Oh God Oh God We're All Gonna Die?

It was a good thing that it was dark out since there was no way that I was going out into a forest in a coconut bra and a grass skirt. As much as I loved the outfit, there just was no way. Dean had the foresight to bring a change of clothes for me and I went over the seat to change into it a few minutes after we were on our way.

The Impala fit him a lot better than it fit Sam. There was just something about it that screamed Dean and watching him drive it, it was almost as like it was a part of him. He loved this car. Couldn't help but be a little jealous of it. Even though it was an inanimate object.

This had been the best birthday ever. Thinking back to all the subtle questions that Cordy had asked me or that everyone was rushing off and no one told me where they were going. It made a lot of sense now. At the time I thought I was paranoid thinking that it was me that they didn't want anything to do with. But, in fact, it was quite the opposite.

After my parents died I had no one until the Xander of my own world had come along. Even then it was more like he was stuck with me. After time I could tell that he cared a little about me but no where to the extent that he had cared about Buffy. This Xander, it was almost like he was the older brother that I had never had. Without all of the sibling rivalry bullshit and stuff like that.

I'd definitely been surprised tonight. Was surprised even more how into it everyone seemed to be but most of all I was surprised by Dean. Before he left to go get Sam it was like he wanted nothing to do with me because I had reminded him so much of the other me. Maybe while he was gone he was able to except me. Even if I was just a substitute for the original.

We were almost there and even though it was dark I could see the trees. Watched as Dean leaned forward and turned up Plant's Thank You. He was singing along to the words and I leaned back and listened. Didn't think that he'd be into a ballad like this but I smiled as we turned into a Camp Ground. We were going deeper and deeper into the forest. I didn't think there was anyone besides us staying at this camp ground.

We made it to a stop and he turned off the engine but left the lights on as we set up the tent. After that we gathered wood and made a fire in a pit that hadn't been used in a while. Once it was lit I sat down in the grass next to him and I leaned my head on his shoulder. "This was the perfect birthday."

Things were going good, great in fact, at Sol's birthday party. Until Wes and Angel crashed it. It only started to go bad after that for me. The Angel is in fact my Angel. Not my Angel, but the Angel from our world who used to be mine. The one that would want nothing to do with me in five years time but apparently now he wanted to reconcile with me. I, of course, had to set him straight and let him know that wasn't a possible thing. I was with Tara now.

But... it was still Angel. The one person that was able to take my heart out of my chest, whip it with an egg beater and put it back inside like nothing happened. I know that I did the right thing. But it still hurt to see the look on his face. The look on his face when I turned him down again. Didn't think I'd have another chance to do that after the look on his face after the cookie dough speech but I did.

He stomped off before I could even apologize. It's not like he would accept the apology anyway since he was already descending into angry Angel mode that would very soon turn into brood Angel mode. And that was never of the good.

After he stomped off I tried to put on my party face again but I just couldn't do it. I knew that Tara could probably guess what we had talked about and how it turned out. When Sol and Dean headed out I told Tara that I was going to go out patrolling a little bit. I asked her to please tell anyone what I was doing if they asked. I felt bad about leaving but I just couldn't pretend to have a good time anymore.

I changed into more slay-worthy attire and put a stake in my jacket pocket before heading out. Did a few sweeps around the block and didn't really see anything out of the ordinary so I went to the closest cemetery to the hotel. Killed a few fledglings and didn't see anything else so I headed back. I'd only been gone about an hour or two. But the parking lot was pretty much empty when I came back. Guess everyone was all partied out.

Heard Xander and Cordy's voices in the ball room. And Sam's. They must still be cleaning up. Headed up to me and Tara's room and opened the door and slammed it shut with my foot as I took off my jacket. "Tara?"

Just like Wes asked we said our goodbyes at Sol's party and were out the door. Since Spike and Ava had driven together since Spike had to get Sol's birthday present I had driven myself. Couldn't trust those to to not make me late. I hated being late, except for fashionably late of course. Once we were out of the hotel I handed Wes the keys to his Jeep that I had been borrowing. Spike had told me that he told him that I could use it. My car Spike and I had dropped off at the junk yard a few days ago and soon enough I'd be buying a new one.

Told Wes that I needed to stop by home to grab my bag of supplies for the night. We swung by there quickly and I had them all pretty much in the same spot. It didn't take me long before I was out the door and back into his Jeep.

I was so glad to have him back and he definitely seemed happy to be back. He'd forgiven me for me trying my hardest to provoke him before he left. I still was a little ticked that he planned on leaving without saying goodbye to me but right now I was so happy to have him back I wasn't really caring about that anymore.

It wasn't long before we were in his apartment. Handed him the gigantic bag of stuff and said to him, "Your choice." He probably was going to think that these were all pretty basic toys. I had no idea the lengths that his kinkiness went to. I had a feeling that I'd be finding it out tonight.

He was going through it with the diligence that he would peruse an ancient text of some sort. I took off the itchy grass skirt and let it fall to the floor. With the noise of it he looked over at me. With a grin I asked him, "See anything you like?"

Coming back with Wes had been great for all of ten minutes. Crashing the party had started out fine until my talk with Buffy. If you wanted to even call it a talk. More of her telling me I wasn't what she wanted, not in this world or any other one. I'd left for a while and come back once the party had broken up, planning on settling back into my old room. Except it wasn't my room now. I'd almost turned the knob when I heard her, with her girlfriend inside. Talking about me.

Part of me wanted to stay and listen to all the whispers. But I hadn't. This wasn't my world, and this wasn't my home. It wasn't even my time.

Leaving I'd found myself on a pier at the beach, watching dawn break over the hills. I'd gotten used to the sun in Pylea, it was a big part of what had made that place tolerable. I didn't want to go back into the dark, not for this world. Nothing here was right, they had their champion in Spike. Dawn was the one with the visions, not Cordy. And Wes wasn't the least bit crazy.

The sun rose and I waited for the flames to char my skin to ash. It didn't happen. Numbly I watched as it rose above the horizon and I remained unburned. This was the worst joke of all. Were the Powers that Be just jerking me around now?

Still wasn't in a mood to go back to the hotel. It wasn't as though I really had anything to do. Found myself walking the streets, catching a familiar sight here and there. An alley where I'd stopped a vamp. A street corner where a demon had tried to eat a bus full of passengers. Tried not to think about Connor or Faith, how I'd never see them again. Maybe I should have Wes send me back to Pylea.