Who: Max and Fang What: The ten year reunion Where: Max's place When: A while ago Warnings: LOL Max and Fang are fighting. Again.
Max was determined to be as ambivalent about this meeting with Fang as possible. As long as the definition of ambivalent was brushing her hair, putting on lip gloss, and re-adjusting her bra. She didn’t know what she was going for, she didn’t know if she wanted him to think she was well put together and doing just fine (which, for the most part she was), or if she wanted him to think she was trying to look lovely for his benefit (which, maybe, she was).
Ten years was a long time in anyone’s life. But from 15 to 25 it was also an important time. Most of the time she couldn’t believe how fast she’d had to grow up, and how old she felt when most of the people her age were out partying, she still had kids to get home to. Kids who were like siblings and her own children all at the same time. Kids who stressed her out, and hurt her feelings if they were having bad days. Kids with hormones and confusing lives...And she had no idea how to help them because she’d had no one to help her through that part of her life either. They did what they’d always done, they managed. And they managed just fine.
Ten years without Fang seemed like a lifetime, but it was shocking how with him on his way to her place right now she was feeling like the confused and terrified 15 year old girl he’d left all over again. She looked at herself in the mirror, she was older, her hair was more managed. she was more in touch with how she liked to look and she cared more about it. Her body had filled out a bit. She was still tall and slender, a bit underweight by normal standards, but perfect for what she was. Her wings had grown a bit as well, they were still the same color, with a hint of more brown in her feathers. Her clothes actually matched, she knew what that meant now. She had more manners, she related to people a bit better, and she knew all of this about herself. And yet...This wasn’t people. This wasn’t any of the few friends she had back home. This wasn’t the rest of the Flock. This was Fang. This was Fang ten years after he’d left them, and every feeling she’d refused to feel because it just hurt too much was coming back. She was going back and forth from angry to scared and then from excited to shy. It was a roullette game as far as what he’d get when he knocked on the door. Shit. God dammit. She looked at herself in the mirror even harder and spoke clearly, “Just. Calm. Down.” Then there was a knock at the door. “Shit.” She said and took two deep breaths.
She opened the door and her eyes widened. He was older (obviously) but she would have recognized him anywhere. How was it possible that she hadn’t seen him turn into the man standing in front of her? In what Universe was it possible that she didn’t see Fang every day of her life? And why did it feel that way? What kind of sense did that make? This was his fault. She was sure of it. She wasn’t smiling at him as she looked him over, but she could feel that the disapproval she was trying to feel wasn’t what was all over her face. Relief. It was actually him. “Hi,” she said the corners of her mouth turning up no matter how much she willed them not to. She was pissed, and hurt. He didn’t deserve this kind of reaction from her. He had to earn this from her. But then again, no matter how hard she’d tried throughout the first 15 years of her life, Fang got everything from her without working for it. Even if he felt like he had to work harder than the both of them, that was just Max’s inability to emote that made him work. But ten years had softened part of her, and hardened part of her, and had exposed her to plenty of other people and situations. She’d learned a lot, she’d skipped a lot, but she’d learned a lot too. “Hi,” she said again, clearing her throat this time. As if that made her seem a bit tougher.
Fang tried to clear his head as he flew, but that as pretty much a lost cause. His brain was in serious overdrive. Max was here. Max. Was here. It was everything he wanted and dreaded all at the same time. Ten years earlier he’d been a confused teenager who thought he was making the right decision by leaving behind everyone who meant anything to him. There were days he still believed he was right, and there were days he felt like he should be receiving his Moron Lifetime Achievement award. There hadn’t been a day that had gone by that he hadn’t thought about Max and the rest of the Flock, that he hadn’t missed them and wanted to call or see them again. But he hadn’t. And now here he was ten years later and he wondered if he even knew who they were anymore. He circled Max’s once before landing. It really hadn’t been a far enough distance to warrant a flight, but he’d hoped that being up in the air would help. It didn’t. He was still just as confused and anxious as he had been before.
His black hair was longer than it had been before, but cut in an actual style instead of just with scissors over the kitchen sink. He was tall and lean and managed to wear clothes that were neither wrinkled, torn, dirty, or the wrong size. He didn’t have the Flock depending on him anymore like Max still did, but he’d grown up too. It was harder than he’d imagined being on his own. Sure he’d had his “Gang” for a little while, and he and Maya had even tried their hand at being together, but in the end, none of it had lasted, and Fang was flying solo. It was lonely and sad, and had left its mark on him.
When Max opened the door, eyes widening at the sight of him, he tried to keep his expression clear. Black eyes took in every detail about her. She was Max, but she wasn’t. Not the Max that he knew and remembered. She had a weird look on her face, like she was trying to look pissed off, but wasn’t doing a very good job of it. But she couldn’t hide the hint of a smile that crept in when she greeted him. He mirrored it when he said hi back to her.
“So,” he said after a second. “I feel like we just got parent trapped by a magic portal.”
Max stood there in the doorway one hand on the frame and the other on the door knob and just looked at him. Even after he moved the conversation past “hi” she didn’t know what to say or do. She couldn’t believe that after all this time Fang was standing right in front of her, and more than that, she couldn’t believe she wasn’t beating him to a bloody pulp or hugging him so tightly he didn’t dare think of leaving her again. Nope. She was just standing there. Staring.
He’d gotten older (as had she), and it was jarring. It wasn’t jarring to see herself as an adult, it was barely jarring to see Angel and Nudge all grown up. But she’d seen them every day so it didn’t seem like it had happened over night (except for when she was feeling nostalgic, or missing the days when Angel couldn’t speak properly and thus couldn’t shout properly). But this? This was surreal. Completely and utterly surreal. And unfair. He hadn’t gotten ugly at all. Or fat. His feathers hadn’t fallen out. He didn’t look like he was starved or sick. He looked fine. In more ways than one. “Shit.” She said in her mind (except it was actually out loud, which made this moment that much more awkward).
“Sorry,” she said lamely though it was clear she wasn’t the least bit sorry just more embarrassed than anything. She stepped aside. “Come in,” she said looking away and almost refusing to look back at him. How pathetic was she? Ten years later and she was checking out Fang who had done...One terrible thing to her (whether he had his reasons or not), and as much as she refused to say it out loud it had shaped her entire life. So many events had turned her into the person she was. The School, Jeb, her mother, her sister, Antarctica, weird whale nuclear blob monsters, saving the world (and other extreme sports), Voices, Angel going all commando style on her, Nudge wanting normalcy, Dylan wanting romance, Iggy finding some wingless girlfriend who was so sweet it made everyone’s teeth ache. The fact that she had a job and was very rarely hunted down like a dog anymore...So many things that had happened to her and she could trace every decision and emotion from the last ten years back to one very significant moment. The day Fang had left.
It seemed pathetic, that at 25 she was still hung up on the boyfriend she’d had at 15...But it was more than that to her. Fang had always been more than just some teenage heartthrob boyfriend to her. And when that was gone, she’d been forced to figure things out for the entire Flock with no help at all. Well, except for Angel’s occasional bursts of “genius.” And here he was. Mr. So Important and Max couldn’t think of anything to say. It was much easier when he was on the other side of the computer and she could rage (in front of everyone) without having to see him. Instead he was now standing in the entrance of her house and looking tall and dreamy with his stupid hair and his stupid wings and his stupid clothes and his stupid face and his stupid everything. And she was officially fifteen again. So what would fifteen year old Maximum Ride do in this situation? She closed the gap between him and wrapped her, much less clumsy and awkward, arms around his slightly filled out frame and hugged him. Of course that is what fifteen year old Maximum Ride would do. She would also cry, but twenty-five year old Maximum Ride had forgotten how to do that a long time ago (his fault). So even though it seemed like they might, the tears never came. What did manage to come, however, were words. “I am still so mad at you this is going to last for a handful of seconds and then I’m going to step away and impress you with all the words I’ve learned since you left. I’m going to shock you with how well put together I am, and you are going to be so impressed you’ll be sorry you missed all of my important emotional and personal developmental milestones and beg for forgiveness.” But for now she was hugging him tightly and her face was attempting to burrow directly into his shoulder and she was counting to twenty in her mind. She had to stick to something.
He couldn’t help giving her one of those small Fang half-smiles when she blurted out shit without meaning to. She was so clearly still Max, but so much had changed at the same time. It made his chest ache as the full weight of just how much he’d missed her settled on him. Of course he’d always missed her, but this was different. This was that longing staring him straight in the face and reminding him about all the things he’d missed experiencing with her. He followed her inside without saying anything, just watching her and taking in everything that was Maximum Ride. He’d always thought she was pretty, (when she wasn’t covered in dirty and blood and screaming at everyone, and okay maybe a little bit then too) but now she was genuinely gorgeous. But looks had never been what attracted him to Max. It was her Max-ness. Her fearlessness and bravery. Her stubborness. Her dorky laugh. The way she made him feel when she looked at him. Kind of like the way he was feeling right now.
He didn’t hesitate to wrap his arms around her and hug her back. He hung onto her just as tightly as she did him, and he breathed in the smell of her, letting it bring back memories that he hadn’t let himself think about in a long time. Memories he kept locked away because they all made him want to go running straight back to her. He didn’t want her to let go. He wanted to keep her in his arms as long as she’d let him, but he also knew that he wasn’t the one calling the shots here. He’d left her. He hadn’t given her a choice in the matter, and he’d hurt her badly. So for now he’d do as she asked. He could give her that much.
“Okay, Max.” His hand had found that spot right between her wings and gently rubbed it with his fingers the way he used to when Max was way too stressed out. (ie all the time.)
Damn him. Damn this situation. And damn the way he was rubbing her back like nothing had changed. She didn’t want to fight with him, or make him feel bad, not in this moment. But shouldn’t he know what he’d done? How much everything had changed just because he’d decided to leave. Though there was a more sensible part of herself that knew he had to already know. She believed him when he said it had been hard on him as well, even though he’d swapped them for a new “gang.” With her clone.
She pulled back from the hug then and and rested her hands on his chest while she looked up at him. “I don’t know what to say, Fang. Everything feels so messed up, like I should just stay mad at you forever. Like I owe it to myself, and the Flock, to just be infuriated with you. But now you’re here, and how can I be mad at you when you’re here? All I wanted was for you to come back, and you didn’t. And you know what?” she smiled a bit and shook her head, “I survived. The whole Flock survived, we were short a man, and you were missed every day, but we did it. Because we had no choice. But when I think about how okay we all are now, and I see you standing here I think about how amazing we might have been if you’d stuck around.”
He didn’t hesitate to release her when she pulled away from the hug. His arms dropped noiselessly to his sides and he just watched her. “You don’t know that, Max,” he said in a low voice. “If I’d stayed maybe things would have gotten even worse.” It’s what he had to tell himself to counteract the guilt that was eating away at him. He took a step backward, putting more space in between them.
Her eyes narrowed slightly, they could argue this all day long and the fact remained they’d never know. “You don’t know that either,” she said with a frustrated shrug her hands tossed up slightly before folding her arms across her chest. “We’ll never know, because you didn’t trust all of us enough, or yourself enough to stick around and find out. It was always going to be complicated, we don’t get to do things the easy way. But we were always supposed to work them out together. That’s what a family is for. And you gave up, you can sugar coat it all you want, Fang. Say you left for the good of the Flock, and it was safer, and you did the right thing...Maybe you’re not wrong, but you still shouldn’t have done it. It was still giving up. And not just on me, but on them, and on you, and on everything we worked for. You.Gave.Up.”
She chewed the inside of her cheek and shook her head, there was no point in arguing, but she didn’t know how to do anything but fight. Fight for the last word, fight for survival, plead her case until someone believed her... “And you just decided it all by yourself in a stupid moment of some misplaced clarity. Something bad happened when you and I were gone...I get that. It was bad, but you know what? After you were gone who was supposed to look after the rest of them when I had to go out? Who was supposed to look after all of us when I needed to sleep? Your loss was felt a whole hell of a lot more than you could possibly imagine. Everything was that much more dangerous. Everything was that much more complicated. I couldn’t count on anyone to pick something up if I made a mess of it. So the messes I made just screwed everyone up even more, and when something went badly I had to deal with the looks from everyone while they thought about how it wouldn’t have happened if you hadn’t had to leave. And in their bird brains I was the reason you had to leave, do you think that made things fun while we were all growing up and trying to become real adults?”
This was such a bad idea. What had he expected by coming here? That Max would kiss him and things would be okay again? Of course not. He knew Max better than anyway, or at least he used to. She believed with all her heart that she was right and he was wrong and she wouldn’t stop arguing ever. They could be on this island together another ten years and she’d still probably be arguing about it. That’s just how she was. He hated her and loved her for it.
“Yeah. I did give up, Max,” he said harshly. “I gave you up. The person I loved and trusted more than anyone else on this whole stupid planet. And I knew you’d hate me for it, and that killed me. But I was trying not to be selfish. I know it was hard, but you were a better leader when I wasn’t around, and that’s what the Flock needed. That’s why I did it. And I never stopped wanting to come back, never stopped missing all of you. But by the time everything settled down, I just figured it would be easier if I stayed away. I thought you all would have moved on and me coming back would have just made things harder. You’re the special one, Max, not me. You’re the one that people can’t get over losing, not me. If I’m anything important, it’s because of you. It’s because I was with you. So once I’d left, I didn’t feel worthy of coming back again.”
“I was still trying to figure it out, Fang! I’m sorry if at fifteen you and I hadn’t figured out a successful work/life balance but we would have!” she said back to him. “I didn’t hate you for it, I wish I could have hated you for it, that made it even worse.” She hated that she was standing here in this weird place having this argument with him now. After all this time, and more than anything she wanted him to understand why it had been such a terrible idea. And he wanted her to understand why it hadn’t been. “You shouldn’t have stayed away, we didn’t move on,” she paused. “I didn’t move on and I’m pretty sure that no matter how much they others grew up and got lives they never stopped missing you either. Because it wasn’t just me making you important, it was them making you important. And you making them important. We were a family, and I get it, I know you think I don’t but I get why you thought you had to go. But don’t you understand why I think it was a bad idea? Look at us,” she said sounding more exasperated than anything. “We’re twenty five, it’s been a lifetime, Fang. I didn’t think I would ever go five days without seeing you and it’s been ten years. I don’t know what I want to do with you after all this time. Push you off a cliff or put you in my pocket.”
Fang sighed and shoved his hands deep into his pockets. His shoulders were hunched as if Max’s words were physically weighing on him. He certainly felt like they were. “Yes, Max. I understand why you thought it was a bad idea. Just like you understand why I felt like I had to leave. We both get it, but standing here arguing about it isn’t going to change anything. We got dumped through a magic portal today and my Max arguing skills are beyond rusty. I don’t know if I have it in me to keep going toe to toe with you for the rest of the night. Can’t we just forget about all of that for a little while? Can’t we just go get a bunch of food and stuff our faces on the beach or something? I really missed you, Max. I don’t want to fight with you.”
Her shoulders dropped, she exhaled with a bit of a sigh and chewed on her lip for a moment and shook her head, “I really missed you too, Fang,” She said and closed the distance between them so she could hug him again.