emma booth finally found her family (daughterofsnow) wrote in blackpoint, @ 2014-01-27 12:27:00 |
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Entry tags: | august booth, em swan |
WHO: August Booth & Emma Swan
WHEN: January 27th, 2014
WHERE: NYC, NY: Their Apartment
WHAT: August and Emma finally hook up and then, predictably, Emma runs away.
RATING: PG-13
Emma couldn't be too sure of where her head was at right then, but she knew she was probably better off not making any more major life decisions. And yet, she found herself trying to find a way to slip out of August's bed to do the walk of shame back to her room, wondering if she could get her shit packed fast enough so she could head back to Oahu before he woke up. Last night, she had lost the the battle against the attraction she felt for August since she had seen him again in this place. Anyone with eyes could see that the two had something between them, but she tried to put it down as relief at seeing him alive and not as a child. Emma could feed herself that party line all she wanted, but ever since her brilliantly bad idea about moving to New York with him, it had been harder to ignore. And in a moment where she finally convinced herself that she could have what she wanted, she was a goddamn adult, she had gone to him and finally did something about it. But now, with the early morning's light peeking through the curtains of his bedroom, she was doing a complete 360 and overthinking everything. Emma was already convinced that, despite the amazing sex, this was a bad idea because nothing in her romantic life went to plan. Neal had abandoned her, Graham had been killed, there was a whole thing about Jefferson she tried not to look at too deeply, and now she was here, wondering how she was getting out of this bed without waking August up. They hadn't done much talking the night before. She had barged into his room in her underwear and warned him that if he said anything, that she would walk. And for once in his life, he hadn't made a smartass remark in return. That had been a mistake because she realized now that if they had talked, she would have been able to tell if he was being genuine about wanting this or if it was a thing of convenience. If there was one thing Emma didn't like, it was the idea of setting herself up to look like a fool, but that's exactly what she felt like she was doing. Maybe if they had talked, she wouldn’t be considering running away. She started to shift, trying to work out how to get up and out without disturbing him, and hating how much of a teenager this made her feel like. August had never anticipated this, though he’d actually had a few dreams that had gone in a somewhat similar way. While it couldn’t entirely be argued that August was all talk, as he certainly had a history of follow-through when it came to hook-ups, he definitely did a great deal more talking where Emma was concerned. It was a sort of helpless banter, an inexplicable inability to keep from getting wrapped up in that same cycle of tease, offend, endear, repeat. Of course, he knew where it came from, if he took the time to really consider it. He’d been attracted to Emma since he’d returned to Storybrooke, if not since the first time he’d seen her when she was still with Neal. At first, he’d thought it was purely because they had an untouchable connection, being the only two from Storybrooke who’d come to this world but hadn’t been hit by the curse. August didn’t have problems believing in the Enchanted Forest, of course, but he didn’t consider it his home. He’d been in this world far too long, and that was something he figured was likely quite relatable for them. Up until he had Emma back in his life, however, every choice he made had been a selfish one. When he’d gone back to Storybrooke, however, his motivations had started to encounter subtle changes, so subtle that even he didn’t notice at first. By the time he’d turned completely to wood, he wasn’t at all the same man, even if he still came equipped with the teasing banter and ridiculousness. He’d seen the show now, and he could see his own glances at Emma, the way he looked at her even when she wasn’t looking back, and it was hard to deny his attraction. When she’d shown up at his door, he’d been utterly awestruck. It hadn’t been difficult to convince him to shut the hell up and go with it because he honestly was in such a daze that he couldn’t have done anything else. Emma was beautiful, and his feelings (which were so often hidden under a deep cloud of obnoxious sarcasm) were a bit out of control. He’d slept more peacefully that night, with Emma at his side, than he had in as long as he could recall. As much as August could sleep like the dead, he’d not had anyone in his bed in a fairly long while, so the shifting was enough to draw him out of his sleep. And back into reality. Where Emma was. He moved, shifting and stretching a bit, his eyes blinking open and coming to rest on her for a moment as he registered who she was and recalled why she was in his room. “Emma,” he said, his expression utterly devoid of cockiness or amusement or anything that one might’ve expected of him upon waking up beside the only person aside from his father that he’d ever truly cared about. She had shut her eyes and hoped that he was going to fall right back to sleep, but when he spoke her name, she sighed and opened them again. Moving to face him, Emma put on what she was hoping was a reassuring smile. Of course it came off looking like anything but. "I was just heading back to my room. Everything's fine, go back to bed." The lie rolled off her tongue clumsily and obvious, but she hoped it was early enough in the day for him to not question it. Trying to fight the urge to hide under the covers, she quickly turned away again and started reaching for her clothes, cursing her impulsive behavior the night before for not coming dressed more conservatively. Pulling on her underwear and tank top, she looked over her shoulder at him. "Well, bye." Awkward ducks had nothing on her. August could read that reassuring smile much too well to be remotely reassured by it, regardless of whether or not it’d actually worked for Emma. He’d known this would be an awkward morning, but he’d been able to ignore it the night before when he was in the presence of a barely clothes (and then completely unclothed) Emma. Now there was no escaping it, and clearly Emma felt it too. “Is it?” he questioned, still a steady, even tone. Surely she didn’t expect bad lies to work on him. As she moved, he did the same, pulling himself to sit up, which gave her the privacy to pull her clothes on before he looked at her again. Which only made what had happened infinitely more obvious, considering how little she wore. “Emma, this doesn’t have to be awkward.” "I think we're pretty much past the turn off and firmly in the awkward part of the morning," she said, looking down out the ground and refusing to turn around to face August. She knew was being a coward, but she couldn't help it. The urge to run was getting stronger by the minute. "Don't worry, I'm going to head back to Honolulu for awhile. At least until this can be not awkward anymore. I'll keep paying rent." Like that was even an issue. Emma knew she was babbling at this point and tried to stop anymore from spilling out. August understood running, and he even understood why Emma felt she needed to do so now. Of course, understanding something made it no less frustrating. He didn’t want her to run off. He wanted to figure this out. Running never turned out well for either of them. He was quiet for a moment after she mentioned leaving for Hawaii until this wasn’t awkward anymore, and he tried not to be as impacted by all of this as he honestly rather was. “You’ll do what you have to,” he said finally, and that much was true. He reached to rub the scruff at his chin as he continued. “But I don’t want you to run off to Hawaii. If you’re going to do it, do it knowing that much.” "I thought I could do this once, get it out of my system, so we could get past it." Turning to face him, she knew her face was probably revealing a lot more than she was comfortable with. "I don't know if we can go back to how it was before if I don't put some space between us." What she didn't say was how she didn't want to go back to how it was before, but it was too vulnerable of a truth to tell him right then. Not when she didn't know where exactly he was on the subject of them. “Get it out of your system,” August echoed, and mostly to himself. Of course. He didn’t understand the disparity between her expression and her words, but the latter seemed a bit more like her. Truthfully, he didn’t want it to go back to the way that it was before either, and perhaps that was a bit clearer in his expression. “I guess you’re right. You going there is probably the only way to keep things from changing,” he said, but he didn’t want them to change. "Exactly," she said, though the word lacked any kind of enthusiasm whatsoever. If she tried actually being honest, they might actually get somewhere in this conversation like adults. But the conversation they were having wasn't the one they needed to be having and Emma couldn't quite bring herself to ask him what he really wanted or admit that she wanted something more. She had all the courage in the world to fight a dragon, but forget trying to figure out her personal life. "This is for the best." Liar, liar, liar. Honesty wasn’t August’s strength, but that didn’t mean that he wasn’t honest. Particularly lately. It was often masked in sarcasm or said in a way that still protected him from rejection, but he was more honest now than he’d ever been. But that didn’t mean he was strong enough at the moment to put his foot down and keep this from spiraling out of control. He was afraid he’d lose her for good if he did, and he didn’t exactly have many people in his life. He couldn’t risk that. Even if it meant this. Still, even if he didn’t actively demonstrate his real feelings on the matter, it was hard to hide that they didn’t involve Emma leaving. “If you say so,” he responded, with an equal lack of enthusiasm. The part of her that had been hoping that he'd say something to stop her from going heaved an internal sigh of disappointment. But if she couldn’t put her big girl pants on and do something about this, how could she expect him to? Emma knew enough to know he was as emotionally mature as she was. With her lips sucked in slightly and fists clenched, she nodded. "Okay." Turning back around, she started to leave. It was hard to walk because each step she took felt heavier than the last one, but it would have been harder to stay and put her heart on the line again. He’d told her he didn’t want her to go, and that if she went, it was because she’d made that decision on her own. The fact that she still was planning to go told him that he shouldn’t say anything else, not if he didn’t want to make this even more awkward. But as she was leaving, he felt his heart racing a little. Watching her leave seemed like the worst thing he’d ever experienced. “Emma, I—“ he started to say, his brain catching up to his mouth quickly. He didn’t want her to go. But he couldn’t tell her that. He swallowed it down. “Be careful.” Her heart jumped when he called out to her. A small hope that he wanted to do this, not just the sex, but this with the words and the relationship. It died when all she got was a word of caution. Eyes starting to water, she blinked rapidly at the door, glad he couldn’t see her face. "Yeah," she managed to choke out. "You too." Finally, she fled the room, disappearing into her own with a slam of the door. |