Title: What It’s Like

Author: testdog65 aka Ellen

Warnings: NC-17

A/N: Un-beta’d, as always. Based on one of the plethora of toppy!Justin plot bunnies offered by xie_xie_xie.




Brian groaned as Justin gave a final thrust and came deep inside his ass, filling the condom. He collapsed onto the sheets that were already wet with his come. Justin rolled slightly to the side and pulled out.


“So.” said Justin with a tired smirk on his face. “Still think I need practice?”


Brian snorted and reached for his cigarettes. “Well, you know what they say, Sunshine. Practice makes perfect.”


Justin's smile brightened. “Well, if you put it like that, I bet I could benefit from a bit more practice. Roll over.”


Brian laughed outright this time. “Think again. I'm sure you can find some young, unsuspecting twink that would be more than happy to allow you to hone your topping skills.”


“Oh, I'm sure I could,” answered Justin smugly. “But I'd much rather hone them on you. What's the matter, old man? Afraid your ass can't take any more of me?”


Brian shifted on the bed and gave Justin a long look. “It's not a question of can't. It's a matter of won't. You've had your fun for the year, and this subject is now closed.”


Justin huffed and flopped back on his pillow. “I think the reason you don't let me do that more often is because you like it just a little too much. I think you're afraid that you're gonna end up begging for it. That you won't be able to get enough of me. And what would that do to your precious ego?”


Brian looked at Justin incredulously. “I don't beg.”


“Sure seemed like someone was close to begging a few minutes ago,” sing-songed Justin under his breath.


“What was that?” asked Brian in disbelief.


“I said...”


“Never mind. I heard you the first time. And that wasn't begging. That was...” Brian hesitated for a minute. “...creative sex talk. It was meant as... encouragement,” Brian concluded with more certainty.


This time it was Justin's turn to laugh. “Like I need encouragement. No, I think somebody was almost letting himself enjoy it.”


Brian refused to dignify that with a response. Instead, he concentrated heavily on the complicated task of stubbing out his cigarette in the nearby ashtray. Justin remained surprisingly quiet, and Brian settled himself for sleep. Just as he was drifting off, Justin began to speak again, his voice barely above a whisper.


“I love it when you're inside of me. Feeling you filling me. Hearing you moan my name. Knowing how much pleasure I'm bringing you. I feel powerful and vulnerable all at once. And when you come, it's like I can feel you everywhere. Like we're suddenly fused together – so connected. Brian, it's incredible. It's never like that with anyone else. And sometimes, when I feel that, I want to make you feel it, too. It's stupid I guess, but I just thought that when you let me... When I fuck you, that maybe you feel that way just a little bit.”


Justin rolled closer, laying his head on Brian's shoulder and snaking his arm over Brian's chest. He breathed deeply, signaling impending sleep.


Brian was now wide-awake.


*****


Over the next few days, Justin was tied up with the completion of a major piece for his print media design class, while Brian was kept equally busy working on a new ad campaign for Premier Travel. They barely saw each other, and when they did, there wasn’t time for more than a quick blowjob or a mutual jerk off.


As busy as Brian was with work, he found his thoughts drifting back to Justin’s late night declaration. Normally, he would have called it over romanticized bullshit and not given it a second thought. But as was often the case with Justin’s little speeches, long after they were over, Brian still had them on a loop, repeating in his head.


It wasn’t that Justin was trying to get him to offer his ass more frequently. Despite the nature of their recent conversation, there was no question in his mind that Justin preferred to bottom for Brian. Preferred, craved, begged for it, couldn’t live without it. Yeah, no question. It was part of their dynamic – who they were to each other and what they both wanted. It wasn’t an issue.


But sometimes, for reasons as varied as the tricks Brian had fucked over the years, Justin wanted, needed to fuck him. Because it was infrequent and especially because Justin understood exactly what it meant for Brian, he allowed it. But that was the extent of it. He tolerated it reluctantly, and in an action that would seem entirely foreign to most people who thought they knew him, he did it because Justin wanted him to. Because Justin wanted.


And, while he’d never admit it outright, the little fucker was damn good at topping. Too many times, Brian had to force himself to hold back, to keep up the appearance of tolerance and grudging acquiescence. Because when Justin was fucking him, really and truly buried deep within his ass, touching him in places that he hadn’t allowed anyone else to in years, his resistance began to ebb. And he came very close to letting go, dropping the façade and just existing in that moment, in that place that only Justin could take him to.


Fuck it, thought Brian as he returned his attention to the campaign mock-ups in front of him. He wasn’t anyone’s bottom boy, and despite what Justin might make him feel, it still wasn’t going to change the fundamental nature of Brian Kinney.


*****


Several days later, when Justin’s art project and Brian’s ad campaign were both successfully completed, they fucked their way back together. Finally sated for the moment, they lay quietly in bed, Brian taking the last drag from the joint that Justin had just passed back to him.


“Mmmm, I think I might actually be all fucked out,” said Justin, wriggling his somewhat overused ass against the sheets.


Brian couldn’t help laughing at that one. “Justin Taylor’s had enough. Shall I alert the media, or did you want to make the call?”


“Hey, I didn’t say I’d had enough, just that my ass had. I’m sure you can use your imagination and think of at least 20 more ways that we can get off that don’t involve anything going in my ass.”


“Only 20? I think you’re underestimating my talents, young man.”


Justin snorted. “Well, it is late. I figured maybe I’d give you a break at being creative –for now.”


“Thanks for the reprieve,” said Brian sarcastically. “But I think I should be able to come up with something mutually satisfying, despite the lateness of the hour, and the soreness of your ass.”


Brian stubbed out the joint and rolled towards Justin. He reached out his hand, gently caressing the soft and slightly damp skin on Justin’s arm. He continued the caress, moving his hand up over Justin’s shoulder and around to the back of his neck. Applying slight pressure, he pulled Justin towards him and entwined his fingers in Justin’s hair.


Foreheads pressed together, Brian rubbed his nose slightly against Justin’s before pulling back and then angling his head for a kiss. Gentle and slow, it was in stark contrast to the hours of endless animalistic fucking they had just completed. Justin sighed, opening his mouth slightly and licking against Brian’s full, soft lips. Let me in Brian heard, even though Justin hadn’t uttered a word. All the way. And, just like that, something shifted in Brian.


He rolled over towards Justin, moving until he was lying on top of him. He continued the kiss, heightening the intensity until it turned needy and demanding. Justin’s arms were around Brian’s shoulders now, his mouth open and hungry, returning the kiss and moaning from the way that their bodies were sliding together. Brian moved his legs to either side of Justin’s hips to give himself some leverage. Aligning their cocks, he began to rub them together, never stopping the kiss.


Justin moved his hands down Brian’s back, down the damp skin, and over the smoothness of Brian’s ass. Using his hands, he pulled Brian more forcefully into him, grinding his hips up at the same time, increasing the friction. Brian moaned into Justin’s mouth, and muttered almost without sound, “More”.


Justin’s hands, firmly on Brian’s ass, pulled apart slightly, exposing his hole to the coolness of the air. Brian gasped, and sucked Justin’s tongue into his mouth, wanting, needing a part of Justin inside of him.


Justin slipped the fingers of one of his hands along the crack of Brian’s ass. Feather light, almost a whisper of a touch, slightly brushing the hole as he passed by. Brian groaned and ground harder into Justin. He broke the kiss and moved his face into the space where Justin’s shoulder met his neck. He licked and sucked at the skin there as Justin stretched his head back to provide Brian with better access.


Justin continued to stroke up and down Brian’s crack, and each time he passed over his hole, he increased the pressure just slightly. Brian kept rutting his hips into Justin as he nuzzled deeper into Justin’s neck, but now he was also pushing back against Justin’s fingers each time his hips slid backwards. The dual sensations were slowly making him crazy.


Justin continued to tease Brian’s crack, but brought his other hand up to his mouth, sucking a finger, wetting it with his spit. Then, he snaked that hand down, using the other hand that had been stroking to again pull Brian’s ass slightly wider apart. Using his spit soaked finger, he began circling Brian’s hole. He kept his pressure light, and used the fingers of his other hand to ensure that Brian stayed open and exposed.


Brian was lost to the sensations now. All thoughts of submission, vulnerability or power completely gone. All he knew was the friction of his cock sliding against Justin’s and Justin’s fingers making him feel so good, so wanting. And he wanted this. Wanted Justin. And he didn’t want to stop this.


Brian lifted his head then, and brought his lips back to Justin’s in a hungry, devouring kiss. His tongue filled Justin’s mouth as they continued to rut together. Then Brian forced himself to break the kiss. Pulling back, he stared at Justin with an intensity that he usually reserved for when he was in the middle of a domineering, controlling, deep fuck. He didn’t utter a word, but instead, reached his hand out to the bowl of condoms on the bedside table. Grabbing one along with the ever-present bottle of lube, he forced himself to stop the rutting as he pulled back and sat up. Still straddling Justin’s body, he made sure he was seated high enough that Justin could continue to finger him.


“Give me your hand,” he said, his voice demanding and harsh in the quiet of the loft. Justin brought the hand that had been holding Brian open up in front of his chest and watched as Brian drenched his fingers in lube. Justin remained silent, knowing that saying anything now might break the spell that Brian was so obviously under. Instead, he licked his lips and moved his hand back down and around to Brian’s ass. Brian tilted up and forward slightly and Justin moved his spit-slicked finger from where it had been circling, replacing it with a well-lubed one from his other hand.


Brian tried to suppress a moan and closed his eyes as Justin slowly, slowly inserted his finger. Brian was always so tight, and opening him up took time and patience. But tonight, Brian wasn’t interested in slow, and he pushed back against Justin’s finger, forcing it deeper into his ass. This time he and Justin gasped at the same time as Brian leaned forward, resting his forehead on the pillow above Justin’s head. Brian continued to rock up and back, fucking himself on Justin’s finger and rubbing his dick against the skin of Justin’s chest.


“Add another one,” Brian demanded, and on his next push back, he was rewarded with a second finger, going deep, stretching and burning.


Justin’s eyes were closed now, all of his concentration focused on opening Brian up. He tried not to dwell too much on exactly how they had gotten to this point, and really he wasn’t sure. But ultimately it didn’t matter, because he had two fingers buried deep in Brian’s ass, and there was no way he was going to second-guess that. Instead, the next time Brian pressed back, imbedding Justin’s fingers, Justin pulled them slightly apart, forcing Brian’s hole to stretch and open even further.


“Jesus,” Brian panted. “Jesus Christ, fuck. Don’t stop.”


And Justin didn’t. He continued to scissor his fingers apart each time Brian thrust down onto them, and after a few minutes, Brian’s hole was more relaxed and open.


They were both leaking profusely now, and Justin’s cock especially was in desperate need of some attention. As if sensing his need, Brian stilled his rocking and sat up, Justin’s fingers sunk deep inside. Justin opened his eyes, looked at Brian purposefully and then pressed his fingers forward, brushing hard against Brian’s prostate. Brian moaned and tightened his ass, gripping Justin’s fingers and circling his hips to increase the sensations. Justin pressed forward again, and this time, Brian growled and bore down even harder.


“Fuck,” he muttered. “You keep that up, and this is where it ends.”


Justin tried rather unsuccessfully to hide his shock at Brian’s admission. In all the times that he’d had any part of himself in Brian’s ass, he had never seen him like this. Brian wasn’t just tolerating this, he was asking for it, wanted it, and was controlling the shots. And now he was close to losing it. But Justin knew exactly how to play his part. A smile spread across his face, cat-like and predatory.


“Yeah?” he said, licking his lips and staring directly at Brian. “You like that?” And as he said it, he pressed his fingers forward again. Brian stiffened and stopped moving altogether. Justin continued to press and rub, watching in near awe as Brian struggled to maintain control. He was taking shallow breaths, his eyes closed tight, his body taught. Then in a flash, Brian reached around, grabbed Justin’s wrist and held it firmly while he pulled up and off. He grabbed the condom where he’d tossed it onto the bed, ripped the package open with his teeth and moved backward towards Justin’s knees.


For about five seconds, Justin had been sure that it was all over, and then for another ten seconds, he was sure that Brian was about to fuck him into the mattress. But Brian’s intentions became clear when he rolled the condom down Justin’s cock. He bit back any comment that he might have made as Brian grasped him at the base and moved up and over his cock. He lined up the tip of Justin’s dick with his well-lubed hole and then began sinking down onto the hard shaft.


Justin gasped and tried to hold still. “Christ, Brian. So tight. Fuck,” he muttered as the head of his cock slipped inside. Brian’s eyes were closed. His head was thrown back, and Justin was sure he had never seen anything more beautiful than Brian’s face at that moment as he struggled to take all of Justin.


Brian bore down, opening suddenly and pushing hard as he impaled himself in one final thrust. He was panting hard and Justin grasped his hips, struggling to keep from pushing upwards as he waited for Brian to adjust. Brian continued to breath heavily, but he opened his eyes, looked at Justin and then brought his hands to rest on Justin’s shoulders. His breathing calmed a bit and Justin relaxed his grip slightly. Moments passed and Brian continued to stare at Justin with an intensity that almost physically pinned him to the bed. Justin waited.


And then Brian started to move. Normally it would have taken all of Justin’s concentration not to come at that very moment. But his attention was diverted as Brian began to talk.


“Like this, Justin? Is this what you feel? When I’m inside of you? So full, so…,” Brian gasped. “So stretched. Vulnerable, but powerful – isn’t that what you said?”


Brian was slowly rising up and moving back down, fucking himself on Justin’s cock. “You thought I couldn’t feel it like this, could only tolerate you wanting to fuck me, needing to be inside of me?” Brian gasped again as he changed his angle, allowing Justin’s cock to rub across his prostate while he increased his pace. Brian’s walls were tight, squeezing around Justin. The friction and heat were incredible, and with Brian on top, Justin was going so deep inside.


“Thought I couldn’t want this? Wouldn’t let myself? So good, Justin. Only you.” Brian’s words were a shock to Justin. He was sure that Brian never did this with anyone else, but he never expected to hear him verbalize it, let alone witness Brian’s complete and utter surrender to the sensations. He bit his lip, willing himself not to come too quickly.


Struggling for control, Justin brought his knees up, bending his legs and placing his feet more firmly on the bed. Brian was riding him hard now, and Justin wanted better leverage to push his hips up on every down stroke. Brian groaned, and swore, never altering his pace.


Brian’s voice was barely a whisper now, the words coming out between each panted breath. “Needed this. Needed to know… what this felt like…. to you… for you.”


Brian’s movements were getting frantic as the fuck grew even harder and more intense. Justin’s fingers would leave marks on Brian’s hips that would remain for days, but now he wasn’t aware of that. Wasn’t aware of anything but Brian’s words and the feeling of his cock being squeezed in Brian’s warm, tight ass. He was close, and he could tell that Brian was, too.


“Yeah, Brian. That’s what I feel when you’re inside of me, filling me. You’re a part of me. So deep inside, touching me. Making me feel things that no one else ever does. Completing me. Oh, God, Brian. Oh, Fuck.”


Justin reached for Brian’s cock, needing him to come because he was so close. He half expected Brian to bat his hand away and take over, but he didn’t.


“Mmm, yeah. Like that. Make me come, Justin. Now… now.” Justin increased the pace of his stroking as Brian pressed down and squeezed his muscles around Justin’s cock. The friction and the increased pressure, on top of everything else about this fuck were suddenly too much and Justin couldn’t hold back any more. His orgasm ripped through him as he slammed upwards one more time. His cock throbbed and pulsed again and again as he came, buried deep inside Brian.


“Justin… Justin.” Brian’s words were almost lost between his gasps for breath as he let go completely, allowing the intense pleasure to overtake him. Finally understanding everything Justin had been trying to tell him, he came, harder and longer than he had in a very long time.


When it was over, when the last of his orgasm had finally abated, Brian collapsed forward onto Justin, not moving as they both tried to catch their breath. As they began to return to the land of the living, Justin slowly caressed the sweat soaked skin of Brian’s back, his half-hard cock still buried in Brian’s ass.


Brian lifted his head from the bed next to Justin’s, kissed him gently, and then looked at him with a slight smile on his lips. Justin’s smile was a bit more pronounced, but he didn’t speak.


“What? Nothing to say for yourself now? Don’t tell me I’ve rendered you completely speechless?”


Justin snorted before saying, “Not likely, but I just…” He trailed off, not completing the thought.


Brian didn’t say anything, just looked at him questioningly, and waited.


Justin took a moment, running his fingertips over Brian’s shoulder, drawing imaginary patterns on his skin.


“Hey,” Brian leaned down and touched his forehead to Justin’s. “Tell me.”


Justin took a deep breath, and swallowed, feeling a lump forming in his throat. At the risk of invoking Brian’s contempt for all things romantic, he said, “Thank you.” He paused, took a deep breath to steady his voice and then continued, “Not for letting my dick in your ass, though that was great. But, you know… for listening to me. For really hearing what I said… before.”


Brian smiled and looked away for a moment. When he looked back, his gaze was certain as he said, “I always hear you Justin. Don’t ever think I don’t.” Brian kissed him then, warm and deep