed the taller man’s side.
“Kiss me…,” he mumbled as he closed his eyes, lips already on Hiroki’s, waiting for the younger one to claim them as his. He hated that clip, hated those lips that had touched Hiroki’s and he hated the way Hiroki had kissed her, he hated everything about it.
If he could, Hiroki would have looked Ryo in the eyes right now. As he couldn’t though, he simply did as he was told and claimed Ryo’s lips as his own. Because they were after all, they were his lips really – all of Ryo was his and all of Hiroki was Ryo’s. That was how things were and how they were always supposed to be.
Kissing Ryo as intensely as he could, Hiroki lifted one arm so he could let his hand stroke Ryo’s back. This was exactly what he had hoped for when he had said he wanted to go to bed. To be close to Ryo, to touch him like this and to be able to show the older one that he loved him over, and over again. This was just how things were supposed to be, this was perfect.
Kissing back with just as much passion, Ryo kept his eyes closed as he buried his fingers into Hiroki’s hair, trying to push back the feelings of hurt – he didn’t want them, all he wanted was to enjoy the feeling of Hiroki’s lips on his own and the younger one’s fingers running on his skin as he ran his own on Hiroki’s.
No matter how intense though, the kiss eventually parted as both of them felt the need to take a breath. Not pulling away, Ryo stayed close to the younger one, lingering for a moment before wrapping his arms around him as well as he could, hiding his face in the crook of Hiroki’s neck. He didn’t like this; he didn’t like how weak he was when it came to the younger one, how without knowing it Hiroki could alter his mood so easily, how Hiroki probably didn’t understand how much he meant to him, how he could throw him off the edge so easily – yet he loved this, loved how it felt to have Hiroki in his arms, how it felt to feel his breath on his skin and his gentle fingers touching his back, loved that he could hide his face into the crook of his neck at nights and just forget, the graceful curve of his neck being a perfect shelter from the world he occasionally needed while the soft skin he had countless times ran his lips along worked as the perfect distraction when just feeling calm wasn’t enough.
Not even hesitating a little bit, Hiroki instantly wrapped his arms around Ryo. Of course he knew what this was about, why Ryo suddenly acted like this and to realize that it was no one’s fault but Hiroki’s own actually hurt a bit. It hurt to know that he had hurt Ryo so much, that he had been careless and done something he didn’t think too much about but in the end he’d done something that had caused them to fight.
“I’m sorry…,” Hiroki thus whispered as he tightened his grip around Ryo. He really was sorry too, maybe he wouldn’t have been if Ryo hadn’t seen the video, but as he had, he really was sorry about it. He didn’t like fighting after all and he knew Ryo’s pride. He knew Ryo thought of this family as one of the best things in the world and he was really proud of it… to have received such a video and for all of his friends to see it…
Staying silent, Ryo only shifted his head a bit to show that he had heard the younger one’s apology. Feeling how his breathing came out uneven, the older one kept silent, afraid that saying something would reveal his current state. He didn’t want to cry over this though, thinking that in the end it wasn’t something worth crying over.
There wasn’t really anything wrong was there? He had Hiroki right here in his arms and he knew their daughter was in good hands, everything was just fine was it not? Everything should’ve been fine, but still Ryo couldn’t stop wondering, not so much about what had happened, but what his friends would think about it, what would they think about Hiroki – of course, in the end he wouldn’t care about other people’s opinions, but to him friends had always mattered a lot, and of course it would affect him if their image of his… his husband would be stained by this, he didn’t want anyone to think badly of Hiroki, but knowing that had he seen such a clip of his friends partner, surely he wouldn’t be able to think very highly of them...
Of course Hiroki realized though. He would have noticed no matter what after all, not only because they lay so very close, but because they had been together for such a long time. He had realized from the moment that he knew that Ryo had gotten a clip, that the older one was upset about it and not only in the way that he wanted to hit something. He had been way too upset himself to do anything about it though, but now that they were okay again…
Holding on to Ryo tighter, Hiroki turned his head a little bit as he started to stroke the older one’s back slowly. Placing a light kiss on Ryo’s neck, he closed his eyes and just enjoyed being close to Ryo right now. He wouldn’t say anything, that would just make things really awkward and surely Ryo thought they were awkward enough already.
Gritting his teeth, Ryo held onto the younger one a bit tighter until finally relaxing under his gentle caresses, letting the tears eventually run down his cheeks as it didn’t matter how tightly he tried to close his eyes.
“Sorry…,” he eventually mumbled, holding Hiroki tightly in his arms, keeping his face hidden in the crook of his neck. Maybe it was silly of him, but as much as he hated feeling weak, being like this felt safe, it felt okay no matter how un-cool it was of him to act like this.
“Sorry… I hurt you…,” he then whispered, taking a deep breath to calm down some. Even though they had already talked this through, Ryo couldn’t help but to feel guilty. He definitely was the worst, landing a hand on someone he loved so much, and saying those things, and still he got to hold Hiroki like this tonight…
Blinking then, not quite sure of what to say, Hiroki held on to Ryo a bit tighter though relaxed after a while as he figured it couldn’t be very comfortable for Ryo. He wanted to say that it was okay, he wanted to say that he had done things too… but for some reason it felt as if saying something like that would only make things worse.
“Ryo…,” the younger one thus mumbled, looking up in the ceiling. “I love you.”