Gladly Give It - Snape/Sirius
Title: Gladly Give It Author: iheartbowie Rating: Hard R/NC-17 Word count: 3,917 Pairings or Main Characters: Sirius/Snape Warnings (if applicable): table sex Summary: When the war was over, it was time to work through the damage that had been caused. It was something that could not…should not be avoided. Author/Artist's Notes: Despite the seriousness of this story I did manage to inject a few of the prompts that you had requested. I'm honestly terrible at angst, so this is about as close as I get. Hopefully you will enjoy this. ^_^ HUGE thanks to my betas, schemingreader, firefly_quill, and robin54, you people totally helped me make sense of this nonsense. Originally for sake1_1 for the siriusisnotdead exchange.
Roses are red Violets are blue You look good in that skirt So let's have sex.
"What kind of rubbish is this?"
"I'll have you know that worked like a charm while we were in school. Sometimes a little compliment goes a long way."
Severus snorted at the notion. "So this was all it took to bring the masses to their knees?"
Sirius smirked and waggled his eyebrows. "They all wanted me."
Severus rolled his eyes and shut the small black book. He glanced at the remaining items in the trunk in front of him. They were mostly school books, although there were a few stray novels and a rather heavy looking volume on transfiguration spells. He pulled out the school books and began to place them on the bookshelf beside him. Severus was meticulous in his work, alphabetizing and sorting by category.
Sirius was in the kitchen, but still in sight. He was unboxing the kitchen supplies and putting everything into its proper place. The kettle on the stove whistled and Severus could hear Sirius fixing tea for them both.
It was proving to be an exhausting afternoon with all of the moving, and the respite would be appreciated. After Sirius had been returned the key to his Gringotts account with the addition of reparations for his inappropriate imprisonment and a reward for his efforts with the Order of the Phoenix, he immediately sold Grimmauld Place and purchased his new home.
The Ministry had been beside itself to "right all of its wrongs" when everything came to light. A photograph had been all it took to convince the Ministry that they could no longer hide the truth of Voldemort and his followers. A photo displayed proudly on the front page of the Daily Prophet showed Voldemort and several of his followers, including Peter Pettigrew. When the fighting was finally over, everyone within the Order of the Phoenix and Harry's study group of students had received a sizable compensation for the work that they did protecting the Wizarding world.
There was the sound of clicking mugs coming from the kitchen and Severus turned to look at Sirius as he pulled out mugs for the tea. Severus stopped in the doorway as Sirius looked down at the mug in his hand. It had a rather ridiculous looking drawing of a deer on it. Sirius stiffened and Severus knew that he was lapsing into one of his moments. The mug obviously had belonged to Potter. Since his death, Sirius had been having a great deal of difficulty coping.
The mug slipped through Sirius's fingers, shattering upon impact with the floor. Severus quickly moved behind Sirius and leaned in close to whisper in his ear. "Black."
Sirius took in a sharp breath as he came back to himself and Severus took the opportunity to distract him, pressing completely against Sirius's back. Severus smirked as he felt the shudder run through Sirius's body, knowing that he was succeeding. "I see I cannot even leave you in here for five minutes without you making a mess."
Sirius looked down at the shards of ceramic mug that covered the floor. He stared for a moment in confusion, as it appeared that he had not even realized what had happened. "I…I'll just clean it up," Sirius said.
Sirius reached for his wand on the counter, but stopped as Severus closed his teeth on his neck. Severus's hand wrapped around him and stroked him through his jeans. Sirius's hand fell back at his side and he slumped against Severus limply. While Sirius was thoroughly distracted, Severus banished the mess on the floor with a quick spell.
"I believe you were making remarks earlier about christening every room in the house?" Severus purred with a smirk.
"If you keep that up I'll be christening it without you," Sirius moaned.
"I, of course, will not stand for that."
Severus spun Sirius around to face him and captured his lips for a deep kiss. Sirius took the opportunity to tear open Severus's dress shirt, scattering buttons across the floor.
"Must you always do that?"
"It's so satisfying."
They wrestled for position, each vying for dominance over the other. It ended with Severus pushing a naked Sirius roughly onto the kitchen table and slamming into his arse. Sirius let out a scream as his head fell back and he arched into Severus's thrusts. Their joining was violent, nails digging into one another's flesh and teeth drawing blood from wherever they could reach. A raging inferno erupted between them, and they finally slumped down against the table.
It was silent for a few moments before Sirius lifted his arms loosely around Severus. He took several gulping breaths. "It doesn't matter how many times we do that. It's still bloody fucking amazing," he mused.
*
They moved from the kitchen into the bathroom on the premise that they needed to clean themselves off. Instead Sirius pressed Severus into the wall with his soapy, hard body while they kissed. This time they were slow, letting it all simmer and slowly build in them. Their shared completion came at the crest of a slow, lifting wave that left them deeply sated.
Once they were finally clean and in fresh clothing, Sirius returned to the kitchen with the intent of making dinner (and disposing the wasted tea). Severus handled righting the mess they made of the kitchen and they fell into an easy conversation.
"There isn't much left," Sirius said with a faint shrug. "The house is pathetically bare, but I suppose with my obnoxiously infinite wealth I can fix that."
Severus let out a snort. "It must be painfully difficult to live ones life with so much money," he said.
Sirius looked over his shoulder at Severus, his eyes flashing as if ready for a fight. "I didn't ask for them to give me more money you know," Sirius said. He seemed to be holding back a rather canine growl, his lip curling unattractively.
"No, your pathetic puppy act was more than enough reason for them to want to pat you on the head and hope you did not bite them," Snape said, rolling his eyes. He collected plates and other settings for them before starting to set the table.
Sirius clenched his fist around the now empty pot that he had been cooking with for a moment before throwing it to the ground. "I did not act like a pathetic puppy!" he growled.
"This temper tantrum is doing nothing for your case."
Sirius turned away and took a few moments to calm down. Somehow when they had finally made it past the point of mortal enemies to…what they were then, Sirius had finally learned that he could not win a verbal match with Severus if he could not manage to keep his cool. Sirius, Gryffindor through and through, was too much of a hothead.
"I don't want the money," Sirius said finally as he began to heat the sauce for their pasta.
"Then why are you holding onto it?" Severus asked. He took a seat at the table and poured himself a glass of wine.
"What else can I do with it beside spend it?" Sirius asked shaking his head.
"Obviously it would never occur to someone of such high society that there are other people that do need it," Severus said. His voice was bitter and he sneered at the glass he held.
Sirius turned to Severus in surprise. "That's brilliant!"
Severus merely arched a brow and Sirius went back to dishing out pasta for them. He brought two plates to the table and took the other unoccupied seat. Sirius poked at his plate for a moment and Severus poured him a glass of wine as he thought.
"Who do you think needs it?" Sirius asked.
"There are numerous groups that were affected by the war. There are new orphans and more than a few newly bitten werewolves. There are destroyed towns and people who have been left with nothing but their names," Severus said.
"I don't know if I could decide," he said finally. "There are too many people that really need the help."
"It would not be very difficult to donate to more than one charitable purpose," Severus said.
Sirius nodded. "Probably…"
Severus watched Sirius, as he began to stare in front of him blankly. A frown formed on Severus's face. "You're about to spill your food on your lap. What kind of slob are you?" Severus snapped as he reached out to move Sirius's fork from over his lap. Several strands of pasta fell into Sirius's plate instead of onto his lap.
Sirius shot Severus a look. "I am not a child. Don't treat me like I'm one of your idiot students."
"If you could manage to pay attention more to what you are doing, then there would be no reason for me to do so," Severus said, leaning back in his chair.
Sirius pushed away from the table and stormed off towards the back door. Severus took his time following. He cleared away the remains of dinner, putting aside the leftovers for later. Sirius kept strange hours and would eat at one in the morning if he felt so inclined.
When he finally joined Sirius on the back porch, Sirius was lighting a new cigarette with the remains of his first. Severus leaned against the door frame, looking over at Sirius. Sirius stared back for several long moments before letting out a faint sigh.
"I know, okay," Sirius said. "I know."
Severus simply nodded. It would do for an apology, anything more and Sirius would be expected to talk about himself.
*
In the dust of the final battle, many of the Order were in St. Mungo's for treatment or to visit those receiving treatment. Those of the Order who were conscious had gathered in Ronald Weasley's room to discuss the status of the worst of their still living ranks. It was a bit crowded in the small room. Mr. Weasley was still laid out on his bed, covered in bandages and salves from a series of nasty curses that he had taken at the end. Miss Granger appeared to have been glued to his side, sitting on the bed beside him. Shacklebolt and Tonks whispered to one another briefly. Tonks looked as if she wanted to leave immediately as she looked around nervously. Lupin had taken the only chair in the room, resting his elbows on his knees and looking at the floor. Bill, his wife and Charlie stood by the window seemingly calm for the moment. The Weasley parents remained with the twins and Ginny as they apparently could not join the rest of them. Their numbers were small at the moment, with only a few others still alive and in other rooms of the hospital.
The Healer detailed everything to them, much to their apparent horror, explaining Sirius's condition as "post-trauma stress".
"…it's really not all that surprising for someone in his condition to have these problems. It could possibly go away with time, but there's a chance that it will be with him forever," the Healer informed them as they all waited in the waiting room.
Severus had not been surprised by the news. A combination of twelve years among dementors and then fighting in the war only to lose the person that you tried to protect most would cause anyone difficulty. What was surprising seemed to be that everyone appeared to be looking for a way to avoid the responsibility that came with ensuring that Sirius did nothing foolish, like off himself.
"But physically there isn't anything wrong with him?" Lupin asked, carding a hand through his hair.
"No, he did take more than a few curses, but all of the spell damage is cleared and he'll be ready to be on his feet by tomorrow," the Healer said.
There was silence for a few moments. Tonks appeared to not want to hear anything further as she had pressed her face into Shacklebolt's shoulder. The Auror had an arm around her and appeared to be making the effort to comfort her. Miss Granger and Ron looked anywhere but at the doctor, neither of them knew what to do with the godfather of their deceased best friend. The two elder Weasleys looked between one another and shared a sympathetic head shake, but seemed almost uninterested in the proceedings. Fleur showed the most concern, looking at everyone briefly. She caught Severus's eye briefly before nodding faintly. What she seemed to know or understand was not something that Severus could begin to contemplate.
"Is there anything that we can do for him?" Lupin asked. He had barely moved through the discussion, making it difficult to read him.
"There will be a prescription of calming potions for him, but considering his stubborn insistence that there is nothing wrong with him, it would be difficult to ensure that he takes them on a regular basis. The best thing that I can suggest is not to let him dwell on things too much. When he is ready to finally deal with the trauma, he'll let us know," the Healer said.
There were no further questions for the doctor, so he turned and left the group of remaining Order members in the waiting room. They exchanged glances, their reluctance tangible. Severus mused briefly that if it became any worse, they all might choke on it.
"He's going to need someone to keep an eye on him. At least until he's a bit more stable," Hermione commented once the doctor had left the waiting room.
The discussion was awkward as no one truly knew what to do at the moment. Sirius had been an Order member, but he had not been close to anyone beyond Harry over the last few years. Even his relationship with Lupin was strained due to time away with Order business and then with Tonks. It might have been easier if they left him in someone else's care. Every one of them had lives to rebuild and none of them appeared ready to be saddled with an invalid.
Severus sneered at the group and shook his head. It was a sad fate for any man that could not find assistance from those he called 'friends'. "He does not need to be baby-sat like a small child. If none of you can bring yourselves to actually treat him in the manner befitting him, then I will do it. I will not simply pat him on the head and give him a biscuit for being a good dog," he said.
The others looked at him in shock and distrust. Idiots; they thought Severus would only make things worse. Sirius's condition was delicate and he could fall apart at the least thing. Lupin looked up slowly at Severus and their eyes locked momentarily. Severus finally shifted and turned away uncomfortably. Of course, Lupin would know that there was more to it than what Severus said out loud.
"Sirius doesn't want our pity," Lupin said after a brief silence. "He doesn't need to be treated like a child."
"So we're just going to let him harass him?" Ron suddenly blurted out. "Harry would have our heads if he knew we let that happen."
"Harry knew that this was happening to Sirius, Ron," Lupin said, shaking his head. "We hadn't had the time to plan that far ahead, but Harry knew Sirius better than that. If Severus thinks that he can handle keeping an eye on Sirius then I don't see any reason not to allow him."
"But-" Hermione cut Ron off before he could say anything further. She simply nodded to Lupin and left it at that.
"I trust him," Lupin said, turning to look at Severus.
Those words left a faint sense of dread in Severus as the gold eyes stared into him once again. The look seemed to promise many things; acceptance, understanding, and an underlying warning. The warning clearly stated that if he were to do anything untoward he would be meeting a very messy end. As if he had not heard that before.
That day had been the closest that Severus came to making any sort of statement of emotional or otherwise attachment to Sirius. Lupin might have threatened him with bodily harm if he did anything foolish to cause Sirius any pain, but it was not necessary. He was never an easy person to live with, but Severus had more than enough destruction in his life.
Sirius had been diagnosed with mental instability as the result of the many years of trauma that he had experienced. His determination and will might have staved off the symptoms during the war, but in the aftermath of the final battle where Sirius watched Harry die, he could no longer hold back the pain.
Severus did not talk with him about the issues, though not by choice. Sirius had blocked much of the final battle from his memories and firmly insisted that he was not crazy, as if mental illness somehow made him less of a man. The other Order members had wanted to coax him into facing his problems and working through them. Sirius simply insisted that they did not exist. They treated him as if he was delicate and liable to break at any possible moment, and that only managed to infuriate Sirius more.
It seemed obvious, at least in Severus's mind, that he take on the responsibility of watching over Sirius. He needed constant surveillance to ensure that he did not lapse into any dangerous behavior. Sirius did not want a soft hand to lead him around. If he was going to accept anything, it would be a hard hand that wasn't afraid to knock him around if it came down to it.
According to the faint outline of the clock on the wall, it was well after midnight. Severus should have been asleep by this point, but he continued to stare at the ceiling lost in his own thoughts. Sirius was sprawled out on his stomach, taking up far too much of the bed. With the cover of darkness, Severus allowed a faint smile to grace his lips. For his griping and complaining, he was not unhappy with his decision. He would not admit it any sooner than Sirius would admit to having a problem, but he knew that he was happy in this place with this man.
His thoughts drifted back to the day at the hospital as everyone rushed from the room. It was almost comical how they could look so disgusted and relieved at the same time. Only Ms. Weasley stopped to offer Severus a brief smile. "If you have any need…" she said, before slipping from the room. Her meaning was apparent and somehow Severus felt a bit of pressure being relieved.
Lupin was the last to move, standing slowly. He caught Severus's eye and motioned with his head for them to leave together. Severus followed him out to the mostly empty corridor.
"If you feel it necessary to vocalize your threats, I can assure that will not be necessary," Severus said.
"I know about you both," Lupin said ignoring the comment.
Severus stopped and immediately turned to Lupin. "What?"
"I saw you two kissing in Grimmauld Place. You probably did not know that I was in the hallway at the time. I imagine that I was the only one to have seen you, but it's possible that someone else might have guessed by now," Lupin said.
"Ms. Weasley," Severus muttered. It would appear that she was more observant than Severus had given her credit for.
Lupin nodded. "I'm not going to ask for the details, but I imagine that you're not just doing this because you're interested in kicking him when he's down."
Severus snorted at the notion, only to realize that he was in fact confirming the idea that he could have positive feelings towards Black. Lupin just gave him a knowing smile.
"I realize that in order for Sirius to get better he needs what you're going to give him. He's going to need a lot more than just that, and I would like to help. Sirius has had trouble understanding that I'm not the same person that I was when we were younger. It's caused more fights than I can to admit to," Lupin said. He resumed walking slowly down the hallway and Severus fell into step beside him.
"It's good to know that he can let go of what happened in the past and who you were. If he can move on with you, then maybe he can move on with me," Lupin said. "Maybe we can be friends again…"
"You were foolish for giving up so soon," Severus said.
"I know. I can see that now," Lupin said with a nod. "I'll try to make that up, if it won't bother you."
"I don't control him. If he wants to associate himself with a werewolf, I cannot stop him."
"Thank you, Severus."
As irritating as the placid man was, Lupin was beginning to make good on his attempts to rebuild a friendship with Sirius. He would be there the next day and they would be having dinner. At least he would not be required to speak. Neither Sirius nor Lupin would realize that he was there once they began to fall deep into their memories (or cups as it often was).
At the sound of a gasp, Severus glanced at Sirius out of the corner of his eye and noted the sudden strained look that had crossed Sirius's face. He watched him for a few moments more as his body began to shake slightly and a whimper or two escaped his lips.
"I won't go back!"
Sirius bolted upright, kneeling on the bed and panting as he looked around the room. Severus was there beside him in an instant, coaxing him back down onto the bed. Sirius gripped Severus's arms tight enough to leave thumb-shaped bruises, but Severus did not concern himself with them. He ran a hand down Sirius's back comfortingly and settled him against his chest.
"You are not going back. They are dead and gone and you have nothing to fear from these nightmares," Severus said softly. "It is over. You are safe here. You will never go back."
Slowly, the tension seeped out of Sirius's body and he slumped against Severus. His eyes fell shut and his grip on Severus's arms loosened. A shudder ran through him as if he was cold, and Severus simply tightened his hold on Sirius. After the blankets were righted around them, Sirius let out one final sigh before returning to the safety of sleep.
The dark security of this bed was the only place where Sirius would allow all of his emotions to surface. Severus's shoulder was damp from the tears that Sirius shed, but he did not care. This was the care that Sirius truly needed.
In the daylight Sirius did not want to be treated as if he were an invalid, his unending pride refused it. Sirius clawed and fought during the day to escape his demons. When night fell and the sun could no longer be used as his shield, he had no weapon to slay the monsters that surrounded him. If solace could be found in the arms of a dark man, then Severus knew that he would gladly give it.