that amazing grace sort of passed you by. (au)
"So." The last fifteen minutes of movie had gone by without conversation, and from the looks of it Molly had been biting her tongue for at least three of them. Dan had been watching, wondering when she would finally give in and start talking again. Watching movies in silence wasn't exactly her strong point, even less so when the movie in question was a cheesy made-for-TV flick that didn't even have any ninjas in it. She glanced over, sticking the end of a piece of licorice in her mouth. "You're awful quiet."

Dan shrugged. "Ran out of things to talk about, I guess." This was the third movie in a row, after all, and he only had so many interesting things to say, especially when at some point that evening they'd reached an unspoken agreement that the recent disappearances were off-limits as far as conversation went. Or at least, he wasn't going to be the first one to bring them up. Look at that, he was making a real effort to be social and not bring the mood down, Molly must be so proud.

She bit off the end of her licorice piece, chewing thoughtfully for a moment. "Yeah. Nothing else going on here that's interesting." Another few seconds passed in silence, and she burst out laughing, catching him by surprise. "Oh, come on. It's not even that weird by our standards. And I think it's right on schedule."

So it was just Dan who'd been avoiding the subject, then, that was good to know. "Yeah, I think it is." That was it's own special kind of horrifying, that this kind of thing had a schedule, but he wasn't even going to touch on that. In fact, he was kind of smiling. "We should have seen it coming, it's been too quiet lately."

"Four whole months." Her laugh trailed off into just a hint of a smile, and she looked back at the TV just long enough to catch the next poorly CGI'd explosion. "It feels like longer than that."

She was right, it did feel longer, but he'd started to get used to the insane rate things happened at in this place. It didn't really surprise him anymore when he looked back and realized just how recently all those things had happened. Or at least, it didn't surprise him as much as it used to - he'd sort of lost his sense of what was a normal amount of surprise, which made it hard to compare. "We're about due."

Molly nodded, letting her attention drift back to the TV and her licorice again. She went quiet just long enough for him to start wondering if that was the extent of the conversation, if she'd just wanted to bring it up so they could move past it, and then she turned back to him. "You think it's weird we stick around?" Her suddenly semi-serious expression was an odd fit with the tail end of her licorice still sticking out of her mouth.

"...I don't know." The question took him by surprise, but in retrospect it didn't really come out of left field. And while his first instinct was to say no, it wasn't weird, as soon as he actually thought about it he could see the problem with that answer. It was weird the way they all stuck around, knowing that in a couple of months some other terrible thing was going to happen, never taking advantage of the quiet months to get as far away as they could. He shrugged, a bit of a smile still on his lips. "I think maybe it's some kind of Stockholm thing." Which was intended as a joke, but actually sounded kind of true now that he'd said it out loud.

She rolled her eyes, scooting over a bit until she was actually facing him directly. "Such an optimist. I miss that when I'm not here." Swallowing the last of her licorice, she reached for another piece. For a few seconds she studied his face thoughtfully, and then just as he opened his mouth to say something - he wasn't entirely sure what, anything - she cut him off. "Don't do anything stupid this time, okay?"

"Yeah," he said, keeping that last hint of a smile in place. It was weird, usually she was the one trying to keep things from getting too serious. "I promise, this time I'll run away from danger."

"I'm serious, Dan." Her licorice forgotten for the moment, Molly leaned forward, fixing him with a suddenly intense look. "You scared me last time. You're not allowed to do that again." He hesitated, awkwardly, not knowing what to say next - they'd been over this, he'd apologized, he wasn't sure what else he could say. Honestly, he didn't really want to talk about any of that; Molly wasn't the only one who'd been a little freaked out by how he'd handled that particular crisis, and it wasn't something he wanted to go back and dwell on some more. But apparently Molly did want to dwell on it, because she wasn't finished yet. "You told me you didn't know what you were thinking, right after you got out of the med labs."

Uncertainly, he found himself scooting back just a little. "Yeah. I didn't. I still don't." He paused for a second, then forced the remnants of the smile back onto his lips and tried to change the subject. "But --"

"But that's not true." She cut him off abruptly, her voice sharp. "Is it. I mean, you say that, but you know what you were thinking. You just don't want me to know."

His eyes went wide, he wasn't quick enough to keep it from showing. She couldn't be serious. He had to be misinterpreting her somehow, he had to be missing her meaning. But Molly's expression was frighteningly intense, her eyes fixed on him, and she was waiting for an answer. Nervously fighting off a shiver, he shook his head. "I don't know what you mean."

"Come on, Dan." Irritation flashed across her face, only for a second. "It's been more than four months. Just say it."

"I just thought --" Before he could finish whatever protest he would have made, she cut in again, ending the sentence for him.

"Someone is going to die here, it might as well be me."

He'd always thought that shock taking your breath away was just an expression, but it wasn't. For a second there he couldn't even breathe, his mouth open, pressure on his chest like a physical weight. She couldn't know that, he'd never told anybody that, it wasn't fucking possible. Not when he'd worked so hard to act like the thought had never even crossed his mind. "I --" His voice cracked, and he had to fight to take a deep enough breath to finish his sentence. "I never said that."

"But you thought it." Molly shook her head, her lip curled in frustration. For a few seconds she went quiet, like she was waiting for him to deny it, and he just watched her in silence. Finally - it couldn't have been that long, but it felt like forever - she sighed, her shoulders sagging a little, and for the first time it occurred to him that she didn't really look angry, just hurt and worried. "How could you not -- Jesus, you could have said something. How do you think something like that and just go on with your day like it didn't happen?"

Dan thought about telling her that he hadn't just gone on like it hadn't happened, that he'd thought about it and wondered what it said about him every fucking day since then, but the words just died in his throat. He couldn't do it. He couldn't talk about this any more now than he could have months ago, and the idea of it had his heart pounding. "It wasn't like that." The words sounded hollow to him, but maybe to Molly they sounded convincing. "Seriously, it wasn't a big deal."

Her eyes caught his for a second, and he was the one to look away, awkwardly letting his gaze fall to her mouth. "You can't really think that," she said, leaning forward. "Come on, Dan. Be honest with me."

"Yes, I can." He swallowed hard and tried to tell himself it was the truth. "I do."

"Bullshit." Something in her face went cold, and that panicky feeling rose up in his chest again. "You don't fucking believe that, don't give me that. Jesus, Dan, come on." He found himself actually shrinking back from the sudden anger in her voice, like he was afraid of her or something. Fuck, the quiet disappointment had been horrible enough, this was more than he even knew how to deal with.

"I just --"

"You just what? Thought nobody would ever find out? Thought that if you didn't say anything that would make it less fucked up?" And she was right. He could feel himself starting to shiver, and he just couldn't think fast enough to deny it. To come up with any more convincing lies. "You thought," she said, spitting each word out, "that if someone was going to die up there, it might as well be you. That's sick, Dan. Did you even think about what it would do to Gemma, waking up and finding out she'd killed you? Did you give a shit about that? Jesus, I thought you cared about her." Molly leaned in closer, her eyes glittering, and he felt the wall at his back when he tried to pull away. "She thought it was so sweet, you trying to play the hero." Her lips drew up in a smile that was cold, predatory, terrifying. "But you know better than that, don't you. You know you're not strong enough to survive this place, you know it'll kill you eventually. Right? You know you just wanted it over with."

Shaking, he jerked away from her, forcing his suddenly weak legs to push him to his feet. This couldn't happen - not now, not ever. He had to get out of here, before that blind rising panic just swallowed him up. "Shut up." She stayed where she was, arching an eyebrow expectantly. "Just shut the fuck up. You don't --" Dan couldn't finish the sentence. A few unsteady steps carried him to the door, and then he was out, fighting off the need to collapse and just shake until he was locked in his own room.

(NARRATIVE)