Jay had played shows before. The towns around his home in Kentucky didn't exactly have venues as large as this one, but still; he'd preformed on stages for packed houses before, and this honestly didn't feel all that different from before, in execution. There were some slight changes, obviously. This was a band he'd had a little over a month -- his one in Kentucky had been together for years, and had all been extremely close. He liked Rahne and Artie and Kate and Gemma, of course, but it wasn't quite the same. The music was new too, rather than just recycling things from years before. This was the first time he'd preformed in over a year and a half. And then, of course, the biggest difference -- Julia wasn't in the audience.

He wasn't going to talk about her or anything like that. He knew that people probably thought that he was bizarre for still feeling the way that he did. But tonight brought it rushing back strongly. He'd thought he was ready for this, that he was getting better and that he was dealing well enough that he could do this without a problem. Maybe that it would even help him to continue getting over her, seeing that life went on. And while he was preforming, it did. He was back in the zone, in his space, playing and singing for people just like he'd always wanted. But when they were done and he'd left the stage, it hit him. Hard.

He thought he'd seen her. Some random girl turning a corner backstage, something about her build and her hair had made his heart seize suddenly and leap into his throat. And when she'd looked up and he could see her face, his heart shattered into a thousand pieces. And it all felt empty. The high from playing was gone and that sadness roared to life again, like getting punched right where a bruise was trying to heal. He sat down on one of the couches, letting his head rest in his hands for a moment, not noticing the compliments from passers-by. Shows would never be the same because she'd never be in the back, cheering him on.