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Cody Jean Lane ([info]loyal_2a_fault) wrote in [info]boukun,
@ 2008-03-15 14:10:00

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Current location:Tabar
Current mood: calm
Entry tags:boukun, cody, daniel

Dinner With Daniel
After she talked to Dan, Cody let Opal and Lars both know that she would be teleporting over to Tabar for the night. Lars just looked at her, but she shrugged, and didn't go there with him. Over the years, Lars had become a little less of a hero-crush and much more of a friend and confidant. She couldn't call it brotherly, because she still found him terribly attractive. But there was a lot of history and respect there, and he never steered her wrong.

Cody went to the security teleport chamber, and smoothed the front of her gown. She told Daniel she would dress up, so she did. The gown was one from a young, hip designer who was really making a name for Boukun and Tabar in the galaxy. She promoted the pride of the planet, and enhanced it's stature, by using the natural gems and minerals previously thought to be worthless. But the amber/bronze stone beads on Cody's dress were a fine example of her intricate designs. The designer was named Rashanil, and she was also beautiful and cultured, making her a very media friendly presence in the society of the planet. She designed fine clothes especially for the Emperor and his court, which pleased Hsu, who loved fine clothing.

Cody carried a package, gaily wrapped, for Daniel. As the teleport hummed and she was transported, she closed her eyes and took a deep breath. It only took seconds, and then she was just outside Daniel's suite, where he had his own private teleport. Cody frowned when she realized that Dan had, indeed, hacked the code overrides against Andy's wishes. But she looked around for him, ready to scold as well as greet.

OOC: Her dress -

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Dinner with Daniel
[info]prince_of_tabar
2008-03-18 09:27 pm UTC (link)
Dan was alerted to the teleport coming online, and the code get approved, smiling as he always did when he scored a little victory over MacDonald. Once Cody appeared, he stepped forward, a huge grin on his face. He always loved seeing her, and except for over the commlink, he hadn't seen her in ages. There had been no exaggeration in his statement that he'd missed her. If he could pick on constant in his life, it wouldn't be his father, but Cody Jean. She had often been the one looking after him, telling him stories when he was a boy. She had been his first teenage crush. He had fought against her lasting view of him as a little boy for a long time. And then there had been that time...

He was more than a little in love with her, but he knew who her true affections and loyalties lay.

"Cody! You look...damn...you're hot!" He came straight up to her. He wore a loose grey shirt that opened down to his stomach and black leather pants. That was dressing up for him. Suits he only wore if at a formal function and commanded by his father. He swept his arms around her in a big hug. "Everything's ready. The food came up just a few minutes ago, so it's still nice and warm, and I can't wait to show you around. I'm so happy you came over." Yes, he looked like an excited schoolboy, and he was talking much too fast, but he knew she would have something to say about the security codes.

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Re: Dinner with Daniel
[info]loyal_2a_fault
2008-03-18 09:56 pm UTC (link)
Cody let herself be swept into the comfort of his embrace, laughing softly and kissing his cheek in greeting. He looked amazing, and she hadn't seen him in a very long time. Dan was absolutely gorgeous, and had she not watched him grow up, serving as a surrogate mother/big sister to him for so many years, Cody was pretty sure that he might be one of the few men in the world that she could fall in love with. But he was who he was, and his father was who he was. When Cody was pregnant with Roma, she had asked Cassandra how she thought Hsu might feel if Cody and Daniel were to pair up. It was a casually put question, but Cass had eyed her with some concern. She was adamant that Hsu would not approve, and that such a relationship would likely damage the father and son bond beyond repair. That was the conversation that had sealed Cody's decision to keep Roma's paternity a secret.

Actually, that wasn't a secret, it was a lie. Cody had told both Hsu and Dan that she had enjoyed a fling while on vacation in Kalakiki, with a pilot, and that it was best that no one ever let him know that she was with child. A little white lie about a premature birth, and that was that. But then, all of that was part of why she was there.

"You look very hot, yourself, Daniel." More hugs, another kiss, and then she stepped back to hand him his gift. "I shouldn't give you this. You realize that I'm the one who is going to have to calm Andy down when he figures out what you did with the codes, right? And do I have to remind you that if something happened, a true emergency with your dad, or Roma, or you, that Andy couldn't do his job and protect you?" Might as well get the scolding out of the way. But she figured that if he was getting the scolding while unwrapping the specially made snowboard from the hottest engineer of the boards that she met at a trade exposition, he might take it a bit better.

Cody looked around, and nodded. "It smells great, and this is really nice, Daniel. I can't wait to see the rest, after we eat and talk." Yes, she was trying to prepare him for what she needed to discuss with him.

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Re: Dinner with Daniel
[info]prince_of_tabar
2008-03-19 03:50 am UTC (link)
He kissed back, keeping to her cheek. Well, except for the last one which he managed to sneakily plant on her lips. "I'm always hot, you know that. I don't even have to try." He grinned at his own bragging, knowing that she would see right through that.

"You got me a present!" He took it from her as soon as she held it out. The lecture was coming, he was sure, and he wasn't going to take the risk she might take it back. "Andy will get over it, especially if you explain it to him. He's tightly wrapped around your little finger and always has been, you know it. And it's only the code for this unit, if he needs to get to dad or Roma, he still can. Besides he likes the challenge of trying to outsmart me." As he talked he was unwrapping the gift. "I have plenty of security here, like I have a choice, if something happens. I just don't want dad walking in on me uninvited with the Auronian ambassador again when I'm entertaining said ambassador's daughter. Luckily I sensed him just in time. Oh Cody! It's one of those new custom boards...I've been meaning to get one. It's brilliant...thank you!" This time he did kiss her full on the mouth. "Know what I'm doing this weekend."

He smiled and took her into his suite. It was large and spacious as befitted his position. All the latest tech was in there from the commlink to the entertainment deck to the hover couch and, in the next room, bed. A very realistic fire burned in the hearth but gave off no heat, and if one were to throw something combustible on it, it would still burn. The decor was warm colours, and Dan's belongings as well as papers were scattered around the place, although it did look as if he'd made some effort to tidy up. On the dining table, flames flickered softly illuminating the food that was ready to serve. "Well, this is it, home from home." He gave her a look when she said talk. Just like over the commlink earlier, she sounded far too serious.

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Re: Dinner with Daniel
[info]loyal_2a_fault
2008-03-19 12:12 pm UTC (link)
Like father, like son. Cody shook her head, grinning at Dan's bragging statement. Though Hsu carried his ego quietly, without statement, and Dan's was more to cover up his insecurity. Cody always tried to encourage Daniel, to be his biggest backer and supporter. It sometimes put her in conflict with her mentor, but she was actually one of the few people who could ever get Hsu to hear her out where Dan was concerned. Strangely, it was always James who stuck up for Daniel the loudest, and Hsu tolerated it with more humor than with most people.

"You're very welcome, Dan. Look, he even put your crest on it, made just for you." She pointed it out, as she watched him. The kiss was taken and frankly enjoyed. It wasn't that she wasn't attracted to Dan. She was. It would be easy to fall into a relationship with him. But she knew Hsu wouldn't like it, though she never quite understood why, completely. Her fingers came up to stroke Dan's cheek when he kissed her, and she smiled at him when they parted, then went into the suite with him.

His suite was very nice. Cody smiled, remembering when he was little and she had gone out and bought him a race car bed, and Hsu had looked at her like she was nuts. But Cody Jean knew that kids needed fun, whimsy and humor, and she took it on herself, all those years, to give Dan some balance. While Hsu taught the lessons and gave the example that was his way, good lessons and important values, Cody indulged Daniel's inner and outer child. She snuck him away from stern tutors to go play hookey at traveling carnivals. When they would go to the mountains for Hsu to intensely teach Dan how to ski, she would teach him how to make snow angels and snowmen that looked suspiciously like Andy. Cody indulged Dan, perhaps too much, but she felt that he needed it. Hsu had never had a real childhood. Cody had been determined that Daniel would, and he did, because Hsu allowed her to go to a certain point.

"This is beautiful, and look at dinner...mmm, smells great. I've been living on ship energy bars for too long." She was a little thinner, and her eyes looked weary. While she was gone, she had worked hard at promoting trade for the planet and for Tabar, and she had engaged in a dangerous bit of investigating, bringing the traitor to Hsu's regime in. That little incident had nearly gotten her killed, and had it not been for her lieutentant and copilot, Vett, she wouldn't have made it back. But Cody knew she needed something good to bring back to Hsu, after storming off the way she did. But they had been around each other for a very long time, and he seemed to understand that sometimes she had to go off and be alone to sort out her conflicts. Besides, she hadn't left Hsu, she put space between her and Roma, because the fighting was getting out of hand. She had spoken to Hsu or Andy at least once a week, the entire time she was gone, and she had worked hard for Hsu's benefit, and that was something he could respect.

Cody looked at Dan, the worry and stress clear in her eyes, and she impulsively hugged him, needing to touch him and hold him close for a moment. She doubted he would want her close after she confessed the secret truth to him. In fact, she didn't bring clothes with her, because she feared he would throw her out and return her to Boukun.

"Let's eat, huh? Then I need to talk to you about something, and you're going to probably boot me back home, so at least this beautiful supper won't go to waste."

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Re: Dinner with Daniel
[info]prince_of_tabar
2008-03-19 10:11 pm UTC (link)
Dan was still admiring his board as they walked in and he set it down, propping it against the edge of the couch, wiping his hand over the crest she had put on it. He turned around to her again as Cody praised his home and even her comment about the food. Only one person's praise meant more and that was his dad's, but that was so rare in coming. Instead, he had always had Cody to boost him and to show him things. As a boy he had relied on her far more than Hsu, and as it was clear even now, her compliments were soaked up like a sponge. He didn't know if she knew just how much his bravado was just a show, a cover, but she probably knew that it hid a lot of things that a son of Hsu Danmei shouldn't feel.

He sudden hug was a surprise, and while he more than happily hugged her back, he did wonder what brought on her sudden impulsiveness. Daniel might liked to show that he was nothing more than a shallow, self-absorbed rich boy, but he could be quite preceptive to know when something was not quite right. When he pulled back from her, he saw that stress in her face. Something was definitely wrong and that made him nervous. What had he done? His mind flipped through a dozen and more possibilities. He had already been told off about the teleport codes, the others she wouldn't know about or care about. Him and Roma messing about? No, no one knew about that, unless the kid bragged. Unlikely. But she was very sensitive when it came to her daughter being raised correctly. No, she wouldn't have agreed to dinner, if it was that.

When she mentioned him kicking her back home, he just blinked at her. "Why would I ever do that?" He pulled out her chair for her to sit down, really worried now. What had he done, or she done, that he would get mad enough to throw her out? "I never want you to leave, you know that. Champagne?" Again he was sidestepping what ever it was she wanted to say. "A local winery and really quite good for here." Sitting across from her, he held up his glass. "To your return, and it was not soon enough."

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Re: Dinner with Daniel
[info]loyal_2a_fault
2008-03-19 10:37 pm UTC (link)
"Yes, well, remember you said that, later." Cody toasted with him, and drank deeply of the champagne, hoping that liquid courage might help with this task. In her heart of hearts, she had always known that she should tell them both. But that would have meant explaining to Hsu how she and Daniel had ended up in bed together for a weekend of pure madness. Hsu would have known that they had ditched security, and gone off exploring in a strange place together, only to be challenged by not one, but two, headhunters.

She smiled, slightly, looking into her glass, as she thought about that fight. She remembered how she looked over at Daniel, as he fought his opponent. He was really so good, so much like his father in his beauty and brutal grace. Cody knew, as she fought, that if Daniel fell, she would rather go with him, than to have to go back and tell his father. Fortunately, they had won, mostly thanks to Daniel. Cody was much smaller than the man fighting her, and when Dan beheaded his own opponent, he then helped her with hers. The double Quickening had been unlike anything she had ever known, and their aftermath was so extreme that they wound up being unable to logically resist the attraction that had always been there.

"Do you remember?" She was looking in the glass, and she looked up at him, her long lashes lifting. "Do you remember making love to me?" And that was another difference between father and son. While she and Hsu had enjoyed many types of sexual pleasures, tender and fierce, she knew that Daniel had made love to her, and it had been amazing. "I...I just..." Cody looked like she might cry, for a moment, but she sipped more of the wine and set the glass down on the table, then took her napkin to drape in her lap.

She couldn't look at him. She couldn't not look at him. Part of her wanted him to sweep everything off this table and take her there, again, reminding them both that for one wild weekend they had been lovers. Part of her wanted him to hit her, so she could get rid of this crushing guilt that was choking her. All these years of hiding the truth, she had told herself it was for him, and for Hsu, but now she knew that it had been wrong. All three of them would hate her.

"I love you, Daniel. I have loved you since the day he brought you home. I will always love you. Please don't forget that, no matter what." Blinking, rapidly, she looked at the dishes and struggled to find a topic more safe. "So...what's for dinner?"

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Re: Dinner with Daniel
[info]prince_of_tabar
2008-03-21 09:33 pm UTC (link)
Despite the fact that most people who came across Dan usually came away with the impression that he was not much more than a shallow rich boy, enjoying his father's fortune and not taking much interest in what other's thought or felt, he possessed Hsu's sharp ability to read people. That Cody drank instead of sipped from her champagne told him just how nervous she was about whatever this was about. However, whereas Hsu would probably choose to point this out or confront her, demanding an explanation immediately, Dan much preferred to avoid it, or at least stall whatever it was for as long as possible. If Cody believed he might kick her out over it, it was bad. What the hell could he have screwed up so badly this time?

"How could I forget?" He gave her a small smile that told her just how much he remembered. Every detail, every moment of that weekend. Certainly the double Quickening had fueled their lust, taking it to a point beyond either of their control, but for him it was something he had dreamed of and waited for for so many years. Yes, he had made love to her, and it had been fantastic, all that he had fantasized about and more. "And I'd do it all again if I could. You know that."

Damn his father. Why did he have to be so possessive?

"Cody, you're worrying me." No, she was scaring him. It looked like she was on the verge of tears. "You know I love you. I always have and always will, even if we can only ever be friends. Nothing's going to change that." He ignored the lump in his throat, the fear threatening to rise up and choke him and took that safe path with her.

He uncovered the main dish. "It's a delicacy here, an eel like creature only found on this side of the moon, and with the spices and herbs they prepare it with brings out a wonderfully rich flavour not unlike lobster." Serving her some, he also showed her some of the vegetables, all familiar local produce. With some for himself, he took a couple of bites and then pushed the food about his plate. His appetite gone and stomach in knots, he both needed to know what she had to say and dreaded it.

"Just tell me." He put down his fork. "Whatever I've messed up this time, I'm sorry. Is it something I did to dad? I just can't stand this, knowing you're upset over it."

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Re: Dinner with Daniel
[info]loyal_2a_fault
2008-03-21 09:59 pm UTC (link)
"It's delicious." Cody smiled and took a couple of bites, not really tasting the food. Like Daniel, she was stalling the inevitable. His assurances that nothing would change his affection for her only served to bring more tears to her brown eyes, and she just sipped more of the champagne to try and ease the choking fear that was threatening to overwhelm her. Funny, with Hsu, in the past, Cody Jean had always been brash in confrontation, balls to the wall, brave to a fault. But here, with Daniel, she felt so much pain and guilt. No matter how well intentioned she had been, she realized now that this would have been far easier to do from the beginning.

"Daniel, it isn't you. You haven't done anything wrong." His demand to know made her lay down her own fork. "It's me. I messed up. I didn't mean to. I just didn't want you and your father to have more turmoil between you. And then, as time went on, it just seemed easier to keep the secret, to let things be." Her voice was soft, filled with regret and pain. This should have been done years before.

There was nothing she could do to soften this. Cody knew it was time to come clean, to face the music and begin the process of cleaning up her mess. She was not a coward, but her reticence came from her unwillingness to hurt him. She knew he would never look at her the same way again.

"Daniel...I lied to you. I lied to everyone." Cody reached up and rubbed the back of her neck, looking down at the uneaten food. "Your relationship with your father was...is...so fragile. I knew he would be angry about what happened between us. You know how he is." Cody rose from her seat and walked blindly a few feet, almost pacing as she spoke, because she couldn't sit still. The pent up nerves had her wringing her hands as she walked. "I just...I just wanted to protect you. And me. I didn't want him to blow up and take control. I...I thought it was the right thing. I thought you would be better off."

She stopped pacing, by his chair, and looked at him. It was now or never. "I lied about the fling with a pilot on vacation. Roma wasn't premature. She was full term." It all came out in a tumble of words, as she was prone to do when she was really upset or nervous. "Roma is your daughter, Daniel. Hsu's granddaughter. From that weekend...from us. Roma is your child."

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Re: Dinner with Daniel
[info]prince_of_tabar
2008-03-24 04:14 pm UTC (link)
Daniel looked at Cody. Somehow it still wasn't very reassuring to hear from her that this wasn't his fault, not with Cody like this. But it did have something to do with him...and his father. Of course it did. Her fear of something upsetting the delicate balance that existed between the two of them and causing their relationship to fracture beyond repair had always been there. Time and time again Cody had stood up for him, as had James, supporting him and getting Hsu to at least listen to his side. She cared for him, but he knew her loyalty was fully with his father.

He had never seen her like this before, so nervous and...scared about telling him something. In those early years, before Hsu found him and growing up, he knew Cody had cultivated everything from his father, including how to deal with things coolly. He nodded, knowing exactly what his father was like, but he couldn't speak. That nervous lump in his throat stopping all sound. Now she was pacing. What was so bad that it had her so wound up? He reached for his glass, drinking heavily from it himself now as he looked up to her.

And then there it was. Roma is your daughter, Daniel. ...is your child.

It took a second or two for the words to sink in. Fortunately, he hadn't been drinking or else he might have choked on the champagne. His jaw dropped, and trying to keep control, he went to set down his glass. He did it with more force than he meant and the stem shattered, and it fell from his hand, the rest smashing on the hard floor. "No...no. That's not possible." Denial first. Simple denial of basic facts because his mind was racing to do the math and seeing that it was possible.

Still his mind was scrambling to deny it. He stood up, and it was no accident that he made sure the chair was between them. "That would be a billion to one chance!" Yes, he did have some fertility, but tests had been done and his count was so low to be almost negligible. Almost. He was shaking his head. "No, it can't be, Cody...you've got it wrong. You must have. Roma can't be mine."

Oh, he wanted to deny it, more than anything as the memory of what had happened only recently hit him. An image of he and Roma pleasuring each other. The colour drained out of his face, and he sudden looked quite sick. "Oh god...no. You're lying...I don't know why, but you've got to be lying."

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Re: Dinner with Daniel
[info]loyal_2a_fault
2008-03-24 05:00 pm UTC (link)
Cody Jean felt almost outside her own body as she watched his reaction. The glass breaking made her flinch, and she self protectively wrapped her arms around her torso, listening and watching as Daniel denied it, to himself and to her. It couldn’t be. It can’t be. All the same emotions that she had gone through over twenty two years before when she discovered she was pregnant.

Her mind went back to that time. Hsu’s regime on Boukun was so new, and they all were working so hard. Daniel and Hsu both had been so sweet during her pregnancy, both of them attentive to her physical condition and even somewhat more relaxed with each other. When Roma was born, she saw the pain in Hsu’s eyes the first time he held her, and she knew that he was remembering another baby girl in his arms.

“A billion to one chance, Daniel, heightened by a double Quickening.” Cody wearily pulled her thoughts back to the present, to the pain in Dan’s eyes. “Think about it. In my hundreds of years of life, I have only ever been pregnant twice. Once was after a Quickening, remember? On my honeymoon with George. The second was with you.”

She saw how pale he got, and her brows furrowed. Of course this was a shock to his system, but Daniel looked positively ill, and that worried her. There was no rancor that she knew of, between Dan and Roma…was there? Surely she would have heard about it. “Danny…oh, god, I’m sorry. I should have told you then, from the beginning. But your father, he would have been so angry that we did what we did. He was still so upset from all that had gone on before.” Cody had tears on her cheeks now, and she dropped into a chair away from him. “I wasn’t so scared for me. Hsu and I have had arguments before, like about George. But you? He would have blamed you and that wasn’t fair. It was both of us, and it wasn’t our fault, really, though he wouldn’t have understood that.”

Lifting her eyes to plead with him, she held her hands up, palms up, hoping he would see her dilemma. “Danny, Hsu would have taken control. He would have ruled over every, single aspect of Roma’s life. Maybe…I don’t know…maybe in retrospect that would have been better than how I did with her. But at the time, I just believed it would shatter the fragile truce you two had.” She felt drained and sick, exhausted by the emotional toll of this and the events in New Washington. For the first time in her entire life, Cody Jean felt old. “I’m not lying to you, Daniel. You know me better than that Roma is your daughter. Look at her eyes. Those are your father’s eyes. Her chin is yours. Have you ever, in all these centuries, known me to fuck around with a stranger? Have you? Did you really believe that I picked up some pilot in a bar, and slept with him, ignoring the risk to security and myself? So soon after sleeping with you?” She shook her head, slowly, as a tear dropped onto the silk of her gown. “Oh, Dan…you know it’s the truth.”

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Re: Dinner with Daniel
[info]prince_of_tabar
2008-03-25 06:49 am UTC (link)
That was just it. He did suspect it was true, simply for the fact that Cody had never needed to lie to him before this, and why make something like this up? But she had lied to him about the pilot, but he knew her. Cody was not the type to pick up a casual screw. With a sense of dread, he realized it, he was Roma's father.

He moved to the opposite end of the table, resting his hands on the edges and letting his head hang down as he tried to sort all the thoughts racing through his mind. He imagined that he could still taste and smell Roma on him, and a visible shoulder ran up his spine. Just how close had he come? Too close, they all but had intercourse, and he had been trying to press her into that. He felt sick and shamed. Out of all the mistakes he had made, that would have been the biggest. At least his father would understand that one, and briefly, Danny wondered how far Hsu had gone with her. He glanced quickly at Cody before looking down again. She could never know. He would never tell her. If he did, he doubted Cody would ever look him in the eyes again.

One thing Hsu wouldn't understand as easily, if at all, would be the fact that Roma was his. Cody was right there, Hsu would have been furious with him for being so careless and would probably think he seduced Cody there instead of the double Quickening just ruling their actions. He didn't even know about the Quickenings or the fights. And he would have taken Roma away, raised her under his own rigid and strict control, just as he had been, and far tighter than what she was rebelling against now.

The denial was turning into anger, and it was building. He shook the table before standing up straight, his eyes every bit as intense as his father's, even if he didn't possess the same control. "You should have told me!" He wouldn't have almost had sex with his daughter. "You should have told me, even if you didn't tell him! I wouldn't have said." That wasn't true, at the first argument, he probably would have thrown it in Hsu's face. "Okay, maybe I would have, but I would take the blame for it. I'm used to it, and he'd hardly be surprised I'd fucked up once again."

He slammed down on the table with his hands in frustration. "You should have told me," he repeated. "I watched her grow up, just thinking she was another kid. Your kid, but just another one, and all that time I was looking at my daughter. All that time not knowing she was my flesh and blood?" This time he did manage to suppress the shudder that threatened to shake him again. "And not mine, but dad's! And you know how strongly he feels about that. Will he forgive you that?" Daniel shook his head and turned around to lean against the wall with his head. "I don't even know if I can."

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Re: Dinner with Daniel
[info]loyal_2a_fault
2008-03-25 12:38 pm UTC (link)
"You would have rubbed your father's nose in it, and you KNOW it!" Cody jumped up from the chair, shaken at the intensity of Daniel's stare. "You and he have been at war, all these centuries. I have tried to keep some kind of peace, wherever I could, between you two since the day he brought you back home. I love you both so much, I couldn't bear to be a reason for more fighting between you."

Cody wanted, so much, to go over and put her arms around him, to beg his forgiveness. But Daniel was, in many ways, so much like Hsu in his reaction to perceived betrayal or hurts. "No, Daniel, he won't forgive me. But it's far better that he hate me, and banish me, than for it to be you. I'm taking the blame, and you're going to let me, because Roma is going to need you when I'm gone." She walked over to the sofa, and picked up her evening bag. With shaking hands, she opened the clasp and took out a sheaf of papers. "I put most of my money in an account, with you and your father as co-administrators, and Andy as the backup. You and your father, and Roma, can forge a relationship together, bonding over your anger at me. Hate me. It will help." Cody tossed it on the table, and then walked towards the entry that led to the transporter. His statement about not knowing if he could forgive her sealed her choices.

"The Grucinian government has sent out a desperate call for pilots. After I tell your dad and Roma, I'm leaving. It's on the other side of the galaxy, that should be far enough so that none of you have to worry about seeing me." Anyone following the news would know that Grucin was in the middle of a bloody civil war and that being a pilot for them was a suicide mission. Her voice was empty, so deeply sad and soft that she didn't know if he could hear her. She stood there, waiting, so he could come over and punch in the code to send her away forever.

Cody could have pleaded and spent hours trying to explain. But it would do no good. Hsu...and Daniel...didn't look at life the way she did. At the end of the day, Cody knew that her years with them wouldn't mitigate anything, that this would be seen as a betrayal. No matter how much she loved them, or lived to serve Hsu, it wouldn't mean a damn thing, in the end. It reminded he of the beginning, the disc that she hadn't given Andy. The same feeling was in her stomach, the knowledge that she was losing everything that made life worthwhile. So she stood there and waited, wishing that she could turn back time.

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Re: Dinner with Daniel
[info]prince_of_tabar
2008-03-26 03:57 pm UTC (link)
Daniel didn't move, not until she left for the teleport. He just stood knocking his head against the wall. She was right, he would have rubbed his fertility in his father's face. It was something, perhaps the one thing, that he could do that Hsu couldn't. Still, he had never thought about the possibility of having children. It just wasn't in his plans. He was the reckless, impulsive one, and despite being some three centuries old, he'd never had any real responsibility put on him until his father had sent him to Tabar, and that was hardly the same thing as suddenly being a father himself. Then there was still how he had seen Roma until now. Would he even be able to look her in the eyes, knowing he was her father now and knowing what they had done? Would he even feel like a parent? "I don't hate you," he muttered so softly. He never could. Yes, he was hurt, scared and angry at her, but she was still Cody.

He pushed away from the wall as Cody left, and he followed her out, scooping up the papers she had put on the table as he went. She couldn't leave until he entered the code, and for right now he had no intention of doing so. Still riding his temper, he came up to her. "So you drop this on me...us...and you're just going to, what, clear your conscience by paying us off?" If he had been Hsu, he probably would have hit her, but Daniel would never do that, could never do that. Instead, he threw the sheaf of papers at her. "We don't exactly need your money!" But we do need you. I do. "You keep this from me for twenty-two years, what did you expect? For me to just say, 'thanks for telling me, I'll be the perfect father now'? I can't even get my head around this, and you're going to run off."

Yes, he had heard her mention Grucin, and just the mention of it threatened to bring all his fears of abandonment to the surface, but he fought to keep them down. "Because, Cody, going off and getting yourself killed will solve everything, won't it? You've never been a coward, but you run off for six years, come back just to tell us this, and then plan to suicide? How does that make things better, except for the fact you don't have to fucking deal with it!" Rarely, outside of the bedroom, did Daniel swear, the use of it now all the more forceful.

Sighing, he leant against the console. "And what about Roma? You really think she's going to be happy and accept that I'm her father? You can't just leave us."

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Re: Dinner with Daniel
[info]loyal_2a_fault
2008-03-26 04:37 pm UTC (link)
“The money isn’t for you, Daniel. The money is for Roma.” Cody sounded as old as time, as she leaned against the wall. “You don’t need me. Your father doesn’t need me. He told me that over three hundred years ago, I just kept thinking that he might change his mind.” Or his heart. Cody never needed Hsu to love her in the traditional sense of the word. But she had worked so hard to be…what? Needed? Irreplaceable? “You will be an amazing father, Daniel. I know that it will be hard to adjust, but you will understand her, because you’ve been there, been in a new situation with a parent.”

Her stomach hurt, painfully aching from the tightness that she had been all tied up with over this. “I can’t help it, Daniel. I failed Roma. I’m a terrible mother, just ask her. Maybe if James had lived, I would have been better. I don’t know.” She had spent six years wondering why she couldn’t connect with Roma the way she had with James. Perhaps it was the lie, the secret, hiding the truth all this time. Maybe she just couldn’t let herself be completely open, because the idea of losing another child was like dying all over again. Or maybe she always knew that even though she bore and raised this girl, the fact that Hsu’s blood ran in her veins would lessen Cody’s importance, once the truth came out.

“Roma will relish the role of princess. Come on, Daniel, you know and I know what will happen now. Hsu will alternate between spoiling her and cracking down on her. It wouldn’t matter if I were here or not, because my rules and my decisions as a mother will be meaningless.” Cody flinched at Daniel’s swearing, knowing that he was like her in that way, that they rarely swore unless really upset. “I’ll be nothing. Nothing. Not family. Not blood. Not loved, needed, wanted or even trusted, not anymore. He will never forgive me for this. Why should I stay? My entire adult life has been spent devoted to him, and to you, to this family that I’m not a part of because there’s no ring on my finger or blood in my veins that makes me so. Roma will be fine, Daniel. She’s blood. You guys will all be fine.”

Cody was exhausted, drained of life. Leaving them would break her, but staying and being a nobody would be worse. “You asked me what I expected? I didn’t expect anything. I guess I just hoped…wished…that you wouldn’t wonder if you could forgive me. I think that I hoped that you felt about me the way I feel about you. There is nothing that you or your father could ever do, NOTHING, that I could not forgive. I love you both too much.” She stood there, leaning against the wall, eyes closed. “I’m so sorry, Danny. So sorry that I failed you.” Her hand impulsively reached out towards him, though she didn’t dare touch him.

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Re: Dinner with Daniel
[info]prince_of_tabar
2008-03-27 09:42 pm UTC (link)
"I do need you!" Daniel slammed his hands down on either side of the console. "I've always needed you. Without you growing up, my life would have been miserable. You're the one who's always been there for me, Cody. Not him. If only you knew how I felt about you...still feel about you. That weekend, the Quickening may have tipped us over the edge, but I meant every second of it. I wished it didn't have to end, but it did, and you went back to him. Like every other time, when it's me or him...it's him. Always. And I may understand why, but I don't like it. You might love us, but not equally. It doesn't matter what I say. You'll talk to him, and do what ever because of him." He was staring at the floor as he spoke, too much of what he said was too close to how he had long felt. Old wounds that he had tried to cover up.

"Yeah, blood is thicker than water. I've had that drilled into me since he brought me home. To him it's everything." He suddenly realized something. "It is to me as well, but it's different because I'm not just his blood, am I? The biggest fights dad and I have had have been about my mother. I don't know if she's alive or dead. I have a name and a picture and not much else. And you want to do that to Roma? Go off and not have her know what the hell happened? You may not have the greatest relationship, but trust me, that'll tear her up. Like you said, I've been there." His voice cracked a little with emotion, and he swallowed hard a couple of times to keep what composure he still had. "You've been with dad through everything for the past few centuries. That makes you family, and if it doesn't then being the mother of my child certainly does." Whatever he thinks. He didn't realize it then, but it was the first time that he really recognized Roma as being his and acknowledged that fact.

He looked at Cody, and then down to her still outstretched hand. For a moment he hesitated, unsure, but then he hooked the tips of his fingers with hers. Until now, he had been loud, passionate. The softness of his voice now was a marked difference. "Please Cody, don't go."

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Re: Dinner with Daniel
[info]loyal_2a_fault
2008-03-27 10:18 pm UTC (link)
“Oh, Danny…I do love you. I love your spirit and your heart. You are so beautiful.” Cody was crying, now, which was so rare for her that she knew it would scare Daniel, but she couldn’t help it. “If it weren’t for my relationship with your father, there is no one that I could ever love more than you.”

She knew how he felt. It would have been so easy to love him, to fall in love with him. But she knew Hsu, she knew that he would never stand for it. She was his, and it was what she wanted to be, truly, but there was a part of her that would have loved to have been adored by a man who truly loved her. Cody knew that someday Dan would find someone, man or woman, and fall in love, and that she would hate that person passionately.

His touch made her cry harder, even though it made her feel better. “What would we do, Danny? Get married? Play mommy and daddy?” She slipped closer to him, needing to hold onto him, because she felt like she was falling off the edge of her entire life. “Hsu is going to take over. He will rule where she’s concerned. He’s going to be so angry with me.” Cody knew that of all the things she had ever done, of all the mistakes she had made, this would be one that he might not understand. She was exhausted, mentally. She clearly was not herself, and anyone who knew her well would see it. The tears, for one, because Cody Jean Lane simply didn’t cry. Only James’ death had brought her to tears, that Daniel would have seen, and that was hidden away to just one night. Cody pushed her pain down so hard, so far, that she felt like she wasn’t even a real person, anymore, just a robot. “He’s going to kill me.” Cody’s whisper was so soft, she didn’t know if he would hear it. Oh, Hsu probably wouldn’t really kill her. Likely he would beat the shit out of her. But in her current frame of mind, she didn’t care.

“You won’t let her forget me, Danny. And you’ll tell her all about Jamie. He would have been so crazy about her. Don’t you think? And he would have stuck up for you, in this mess. I’ll take the blame, Dan. Your dad has to be told.” It was all a jumbled, disjointed mess of thoughts, as she moved even closer to him, clinging to his fingers. All these years, she had been there to be his strength and his emotional supporter. But all these years, save for a bit of time, here and there, with Frances, Cody had had no one to support her emotionally, and the strain of it all was breaking her now. She wanted to beg him to hold her, but she couldn’t, because it would hurt him and she couldn’t do that.

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Re: Dinner with Daniel
[info]prince_of_tabar
2008-03-28 09:19 pm UTC (link)
Something was wrong. Well more wrong than Cody telling him about Roma, than keeping this secret, or even be afraid of his father's reaction. She had handled his anger before, but she had never cried over it. In fact, the only time he could remember her crying was when James was killed, this could hardly be compared to that tragedy. He took her hands into both of his as she came closer. That was another difference between him and his father, where Hsu could, and did, hold onto his anger, Danny let go of it more easily. He could blow up, but then it was usually over...except in those fights with Hsu.

"Jamie would have loved her, totally. And we think she's spoiled now. You know he would have doted on her." He didn't say anything about James sticking up for him. He felt sure he would have, but how would he have felt had he known how intimate he and Roma had been? That same sickening feeling rose in his throat again as an image of he and Roma rose unbidden in his mind. Whatever happened, there was no way he could tell Cody that. She wouldn't understand, and he really would lose her.

He shoved that back down. Her tears worried him. There was something else, and it was worse than the prospect of telling his father, and of his own anger. Perhaps she did know somehow? He wanted to take her in his arms and hold her tight, but he wasn't sure if she would even want that, so he just held her hands. He bit his lower lip as he looked into her teary eyes. "What else is there?"

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Re: Dinner with Daniel
[info]loyal_2a_fault
2008-03-28 11:41 pm UTC (link)
"Things were bad, Danny." Her voice was so quiet, eerily so. "I wanted to do something good. Big. Something that would make your dad happy, because I knew I needed to come back and tell him about Roma. So I went after Alizar. I had heard he was there, and I went off alone to try and catch him." Cody Jean held onto his hands, like they were a lifeline. Her knees felt trembly. Alizar had caused Daniel a great deal of problems, with his attacks on Tabar having hurt tourism that only now was turning around. "But he was onto me. He set me up, captured me and if it hadn't been for Vett, who followed me against my orders, I would have been killed. As it was, I pissed off the local authorities, violated a couple of treaties. Hsu won't be happy."

Cody glossed over Alizar's capture of her. Vett had found her three days into it, in the fight she had captured Alizar. At least she did something right, she thought ruefully.

"I'm just tired. I feel like a hamster who's been on a wheel for all these years, and I never got off long enough to figure out how to lose a son, or how to raise a daughter so that she doesn't end up in an urn next to him. I feel like I've been HIS for so long, I don't remember how to be me."

Cody put her arms around him, needing his strength for once, needing to be held by someone. "Oh, god, Danny. Roma's so reckless, so wild. If I can't keep Jamie safe, how can I protect her? I'm worn out. I don't have it in me anymore."

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Re: Dinner with Daniel
[info]prince_of_tabar
2008-04-02 06:13 pm UTC (link)
Memories of that time when he had just left came back to him. The mistakes he had made that had so endangered himself, and which had eventually brought him home humbled and scared. From that, he could hardly tell Cody off for doing something similarly foolhardy.In fact, he probably understood what risks she had run far better than his father would. "No, he won't be happy, but you did bring him Alizar, that'll help." At least he tried to sound convincing. "And remind me to thank Vett."

Dan's arms slipped around her naturally, something that had always been between them from the first day he had met her as a small boy. A connection that was far more than the sexual attraction he felt for her. He nodded. Perhaps he was the only one who could really understand what she meant. "I'm not sure if I've ever known how to be just me. And Cody, as much as I try to fight it, try to do things my way and disappoint him, I'll always be HIS too. It's not fair, and I wish I knew how to change it."

He was quiet, not sure how to answer her, or even if he could. Did she want him to say something fatherly? Assume that role so suddenly, when he still hadn't fully grasped it yet? If so, he had no idea what that should be. So, he stepped to what he hoped was safer ground. "You need a break, a rest. Even if it's away from here and recharge, and not go off and get yourself killed in a war. Roma'll be safe at Danikas, you know that."

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Re: Dinner with Daniel
[info]loyal_2a_fault
2008-04-02 06:40 pm UTC (link)
Cody sighed, quietly, holding close to Daniel even as she knew that what he suggested wasn't possible. She had been gone too long, and it didn't help. Besides, she had given her word, and the Gucinians were important allies to the Hsu regime.

But old habits die hard, and Cody Jean went back to the role that had been hers for so long, the role of protector, instead of needing protection. Daniel, as much as she loved him, couldn't be her emotional port in a storm, and she sensed that it would be a very long time, if ever, before she could seek his parenting assistance. The problem was, as it had always been, that Cody Jean had been the port for Danny, and others, for a very long time, without anyone who could do the same for her. It was utterly lonely, sometimes, but it was what it was.

"Look at us. How silly and emo am I being?" She let go of him, gently smoothing her hands over his shoulders and putting on a smile. "It's all going to be fine. Maybe Hsu will finally let me send her to that convent school, huh? And we're very fortunate to have him to protect us, even if we rebel now and then." Ever practical, always reassuring. That was her job, her role, her duty. "Besides, you have this place, your success. It's not like Roma is a small child. She's going to be fine. Hsu will probably take charge, yes, but that's not such a bad thing, really. A little guidance would be good for her. She's far too headstrong, willful and stubborn."

Cody tried to coax a smile from him, just like when he was a little boy and angry with his father. "I have no idea where she could have gotten those traits from." She took his hand, and a deep breath. "Okay, look, let's stop this worrying. Let's eat, and then I'll let you beat me at chess." She was teasing, because he really was a very good player. "Then how about I stay here and we can curl up and watch television and sleep, because tomorrow I have to face the tiger, and I need some rest."

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Re: Dinner with Daniel
[info]prince_of_tabar
2008-04-04 09:17 pm UTC (link)
There was nothing Danny could say as Cody shifted away from him, stroking over his shirt in a way that was so familiar to him. They both knew that Hsu would take charge and direct every aspect of Roma's life. And yes, he realized that much of that would be good for the girl, he knew just how heavy-handed his father could be, and how demanding especially when it came to family.

He used to always smile when she gave him that look, and no matter how angry he had been it had always worked. This time he tried, but it was very half-hearted. He wanted to help Cody, but it was something he was just not used to doing, and he still had to work out his own feelings and try and figure out what he would say...do the next time he saw Roma. "No." Even as he shook his head, he gave her hand a squeeze. He didn't like doing this, but there wasn't another way. "I can't think about chess or TV, and I...I really don't think it's such a good idea. Not when dad will be demanding answers the moment he hears about this." He hated doing this to Cody, any other time the thought of her spending the night filled him with pleasure. For once the prospect of being alone didn't seem so bad. He needed space.

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Re: Dinner with Daniel
[info]loyal_2a_fault
2008-04-04 10:05 pm UTC (link)
Cody Jean blinked at him, surprised. Daniel hated to be alone to the point of paranoia. For him to not want to have her there, in any way, was understandable at the same time that it was deeply hurtful to her. Unconsciously, she pulled her hand away from his, and turned away, nodding even as she did so. "Of course. How...dumb of me. I need to go, anyway. I have to pack for Grucin and tell your father and Roma. No sense putting it off." An emotional wall shut down between them, and she walked straight for the transporter. She knew, logically, that she had no right to expect him to want to have her there. But she still felt irrationally hurt.

"I probably won't see you again before I leave. So take care, and again, I am sorry for my mistake." She was going to go back, get rip roaring drunk, high and break a good number of things before going to face Hsu. "The code, please?" She stood there and waited for him to enter the code, knowing that she might not see him again. He didn't need her anymore, she told herself. He'd be just fine. "Goodbye, Daniel."

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