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never let me bend in vain ( firestar ) . ([info]firestarts) wrote in [info]beyond_evo,
@ 2009-10-28 21:30:00

Previous Entry  Add to memories!  Tell a Friend!  Next Entry
she'll burn our horizons, make no mistakes, [ au & rw ]
When she left the note for Nico it was only meant to be for little while, they had both been sticking together since both of his brothers were now gone and so too was King, they’d fallen asleep whilst holed up in one of the rooms but as she had done so more frequently Angel had woken up again not long after the fact feeling hot and uncomfortable. It was a feeling she was familiar with, one that she had experienced countless times as a teenager, the creep and crackle of radiation on her skin, simmering up her spine in that way that made her feel as though her bones themselves were on fire. It was for Nico's own good that she crept out really, she had been controlling her mutation for years, making sure that while she couldn't stop the constant absorption she could manage the output, keep it at safe levels for everyone around her. Lately she hadn't felt totally in control of it and she doubted his brothers would forgive her if she ended up burning Nico, accidentally or not. So she wriggled off the bed and scribbled a note in clean printed handwriting just in case he woke up while she was gone.

Gone for a walk, back soon. a xx

A walk wasn't entirely accurate, she didn't intended to traipse around the grounds burning a hole in the grass as she went so instead she made her way up to the roof, rubbing her face tiredly. There was no way she was the only one having trouble sleeping, she was worried about what was going on, trying to reason with herself that people disappearing one by one was nothing like anything that had happened before and that wherever everyone was they were alive and together. Without any real information she didn’t see the harm in some wishful thinking. When she pushed out onto the roof she was biting her bottom lip in thought, a shudder chasing up her spine as the cool air hit her skin, the contrast vicious as her core temperature -- already higher than average -- had climbed a few degrees in recent days. Not good. There was a fwoom of superheated plasma engulfing her body as she jogged to the edge of the roof and took off into the air.

Burning across the sky felt good. She blasted up through the atmosphere towards the sun, rocketing into the stratosphere and feeling a warm tingle creep across her pale skin the closer she got the space, the stronger the energy up there. It was such a huge release, she felt so much better. It was only meant to be a sojourn to release all that build up that she could feel tickling under her skin more and more each day but at the edge of the Earth is was hard to keep track of time and suddenly she felt like she had let it get away from her, she really ought to get back. Only something felt wrong all of a sudden. Quickly the relief that she usually felt after a quick burst of flight disintegrated and she felt hot and prickly all over again. Stalling midflight she tried to take deep breaths and remember her power training but something was wrong, control was sliding out of her grasp fast than she could claw it back. Around her the air started to pulse a brilliant red, spreading further no matter what she tried to do to pull it back, to suck it in again. Red changed to orange, orange to yellow and yellow to a searing white that hurt her eyes. It was the one thing she had never wanted to do, the one thing she had been warned about over and over when she had been trying to get her mutation under control as a teenager; detonating at full capacity. And now she couldn't stop it, she could feel it in every cell of her body, painfully aware of every inch of her blistering skin, the heat rivalling that of the sun. When the detonation came it seared through her, a thousand needle pricks in her flesh and Angel cried out in shock.

Opening her eyes, she found the sky on fire.

Everything burned. Hundreds of miles overhead Angelica could still hear the screaming beneath her and horror clutched at her insides. What had she done? Heart thudding rapidly against the inside of her chest, she hurtled down through the flaming sky, back towards Xavier's, knowing as she drew closer what she'd done, what she'd find. Beneath her the ground was black and charred, the closer she got to what was left of the Earth the harder it became to breathe, the more tightly fear gripped her heart.

Xavier's was all but gone; half the building had caved in on itself, the trees around it were bent towards the ground, still flaming but nothing more than charcoal. Angel turned around on the spot, pressing her palms to her face, tears puddling in her eyes as she took in the decimated landscape. Then the groans caught her attention. From inside the broken shell of the school she could hear agonised moans. Gasping in hot, dry air she started to move towards the unstable walls, scrabbling through what was left of them to get into the ground floor of the school that had been her home since she'd been thirteen. Something moved in the corridor, she could see through where the walls should have been, a group of people shuffled towards her, out of the shadows and into the scorching orange light spilling into the ruins from behind her where the outer wall as once stood but now lay in a slope of disintegrated rubble beneath her feet. It took her a moment of watching to realise she knew those people, it was hard to tell under the burnt flesh and the distorted limbs, they limped towards her groaning and Angel started to back up. Even under the blackened skin and protruding bone she recognised them. Her friends. No. This wasn't happening. It had only been a walk, just a walk to clear her head and now she was staring into the faces of people who she had disfigured and destroyed and oh god she'd just stumbled over a corpse lying face down in the dirt, half skeletal where it had been exposed to the worst of the radiation. A St. Christopher’s medal winked at her cruelly through a thin layer of ash.

"Oh-- oh god Rahne..." Angelica tried to move away, shaking her head back and forth but the sky was falling, the ground was crawling up to meet her, everything was going dark.

It was still dark when she woke up with a strangled start but she wasn't on the gritty, debris riddled floor she was certain she had collapsed into; she was on a bed, one that felt very familiar. Panting rapidly, panic setting her nerves and senses on edge she tried to get up but found her body didn't want to respond right away. There was a needle in her arm. Angel grabbed at the tube in the gloom, her fingers felt stiff and sluggish but she wanted the needle out of her, she didn’t want it whatever it was and she immediately started to tug it out, breaths tripping over one another in her blind confusion.

[ rahne! ]

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[info]madadh
2009-10-28 10:57 pm UTC (link)
Lack of sleep would take its toll on anyone, even those with relatively helpful mutations like Rahne's; wolves were tough animals, they were built to overcome and endure. In the wild, a wolf could keep moving for days at a steady lope, never stopping for rest, legs swinging constantly over the landscape in that neat, primal rhythm. Resolve, determination, drive, it was all a part of Rahne deep down, woven intricately through the very essence of his being. Even so, for weeks since waking from his own coma Rahne had been pushing as much as possible, dragging out his own spells of consciousness in order to keep checking up on the others, do his part, patrol, be an X-Man.

Sitting in his bedroom in a chair beside the mattress where he had awoken in shock and disbelief only to fall to the floor several weeks in the past, Rahne kept eyes clouded with poorly-managed exhaustion fixed on the prone figure of the redhead. The chair into which he had allowed his body to slouch generously was usually kept tucked into the corner of the room not far from the window but he had pulled it forward and out in order to keep up his vigil without taking up space on the mattress, which he had left for Angel alone. If she woke up while he was keeping watch over her rather than patrolling, he didn't want to be in the way of whatever reaction she might have to whatever it was that heralded her return to consciousness. It wasn't that he was afraid of her powers kicking in, honestly he wasn't sure if they would even be able to after her body had been drained so harshly and left immobile for so long, it was more that he wanted her to be able to move, didn't want to crowd her or pressure her in any way. Rahne wanted to give her space, but be there for her when she woke up.

When. Not if.

Elbow propped on the arm of the chair, the metamorph rubbed his hand over his face, leaving it across his eyes longer than he intended. It wasn't until a sound came suddenly from the bed a few feet away that he realised he had been dozing off, hand dropping from his face, tiredness washed away with the realisation that it wasn't his imagination or the exhaustion playing tricks on him. Angel was waking up. Finally, Angel was waking up.

Moving from the bed with more agility than would have been possible had he not possessed a mutation that essentially made him part animal, Rahne climbed onto the bed and caught Angel's pale face with his hands, coming over close to her in order for her to see his eyes when her own focused. "Angel, Angel, it's okay, you're all right. It's me, it's Rahne. Calm down. Can you calm down for me?" His fingers smoothed stray wisps of rebellious red hair from her cheeks, subtle physical pleads for her to listen to his voice, concentrate on that instead of the needle in her arm or the nightmare that had brought her crashing back to reality. "I'm right here, nothing's going to happen to you. I promise."

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[info]firestarts
2009-10-28 11:42 pm UTC (link)
Predictably for a few moments she resisted his proximity and touch, but Rahne knew her so well and once she did manage to focus through the blur of waking and actually recognised him her panic started to subside quickly, her limbs stilled gratefully, the joints stiff and achy from the sudden command to move after being immobile for so many weeks on end. No voice crept up the back of her throat though, her mouth felt dry. Like ash. A shudder chased through her. Casting wide blue eyes around the room she assured herself that she really was in Rahne's room and it really wasn't crumbling and disintegrating into nothing around them. Her powers were at normal, low levels. No prickle of heat or uncomfortable fizzle up her spine or in her chest. Releasing a breath that had been held in her chest while she performed the check her eyes moved back to him, the familiar way his hands fit her face usurping the anxiety that had swallowed her senses upon waking.

A frown laced her features as she closed her eyes and swallowed past a huge lump in the back of her throat, nodding. Yes, she could calm down. See? Breathing was already coming easier and she opened her eyes again, though they were still cloudy from such a long sleep. Unwittingly she had managed to tear the skin on her arm around where the needle had been taped to her arm, blood was blooming in the accidentally self-inflicted wound and as her fear wound down the pain flared up. "Ow," she croaked roughly, wincing and peering down towards her arm in the dim light.

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[info]madadh
2009-10-29 12:49 am UTC (link)
While Rahne stayed close he was careful not to limit her movement, especially aware of just how much pressure he put on her, ensuring it didn't seem in any way like he was pinning her to the bed. While Angel would know consciously that he would never do anything to hurt her, he was aware of the kinds of things she had been forced to endure in the camps in the future and sparing her from reliving any kind of memory about that time was in the forefront of his mind as a very real concern. He kept his hands at her face, held on that way but it was just a touch, just an anchor for her to steady herself with everything else so confused and overwhelming. Who knew what she had experienced before waking up? Rahne was well aware -- or at least had the general impression -- that his own 'nightmare' leading up to his return to consciousness had been relatively mild. No death or trauma or violence, just a mental and emotional shock that had always weighed heavily on the back of his mind as a possibility.

Rahne's eyes dropped to her arm at the scent of blood, the edge of copper in the air more tangible to him than anyone with an average sensory perception and he quickly assessed the damage to the best of his ability. It wasn't anything to worry about in the long run, something they had considered as a possibility when people woke up so panicked and bewildered. "You're okay," he told her again softly, taking one hand and pushing the hair gently back from her brow. "You're all right. It's over. You're okay now." His smile was light, intended to comfort and aid the calming process. "Don't try to move, okay? I'll explain everything, but just lie still for a while. Don't rush."

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[info]firestarts
2009-10-29 01:18 am UTC (link)
It was definitely a good idea to be mindful of those things around Angelica. As her head cleared from the fog of unconsciousness the memories of what she had experienced right before waking up seemed to grow in potency, gaining colour and sound, crisp edges, the scent of charred flesh and burning wood she definitely didn't need any more stress added to the situation. Most of the time she was fine but there would likely always be a negative reaction to feeling trapped or captured by some malevolent force on an instinctual level, she couldn't help it, essentially it came down to biology and programming and hers had been changed forever by what had happened to her. It didn't even enter her head to be wary or afraid of him though, not in the same way she would have been were it someone else. Angelica trusted him, she had a long history of doing so and he had never let her down yet.

Removing her hand from where it was still wrapped around the tube that fed into the needle Angel opted for holding onto Rahne's arm instead, taking a deep breath. "It wasn't real," she said under her breath, closing her eyes briefly again as she let those words soak through her. It wasn't real. "I need to... sit," she groaned a moment later. He could tell her everything as soon as she was a little more upright; her head was swimming from lying down, it felt like she'd been asleep far too long and her body was telling her as much with the dull throb of a headache and the ache in her back.

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[info]madadh
2009-10-29 02:15 am UTC (link)
Rahne perhaps more than most was aware of those little things, able to read body language and energies carried by and around emotion, a byproduct of his wolfen side. They were very receptive and responsive animals, highly observant of their surroundings whether they be animal, mineral or vegetable. The wolf inside of Rahne knew just what body language to read in Angel and how best to react to it in order to comfort rather than spook. He was there to be a reassurance for her, not cause her any further distress or anguish of any kind. It was his job at her side to assuage those fears and concerns.

His arm was steady in Angel's grip, all traces of exhaustion dropped away at the first sign of someone he cared about needing him, Rahne's usual selfless abandon of his own needs in favour of tending to someone else's, especially when that someone was Angel. Understandably she had come to mean more to him in recent months since certain feelings had come to light, since they had become a couple rather than continuing to go through the motions as good friends. His desire to protect her, to keep her safe and comfortable, had only intensified in those recent months, as impossible as it might be for some to believe when it came to someone who was so naturally loyal and protective to begin with.

"It wasn't real," he assured her, stroking a hand over her hair gently, watching her as she absorbed the reality, swallowed it down in a way those who hadn't experienced the future and the death camps wouldn't be able to even begin to grasp. Carefully, slowly, he helped her to get her weight up and supported against the headboard, pillows bunched behind her shoulder blades and head on which she could rest while she gathered her strength. "Hang on," he muttered, disappearing from the bed -- his weight barely shifted the mattress with his movements, that animal agility and quiet grace still well and truly in play -- for only a few moments. When he returned, he had an opened bottle of cold water with a straw poking out from the mouth. He sat on the bed, legs folded in, close at her side, knee brushing just a touch against her hip as he held the bottle out for her. It was no offence intended to Angel that he held it for her; after being unconscious for so many weeks, she wouldn't really have the strength yet to hold it for herself.

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[info]firestarts
2009-10-29 09:49 pm UTC (link)
"What, no curly straw?" Angel smiled in her quietly sarcastic way, managing somehow to come across as appreciative at that same time, unable to help herself. If anything being tortured and brainwashed meant that little else compared to it and these days things tended to roll off her like water. It wasn't to say that she wasn't rattled by what had just happened, because she was. It had been so real, she had been so convinced that she'd gone nuclear and ignited the atmosphere of the planet and destroyed everything that she cared about, everything had texture and sound and scent and she had never experienced a dream that could simultaneously fool all of her senses at once into thinking that it was real and she was terrified of the danger that she posed when it came to her mutation, what she could do, her full capabilities, the tremor in her hand as she raised it to guide the straw to her dry lips was an indication of that. It was just that now she was awake and she knew that it wasn’t real and hadn't happened she was able to recover from it to a functioning level relatively fast. Things might have been different had Rahne not been there immediately after she'd woken up, but it didn't matter, it wasn't worth speculating about because he had been there. In fact -- her eyes focused past him and on the chair by the bed briefly as she sucked on the straw -- it looked like he'd been there for a while. Swallowing and trying not to cough she drew back, eyes back on him.

"Don't tell me you've been sleeping in a chair." There was a light smile on her features, as much as the muscle of her face would allow, it seemed like everything was sore. Feeling a little better now that she was sitting up and her mouth didn't feel like a sandbox she settled the hand closest to Rahne on his knee where it touched her hip. "How long has it been?"

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[info]madadh
2009-10-29 10:43 pm UTC (link)
Rahne laughed at that, reassured by the little joke, reaching out with his free hand and touching it to Angel's hair at the side of her head, a further comfort so soon after waking up, something that he felt she could use given the violent way in which she had regained consciousness. Obviously whatever she had dreamt had been traumatic, he had felt that pulse of fear and shock like a tangible wave of energy; it had nearly knocked the breath out of his lungs and it had prompted him to act even faster than he would have to begin with. She'd needed him, to chase away the fear and the shock, and he'd wanted to be right there to do that.

"That would mean telling you I've been sleeping," he responded with his smile quiet and subtle on his face, glancing back at the chair in question before turning his eyes on her again. They lifted off to a point beyond her, faintly pensive furrow touching his brow. "And that would be a lie." His gaze met hers again and his smile grew briefly, but there was something lacking in it, it was more for show this time. "I don't think I'm the only one who's been having trouble sleeping since they woke up." The smile faded, feeling too fake and therefore unfair to the situation and he shrugged gently under the shirt he wore. "Since this all started?" Breath left Rahne's lungs in a slow exhale as he thought it over, shrugging once again. "About two months, give or take a week?" He wasn't sure. Honestly after staving off sleep for so long it was getting more and more difficult to keep track of time; days were starting to blur together.

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[info]firestarts
2009-10-29 11:23 pm UTC (link)
Shock was putting it mildly. In those initial confused breaths, before her mind had caught up with her body Angel had destroyed the world. There were no two ways about it. From the sky she had burned the planet into a barren wasteland and it had chased her out of sleep, clinging to her with hot, dirty fingers until realisation that she was lying on a bed and that the sky outside was dark and navy, not the brilliant ochre of the sky she had set alight. Rahne had succeeded in his goal to bring her reassurance and a swift reality check though. Though just because he had so far always been very much the protector in their relationship and even in their friendship before, there was nothing to say that Angelica wasn't able to return that, nothing preventing her from feeling concern or compassion, things that had been missing in the past but had returned to her over time, like a lot of things had gradually come back for her.

Hearing that he hadn't been sleeping wasn't surprising really, simply because she knew him and knew his propensity to worry and in response her lips thinned a little, her brow furrowing when she gave his leg a reassuring squeeze. The disappearances had started about two months ago, and she guessed they had found no evidence of how long everyone might have been out before that. More than the horrific dream or whatever it had been the sheer power of this attack on the school and the alarming softness of it frightened her more. As far as she could tell there was nothing to say that they weren't all supposed to starve to death and waking up had been an accident in their favour. It took a particular kind of cruelty to lull someone to death and a special kind of coward not to give someone a fighting chance. Whoever was doing this quickly earned Angel's utter hatred. "What's causing it? Does anyone know?" A pause. "Everyone is here, aren't they?" It was important that they all be together at the very least.

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[info]madadh
2009-10-30 12:00 am UTC (link)
It might have been several weeks ago now, but Rahne remembered his own wild disorientation, the confusion and shock of waking when you hadn't even realised you'd been asleep to begin with. Waking to find yourself physically weakened and so thrown, mentally, was bound to rattle you to the core, and if you experienced what could possibly be your worst fear right before that moment when you tumbled out of bed and hit the floor -- as Rahne quite literally had -- then it was only bound to make it all that much more unsettling. But she was awake now, and that was the main thing. There were still a lot of people who had to come around and return to the waking world, but they had someone else back, and for Rahne personally, having it be Angel meant more than he could sensibly deny.

At least Angel didn't lecture him about not sleeping. She seemed to understand in that effortless, immediate way that was so characteristic of her. Rahne smiled quietly, appreciatively. If anyone was going to understand his little quirks and habits, it was Angel. That had never really changed and he was thankful for that. Those same thoughts had worked through the metamorph's mind as well, just who might be behind this and just how they could have simultaneously rendered everyone at Xavier's unconscious seemingly without even coming close to them. That spoke of staggering psychic power and Rahne wasn't so sure he wanted to cross paths with a mutant of that strength and capability, hadn't even considered the possibility of one -- other than Professor Xavier himself -- existing. "We haven't been able to figure that out," he told her with a sigh running through his words, tired and subtly confused. "Everyone's here," he went on to assure her, giving her another smile. "Even someone new. A doctor; he's helping to keep everyone healthy as best as possible while they're unconscious."

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[info]firestarts
2009-10-30 01:31 am UTC (link)
Certain things just went without saying between them now; they had a long history and had been best friends for a long time. It made it all seem very Hallmark from the outside, she was sure of that, but equally she no longer cared what other people thought, not of her and definitely not of her and Rahne as an item. Knowing when he was stressed or tired or worried and the fine lines in-between those things was more important to her than what might be said about them behind their backs or any sidelong looks they might get in the halls.

Angel nodded, at the very least it was good to know that everyone was together in the school, that no one was missing, that took a big weight off her shoulders even if she did realise as much. It was sinking in properly now, the situation as it had been briefly explained with what she could put together for herself fairly easily despite her groggy state. There were no moans of agony in the near vicinity and Rahne was alive and whole and right there, though the sight of his charred, half decimated corpse, almost buried in the remains of Xavier's was burned into her retinas. One pale, weak hand lifted, her eyes dropped down from his face as she sought out the St. Christopher medal that he always wore. It was warm from where it had been tucked under his shirt and she ran her thumb over the metal smoothly. For a moment she was on the verge of telling him what she'd seen, she wasn't shy about it, she wasn't the type to avoid a subject that was difficult or painful the way she once had been, but she very much didn't want him to worry for her or about her and that swallowed up her usual candour for the time being. "I really missed you," was what she said instead, eyes still on the little disc caught between her thumb and pointer finger.

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[info]madadh
2009-10-30 02:04 am UTC (link)
That was what happened when you'd had someone so close in your life for a decade, give or take a few months. They got to know you just as much as you got to know them and in the end that could prove to be invaluable, just as it was between Rahne and Angel, such as right now when words perhaps weren't so reliable with the redhead so weakened and little hints and gestures needed to be relied upon. Rahne had always been good with body language but with people he was more familiar with it always came that much easier.

Rahne had felt the same kind of reassurance and relief when he had woken up, knowing that the likes of Lucille and King and everyone else whose consciousness had preceded his own were safe and well and keeping watch over those left vulnerable by the shared coma in the real world. It had been comforting to know that nothing had really happened to them, that they hadn't just vanished without a trace but were in fact the luckier ones who had their feet on the ground and complete control over their own actions at the very least; there were no more nightmares or surprises lurking around the corners. Not any of the like that came before every awakening, at least.

He looked down at her hand as it sought out his necklace, the medal he was never seen without despite his atheism. Rahne didn't ask why she fixated on it, simply let her run it between her finger and thumb as it hung in her grasp. "I missed you too," he told her in return, lifting his gaze to her face while hers remained on the pendant. Was there any part of him that wanted to know what had happened to her in that non-reality, why she was focusing on his pendant so much? Of course there was, he was a curious creature by nature, but he was also respectful and understood the value of privacy. If Angel wanted to explain it to him then she would. As always, there was no pressure.

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[info]firestarts
2009-11-02 01:20 am UTC (link)
Angelica was prone to over share if anything, she couldn’t help herself, it was like the very concept of lying or hiding things had been left in the future; it was really the least of her worries, being open about things was better for her in the long run, bottling things up and trying to deal with them herself had left her easily overwhelmed and it wasn’t something that she was ashamed of. Things like personal boundaries were a luxury that she hadn't really managed to reacquire and she was okay with that. Rahne seemed fine with it too which was good, he never pushed her or asked her for anything actually, and she was well aware that he was too good for her. Over the last nine months he had made a huge impact on her life. Angelica knew she had done a lot of the hard work in getting through what had been a tough recovery, but it would almost certainly have taken twice as long if it hadn’t been for him, that made her so lucky and she never wanted to take that for granted. Especially not as she sat, sore and stiff and with a vaguely spinning head, his pendant between her fingers the point of her focus.

"Everything burned," she told him in a low voice after a few minutes of silence. "The sky, the ground. The oceans were boiling, people were screaming." There was a detached, emotionless quality to her voice, as if she were recounting events that hadn’t happened to her but to someone else. Angel wasn’t heartless by any stretch, she wasn’t cold in mind, body or heart but she did have a newly analytical way of approaching things, rationalisation had been her saving grace. Worry was clear in her voice though, dragging her words down. It had all been a dream, a horrible nightmare but the possibility for it to become reality gnawed at her.

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[info]madadh
2009-11-02 01:46 am UTC (link)
Rahne had been raised -- by Moira at least; that was the upbringing that he actually acknowledged and fell back on -- to respect privacy in others so much because he valued it himself, especially in those early days where he hadn't spoken to a soul after arriving at Xavier's, intimidated and spooked by everything new and unfamiliar, so easily overwhelmed and unsettled. Now he wasn't skittish or unsteady at all, not in the same ways he had been as a teenager, but that respect for the privacy of others had never gone away and he never intended to lose it. Treat others as you yourself expect to be treated. That was what Moira had taught him.

It might have been an assumption on his part, jumping to a conclusion that wasn't really there and tangible for him to latch onto, but as she said what she did it became clear -- or clearer at least -- to Rahne why Angel was fixating on his pendant the way she was. His free hand lifted but didn't clutch her hand, instead ran down her arm in a comforting motion, communicating to Angel without words that he understood what she was telling him, that he knew now what it was that had woken her with so much pain and fear radiating outward from her like a pulse. "It wasn't real," he told her softly. "It'll never be real." And he believed it, with every fibre of his being. Angel had more control than that, had worked too hard with her mutation to lose herself so much, so completely, for that nightmare to become a reality.

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[info]firestarts
2009-11-02 02:13 am UTC (link)
Sighing through her nose, Angel looked up from her fingers and their prize to meet Rahne's gaze, a sceptical expression on her features. "You don't know that," she said. "I don't know that." It had always been a niggling worry in the back of her mind, it had to be, she had to be aware of her mutation at all times, it had taken a lot of work when she had first arrived at the school to maintain the same low level of radiation at all times and she had always known that she could cause large-scale destruction if it got out of hand. Having faith that she could control herself was one thing, becoming complacent or cocky was another. At present Angel had none of those things; she had her control, it was engrained in her to rein in her powers, but her faith was a completely different entity, one that perpetually escaped her. It seemed as though that control could be ripped out of her grasp at any moment, she didn’t know how or by whom, only that she was scared of it happening and maybe that would be enough to prevent it from happening, the fear that kept her on guard, but maybe it wouldn't be.

"I could turn this whole world to cinder." Angelica let go of his pendant and touched her fingers to her forehead in a stressed motion, a frown underneath their tips, eyes down. "Just one slip, just one and we all burn." It was a heavy burden; if that made her melodramatic then so be it.

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[info]madadh
2009-11-02 02:51 am UTC (link)
The metamorph knew a thing or two about control, that much was obvious. Having not one but two other separate consciousnesses inside of his mind at all times made control a necessity in his day to day life; the simplest slip could have that hybrid creature rising to the surface with the smallest triggers setting it off and if he didn't have a tight grip on it in every way then it was fully capable of taking over and doing significant damage to anyone around him, regardless of how important they were to him. It wasn't the same as Angel's need for control, the stakes weren't nearly as high, no. He could admit that, knew that very well, but they each of them had to be in control, that was a big part of why they had come to Xavier's in the first place, why so many of them stayed. Rahne might have been in command of his mutation and the different facets of its for years now but that didn't mean he always would be; it didn't mean something wouldn't happen to set him off and rip away all that composure and undo everything he had worked towards since he was fourteen years old.

"I know you, Angel," he told her firmly but still with that same characteristic softness, somehow combining the two and coming across as compassionate and certain without seeming harsh or stern. "I know you won't let that happen. How do I know that? Because of what you just said. You know what you can do, and that's why you would never do something like that, not even accidentally, because you're too aware of just how much damage your mutation can cause. It's part of being what we are." It was a steep, endless learning curve, one they all committed to in the first moments they stepped over the threshold to the school and decided, once and for all, they were done with uncertainty and confusion and the constant fear that something was going to wrong and they were going to hurt people.

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[info]firestarts
2009-11-03 01:30 am UTC (link)
That was exactly what Rahne such a good role model for the younger mutants in the school who were still learning about control, whether he thought so or not. It was proof that the training worked, the hard work was worth it. Apart from that one minor slip when everyone with psionic facets to their abilities had been hit with a major strike that had rocked her control and flooded the residents wing with radiation, the fact that she hadn't done any major damage demonstrated perfectly how good the work Xaviers did with its pupils was, it was down to her basic power training and the guidance of the staff there that she had such a strong base, even after everything that had been inflicted on her she could fall back on that initial training with confidence. Doubt, however, caressed the back of her thoughts at regular intervals. You can't do this. You're not strong enough. Of course the key was not to listen, a hard thing to manage when she had just lived through a Technicolor demonstration of exactly what her powers could do.

In the end she was just too tired to argue and she shook her head, conceding for the time being rather than battling it out with him, when she knew that he would stubbornly stick to his point anyway, and in the end what did she want from him? To agree that yes, there was a possibility that she might one day for unknown reasons incinerate the globe? No, she didn't want that. There was no point in bringing up the camps or the people she'd murdered either, he always told her it wasn't her fault and she had long ago accepted that Rahne just didn't understand and most likely never would. That was for the best. It was a pointless argument to get into and she surrendered, lacking the energy for it. Instead of responding verbally she dropped the hand from her forehead, her shaking head turning into a nod as she put her hand on his shoulder, letting it slide onto his chest where his heart was beating, waving the white flag so to speak.

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[info]madadh
2009-11-03 02:21 am UTC (link)
Rahne truly felt he had been blessed in his time at Xavier's. Not only had he had that initial landing net in the form of Professor Xavier and Dani Moonstar but he had been lucky enough to have some genuinely gifted tutors over the years since that initial arrival. There were many people, whether they realised it or not, who had been instrumental in the control Rahne had been able to build up in his time at the school, whether it be as a student, a resident, or more recently as an X-Man. Even now he was still learning, still improving on lessons from the past; it never stopped, either. There was always room for improvement, at least in his mind. Complacency could do real damage when it came to mutants and their powers, he had seen it happen, had had it happen to him at least once in the past. It was something he would pass down to those younger mutants in the school if they did indeed look to him as a role model of any kind.

Letting go of the prospect of an argument was easy enough for Rahne, someone who had lived with enough strain and challenge in his life to be able to just move on past it when the time was right. Some might think that it would be harder for him to let go of anything that could turn into a fight whether physical or verbal because he was in essence part wolf and wolves were constantly battling for dominance and supremacy in the wild but that just wasn't the case. Rahne had absolutely no desire to argue or fight with Angel, especially not after she'd just experienced her worst fear, felt and seen and heard and smelt it, believed every fibre and moment of it to be real. "Do you need anything?" he asked her quietly, secretly comforted by her hand against his chest, the reminder that she was really there and he didn't have to worry about her so much anymore.

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[info]firestarts
2009-11-06 02:11 am UTC (link)
Wanting to be better, striving for that next step in skill or control was something they had in common and in the world of mutant certainly wasn't exclusive to just them. Angelica wanted to be stronger than the programming that had broken her. It was that simple. She wanted to be tough enough mentally and physically so that it would never happen again, she wanted to better herself, to be stalwart enough to withstand any storm, and she was getting there.

If there was one thing that she had learned about herself over the course of the last year it was what she was a fighter, sometimes it was harder to believe than others, sometimes she didn't feel like much of anything and while the rhymes and reasons behind that were different for her compared to most people she knew it was human thing; everyone felt like that sometimes and what was important was that she came back swinging, and she did that. It also tended to make her a little difficult sometimes, her mind could get fixed on one thing, turn her from placid and introverted to immovable and stubborn, even out right aggressive if her buttons were pushed. Thankfully Rahne was more than capable of bypassing most of that. Which wasn't to say they never argued over little things, or even the big things, just that they had an innate understanding and could always return to solid ground. "No. No, I'm fine," Angel said, pulling her hand back to her lap. "I just want to sit for a while." There was a quiet thunk as she rocked her head back against the headboard she was slouched against, closing her eyes and exhaling deeply. All she needed was to get her breath back, get her defences in line again and then she would be okay. "And maybe a shower later," she cracked an eye open and smiled at him.

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[info]madadh
2009-11-06 03:32 am UTC (link)
When it came to what went through Angel's mind at any one time, there was always more to the story than what Rahne could piece together for himself, and that was something that he had come to accept. It just wasn't in his nature to badger for more, especially from someone he respected and cared about as much as he did Angel, and so he sat there quietly, knowing that something else was on her mind but seeing no need to work it out of her in any way. Everyone had every right to secrets, whatever caused them to keep them in the first place, and he wouldn't presume to understand all the inner workings of anyone else's mind, not even that of his own girlfriend.

Turning enough to set the bottle down on the nightstand on his side of the bed, Rahne drew in a quiet breath before saying in response to Angel's ending remark, "Well, I wasn't going to say anything, but--" Cutting himself off, he smiled and laughed quietly. He was silent for a time after that, mind running along at its own steady pace, before everything seemed to fall simply into place. A decision was made without fuss and he reached up with one hand and took hold of the clasp at the back of his neck, pulling it around to the front so he could unfasten it. Holding the loose chain in his hand, he reached out and took Angel's retracted one from her lap, turned it palm up, and set the necklace down on the flat surface presented, medal first with the chain coiling gently atop it. Curling her hand over the St. Christopher, he said before she could argue, "Don't even think about giving it back or saying no." Clearly it had some significance to her right then and she had drawn comfort from it, the sight and feel of it. It might have been something that he was never seen without normally, but if she could draw more comfort from having it close at all times then he wanted to give that to her, if only for a little while before she absolutely, flat-out and stubbornly insisted he take it back.

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[info]firestarts
2009-11-25 01:51 am UTC (link)
At his remark Angel swatted him weakly on her knee. "Har har," she smiled, dropping her head forwards from where it had been leaning back. From there she turned quiet as he went a about removing the medallion that she honestly couldn’t remember seeing him without once in all the years they had known one another and placed it in her hand, purposefully curling her pale fingers over it afterwards. When he spoke her eye were still on her had, a lump in the back of her throat; she could feel the warmth of the metal against her skin, the round circle of the medallion and the bumps of the chain curled around it; it was inordinately heavy, like it was made of lead or stone or something else entirely different to its true material, and she wondered if that was just because she knew it was important to Rahne or because it was important to her too; she remembered not being able to recognise the face of the corpse in the ash below her feet, only knowing it was her boyfriend by the medal that now hid in her palm, out of sight but far from out of mind. That lump dug into her voice when she spoke, blue eyes rising from her hand to his face; "Thank you", she said, unfurling he fingers to look at it with a slow, deep exhale through her nose. From there she settled back a little more comfortably, silently shifting herself sideways as best she could given the weakness of her muscles to make room for Rahne beside her.

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[info]madadh
2009-11-25 02:20 am UTC (link)
The necklace -- more the pendant than anything else; the chain had been replaced more than once over the many years he had possessed the medallion -- meant a lot to him, yes, but at the end of the day, Angel meant a lot more. It would have had people outside of that room labelling him as soft or too sentimental, cheesy or perhaps even cliché but Rahne had long since given up caring about the negative opinions of others. Too many times in his life he had let that cynicism and spite get to him, raise his hackles and push his buttons and he had decided at some point over the recent years that enough was enough; it wasn't fair to himself or the people he cared about to let those others push or bully him. Rahne was done being pushed and bullied.

Smiling warmly as she thanked him, he moved quietly and steadily to settle in beside her, looking from her hand to her face in his new position. Clearly his instinct had been correct; the necklace meant just as much to her right now as it did to him at any other time, and he intended to stand by his silent promise that Angel could keep it as long as she needed it, as long as she wanted it. If she kept it indefinitely then he wouldn't even begin to regret that offer. Carefully he moved to put one arm around her shoulders and kissed her temple, murmuring quietly, "You're welcome."

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[info]firestarts
2009-11-25 03:01 am UTC (link)
Angelica settled against him when he moved to sit next to her, leaning her head against his shoulder after he’d planted a kiss against her temple, drawing a tired smile out of her. That was better. Thoughtfully her fingers played with the chain of the medallion, letting the pendant swing back and forth a little bit between her fingers as she let her weight settle into Rahne’s side. Sooner or later she would give it back, but for the time being she was comforted with having the metal twine around her fingers, St Christopher winking at her as the medallion spun around in the dim light of the room. It was ridiculous to be tired considering how long she had been asleep and she knew that, but nevertheless grogginess was still clinging to her and she imagined it would take a little while for her to really wake up and as it was, she wasn’t ready to do that yet; Angel was contented with where she was sitting, she was relishing the pace and quiet, uninterrupted time with her boyfriend whom she had missed in the dream world for the last few weeks.

A few minutes went by before she broke the silence, her head turning slightly so that her temple was against his shoulder rather than the back of her head, letting her look up at him, her arms having grown heavy and come to rest across their laps. "What did you see?" Rahne might have been able to go through the conversation without asking, but Angelica didn’t have nearly so much restraint and she wanted to know mainly because though he was looking after her in the aftermath of her own waking she needed to know that he was okay, or if he wasn’t what was wrong and what she could do or say to fix that.

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[info]madadh
2009-11-26 12:57 am UTC (link)
It felt a little strange, admittedly, to be without the one thing in his life that had been a constant for almost a decade, but making Angel feel better was his one priority and her happiness meant more to him than a symbol hanging on a chain. He felt more at ease settled beside Angel now, his arm around her and her slight weight nestled in against his side warmly. Rahne remembered the disorientation and confusion after his own waking and was determined to be at his girlfriend's side through the entirety of her own, as long as it lasted. Her nightmare prior to regaining consciousness certainly warranted that on his part; he couldn't imagine how he would feel in her place, left with the gut-wrenching guilt and horror of feeling responsible for something so destructive and devastating, regardless of whether or not it had really happened. The reality of it meant nothing, not when it left very real emotions and even physical after-effects in its wake.

His head turned down towards her at the question, eyes finding her profile before he looked down the bed towards their feet and beyond them, the edge of the mattress. What had he seen? Again, the reality of it didn't mean a thing. For Rahne, the simple fear and suspicion was still enough to leave him feeling sick to the pit of his stomach. Initially he wanted to say it was nothing, she shouldn't worry, it didn't matter, but he had known Angel too long, respected and cared about her too long to just brush it off like that when she genuinely worried about him and wanted to know whether he was all right. "I found out who my father is," he said at last. "Who he might be." With a quiet sigh, he let his head rest against the board behind them. It wasn't really anything he had discussed with anyone before, it made him uncomfortable and generally left him quiet and retreating into himself much as he had in the beginning, introverted and nervous. On top of that, he had no evidence, only feelings on his part and a kind of dread twined through it all and that just made him feel even more ridiculous about the whole thing. "I had this really awful suspicion confirmed and on top of that, Moira had known about it all along." Shaking his head ran the risk of his seeming nonchalant, he knew, but more than anything he wasn't really sure how to put it into words.

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