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Fleur Weasley ([info]bl_fleur) wrote in [info]bloodlines_rp,
@ 2010-01-18 17:47:00

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Entry tags:bill weasley, fleur weasley, loc: shell cottage, mar 2003, type: rp

Lightning Crashes
Date & Time: 18 March 2003 | dinner time
Post Type: RP
Status: Closed: Complete
Character(s): Fleur and Bill Weasley
Location: Shell Cottage
Summary: The truth comes back to haunt them, but not quite in the way Fleur dreads.


Fleur hummed to herself as she moved through the kitchen, putting the finishing touches on dinner. Bill would be home from work soon, and she knew he'd be starving the second he walked in the door. The full moon had a particular affect on his appetite--appetites, she thought, feeling instantly warmer--and she'd been sure to pick up a few extra cuts of meat from the market. He wouldn't care much about the careful herb rub that she'd used, but the scent of it had flooded the kitchen, and it made her smile.

The last couple of weeks hadn't been perfect, but there had been moments where she'd seen a glimpse of the way things used to be. It made her heart soar, to feel those contented moments where Bill put his arms around her for no particular reason, or where she stood idle and watched him working on a project, only to have him turn and give her a smile. A real smile, not just one he'd invented to try and make her think he was happy.

It had also made it impossible for her to bring up the past. In talking to Molly, she'd known what her mother-in-law said was the truth. She needed to talk to Bill, needed to tell him everything. Really, she'd known long before that. But as in all those months before, Fleur simply hadn't been able to find a way to bring it up. The idea of ruining such a good string of days with such a topic made her anxious enough that she felt ill, so she'd put it aside for the moment.

She had just finished setting everything on the table when she heard the front door open. "I am in the kitchen," she called, though she knew the scent of food would tell him exactly where she was. "Would you like wine, or something a bit stronger?"

Generally Fleur didn't approve of anyone drinking heavier liquors with any regularity, but the full moon tended to make Bill restless. She didn't mind it so much if it helped doing those few days a month.


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[info]bl_bill
2010-01-18 11:59 pm UTC (link)
Bill couldn't wait to get out of the bloody office. If he had to listen to Porter tell him one more time how much his bloody wife was glowing ever since she found out she was two months pregnant, Bill might have told him that it was probably due to the wand his wife had shoved up her arse.

He was sick of babies and talk of children and people asking if he and Fleur were going to have a child one of these days. Why did people having babies suddenly make it seem completely proper to ask him if he was going to follow suit? Yes, we have been trying but I'm probably shooting blanks, you wanker.

The door slammed unintentionally and Bill growled. He dropped his jacket on the chair and followed the scents into the kitchen. "The strongest thing we have, that's what I'll take," he said. One look at Fleur flared his desire and he clenched his teeth. He didn't know whether to drag her to the bedroom, drink an entire bottle of Firewhiskey, eat until he fell into a coma, or let go a string of curses. Damn the full moon.

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[info]bl_fleur
2010-01-19 12:00 am UTC (link)
The door slammed closed, but Fleur barely blinked. The wind had been awful all day, whipping her hair into her face and knocking over things in the garden. Bill's voice, though, brought a frown to her face. She knew to expect almost anything on the day of the full moon, as his moods were simply too volatile to know how he'd be feeling, but she had hoped that tonight would be one of the easier ones.

Rather than let it upset her, however, she simply pulled out the bottle of Cognac her father had sent at Christmas and set it on the table next to his plate, a small glass with it. She'd seen him through many full moons, and she'd see him through many more.

"Sit, mon amour," Fleur said, greeting him with a careful kiss on the cheek. "You will feel better when you have had some food, yes?"

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[info]bl_bill
2010-01-19 12:07 am UTC (link)
Bill bit back a retort that would have forced him to say, No, food will not make it better. How could bloody food be the answer? But it wasn't Fleur's fault he was irritable. It was the moon and Porter and his lack of fathering abilities. He yanked the top off the cognac bottle and poured a glass full. With one easy shot, the entire glass was gone and he poured himself another.

"Dinner would be good, yes," he finally said. His stomach growled, which also irritated him since he'd just eaten barely more than an hour ago. "How was your day?" he asked, forcing the question out. His skin itched. He felt like running around the house until he was gasping for breath, but he sat still and tried to focus on Fleur as she moved.

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[info]bl_fleur
2010-01-19 12:07 am UTC (link)
It was even worse than she'd originally thought. His voice was strained, barely intelligible, as it was spoken through gritted teeth. She spooned large quantities of steaming food onto his plate, a few vegetables but mostly meat. Once he was full--however temporary that might be--and the alcohol had a moment to take effect, perhaps it would be easier for him. "It was good. We 'ave finished going through the shipment from Burma. We found a few unexpected things that I suspect will cross your desk eventually."

Rather than sit down at the table, Fleur moved behind Bill's chair, resting her hands on his shoulders and kneading them soothingly. "And yours?"

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[info]bl_bill
2010-01-19 12:10 am UTC (link)
Bill inhaled the scents rising from the food on his plate. His favourite. She always knew just what he needed. But during the full moon, his favourite seemed to incorporate everything but mostly meat. He craved it. When Fleur put her hands on his shoulders, he began to crave her.

He stabbed his fork into a cut of meat and sawed through it with his knife. He tried to remember what she was said. Burma. Unexpected. He closed his eyes and chewed quickly. If he could fill his stomach then his more carnal needs would settle for a while. Then he wouldn't feel like ripping off her clothes and acting like a Neanderthal.

"Shite," he answered. "Complete shite. Porter's wife is bloody pregnant. Again." Fuck. Bill hadn't meant to bring that up.

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[info]bl_fleur
2010-01-19 12:12 am UTC (link)
Merlin help her. So that was why his mood seemed so much different from the last few days. It was not just the full moon.

"And 'e did not stop talking about this all day, I imagine," Fleur said with a little sigh. She knew Porter a little, and he was generally the talkative sort anyway. While she could not blame him for being excited--she knew that Bill would be that much more so--it was still in rather poor taste. No, she reminded herself. They do not know you have been trying for so long.

For a moment, she wasn't sure what to say. There was a pronounced ache that went with this topic, and while she desperately wanted to alleviate it for Bill right now, she wasn't sure how. She hadn't even been able to fix it for herself yet; how could she possibly do it for him? "It is very good for 'im," she said, fingertips still digging into his shoulder muscles. "If...if one day it were to be you, you would want 'im to be 'appy for you."

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[info]bl_bill
2010-01-19 12:19 am UTC (link)
"No," Bill grunted after shoving a piece of steak into his mouth. "Porter doesn't know when the hell to shut up." Bill only felt a small twinge of guilt for his words. Porter was a decent fellow, but Bill couldn't stomach him today--not during a full moon and not when he was bloody beaming like a street lamp at midnight.

Bill tensed. Fleur's fingers felt like thorns on his shoulders. You would want him to be happy for you. "If," Bill said. "If," he repeated, louder this time. "Like that's going to bloody happen." His angry words echoed through the kitchen. "You need to accept the fact that I can't give you what you want, Fleur," he barked, shoving himself away from the table. "You aren't going to be that beaming wife like fucking Anne Marie Porter. I have enough guilt without you making me feel like I'm wrong for not being happy for fucking Porter." His fists clenched at his sides and he marched into the living room.

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[info]bl_fleur
2010-01-19 12:21 am UTC (link)
"Do not raise your voice at me, William Weasley. It may be the full moon, but I am still your wife," Fleur said, her own tone sharp but otherwise relatively controlled. No matter how much his words got under her skin, she could not afford to let her passionate, emotional nature take over tonight.

She followed him into the next room, even though she knew it was practically asking for a fight. They had spent far too much time already trying to works things out on their own, and they hadn't gotten any farther than when they'd been fighting all the time. If she was going to fail at this, she was not going to do so sitting in a room feeling sorry for herself and not actually making an effort.

"I do not say these things to make you feel guilty, because I know you are not to blame. It is also not out of denial. I say them because I do not wish for you to forever resent everyone who 'as what we do not. That is not who you are," she said, voice softening a little. "You are kind and caring and loving. You would not care so much about this if you were not."

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[info]bl_bill
2010-01-19 12:38 am UTC (link)
A growling noise rumbled up Bill's throat. He shoved his hands into his hair and closed his eyes. He tried to pull in steady breaths. This is not her fault. This is not her fault. His body shuddered a few times, and then he felt his heart slowing. He would not allow the animal within to maul what he had with Fleur. He couldn't lose her. Not again.

"I know. I shouldn't yell at you. This is not your fault," he said finally. He turned to look at her; for a moment the beast was tame. "Resentful. Is that what I've become?"

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[info]bl_fleur
2010-01-19 12:40 am UTC (link)
Fleur's expression softened even further. She wanted to go to him, to wrap her arms around him and make all that pain disappear, even though she knew it wouldn't work. She had caused much of it, however unintentionally, and the rest was out of their control. Would he begin to resent her when she finally told him about what had happened in France?

"There 'as been so much bad that I am afraid you 'ave trouble seeing the good." She took a step closer to him. "But there is still good, even for us. We are still 'ere, together. There are perhaps options we can explore. And--" She hesitated, her heart pounding. "And it is not impossible that we may still 'ave our own miracle, 'owever tiny the chance."

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[info]bl_bill
2010-01-19 12:44 am UTC (link)
He wanted to say, "What good?" because he couldn't see any at the moment, but even in his muddled brain he knew that was a lie. Fleur was good. She was still there, and they were still together. That was something--remarkable even.

Bill sensed her sadness, her struggle to stomach his foul mood. But he wrinkled his brow. Options. "What options?" he asked. He sighed and closed the gap between them. He touched her arms and realised it was a mistake because it roused the animal again, but he held onto her. "We shouldn't continue to hope for that," he said. "The reality is harsh but it is our reality."

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[info]bl_fleur
2010-01-19 12:57 am UTC (link)
Bill came up and put his hands on her arms, and she barely kept herself from curling up against his chest. She wished there was an easy way to make him understand how she felt about him. "No, we should not," she agreed. "But we can consider other things, such as adoption. And Maman says there are 'ealers who specialise in this sort of problem...."

Fleur looked up at him, unable to even breathe as she spoke. "And there is something else I need to tell you. I am afraid you may be very angry with me for not telling you sooner, but--" She drew in a sudden, shaky breath, anxiety making her chest constrict painfully. "It 'urt too much."

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[info]bl_bill
2010-01-19 01:22 am UTC (link)
Adoption. Bill wasn't sure he wanted to adopt, but if Fleur wanted to take that road, then he would consider it. Would it be strange to raise someone else's child? To call him or her his own? Was it natural? Would the child love him? Would he be a wretched father?

"We've been to Healers," he said. And it's me. They didn't find anything, Fleur, but it's me. It has to be. You're too...perfect.

Her expression changed, and Bill's mood shifted once again. "What?" he said immediately. "What haven't you told me?" Why would she hide something from him? Why would it make him angry? Why was she hurting?

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[info]bl_fleur
2010-01-19 01:25 am UTC (link)
"Different Healers," she said. "Ones who deal only with problems like ours. It is a possibility, but I believe it is expensive. And it may not 'elp. I am not sure."

Fleur managed not to cringe, but only just barely. Today was the worst of days to bring up something like this, but it no longer seemed to matter. She had to tell him now, or they would never be able to truly move forward. "Last year, when I was in France," she started, careful to hold his gaze. She felt ashamed, both of what had happened and of keeping it to herself for so long, but if she expected him to share, she could look him in the eye and tell him. Her voice dropped to a whisper. "About a week after you left, I found out I was pregnant. And another week after that the baby was lost."

A tear slipped down her cheek.

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[info]bl_bill
2010-01-19 01:42 am UTC (link)
Bill's faith in Healers had steadily diminished over time. First they hadn't been able to help him and Fleur figure out what was wrong with their bodies or why they couldn't bear children. Then they couldn't heal George or Ginny or Percy or scores of other infected patients. What good could they do for him now? Very little, he imagined.

Fleur's gaze never left his face. Her words tangled inside him, caused his spirits to soar with the possibility and then dropped him without warning. The truth was devastating. "You--you were...no." He shook his head and stepped away. "So long. You've known I wasn't a complete fuck-up for so long," he said as he blinked away the burn in his eyes. "You were...my child...and you never...how could you?" he stammered. "We can..." He reached his hand out to wipe her tear, but he dropped his arm before he made contact.

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[info]bl_fleur
2010-01-19 01:45 am UTC (link)
"Because I did not want you to look at me as you are doing now," Fleur said, wrapping her arms around herself. Bill moving away from her almost hurt more than what he was saying. "Because you were not there, and it 'urt so badly, and I could not bare to speak of it for months after, even with Maman, who already knew." The words came out all in a rush, her voice growing louder as she continued. "Because I should have taken better care of myself. I should have known sooner, before we got so angry, before you left. Because I did not want it to be my fault that our baby died before it even had a chance."

She was crying so hard now that she couldn't breathe. It had been a year, but seeing Bill's face, telling him all these things, made the pain as real as if it had been yesterday. She looked away and tried to move--to where, she didn't know, but she couldn't just stand there--but she couldn't. All she could do was steady herself with a hand on the arm of a nearby chair and attempt to draw air into her lungs.

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[info]bl_bill
2010-01-19 01:48 am UTC (link)
Betrayal burned through him and made his fingers twitch. Anger followed, and he wanted to grab the table lamp, hurl it across the room just to watch it shatter, to have control of something. He hadn't been there for her. He thought they were through, done for, over because how could they fix what had broken apart into such jagged pieces.

Yet here they were again. And Bill felt himself splintering along the same fault lines. His muscles trembled.

He grabbed her, put his arms around her and squeezed until he realised he wasn't breathing and neither was she. They had lost a little one--a tiny being he had never known, would never know. Grief filled his heart, and all he could think to do was hold her tight.

Bill smoothed his hand through her hair over and over again. "It's okay, love. This isn't your fault. It's okay. Shhh," he whispered. He held on because he worried if he let go, he might just fall apart. "It's okay, love."

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[info]bl_fleur
2010-01-19 02:02 am UTC (link)
Bill's arms encircled her, and Fleur only cried harder. He wasn't angry with her, wasn't turning away. It made her heart ache; so many months she'd been holding it in, when she could have told him all along.

"Pardonne-moi, mon amour. Je suis si désolé que je ne vous aie pas dit. I wanted so many times to tell you," she whispered through her tears, face pressed into his shirt. When he said it, she could almost believe that it hadn't been her fault, that fate had simply been against them. Maybe it was still against them, but with Bill by her side, perhaps she could challenge fate and win. "I did not think it would ever be okay again, but I think now that I was wrong."

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[info]bl_bill
2010-01-19 02:18 am UTC (link)
Bill held Fleur until she stopped sobbing. His mind jumped from thought to thought and he had difficulty sticking with one specific idea or feeling. He nodded and pressed his cheek to the top of her head. "A baby," he said. "Our child. Do you--could we--do you think it's possible?" he asked, surprised with how small and unsure his voice sounded.

His body began to tremble again, and if possible, he felt hope bloom in his chest. "What if..." He couldn't finish the statement. Would it be wrong to hope for anything? But if she had been pregnant once then couldn't it happen again? Couldn't they try again? Did she want to? Did he? He kissed the top of her head.

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[info]bl_fleur
2010-01-19 02:28 am UTC (link)
"I think it is possible," Fleur said slowly, nuzzling his shoulder. She was so overwhelmed with love for him that it was all she could do to stick to the conversation. For the first time in months, Bill sounded almost hopeful. She wanted to hold onto that as tightly as she could. "But I do not want to go through it all again, Bill. It is not worth losing you over such a small possibility."

She pulled back to look at him, smoothing one hand over his cheek. His eyes were brimming with tears that had not fallen, and she stroked her thumb over his eyelid. "It did not 'appen when we were trying. It was after our 'ope was lost. Perhaps...." She paused. Had she really decided against trying again? It felt wrong to deny him that chance, but there was also a weight that felt just a little lighter at the idea. "Can we look at the other options? It would not make the possibility go away, but at least we would not depend on it."

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[info]bl_bill
2010-01-19 02:51 am UTC (link)
Bill put his hand over hers and laced their fingers together. "Small but still possible," he said quietly. He wasn't a complete failure. It had worked once. He could give Fleur what she wanted. It made him feel more like a man, more virile.

Still they had lost the child. Bill thought he saw a flicker of fear in Fleur's eyes. He nodded. "Okay," he said. "You're right. It's not worth losing you." Feeling impulsive, he leaned down and kissed her. He tasted the salt of her tears. "We could still try though, yeah?" he asked.

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[info]bl_fleur
2010-01-19 02:52 am UTC (link)
"Yes," she said quietly. "Possible."

Then Bill leaned in and kissed her, and Fleur felt a genuine laugh bubble up in her throat. "I believe that, based on your definition, we 'ave been 'trying' all weekend, yes?"

Was it possible she could have felt this way months ago, if she'd just told him? Nohappy, hopeful, and more than a little attracted to him. They were agreeing, and they had a tentative plan. It was more than she would have asked for only minutes ago.

She kissed him again. "But we cannot depend on it. I do not want the weight of that disappointment on us again."

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[info]bl_bill
2010-01-19 02:53 am UTC (link)
Bill finally smiled, felt it lift his cheeks and form creases at the corners of his eyes. "Yes, I think that's what we've been doing." He slipped his arms around her and pulled her closer. It was difficult to believe she had been crying moments before and he had been mad enough to destroy something. Now all he could think of was slipping off her trousers and shirt.

"No, we won't depend on it, but just to know, Fleur," he said. Just to know I'm not worthless to you. "We can have fun while we try though." One hand moved beneath her shirt. Desire burned low in his stomach. He couldn't even remember the last time he felt so hopeful. So much anxiety released from his body. He moved his hand across her bare stomach.

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[info]bl_fleur
2010-01-19 02:57 am UTC (link)
Fleur touched the corner of his mouth as he smiled, knowing that her own expression closely matched his. She loved his smile. Loved everything about him, but especially that. When it was real, it lit up his face and told whole stories about what he was feeling.

"I love you." She let herself relax into his touch and pressed kisses to his neck. He always felt more drawn to her during the full moon, and she rarely resisted it. The last few months, he had been the one to resist. But tonight she wanted nothing more than to give herself to him. Trying was something they were very good at, and she thought that his intensity would only make things that much better this time.

"Take me to bed, Bill," she said, digging her hands into his short hair. "We can finish dinner later."

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