|Blue Siofra (blue_siofra) wrote in butterfly_fics,|
@ 2009-03-29 01:45:00
|Entry tags:||!-all fics, *rating: pg-13, +length: fic, -fandom: doctor who, daleks, ten|
The Dalek Diaries
Title: The Dalek Diaries
Characters: Daleks, mentions of Ten, Martha, Donna
Timeframe: April 2008 - March 2009
Summary: What if a Dalek kept a Diary?
Author's Notes: *-Think “Stayin’ Alive” by the BeeGees. ‘Ah, ah ah ah ah, EXTERMINATE!’ *2- “Mr. Roboto” by Styx *3- “Electric Boogie” by Marcia Griffiths *4- “The Locomotion” by Atomic Kitten *5- Title slightly changed. Original song is “My Humps” by the Black Eyed Peas *6- “500 Miles” by the Proclaimers.
Today, Dalek Phaw brought up what we would do if we ever met The Doctor. “Do we exterminate first, ask questions later, or do we question him and then exterminate?” What kind of bollocks is that? It is clearly written as rule number two in the Dalek Handbook of Daleks that, in case of The Doctor, exterminate first. But, it is common knowledge amongst the Daleks that Phaw needs his eyestalk oiled.
Yesterday, Dalek Oruyi almost found this
diary journal. Must find a better hiding place than under the brig mattress. Maybe if I hide it under one of the human containment pods. Or perhaps in that cupboard above the refrigerator. Hide it where no Dalek ever goes. Yes. I think I’ll hide it in the cupboard.
Today is my yearly review by Dalek Inky. Just a quick interview to be sure I still belong in this troupe. Let’s hope that it goes well. It would be a lovely birthday gift that it does.
The yearly review went well. After it was finished, Dalek Pinky wheeled in a large cake with my picture painted on the top. Then the group proceeded to
screech sing to me and Dalek Inky cut the cake with his death ray and each of us picked up a piece with our plunger, opened our armor and enjoyed the heavy chocolate heaven.
Yesterday was our annual board meeting. It lasts all of five minutes. Dalek Scout read the amendments to the Dalek Handbook of Daleks, and then we did the Dalek Chant. Nothing like a hearty chorus of “Exterminate!”[*] really gets the spirits up.
Dalek Shima’s birthday is on Sunday. Must get her a gift the others will not get her. But what? I know Dalek Oruvi will be getting her Death Ray Polish…again. He’s so predictable. Perhaps get her a set of new Dalekanium plating. Then I’ll be the favorite.
Tonight was our yearly prom. Dalek Jam was our DJ. The dance floor was empty until he played “Doctor’s Got a Gun”. Dalek Sophie and I danced together for “Mr. Roberto“[*2], and everyone joined in for the Electric Slide[*3] and “The Locomotion”[*4]. We made a circle around Dalek Pinky as she did a wonderful dance to “My Bumps”[*5] with Dalek Scout. My favorite song however, was “500 Miles”[*6]. The punch and snacks were, as usual, superb.
This weekend is our annual “Dalekapaloza” extravaganza. We gather around the kitchens, eat cultural foods, and have a right old bender. Monday’s going to be hard to face. DALEKS ARE SUPERIOR!
The weekend was interesting. There was a booth for “Dunk Dalek Phaw” where we would exterminate the target image of The Doctor and Phaw would end up falling into a vat of banana pudding. Dalek Inky got really plastered on Saturday and had to spend Sunday in the infirmary recovering.
I assume Dalek Phaw has had one can of eyestalk oil too many. Today he streaked across the ship with his Dalekanium case wide open and his tentacles up in the air and everything. He flew right through Dalek Jam and Dalek Pinky’s game of Mousetrap, and earning an Exterminate ray to the back of the case in result.
This weekend is Emperor Appreciation Weekend. We all get the day off of working, to do whatever we want to do. Usually we all congregate in the main areas of the ship and stare at each other, waiting for something to break so we can all crowed around the maintenance Daleks and watch them work. Ho hum.
Our Lord, the Emperor has decided we should all take a vacation. He said that a deserted island in the Earth’s Caribbean would suffice. Of course, there is no uninhabited island. So, we’ll just make one ourselves.
The entire fleet are here on what one of the humans called Dead Chest Cay. It’s very small. We may take over the next island we can see from here as well. It is very…hot and…sunny here. Not sure why the Emperor decided on this place for a vacation. At least we are leaving in a few days.
I was working, minding my own job, when Daleks Inky and Blinky came flying through, saying that the Emperor would like to make an announcement. So after they left, I made my way to the conference floor. I’m guessing that the Emperor must be planning a secret attack, because why else would he be coming up with these daft ideas? A singing contest? On Sol 3? Oh, bother.
Well. We are heading back to Sol 3. Again. We’re taking over some huge building in London. Dalek Oruyi says he saw the sign in the front, it had three blocks with symbols in them.
The weirdest thing happened when we went to take over the building. Most of the humans made screams that sounded like “SQUEE” and charged at us. None made it near us. Dalek Binky had to push the bodies to the side at one point so we wouldn’t have to elevate over them.
Tomorrow is the big day when we will do our singing contest. I am to be running one of the cameras. At least I do not have to sing. Wait- what’s that shadow?
What a week. That shadow turned out to be The Doctor. One of the humans must have noticed us. A big fight ensued, all of us firing death rays at The Doctor, but some how he managed to survive. We got thrown into the time vortex, and we landed on a planet. We have yet to find out which one and where.
Tonight, we had a celebration. It’s the beginning of our coveted competition. It’s a competition between each of us. There’s a few different ‘games’ that we play, and the top three of each get rewards. I will be participating in the hunting game. We have targets at various distances, and we fire our death ray at the targets. The closer to the bulls-eye, the higher the score.
The hunting game started today. Only one round done today, but I’m in the top 50 with a perfect score. Dalek Blinky missed a target completely! The shame of it!
Tonight, we had our finishing ceremony. I didn’t place high enough to win a reward for the hunting game. Just as well, I don’t need to win a game to know I’m one of the Emperor’s favorites.
The monthly plotting meeting went well. The Emperor has a fool proof plan of invading Earth. This time, I think it just may work, even if we bump into The Doctor.
Today we started some education lessons on Earth customs for the night of our invasion. We want to invade unnoticed until the last minute, when we make our triumph known and exterminate all life on Earth. To have a New Skaro on which to create more Daleks on would be ideal.
Today was Dalek Pinky’s birthday. We waited for the end of our work schedule to celebrate with cake, cookies, punch and Dalek Pinky’s favorite food. I believe that the Earth Sausage will be causing mild irritation all night. But the sausage was cooked appropriately. Dalek Phaw caused a commotion by coming in late and zapping everyone’s Dalekanium for what seems to be the sheer meaningless fun of it. A note to self: buy Dalek Phaw a new eye stalk lens as he zapped the back of my case too high causing my plunger arm to cease working momentarily until we could get it fixed.
Earlier today, the Dalek Emperor explained the second part of our invasion to us. After making planet fall and gaining control of the leadership, that is. We will need to take landfall on a little island, with shelters abound for the attack, and gain control of their information. It is a simple enough strategy. We should be able to complete it in a matter of hours once we make planet fall.
Things on the ship have been busy. An entire sector of Daleks seem to have caught a disease and had to be exterminated. A few of us, myself included, have been pulling the duties of two sections of Daleks for the past week. The Emperor commands that the invasion go as planned. We need to be let out of the shadows. We need a New Skaro. Daleks are superior!
The past few days have been busy ones. Dalek Inky became mysteriously ill upon eating something he found in the fridge. He recovered, and upon inspection, it was determined that it appeared have been moldy and green, and in the relative shape of a hand. Dalek Oruyi was reassigned to clean all the fridges out on the ship.
Dalek Phaw is in severe need of eyestalk oil. He decided to try ‘taking the stairs two at a time’ and not only piled up a lot of sensitive ship equipment, when trying to elevate over it, managed to catch something and fell onto his side. It took a whole section of Daleks a half a day to maneuver him upright again. It was a very shameful day for Daleks everywhere.
In a little over a week we are invading Sol3. This week should be interesting. The Emperor is fanatical about this plan working, and is selecting Daleks at random and quizzing them on what our jobs are. I was ‘quizzed’ today, and I must say, the Emperor seemed pleased. I witnessed Dalek Ango get an answer wrong and the Emperor’s pet, Dalek Brownie, zapped Dalek Ango’s casing. I had to manually push Dalek Ango out of the room, so it must have been a stinging blast he received.
It is just a few hours before we start our invasion. Everyone knows their jobs. I am in the advance guard. I am to be one of the first down and exterminate any life form that attempts to make contact with the first wave of scientist Daleks. Once they are down and we have reached our destination, I am assigned a group of Scientist Daleks to be the guard of until the plan is completed and Earth is the new Skaro.
The plan had failed. We reached Earth and we had everything prepared for landing and proceeded to land. Upon landing the advance guard noticed that it seemed extremely dark. They transmitted to the ship for the rest of us to hold on, but by then my team was already on our way down. Our landing point was supposed to be behind Canary Warf. We made planet fall in somewhere that, while definitely London, looked much like Splott. And there was nobody around. We set forth a small mission to find out where we were. We should have figured out when we were. It happened, I found out later, that we had actually landed at 0600, 1 November instead of 18:00 31 October. We did not blend in with our surroundings to go undetected and upon turning the corner, we found The Doctor. He walked towards us, leaving his red-headed companion behind him. He talked a lot of nonsense. And then things were exploding. And there was a blur of dark hair from behind the explosions. The smoke cleared and there was another woman standing there with a large gun. I quickly used an emergency temporal shift and landed here in this…capsule on the Eye. I shall send a distress signal to the ship with my coordinates.
The last entry took up the pages for the month until now. I have been picked up by the Emperor’s ship again. I was questioned extensively as I was the only survivor of the attack from The Doctor. The Emperor was not pleased. Dalek Blinky and Dalek Inky escorted me back to our sector.
I have just received the information that the dark hair belonged to one Martha Jones of the Earth organization called UNIT. They must have found out about our plans somehow and knew where to attack. The Emperor has set forth an investigation as to find out who let it be known where we were going to be and why.
There is no word yet on who leaked our attack plans. The Emperor is questioning each sector of us individually.
The mole has been found. Dalek Sitembileq. Reports say that he has been dealt with. Preparations can be started now for the end of the year blow out.
The decorations are up, the correct music is playing on the speakers, and the food is being prepared for the end of the year blowout. I can not wait until the party starts so that I can have my fill of the seven layer cookie. My favorite.
Dalek Phaw went through the ship today, covered in garish metallic rope. He said he was a ‘Christmas Dalek’ and brought presents to everyone. The ‘presents’ were random zaps and something called fruitcake. The humans played the documentary of The Doctor again today. The Emperor would have been extremely upset if they had aired a documentary featuring us again. The one about us fighting the Cybermen was a joke. There is no such thing as the “Cult of Skaro”. There is only us left from the war. We shall rebuild again and we shall conquer!
Today starts our end of the year blow-out. All the food, drink and Dalekanium oil we can ever think of using from now until the first of the new year. It will be interesting to see what the next year has in store.
Everyone is partied out. And glad to be going back to work. Oddest thing though, Dalek Phaw was nowhere to be seen until about five minutes before midnight on 31 December. He zapped the large plunger that we ’drop’ at the stroke of midnight, and it switches on the new calendar on the ship wall. Dalek Scout had a complete fit over it, and sent a zap at Phaw, causing him to fall off the platform and onto his back, then rolled to his side and got stuck. We left him like that for the rest of the night, so as he would not cause any more trouble.
The notice went up today for next month’s annual poetry recital. We have until the 20th to sign up for reciting original poems. I am not a poet, but I do enjoy listening to the poems written.
Dalek Inky has come down with the Dalek Flu. His case jumped back every time he sneezed within. We removed him from his work duty for the rest of the week so that he can recover. I am doing his work as well as my own until he returns.
Dalek Inky returned today. He recovered a few days ago, but had to use a rental casing while his was being cleaned. And opted for the extreme waxing. His casing is the shiniest of the sector.
The tentative list for next month’s poetry reading has been released. I am (secretly) excited to attend it this year. The best poets of the Daleks are going to be reading. Including my favorite, Dalek Dave. I can not wait! Dalek poetry is supreme over all other forms!
Just eight days until the poetry reading. Tomorrow we do the electrical check to make sure the electronic devices work. I can only admit here that I am excited for the reading. Dalek poetry expresses the tiniest bit of soul we have amongst our race.
The poetry reading met the expectations. Dalek Pinky gave a very rousing reading of a poem titled “Peanut Butter”. It went like this:
EXTERMINATE Peanut Butter!
But Dalek Dave had the best poem, as usual. His was:
EXTERMINATE The Doctor!
Classic Dalek poetry.
It has been quiet lately. Very unnerving. Even Dalek Phaw hasn’t done anything un-Dalek-like.
Just reread the last entry. Should have enjoyed the quiet. Things seem to have well, exploded since then. First, Dalek Oruyi disappeared for two days, and came back claiming to have been on Skaro, fighting the Thals. There is speculation that it was not an accident. Someone working on the maintenance of the transmat beams actually transmatted him out. Big scandal, it’s turned into. And then the Emperor demanded an inquiry into it. Then yesterday, Dalek Phaw started a scandal of his own when he went gliding at top speed around the ship, wearing a pink feather boa. A PINK FEATHER BOA! What the Davros?
Not much space left in this journal. The Inquiry to Dalek Oruyi’s ‘trip’ bringing up only more questions, and no answers. Things are running smoothly other than that.
The humans have found one of us in a pond. A pond! My sector - Dalek Inky, Dalek Blinky, Dalek Pinky and myself were put in charge of securing the images. And upon inspection, we concluded that it was Dalek Arav, whom was listed amongst the missing after the attack last Halloween. There is no chance for retrieval of the remains. It is a sad day on the ship.
Most of Sol3 seemed to have done their annual ritual of wearing green and drinking yesterday. Very odd custom, that. Dalek Phaw decided to try it this year and somehow managed to turn his casing green. And he squealed when one would zap his casing as he passed. He is getting stranger by the day.
Today is the Emperor’s birthday. We spent the last day preparing like mad for the feast that today always is. A day wasted on cake, drinks, food, party games (Pin the eyestalk on the Dalek, mostly) and just the general party chatter.
Nothing to report. We are back to our normal functional state. The ship is in top form, and even Dalek Phaw is not causing havoc at the moment. One can only assume he’s saving it up for when something comes up. Can never be sure though. He could do something un-Dalek-like tomorrow for all we know. I must start getting ready for next month’s annual review. Get my section clean, and keep it clean and efficient. Must clean out the piling cans of eyestalk oil that seem to have been piling up from the others. Having the sector closest to both the passage and wastebasket does have it’s drawbacks. Other than that, am ready for review.
Well, that is it for this
diary journal. Good luck,