Angel (talldarkbroody) wrote in blackpoint, @ 2015-04-08 10:56:00 |
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It was absolutely no surprise to anyone that knew him that Angel had gone into a dark corner somewhere and hid from everyone following the week spent being evil. From bringing up bad memories for everyone to kidnapping and torturing Lindsey, Angelus had accomplished everything he had set out to do - he had twisted the affection, the love Angel had for Lindsey, and had messed up one of the best things Angel had carved out in this new life. There was no going back to how it was before. Angel had seen how close Angelus had come to turning Lindsey to the dark side. It was a miracle that Buffy had come with the backup when she had. But Angel couldn't disappear forever, not yet, not before trying to apologize to Lindsey. Reaching the other man's apartment, Angel meekly knocked on his door and waited for some kind of reply. He wouldn't blame the other man of he told him to get lost. The movie was picked at random from the channel listing, something to stare at while Lindsey sprawled out on the couch, not in the mood to do much of anything else. That had been the theme of the last few days while his body bounced back from torture at the hands of Angelus - and his mind. The vampire's alter ego knew how to truly seduce that part of his mind that was still very much, and would always be, the the darker drive that boosted him up the ranks of Wolfram and Hart before morality made him quit. He'd almost wanted to give in to it and so once he'd been rescued, he disappeared quick so he wouldn't have to deal with the looks of sympathy or the prying ones. The knock at the door pulled him out of the half-dozing state he'd fallen into and he rolled off the couch, running his hand through his hair as he stumbled lazily for the door. Without checking the peephole, he pulled the door open and came face to face with the one person he hadn't expected for at least another week or so, maybe a month giving his self-flagellation tendencies. Lindsey's expression deepened to a scowl. "Are you done brooding? I'm not letting you in if you're just going to settle yourself in a dark corner and mope." It was obvious at first glance that Lindsey wasn't taking care of himself. He wasn't dressed to the nines and Angel didn't expect him to be at home, but it looked like it had been awhile since Lindsey's combed his hair properly. But none of that was anything in comparison to the look on his face. Angel flinched at the scowl that appeared on the other man's face as soon as he saw who it was. What should he have expected? Hugs and kisses? Angel wasn't fooling himself, but he still wasn't prepared for the look. But then the words that came out of the former lawyer's mouth shocked him into a stunned silence. They weren't telling him to go away, to go fall in a ditch somewhere and never climb out. It was the opposite of what he expected, so he wasn't prepared to answer Lindsey right away. Goldfishing a bit, he finally shut his mouth and collected his thoughts. When he finally settled on something to say, he spoke. "I came here because I wanted to say that I'm sorry about what I did to you. I'm sorry that you caught up in this mess. I understand if you don't ever want to see me again because that's probably for the best. I'll make sure that he'll never be able to hurt you again." Saying what he had come to say, he started to turn to leave. If he expected to get far, he was an idiot. Rolling his eyes, Lindsey reached out and grabbed him by the collar of the coat, giving him a rough yank towards the doorway of the apartment. "Yeah, yeah, you went evil and knocked the shit out of me and taunted people. I used to work for Wolfram and Hart, remember? Willingly. To get ahead, that was almost every day that ended with -y." No, the part that continued to circle around in Lindsey's mind was that despite the honesty of the talk just before screwing the soul out of him, nothing made Lindsey realize more that someone loved him than Angelus making a reappearance. Only true happiness brought that about. He had absolutely no idea to deal with that. "If it's going to assuage your guilt and mean you get that look like you're a kicked puppy off your face, apology accepted," he added with a mutter. "I'm sure that it's already been pointed out several times that that was Angelus, total evil, not you with a soul, so I'm not going to rehash that territory." There was never going to be a time that Angel didn't believe that Angelus was a part of him, always ready to get out the first chance he got. But he also believed he was a separate being at the same time, a part that was to be locked away, deep within him, where his soul didn't reach because Angel knew the dangers of mixing himself with Angelus. So logically he knew that Angelus did all those terrible things, but his hands were still the ones that were stained with blood. But Lindsey...Lindsey didn't give a shit about that and was trying to make him feel better. Angel had done this song and dance before, with Buff, with Faith, but it never hit him like this before. "So that's it? Just like that you want to move past this?" Angel asked, a little bit of disbelief colouring his voice. "What do you expect when you're talking to someone who sold their soul for a six figure salary?" Lindsey didn't mince words, giving Angel a dry look. "The entire time he tried coaxing the old Lindsey out to play, he didn't have far to coax. I'm a bastard and if you're looking for someone to feed the guilt complex and say it's okay without truly meaning it, then you're going to have to look somewhere else. I'm not going to tell you that it's okay and I'm not going to make you feel like the worst person in the world. It is what it is." He stopped abruptly after, sitting on the arm of the couch as he watched him cautiously. "What I'm having a hard time wrapping my mind around is the fact that you actually care enough about me that we screwed your soul right out of your body," he said, eyes narrowing. "You said it but people talk. They bullshit you. I just wasn't expecting a very real confirmation that you weren't full of it." Following Lindsey in because apparently he wasn't banned from the location anymore, Angel leaned against the entrance of the living room, unsure whether he should sit or not. "I wish I could have proved it to you some other way, but I didn't expect this to happen if I'm going to be honest. I thought...Well, I thought Buffy had been it and then she wasn't. I didn't think this, was, was the soul-stealing kind of love, but that was a stupid thought. I should have taken more precaution, I should have stayed away from you, Lindsey. I should stay away from you." Lindsey held up a hand. "You got the whole once in a lifetime mentality and I didn't believe in it." He couldn't say that he still didn't, not when he'd spent time in Angelus's company because of the way he felt and what they'd done. "Although I'm fully willing to believe that also works for one hell of an orgasm." Leave it to Lindsey to use snark to cover his uncertainty in the moment. Everything was fine as long as he still could, right? And didn't completely make eye contact with Angel. There was a point on his forehead that was working very well. "No. Goddamnit, you are not pulling that avoidance bullshit," he snarled, shooting up to a standing position, fists balled at his side. "If I haven't told you to get lost, you're not going to stay away because that's what you feel is right. Last I checked, it was the two of us in...whatever this is. I get as much say as you do." He knew he was being yelled at, but it didn't stop Angel from feeling this weirdly warm sensation in his chest. It made him happy that Lindsey was adamant that he stick around because who didn't want to be wanted? But that didn't stop him from trying to make sure that Lindsey stayed safe. "So you still want to be with me, knowing what might happen again? That for the greater good, you're going to have to be stuck in sexless relationship for the fear of what might happen. Is that what you really want, Lindsey? Because that's what me sticking around means." "No, I want you to stick around because I'm a lovesick puppy who can't stop looking at your nice ass long enough to realize what that means," Lindsey deadpanned, then shook his head. "If it means giving up sex, well, my evil hand works just fine." It was a crude statement but it made his point; he could get by without the sex. Someone actually gave a shit about him for more than what he could do for them for the first time in his life. He'd thought about it long enough to know that even if he wasn't sure what it meant, he'd be stupid to chuck it away without looking a little harder at it first. Crossing his arms over his chest, he gave Angel a look. "Next round of excuses you made up to get out of this? Until you come up with a good one that stumps me, my lawyer superpowers can do this all night." Lips pressed firmly into a set line, Angel breathed through his nose as he carefully thought over his next words. Lindsey seriously meant for him to stick around, damn the excuses. There could only be one outcome. Getting up in Lindsey's space, Angel gently cupped Lindsey's face, deliberately doing it slowly to see if the other man would flinch at the contact. "I don't want to get out of this. If you're in, I'm in. No more bullshit. I love you, Lindsey." He knew this game of a sort. It happened at the firm back when he'd been a golden boy, a gesture of intimidation to get him to flinch away. Human and supernatural, Lindsey learned quickly to hold his ground and keep eye contact. Now, this wasn't intimidation. This was making sure he was being all upfront about what he'd said. Once the lawyer's brain puzzled that out, his gaze immediately locked on Angel's unflinching and steady, nonplussed. The admittance took a little more work, Lindsey's battered emotional history flinching at the L-word, but he was nothing if not stubborn when he wanted something. "It's about goddamn time you said that. I love you." |